blue plan

Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not.
Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.

this reminded me of u. but i could never comprehend the pain u went thru.

this transition has been slow, painfully slow. moving back home has always been like a drop in quality for emotional happiness. the constant quibbling bugs u. all the time. n in a way shows how selfish we've grown to be while living on our own. our ability to make daily decisions of our lifestyle diminishes as we try to integrate back to normalcy.

n the useless knowledge that is dictated for us to be learnt in school seems to serve only as the fuel for the capitalist world. of what use is learning the area of a triangle to a child who is not mathematically inclined?

we are just filtering them out. one by one. those that cannot learn knowledge tt is useful for the running of this cooperate styled country.

n this will go on.
all of us chasing after a seemingly attainable happiness, a family, careers, a house and the list goes on. of which at the end when is ur happiness. ur well deserved happiness.

these aspirations. this blue plan that is supposedly ingrained in all of us. is just so wrong.

where is the love.

it is sad. that religion, or to be specific christianity has become a wall to this friendship

n so it stops

this friendship just isn't real anymore.

And I did so under the blanketing term “Christian.” I did so believing that my actions were somehow justified because of my beliefs at the time. I did so, actually believing that such appointments were done out of… love.
frm here. :)

 if anything i cldn't agree more, that this has been what i've observed so far.
ppl who claim to be 'true' christians, ppl who claim to be saving others have in effect taken upon themselves to judge others. others who are different, even those of the same faith. different because they don't follow the same routines. different because they don't model their life after yours, your beliefs, your world view. without realizing that we all have walked different paths, u judge, with what u think u know of the person, or thinking u know better, u judge.

and that's the thing that is most damning about the believers. they judge u. all the time. knowingly or unknowingly. because they feel that they are following this path that God has made for them. And with this path they have a sense of responsibility, dripping with self-righteousness, to guide u to the very same path they are walking on, thinking that people who are too blind to see their God are immoral, are missing out on so many things that God has to provide.

so as u self righteously mete out judgements to all those whom u deem need to be saved, i hope one day u will understand how much damage ur beliefs have done to the people who loved u, to find a better purpose then to cast stones at those who walk a different path frm urs.

Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her

nothing but noise

it's scary
how i've let my life revolve ard u
unknowingly

the sudden realization
i do not like it
this
plan
making
revolving
ard
each
other
lives
intertwining 

and we are both slightly depressed by the prospects
that the physical bodies cant collide
but i guess i'm luckier than other LDRs
for now
we still have something to look forward to at the end of this year
n hopefully the next

n i fear it is only me n my imagination
for in my dreams we were doing quite the impossible 

- holding hands

food for thought

True Love: One's ability to make someone you adore happy, without sacrificing one's own values nor suffering abuse of dignity or self. Love is never lost, just held in abeyance, until the pace of balance between family, career and security converges. Fulfilment is measured by the art of telepathic understanding, on a conversation level not requiring words.

want/hope

U did not ask that I wait for u
U just said it would be good that I could wait
There’s this slight difference
Of wanting
And hoping
And because so much things are at stake
U pulled back because
I guess
It would hurt less if it all fell apart
They asked me to fight for what I think I deserve
But there is only so much that I can do
To make a cynic understand a pessimist
And even though it may mean nothing to u if the glass is half full or half empty
But it means the world to me that the glass
Is but half
e.m.p.t.y

等

记得自己以前最讨厌等人

因为等是一种负担，是一种累赘

总觉得人生很喜欢和我开玩笑，

我最讨厌的东西，既然让我一次又一次的，在不同的场面碰上了

是故意刁难吧，

还是想告诉我即使讨厌也不能避免

总是想东西很快的有个了解

但又少不了时间才足以让人生的精华充分的显示出来

也许时间是想告诉我人生是不能偷工减料的

是要一点一滴的活出来

让它活得最充分，实在

因为等，不单单只是空等，不单单只是累赘

是耐心的考验，是人生的磨炼

成败与否，也许已不重要

只要放下心思，每有一样东西，没有一份感情会是白给的吧

this should end soon...

i really really really like u

but if this goes on i don't think i'll be happy

i feel that i already am perfect the way i am
meaning
my imperfections are part of me. it is a flaw but it makes me me.

i think i can dress up when need arises. i think there will be times where i will make fashion faux pas.

i do not wish to change how my teeth looks. my parents gave me a set of teeth that may nt be as perfect as urs but enuff for me to eat good food.

physical imperfections of a person shouldnt be something that we strive to change in another person. just so because this is superficial, it makes me wonder why u are so concerned about this superficial aspect of me and why this superficial aspect has to match up to ur mum.

and i am really tired

there seems to be no resolution in this matter

u love me but...

it'll be that but that will kill the both of us.

memory keeper

u haf no idea how happy i am to get my skype history back

i like reading
n seeing how dynamics between ppl change
over time
for better for worse
it's usually the better ones that i keep

to remind myself of how far we've made it
the little joy, fears, the odd things we did that we've grown so used to with time

separation

ppl leave. i nearly forgot tt.

but before u go

this box i give to u

n we'll be our memory keeper

we'll meet again

i hope we do.

orange days.in memory of all of us:)

will miss
the late night suppers, the HTHT sessions, the drinking sessions, the madness the randomness the loves, the jogging session, the emo nights, the nights i thought i wasn't loved, the nights when i thought i was the happiest person alive, the cat outside my door that stay and left and stayed and left, the late walks to halls, fighting for pillows, steamboats.
the days u came n stayed
the days we thought we couldnt care less
the days we thought we ruled the world
the days we planned little trips unplanned
the days we drove on the wrong side of the lane

4 years

and now we're all moving on...

these. all these names. i will grow to miss.

mental clutter

and that voice inside ur head. who is speaking to you, now... in silent whispers and screams
and then there was light
and next came the days
but who are these voices
and what do they speak
these codes signals and maybe nothing at all
maybe
maybe for once i should listen hard
and follow
lead my army to victories
before i can lay down my burdens
live on thy name

yellow diamonds in the night

and the week couldnt be happier :))
then knowing that u're the luckiest girl on earth
congrats!
n i can't stop smiling

n what's urs will be urs

u can't stop ppl from coming into ur life, poking n prodding at ur soul, making u feel so much, n then leave u again
u can't stop urself from living life
u can't stop life
u are a part of this life

n what happens when u leave

den she'll just sit there helplessly n sigh
oh look what you've done.

mental health

how can life be only about happiness
when existence itself is a constant struggle against a whole lot of vices, emotions n things that threaten to overwhelm us

n because the ppl i love misunderstand
that i seem perpetually sad, abt what life has to offer
rather than the fact that i embrace sadness as part of life
isn't life abt this balance?
sadness & happiness
selfishness & altruism
one cannot exist without the other
one cannot exists in its own entity for it wld render the other obsolete

or am i really one fucked up pessimist
who sees no hope in humanity?

it is for this reason that i fear

of speaking what is on my mind

"why are u always so emo"

but how can u be happy

when sadness is not first understood n embraced.

why do i smile

when it starts to rain

gosh there needs to be a differentiation

between emo-ness n being  reflective

i reflect.

i dun emo

i dun cut myself.

ok maybe i do think of

but wth.

no link ok.

retart. hahahaha

10 wks practicum
i let the stress kill me before it even starts.
happy 2012
thank u for the love

so where are we now love?

i'm srry i gave in more than i should
but tt's life
n it's vices
so what i can do now
is to know what i can do to stop going even further

so that question did the trick
what are we now
and u cldn't give me a reply
u gave me a series of definitions
fine with me
let's play by ur rules then

n u think u understand me
that i am predictable
but maybe i was predictable because i was so afraid of losing u after u came back
because suddenly u became real to me


but not anymore
u may be blinded by ur feelings of love or lust
but i'm more blinded by fear
and the things abt u that don't make sense at all

filth

they say love changes u
i think love mutates u.
and then we both become so ugly
we cant recognize ourselves anymore

i'm such mess arent i

i'm nt as good as i think i am
don't be a piece of shit

i
cant
be
bothered
that's what i'm telling those who know
tt's what i think i am feeling towards this

it's either i'm bored
i can't talk to u
i don't trust u
i dont think i know u
or i don't see why i shld be tied down

never make plans for the future more than 3 wks in advance.
u never know when it's gonna end.
i'm srry.
i never believed in love.

or maybe the question now is
do i really love u.

confessionsions of a fashion disaster

she doesnt understand how a girl would not want to dress up

i do i guess. but not all time. 1 out of 10 times maybe? rest of the time i'm just t shirt shorts n my ipnama sandals.
tt's how i wld like to live my life
fast, simple, easy, haphazard combination, a fashion disaster
something i can run in
something i can sit in anyway i like without bothering if e world saw my wadever is underneath
but most importantly, something i can run with.
not like i run around all the time
but i don't know why
this thought is just in my head whenever i think of what to wear
something i can run in

i cant run in dress can i?

primal maybe?

maybe i lacked the confidence to carry off those hot dresses with bare backs or wadever complicated fashion terms that u haf
but honestly, e rest of the times i can't really be bothered.

i guess i dont understand how she wldn't understand that girls are not just abt dressing up.

i
shld
honestly
live
in
a
cave

ramblingggggggggg

what's on my mind

yes i am bothered by the fact that he has done nothing and is the whole world to u
n we have done everything but am nothing to u

im sorry am i judging?
too bad, he's a loser.