Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
once u lose it, u start to not believe in alot of things too.
santa clause, tooth fairy, god of fortune, lady luck, what haf u
maybe in life
if we keep hitting the dead end
no matter how hard we try
the dead end might really mean that it's dead after all
we all fall down.
Rube: If you stand too close to a painting — all you see are patches of color, if you stand too far back, you can't see any of the detail. Right now this is your particular perspective and if you ask me—-
George: I'm a little too close.
Monday, March 14, 2011
maybe because for once, there is this fear that it might be someone u know
i'm so glad the RAs are safe, along with the others in senshu n kenshukan
but there are so many more out there
dead, missing, trapped
n there's nthing i can do
but to pray.
is how predictable and unpredictable we can get
maybe we are constantly changing
or maybe we change the way we interact with e constant
as things go with time
we might be [closer]
or further a/part
maybe this might end tml
maybe this might go on forever
it is what we don’t know that kills us
but it might also be the unknown that keeps us alive
and despite life being such a bag full of contradictions
we are here
in every moment.
and i guess, it is this eternity
that matters now.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more.
~George Gordon, Lord Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage
i love foxgloves =) that little garden just outside my window. darmstad. rosdoff. u r missed.
what do you see?
what does your head tell u to see?
what does your heart tell u to see?
who mocks me
lol she thinks tt atheist shldnt quote from e bible
i think she doesn't understand what it means to be a atheist
or maybe it's just insulting to her n her religion.
i don't know. i haf a feeling maybe half of e other christians wld say e same too.
she intrigues me.
i shall find out more.
n if there's a god, i think he wld have really hated free will now wldn't he?
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
i guess i finally understood what u mean.
and i thank u for that
but i have no idea where i stand on this issue anymore.
i never was one of them
n i am nvr able to accept
the fact that ppl i thought i knew very well
turns out to be someone else i never knew
it's like looking at the same shell
but a totally different soul
somehow darker, lonelier, madder
maybe i do judge people, i don't know
if not, why do i feel so much disappointment
she said that i shld visit IMH in situations like this
i could sense a denial in her voice, maybe a little disappointment
i don't know. i'm not sure. i guess i never was the one to bring her pride.
she asked me to find a faith that i cld believe in. someone to confide in when i'm lost. she said my atheistic beliefs might be driving me mad. she said i shld start praying. she asked me if it was because she wasn't showing me enough attention. she asks me if i've been cutting myself again.
maybe she can't accept the fact tt her daughter might be another eehui
i wish i never told her.
no one looks at u the same after u tell them that. they either start to treat u different or they think u are too emo for their own good.
they don't understand that i can't cry. i pent up all my emotions inside cus i don't cry. and i don't know how to get rid of the pain tt's inside me.
maybe i really am crazy.
i'm just another failed product.
Monday, March 07, 2011
i don't know how it started
maybe it was the lesbianism thing started by the britney spears song
maybe it was the bad headache that wouldnt go away
maybe it was just me.
i found out that i could fake illness if i wished hard enough
i faked asthmas, made my breathing irregular so that i had cold sweats and my face will turn horribly pale.
i slept in class. i did crazy things. i slammed files in teachers' faces
maybe some part of me wanted you beside me
no wait. i wanted more than that.
and i did really horrible things
just to make sure u noticed my pain.
i wasn't happy until everyone around me was upset and worried about me. i made sure of that.
the world had to circle around me.
(and most probably will be shld i forgot again)
maybe there's a reason y u're around.
maybe there's a reason y we r in NIE despite u doing better than me
maybe i still have alot more to learn from being with you
a reminder for me not to be that horrible and selfish person i was
to be someone better.
n i guess i'm nt making sense.
Sunday, March 06, 2011
u noe wad's e problem with u. u never spend enought time at home.
when things happen at home. u simply dismiss it n say it's not a big deal
for u yeah duh.
for ur mum it's not.
u never understood ur mum well enuff.
wad u were good at saying, is that i'm like my mother. i behave like her. fuck u really.
u're always busy in sch, i'm nt.
so tt's wad i did, i learnt from u, i'm ran away from home too, i don't wanna stay at home. like u.
n now this to u it's just another incident.
maybe that's why u can consel ppl. u care abt everyone, u haf time for everyone. except for ur damned family.
it's come to a point where i stare at cars on e road n wish i was dead
or think that cutting myself is ok because it doesn't hurt anyone.
i need a time out from life.
from stalking ppl on facebook, to posting on my public blog on msn
i need to stop seeking attention
i need time to look within and reflect.
something which i've nt done for really long.
and this blog here will continue to be my own little corner in the cybernet where i seek solace n find meaning as to why i'm still alive.
maybe nthing's much gonna change.
maybe i'll still be the same
i don't noe.
i don't really wanna worry anymore.
Saturday, March 05, 2011
Thursday, March 03, 2011
— Arundhati Roy
if i ever do get a next life.
i want to feel less.
if i ever do get a next life.
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
it’s e 2nd day of march
i noe it’s no biggie
for most ppl.
it’s just another month.
march is the third month of e year. i like the number 3. my bro’s bday is on march.
the month of march hasn’t always been kind to me, maybe cus it’s e month of my bday so i tend to hope that maybe special things will happend.*naive* /shot
well it does, but usually it’s really smthing “special”
1. i got my funtastic A level results in march, few days ahead of my bday.
2. someone told me some mind blasting news n i cried for days on end, just a few days ahead of my bday too.
maybe life’s just trying to tell me that things happened. whether it’s ur bday month or nt. suck it up. i guess that’s life. teaching me really hard lessons. anything can happen, life still goes on.
life is an awesome teacher.
but still i hope that this month will be a good month. admists the madness that i’m facing now, i really really want a very very good march. just for myself. for once, my selfish self. pretty pls?
oh well c min it is.