I AM PARANIOD.......
after repeated attempts by my mum to advice nt trust my friends
after her tearing while she narrates how my dad is sloggin in e factory & we're here spending away their money...
after her trying to push her fucking blame to others even though she is clearly e one at fault...

in fact, e reason y i hate myself so much sometimes is because i see myself in her. e crazy tempers, e loud voice, e inclination to push e blame onto others though e fault is clearly mine...
plus.... i've also become a product of her fucking tempers & irritating character & warped viewpoints abt life...
i've become a person who is often plagued by uncessary guilt that even e slightest trigger will cause me to have suicidal tendencies, to feel guilty even for e slightest mistakes or even for errors that are of no fault of mine. i've become 2 extremes of a pole, initially i used to be indecisive whereas for now i'll just make decisions that often go wrong.

i hate her telling me to stop caring abt my ccaa, i hate her telling me to study like mdm.L becus studies make u stupid, i hate her whining abt me spending too much time in front of e com because e computer is my life, i hate her praising me when i've lied to her tt i've pushed a cca work to someone else to do it... i hate her for nt being a person i can look up to...

simin pls fucking go to hell...........

does love become an excuse for everything? does love give u e authority to hurt ppl intentionally & give a lame excuse such as :" but we're already a family, how can such a comment on a person hurt our relationships..." right, u're so fucking right. so i can just say u're stupid, irritating, brainless & assume u won't be hurt because "we're a family".... kiss my ass man. u're so irritating smtimes i just wish i cld shut u up....

ok teenage angst... get over it... i hate genes, i hate ppl who talk shit... i hate ppl who touch/ pat/pinch my face, because u dirty my face with whatever u've touched on ur hand before u touch my face & because e feeling sucks. it reminds me of being slapped by my mum once. so dun touch it u get me. in case u wanna noe, she flung a chair at me too & it was aimed at my head. i love my mum.... oh yar, mother's day is coming....

i don't know why i'm even thinking abt this stuff... maybe i lost my mind.... stop taking me to see e bloody doc will yar? it's damn irritating & tiring and all because u wanna make urself feel less guilty of feeding me weird chinese medicine... go to hell man... i'm sick of seeing docs, eating weird medicine... god damn it who needs e bloody hormones...

i conclude tt i'm in a normal state of mind.... all content above is irresponsible so disregard it... read it as a novel or wadever....

i hate being nt able to study like a imbecile... study study study fucker.... i'm nuts.....