Thursday, March 24, 2011

i wrote this for japan

We are all human beings here, separated by nothing more than large puddles of water and occasionally, the fear of the unknown.

We are all on the same ship.

We are all, you.

For Japan,

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


depression/overly emotional is caused by?

was i born this way or was i shaped by what was around me or is it just me

who do i blame?

why should i even blame?

i am still working on it

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

i shouldnt have told you

but will things still stay the same?

life is full of stupid decisions.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

screw this period

fuck this it's like 3 months compacted into 1

i have flu, headache n fucking bad cramps all jammed together into my system

i might be dead by nxt wk

i hate being a menstruating machine.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

cul de sac

i think faith puts a nice sheen on life

once u lose it, u start to not believe in alot of things too.

santa clause, tooth fairy, god of fortune, lady luck, what haf u

maybe in life

if we keep hitting the dead end

no matter how hard we try

the dead end might really mean that it's dead after all

ashes, ashes

we all fall down.

Rube: If you stand too close to a painting — all you see are patches of color, if you stand too far back, you can't see any of the detail. Right now this is your particular perspective and if you ask me—-

George: I'm a little too close.

Monday, March 14, 2011


the news abt earthquakes in japan is affecting me more than it shld

maybe because for once, there is this fear that it might be someone u know

i'm so glad the RAs are safe, along with the others in senshu n kenshukan

but there are so many more out there

dead, missing, trapped

n there's nthing i can do

but to pray.


Nine-year-old Toshihito Aisawa walks through an evacuation centre in Ishinomaki, Miyagi Prefecture, carrying two handwritten signs as he continues his search for his father, mother, grandmother and two cousins lost in the quake and tsunami. On one sign is written their names, on the other ‘I will come again tomorrow’


what fascinates and frustrates me to no end

is how predictable and unpredictable we can get

maybe we are constantly changing

or maybe we change the way we interact with e constant

as things go with time

we might be [closer]

or further a/part

maybe this might end tml

maybe this might go on forever

it is what we don’t know that kills us

but it might also be the unknown that keeps us alive

and despite life being such a bag full of contradictions

we are here

in every moment.

and i guess, it is this eternity

that matters now.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

just because u got hurt doesn't mean ur sis shld stop interacting with guys

what's wrong with u sriously.

when u can't even run ur own life

why are u trying to run mine?

Friday, March 11, 2011

that little bit memory

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more.
~George Gordon, Lord Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage

i love foxgloves =) that little garden just outside my window. darmstad. rosdoff. u r missed.



what do you see?

what does your head tell u to see?

what does your heart tell u to see?

met this new friend at sch
who mocks me
lol she thinks tt atheist shldnt quote from e bible
i think she doesn't understand what it means to be a atheist
or maybe it's just insulting to her n her religion.
i don't know. i haf a feeling maybe half of e other christians wld say e same too.
she intrigues me.
i shall find out more.

n if there's a god, i think he wld have really hated free will now wldn't he?

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

i tried to convince myself tt every's ok today.

tt everything will be normal and i'll be fine.

until i saw the crowd and ran

i didn't noe why

i just felt very scared

i just bolted

what's going on.
simin why do u feel so sad

why do u feel so empty

what do u seek

i feel very useless.

this cannot go on.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

of boobs, blowjobs, virgins n what not

i guess i finally understood what u mean.

and i thank u for that

but i have no idea where i stand on this issue anymore.

and i guess the reason why i've always felt so left out was because
i never was one of them

or maybe it's just because i'm not horny at e moment....

n i am nvr able to accept

the fact that ppl i thought i knew very well

turns out to be someone else i never knew

it's like looking at the same shell

but a totally different soul

somehow darker, lonelier, madder

maybe i do judge people, i don't know

if not, why do i feel so much disappointment

who are you when no one's looking?
are you weak or are you strong?

maybe i am

my mum called the GP to ask for advice

she said that i shld visit IMH in situations like this

i could sense a denial in her voice, maybe a little disappointment

i don't know. i'm not sure. i guess i never was the one to bring her pride.

she asked me to find a faith that i cld believe in. someone to confide in when i'm lost. she said my atheistic beliefs might be driving me mad. she said i shld start praying. she asked me if it was because she wasn't showing me enough attention. she asks me if i've been cutting myself again.

maybe she can't accept the fact tt her daughter might be another eehui

i'm hurt.

i wish i never told her.

no one looks at u the same after u tell them that. they either start to treat u different or they think u are too emo for their own good.

they don't understand that i can't cry. i pent up all my emotions inside cus i don't cry. and i don't know how to get rid of the pain tt's inside me.

maybe i really am crazy.

i'm just another failed product.

Monday, March 07, 2011


it was in sec 2

i don't know how it started

maybe it was the lesbianism thing started by the britney spears song

maybe it was the bad headache that wouldnt go away

maybe it was just me.

i found out that i could fake illness if i wished hard enough

i faked asthmas, made my breathing irregular so that i had cold sweats and my face will turn horribly pale.

i slept in class. i did crazy things. i slammed files in teachers' faces

maybe some part of me wanted you beside me




no wait. i wanted more than that.

and i did really horrible things

just to make sure u noticed my pain.

i wasn't happy until everyone around me was upset and worried about me. i made sure of that.

the world had to circle around me.

and u are a stark reminder of who i was
(and most probably will be shld i forgot again)

maybe there's a reason y u're around.

maybe there's a reason y we r in NIE despite u doing better than me

maybe i still have alot more to learn from being with you

a reminder for me not to be that horrible and selfish person i was

to be someone better.

n i guess i'm nt making sense.

Sunday, March 06, 2011

dear darling sis

u noe wad's e problem with u. u never spend enought time at home.

when things happen at home. u simply dismiss it n say it's not a big deal

for u yeah duh.

for ur mum it's not.

u never understood ur mum well enuff.

wad u were good at saying, is that i'm like my mother. i behave like her. fuck u really.

u're always busy in sch, i'm nt.

so tt's wad i did, i learnt from u, i'm ran away from home too, i don't wanna stay at home. like u.

n now this to u it's just another incident.

maybe that's why u can consel ppl. u care abt everyone, u haf time for everyone. except for ur damned family.

crash n burn crash n burn crash n burn

i think i've reached a point where i've been feeling really empty inside.

it's come to a point where i stare at cars on e road n wish i was dead
or think that cutting myself is ok because it doesn't hurt anyone.

i need a time out from life.

from stalking ppl on facebook, to posting on my public blog on msn

i need to stop seeking attention

i need time to look within and reflect.

something which i've nt done for really long.

and this blog here will continue to be my own little corner in the cybernet where i seek solace n find meaning as to why i'm still alive.

maybe nthing's much gonna change.

maybe i'll still be the same

i don't noe.

i don't really wanna worry anymore.

Saturday, March 05, 2011



Thursday, March 03, 2011

And never, never, to forget.

“To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget.”

— Arundhati Roy

if i ever do get a next life.

i want to feel less.

that is.

if i ever do get a next life.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

anddddd march!

it’s e 2nd day of march

i noe it’s no biggie

for most ppl.

it’s just another month.

march is the third month of e year. i like the number 3. my bro’s bday is on march.

the month of march hasn’t always been kind to me, maybe cus it’s e month of my bday so i tend to hope that maybe special things will happend.*naive* /shot

well it does, but usually it’s really smthing “special”

1. i got my funtastic A level results in march, few days ahead of my bday.

2. someone told me some mind blasting news n i cried for days on end, just a few days ahead of my bday too.

maybe life’s just trying to tell me that things happened. whether it’s ur bday month or nt. suck it up. i guess that’s life. teaching me really hard lessons. anything can happen, life still goes on.

life is an awesome teacher.

but still i hope that this month will be a good month. admists the madness that i’m facing now, i really really want a very very good march. just for myself. for once, my selfish self. pretty pls?

oh well c min it is.

i need to see a doctor soon.

i keep delaying it...

lazy laaaaaaaa :( lol

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

love post =)


thank u echizen. u totally made my day n i miss u.