Thursday, August 31, 2006


frist picture courtesy of sxc photo gallary, yeah tt's how i got my inspiration for e tcher's day gift this year. nt like e teachers in ny are very inspiring so i guess e gift is limited edition too.

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek; and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. [Matthew 7:7-8].”

What will your obituary say?

'What will your obituary say?' at

this thing just fits me so much... died laughing hysterically. XD

The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.

Monday, August 28, 2006

we all die in e end....

apologies are used as excuses, no matter how many times u claim tt it isn't, it still is e only way where u can explain ur "actions" plus a whole lot of sorrys, i shldn't have done it, i'm selfish, & what have u.
whatever it is, it's just crying over spilt milk, how many chances do u think soceity gives u for making mitakes? & why shld u be given e chance if u knew it was wrong in e first place? oh wait. u didn't even know u were in e wrong, offending ppl, going ard sprouting bullshits before smone has to remind u tt u are in e wrong tt u realise how SORRY u are, how GUILTY u are, how much u wanna CHANGE. sounds to me like more bullshit.
u didn't even realise u were in e wrong, u were only responding to what others deemed was wrong. it's just a cover for all ur crap, for all ur inabilities to understand this complicated world. it's just a desperate attempt for u to behave what u tot was accepted by ur frends, not what u tot was rite. so what's e point of apologizing if u noe u'll commit it again?

i am still disappointed...
i do nt understand y. somehow i must be dellusioning myself tt apologies always mean e end of everything. it does nt. so just take it as i'm dumb. but e fact tt i expected this sort of things to come out frm a piece of mosh, i'm proud of myself for knowing what was going on in tt puny brain of urs. manipulative? hahaha, dun make me laugh.

change is e only constant.
i don't know what this means, with all e crying & stuff, it's kinda of affecting me already.
as long as e 1st step is taken, i guess there's no turning back.

i don't know how i'm gonna cope w/o the things tt has been a part of my life since i was a child...

Sunday, August 27, 2006

of weirdos, e other species

qrcodethis is my QR code. it says

smtimes, esp now, is nt a gd time for me to be involved in adult's affairs....
i think e only think tt can separate us frm adults is tt they can nvr understand what we're going thru in sch, & we can nvr understand what they're going thru at work.
smhow there's always this line tt separates us. maybe it's e asian mentality. maybe it's e pride.
maybe it's in men tt they have this huge ego thing that is drilled into them
to be successful, u need to have
1. a career
2. to be able to support ur familiy

so if they are unable to fulfil either of the criteria, they feel extremely guilty & their ego will start deflating like crazy. it's e one thing i'll nvr understand abt these ppl, their closely guarded pride & their unspoken code of conduct for men.

they'll always think we are kids. we'll always think they are adults. call it e generation gap. i have no idea how he wants to keep all this stuff & move on. it'll be sad if all those nice machines & tt private space of our own is gone.... but somehow reality is always tt cruel to take things away frm us.
it never fails. it never fails...

Friday, August 25, 2006


try reading this:

"Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Txes M&A Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe."

Thursday, August 24, 2006

thank you, & have a nice day

they always say that the children of broken families are always e most vulnerable.

they do not have adults to fend for them when they have problems in school.
they have to face the stigma of being labelled as different/special
they do not have adults to teach them the rights & wrongs of society
they feel lost & alone when things go wrong...

the worse one of all,
they have to carry e burdens of adults, the burden of a broken family, & a even greater burden of being e sole breadwinner of the family when e adult is unable to take up this basic responsibility.

we can't blame e adults, or maybe we can.
but sometimes i wonder what fault has e child committed, to be unfairly assigned to carry such a heavy load, to be deprived of the basic entity of what consist of a family & to carry e negative label of coming frm a broken family. what have they done to deserve this?

i wld have told u to run away had society not taught me abt responsibilities. i wld have given all to give u what was denied of u, but it is not within my means.

i really hope u will be okay. i know there are alot of things u have not told me. i know some things are not meant to be known. i wld have gladly shared ur burden, i wld have wanted to be there for u everytime u cry. but i know tt whatever i do, it is not enough to erase e scar, it is not enought to lighten ur load.

we both had dreams when we first met. i was driven by self, u were driven by family. we're still on track, i think we are....

pls be strong, for ur family, & most imptly for urself.


they always say that children of broken families are always e most vulnerable...
what they didn't say, is tt such a child will always be the most resilient, most determined, & most unique.

i feel tired

of e ppl ard me

cold acting manipulative...

it's really annoying tt 1 day u promised urself tt u're done with this person & another person throws herself @ u with another personality problem

u have to act as if u don’t know

u have to probe slowly in cause u’re afraid of their oh so fragile hearts shattering into smitherins.

No one can be trusted, some are just plain stupid tt they’ll blurt out everything u say to the others, some just think tt u’re extra sensitive & think u shld get a life, some just want to pull u into e fray so tt u can be their cushion when they fall.

I just wasn’t born to lie….

I am sick of all this shit. & teachers aren’t very helpful either when they ask u if u want to get into a uni. What do they mean? That I can’t? isn’t that a DUH question? Are they being stupid?

I am tired of all this shit. & soon, I will be sweeping the university grounds too. So ladies & gentlemen, please rmb to flush e toilets, dun throw toilet papers ard e toilet bowl & keep e toilets clean to make my job there as a cleaner nxt year easier…

Thank u & have a nice day ahead.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

ways to extort money...


Ode to the National Day Fireworks Festival

Over the skies of South Marina
Near the National Arena
Teams from all over the world
Their sparkling rockets all unfurled
Gaping at the lights and thunder
Do you even stop to wonder
Just how much it is a shame
To see so much cash go up in flame?

retards & teenage angst

it's 1.31 & damn it i have to go sch tml....
i cldn't make up my mind lar but i tell u i dun feel well okay?
i've been reading zui weng ting ji for e past 1 hr & nthing gets in.

am i not making sense?

sometimes i think hatred stems frm fear
but i think sometimes hatred stems frm e fact tt u cannot understand
but e most important thing is tt hatred stems frm e fact tt u can't help but be disgusted with it

there is no beauty in greatness, it's just plain ugliness, selfishness & cowardice.

which is why i pity u. it's so sad it has come to this stage where it is just pity, that sad but whatever it is, i just can't.

contempt & pity.

Sunday, August 20, 2006


The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the
paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death; I will fear no evil: for thou
art with me; thy rod and thy staff they
comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the
presence of mine enemies: thou anointest
my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all
the days of my life; and I will dwell in the
house of the Lord for ever.
psalm 23 - bible - psalm of david

u are acting like an idiot

yesh with regards to narcissistic & attention seeking ppl, this is especially dedicated to U!
yes dun turn ur head ard to see if it's someone else. it's U U U!

it doesn't matter if u are manipulative or nt, it doesn't matter if u have "connections" or nt, it doesn't matter if u have "skill" or nt. stop thinking for once u rock (which i understand is impossible for u since u thrive on being a rock)

u noe wad, u'll end up hurting urself e most. hurting wadever image that is left of u. u continue to be enclose in ur own world of greatness. the truth is u can't manipulate ppl forever. unless e other person u manipulate is a narcissist like u too. den hallelujah. or else, ppl will move on, & u'll always be left there. just there.

for ppl who've been manipulated or have come into contact with such asses, some to e extent of bastards. i can only say tt i have learnt some most important lessons in my life & i've grown much stronger & independent too. so don't take it as u've fell, take it as u've been given smthing to aid u in ur journey of growing & learning.

so keep learning & keep moving forward...
some ppl are just not worth ur time...


updates on my ahmah

my ahmah has also gone on a attention seeking strike, refusing to eat food, wanting to swallow her dentures to choke herself, wanting to strangle herself etc...

guess she's just depressed she can't walk. i hate tt stupid maid. she pays more attention to her bf den to my grandma... like HELLO?? we didn't hire u to let u have a chance to get a bf. & it's because she was too obsesses with her bf that my ahmah fell okay? dun noe why they still keeping her.


i sound like a bimbo!!!! *stabs myself*

Saturday, August 19, 2006

what does life have in store?

my grandmother apparently is paralised. meaning she cannot walk, has to wear pampers.
she cried tt she wanted to die. i heard. i don't wanna noe.

it is nt a good time to pile shit on me now.
but as usual, shit loves to come when u are most unprepared.

i will be strong.
for the things i have believed in, for e ppl i trust & for myself.
i will live thru this, get a life & get out of this fucking jc, away frm it's wierd arrays of ppl, students, ex-students & teachers alike.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

shhh... i'm pottering

yes 4 those assholes who keep telling me to study & are also e ones who keep bloody damn it disturb me, fuck urselves, drown in e swimming pool, & say hi to me when u're in hell.
i repeat, if u're younger den me, & nt my sis, fuck off abt my studies, i've ate more salt den u've eaten more rice so fuck off bastards....

ok i'm just nt in gd mood because mr carrot took my 5 mins off preprelims & i was halfway thru my SEA essay. i dun want to treat e whole class to a drink just because i didn't get 20 marks ok? what do u think i am? a water cooler?

& my diet of binge eating is getting worse. my weight is hovering dangerously near 60kg & i don't believe tt it's because i've grown taller. i look like i'm freaking 3 mths pregnant & it's nt funny to have salesperson call u aunty.
this aunty at e accupunture centre thought i was pri 5. please just don't talk to me @ all.

please excuse me, my brain needs to shit....

Monday, August 14, 2006

what is success?

for my dear friends who feel very demoralised & stressed by e )(*#$# exams, here's smthing to boost ur ego.

to nyjc, thanks. i have 3 pre-prelims like wad da fuck is pre prelims & i have 1 test. thanks babes.

now please excuse me while i compare myself to an ant & feel successful.

Friday, August 11, 2006


suddenly, i feel very very deprived...

Singapore cracks down on foreign media

The Far Eastern Economic Review has become the latest foreign publication to be targeted by the Singapore authorities. It has been given until 11 September to comply with an Act which demands that it must have a legal representative in the country and pay a deposit of £67,500. Four other publications - the International Herald Tribune, the Financial Times, Time and Newsweek - have also been ordered to do the same when their licences come up for renewal.

A Singapore government spokesman says its position is that "it is a privilege, and not a right, for foreign newspapers to circulate in Singapore". Reporters Without Borders, the press watchdog, says that the rules are really a form of censorship. Singapore is ranked 140th out of 167 countries in RWB's 2005 worldwide press freedom index. (Via Reporters sans frontières - ASIA)

something to spice up ur life...

i'll show u wad's e difference b/w crass & class, nanyang. there's a difference b/w quality of e stuff u produce & e stuff cedar produce. pls dun embarrass urself by putting up damn childish skits for orientation or other events or try to present anything that is just a slight adaption frm pri sch presentations. there's just a long way to go...

Cedar NDP video 2006

Cedar Leader's Investiture

oh right, before i forget, happy belated national day singapore. for singapore's bday wish, let us hope tt we do nt see e same freaking boring party leaders blow e s'pore bday cake please. thank u.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

To be, or not to be: that is the question

To be, or not to be: that is the question

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.

don't teach me how to think

lies are meant to manipulate ppl, to create a dellusion....

don't teach me how to think when u can't even think for urself
don't teach me how to think when u can't even differentiate b/w right & wrong
don't teach me how to think when u can't even think for others

don't teach me how to think

do not tell me u've seen the world when u've been living in dellusions
do not tell me i'm wrong when u are not right

i do not know why i am so angered & frustrated by the stupidity, or that i feel so frustrated not being able to get answers, my temper fly, & then a whole lot of emotions flood me...

maybe...or maybe, the fear of the unknown drove me to e extreme...

i realised tt universe is not governed by a single rule & tt there are always different answers to different questions. i cannot search for a single answer to my life, nor can i hope to find answers to my life. we are always so eager to find answers the easy & quickest way tt we lunge ourselves @ everything tt seems to allow us to stay afloat. we are too obsessed with answers tt we forget that e most important part of finding answers is not the answers but the process of finding, questioning & understanding it...

thanks to miao for leaving this note. it enlightened me alot. :)

对有些人而言宗教信仰是一种心灵的寄托 其实只要能让人醍醐灌顶 灌输美德 任何宗教信仰都是好的 只是有太多人对宗教的信仰已达至盲目的地步了 追根究底这是人类本身的错 不是宗教的错 其实我的看法是 有些人愿意为了宗教而牺牲生命的根本原因是为了满足自己的虚荣心 他们要证明自己的存在是伟大的 是有价值的 于是他们选择为宗教捐躯 来让自己的生命更有所谓的意义 其实神的存在价值就是让我们相信自己活得有价值 所以神永远都不会灭亡 因为人类永远都在寻找生活的意义 很吊诡的是 很多时候 人类就是在寻寻觅觅的过程中生存 而不是生活

Monday, August 07, 2006


i made faith scream a very operatic scream on e bus today. & then when i alighted e bus, i started blowing kisses @ her. i tot i saw this poor middle age lady who look so absolutely disgusted & some other passengers who tot i must be a lesbian stalker or smthing. i hope nanyang makes e headlines on STOMP (ST BLOG) with this. MUAHAHA

i'm cranky, ignore me. no wait, don't ignore me, laugh @ my crankiness.... crank crank crank.

smtimes u think it's so dramatic but when u've seen light & u've finally come to understand what e person truly is, their motives & crazy obsession with things tt becomes their driving force. it is as if e spotlight is focused on them alone. u become oblivious to e surrounding. u observe their every move, their every word. u interact with them like u wld interact with a lab mice. u prod & prode at them, hoping tt they will fall to ur bait & let u prove ur hypothesis abt them right....

u have nthing but pity, curiosity & scorn for this thing. this thing tt u once knew. this thing tt u tot u knew.....

let me tell u my plan of human domination

as i slowly gain e confidence of humans
by doing crazy things to make them smile
by subjecting urself to their "manipulation"
so that they will see u as a harmless creature
something to be bullied
something to let out their anger & frustrations on.

but in ur heart u smile to urself
for u know these are just part of a greater plan

to let them think they are in ctrl
to let them think they can trust u
slowly as they open up & tell u all their secrets
u will soak it all up like sponge
& keep it there shld they come useful one day...

slowly their dependence on ur grows.
their live's routine must involve u
10am breakfast together 12 noon study in library 6pm walk together to the bustop

u've tamed them
u're holding on to their leash.
pathetic creatures

then when e day comes where u realise tt u've come to take up a huge part of their lives
u dissappear

u're sure they feel lost now
they might be lamenting ur passing
they might be crying for ur return
their daily routine with u is in chaos as their lives slowly fall apart.

but u realise tt they will soon adapt
they will soon depend on new ppl
they will soon grow to forget u
they will soon grow to live w.o u

& tt's when u realise tt no one actually died because u died.
& realised how stupid u are...

damn it's just a freaking daydream....


Sunday, August 06, 2006






UGLY - sugababes

When I was 7
They said I was strange
I noticed that my eyes and hair weren't the same
I asked my parents if I was OK
They said you're more beautiful
And that's the way they show that they wish
That they had your smile
So my confidence was up for a while
I got real comfortable with my own style
I knew that they were only jealous cos

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

There was a time when I felt like I cared
That I was shorter than everyone there
People made me feel like life was unfair
And I did things that made me ashamed
Cos I didn't know my body would change
I grew taller than them in more ways
But there will always be the one who will say
Something bad to make them feel great

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

Everybody talks bad about somebody
And never realises how it affects somebody
And you bet it won't be forgotten
Envy is the only thing it could be

Cos people are all the same
(The same, the same)
And we only get judged by what we do
(What we do, yeah, yeah)
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
(Yeah, you)
So are you
So are you

People are all the same
(Oh, oh, oh)
And we only get judged by what we do
(What we do, yeah)
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
(Yeah, so are you)
So are you
So are you

Saturday, August 05, 2006





Thursday, August 03, 2006

how emotionally intelligent are u?

Goleman's five emotional competencies

Goleman divides emotional intelligence into the following five emotional competencies:

  1. The ability to identify and name one's emotional states and to understand the link between emotions, thought and action.
  2. The capacity to manage one's emotional states — to control emotions or to shift undesirable emotional states to more adequate ones.
  3. The ability to enter into emotional states (at will) associated with a drive to achieve and be successful.
  4. The capacity to read, be sensitive to, and influence other people's emotions.
  5. The ability to enter and sustain satisfactory interpersonal relationships.

In Goleman's view, these emotional competencies build on each other in a hierarchy. At the bottom of his hierarchy "1" is the ability to identify one's emotional state. Some knowledge of "competency 1" is needed to move to the next competency. Likewise, knowledge and/or skill in the first three competencies is needed to read and influence positively other people's emotions ("competency 4"). The first four competencies lead to increased ability to enter and sustain good relationships ("competency 5").

i also realised that there's this term known as "faking good" aka socially desirable responding (SDR) when a person takes personality test. it shows how diffcult it is to measure emotions accurately. even in real life itself, there are somethings that we refuse to face ourselves & we will always try to create a dellusion ard ourselves in an attempt to convince ourself tt everything will be okay, thus protecting ourselves frm any emotional distress.

i guess life is just like taking a EQ test. unless u want things to work out, unless u want to know what really went wrong, there's really no other viable alternative or solution unless u be true to all ppl, especially urself. no one knows what u r thinking more than u do & it is only frm there do u try to reach out positively to ppl e ppl ard u & tt u'll not let ur emotions go out of ctrl.

what wld u rather have? to let ur emotions rule over u or let urself rule over them?

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


let me make some predictions of my love life.

i most probably won't get married. not because i'm les but rather because i choose not to get married.

ok actually tt's not my prediction but my tuition teacher's. u wonder what he's doing since he shld be teaching me econs facts instead but by some random coincidence, he started predicting what me & friend's future wld be which i think was quite true. for my case.

he said i was a person who was on friendly terms with everyone (i guess we're talking abt guys here) but will not express my love for e guy shld i happen to be interested in him. as for my friend, it's e opposite because if she really likes e guy, it'll just be very obviously shown in her actions, and also because my tution teacher thinks she's very horny. so eventually because of me not being able to freely express my love for the guy, i will eventually choose not to marry.

i think it's because of e way i'm brought up. it's e conservative thinking & stuff u noe. dun gush over guys & dun go crazy over guys because it makes u appear cheap. tt's why there's this natural reaction to supress this kind of rubbish inside. so i guess i'll just flirt with everyone so u won't know who i'm really interested in. it works, doesn't it? :P

wad cha think? XD


much that need to be said wasn't said. much that did not need to be said was not said.
not that i expected anything much but i sort of didn't realise that sometimes we needed as much help as the ppl we were trying to help. 8 ppl with 8 totally different working styles & characters were just not a best combination to help ppl change & see their fault. some prefer some approach, some felt that this doesn't concern them, some cldn't make a head or tail of wad's going on...

i wasn't dissapointed or anything. i just wondered if this was what we had set out to do initially & what had we achieved in the end. yes the process the important but so is the results.

all that has been done has not been done. but what we could do within our means, we did. e rest is just really not within any of our ctrl because our lives can't possibly centre around this. if they can't learn, then no one else can learn it from them....

tt's e limitation of life & how far we can go.....

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

brink of war?

if one things humans are good at, it's not in science & technology, nor is it staying religious & faithful to what they believe in, but rather the ability to find excuses & reason for the most absurd things one can imagine.

it's the easiest way out, it's the least painful & least embarrasing way to push away all ur faults & blame it on smthing else.

take one hard look @ urself everytime someone points out ur mistakes. what is ur first reaction to this kind of statement? do u instintively try to explain ur inexplicable behaviour? or do u really pause to reflect that maybe u've done something wrong?

i don't believe in angels, demons, reincarnations, ghost & all that karma crap. because if u do good, if u live a good life w.o manipulating others for ur selfish needs & desires, who cares abt karma? just like no one can walk over u unless u let them do it. no one can force u to commit evil unless u urself let them do it. there is nvr one simple reason for an action. a attention seeker seeks attention not only to get attention, but love & security & understanding. if u can for once stop thinking of excuses for what u've done wrong, & instead look at what ur heart really wants & lacks. u can definitely get these things that u need, respect, love, understanding & security, by respecting, loving, & understanding others in return.

the beauty of nature is that it has this set of laws that will give us what is our due...

learn to love others as u wld love urself
learn to understand others as u wish to understand urself
learn to respect others as u wld respect urself...

only then will others love u, respect u, understand u & give u all these wonderful things that u desire.


Stewart on Lebanon Coverage

brink of war?
what does it take for u ppl to lose the question mark? 300 rockets in 3 days?

smtimes, we need to care a little more abt the humantiy & so much less on e money...