Monday, July 31, 2006


what's ur impression of a religious person? ok let's be more specific shall we? what is ur impression of a person who claims to be a pious follwer of god?

let's picture a person with presentable looks holding a bible & going from door to door & preaching to others abt the greatness of god. but tt's just so superficial. so let's go deeper...

u wld expect a religious person to be more mature, more understanding, & most importantly to be more moral than others as well.

but obviously, that was a stereotype & guess what, stereotypes are always wrong as well...

i honestly dun get it.

here u are preaching abt how ppl shldn't drink alcohol, shldn't have pre martial sex, shldn't talk dirty etc. that i'm fine with it cus all these acts are morally wrong.

but here u are trying to pressurize others to get u a birthday present, dictating to them what they shld buy & calculating down to the last cent on how much each of ur dear friends should spent on your MUCH DESERVED present.

tell me which is more harmful to e human race? when u drink alcohol? or when u commit day -light peer-pressure robbery?

it's nt like these ppl who preach abt morals & how great god is are morally upright as well. ppl do commit errors once in a while cause we are not perfect, but what abt mistakes that involve basic common sense & simple respect? doesn't the bible teach u tt? doesn't the bible teach u not to pressurise others into gettin what u want? doesn't the bible teach u not to be selfish & be considerate?

& what abt the countless times when u criticised others for being "immoral" for skipping lessons? the countless times u chided others for criticizing teachers? i haven seen u in some lessons for quite a while. and i've even heard u criticise some teachers for being so absolutely lousy & can't teach. doesn't the bible teach u not to criticise others when u urself are no less better?

if ur memory is failing u, let me recall it for u:

But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.Early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people were coming to Him; and He sat down and began to teach them.The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the center of the court,they said to Him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act."Now in the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?"
They were saying this, testing Him, so that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground.But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them,
"He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground.When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court."
John 8:1-9 (NASB)

i've seen ppl who carry bibles around & claim to follow the teachings of the bible, but yet are unable to follow the simple fundamental law of respecting others' property, using things as if it is of their own, behaving as if the world owes them something & they have the right to take what ever things that is of their interest. they accuse others who say provocative words as having no sense of shame, yet have no sense of shame for their own actions. what rights do they have?

when a parent teaches a child not to steal, he too must uphold what he preach by living a life with honesty. it is this simple logic tt is being taught by chinese & western culture alike. yet here u are claiming that u're crazy abt god but not being able to practice what u preach. then what right do u have to criticise others for their errors?

i admire ppl who are pious to their god, who follow the teachings of their god & do good for others. but if u're unable to even follow the basic principle of respect, then forget abt preaching because ppl will never listen to someone they cannot respect, nor can they join a religion which teaches ppl to respect ppl less or just with the simple reason that these ppl just don't practice what they preach.

Il Divo feat Celine Dion - I Believe in You

Il Divo feat Celine Dion - I Believe in You
The path you have chosen
A restless road
No turning back
One day you
Will find you light again
Don't you know
Don't let go
Be strong

Follow you heart
Let you love lead through the darkness
Back to a place you once knew
I believe, I believe, I believe
In you

Follow your dreams
Be yourself, an angel of kindness
There's nothing that you can not do
I believe, I believe, I believe
In you.

Tout seul
Tu t'en iras tout seul
Coeur ouvert
A L'univers
Poursuis ta quete
Sans regarder derriere
N'attends pas
Que le jour
Se leve

Suis ton etoile
Va jusqu'ou ton reve t'emporte
Un jour tu le toucheras
Si tu croix si tu croix si tu croix
En toi
Suis la lumiere
N'eneins pas la flamme que tu portes
Au fonds de toi souviens-toi
Que je croix que je croix que je croix
Que je croix
En toi

Someday I'll find you
Someday you'll find me to
And when I hold you close
I'll know that is true

Follow your heart
Let you love lead through the darkness
Back to a place you once knew
I believe, I believe, I believe in you

Follow your dreams
Be yourself, an angel of kindness
There's nothing that you can not do
I believe, I believe, I believe
In you.

Friday, July 28, 2006

nothing is so real in life as reality...

i feel sad & angry

what is wrong with ppl?

self centered... their lives revolve around them alone, they do not care, nor do they bother to care what is happen to what is going on around the world. they take many things for granted, & are too self observed to even think tt there are ppl worse off then them...

ppl die each day, because of war, because of some stupid ideals tt they believe in, because of e stupid games tt politicians play. they are innocent, yet they have to pay for e errors that politicians make, with their life.

these ppl channel e wrong energies to the most stupid of all things, claming that is to for what they believe in. what do they achieve? do they make e society so much better? or are they making life more difficult for others? they think they know everything, they claim to stand at moral highground, yet they are the worse bunch of ppl who know nothing but to criticise others when they themselves are much worse.

why are they holding on to a senseless past? so what if it can be proven? so what if it can't be proven? what difference will it make whether they were acknowledged or not? why nt focus on self improvement instead? why are u spending so much effort to sustain a dellusion instead of trying to focus on what's real & what can be changed?

they are taught to go against the ppl who've gave up much to bring them up, holding on to something that isn't there instead. what values are they teaching?

what is e world coming to?

War doesn't determine who's right but who's left....

The Atrocities of War....

Red Cross ambulances and staff have been targeted by Israeli warplanes on two separate occasions since fighting began on July 12.

The remains of an ambulance that was apparently hit by an Israeli attack a few days previously, in the town of Qana in southern Lebanon Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The bodies of passengers remain in their seats in a minibus that was hit by an Israeli attack a few days previously, on a road near Tibnin north of Bint Jbail in southern Lebanon Wednesday, July 26, 2006.

A man carry the body of two-year-old baby Palestinian boy Amir Ayyad after he was killed by a bullet wound to the head during an Israeli attack on the Shijaia neighbourhood outside Gaza City May 1, 2003.

Imagine if this was ur home....

Buildings damaged by Israeli air strikes in southern Beirut.

Palestinian relatives of two children and their mother killed when an Israeli artillery shell hit their house, during their funeral in northern Gaza, July 27, 2006

Palestinian mourners carry the bodies of Maria Okal, 5, front, and her sister Shahd, 8 months, who were killed with their mother on Wednesday when an Israeli shell hit their house, during their funeral in Jebaliya, northern Gaza Strip, Thursday, July 27, 2006.

Palestinian mourners carry the body of Shahd Okal, 8 months, who was killed with her mother and sister on Wednesday when an Israeli shell hit their house

The bodies of mother and her children Asmaa, 33, and her daughters Maria, 5, and Shahd, 8 months, who were killed on Wednesday when an Israeli shell hit their house, lay on the floor before their funeral in Jebaliya, northern Gaza Strip, Thursday, July 27, 2006,

Samra, struck partially deaf by the attack, had a written message for his Israeli attackers.
"If you are truly the sons of Moses, then why are you killing the sons of Jesus and Mohammad?" it said.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

was e choice given? or was there even one?

ma·ture (m-tyr, -tr, -chr)
adj. ma·tur·er, ma·tur·est
  1. Of, relating to, or characteristic of full development, either mental or physical: mature for her age.
my headaches are back. congrats simin. it seems like u're destinied to screw ur As. wadever lar.

i used to have throbbing headaches during sec 2 streaming. i didn't know wat was going on then, i popped panadol pills like i was a drug addict, & e worse thing was i was facing some emotional crisis at e point of time & my results plunged. so yeah. hallelujah.

it doesn't help even if i slp early, e headaches just go & off throughout the day & e pain makes me very grogy & sleepy during lessons. i had tot it was e time of e month or smthing but guess my biological clock went out of order again. sighx.

so if i happen to talk weird recently or call u by e wrong name, pls forgive me. i've managed to call choon meng when i wanted to talk to edwin. nice. & i'm nt making sense of what i'm talking about most of e time. i can't think. my mind is blank. as in BLANK.

i'm in a trance. hohoho.

oh & i had wanted to talk abt maturity....
what is maturity? to have ur emotions under control? to be able to see big picts? to be able to stay objective? exactly what is maturity?
i guess i have to agree with e person who said tt to have one's emotion under control is definitely a sign of maturity. because once emotions get e better of u, u lose all control of thoughts & actions, like being high & screaming like me. so what's e moral of e story? grow up simin, u're immature.
so to be myself all high & giggly & hyper active is immature while to act all demure, speak softly is to be mature?
ok tt doesn't make sense. but i guess it's how i deal with crisis when it strikes. or like now, dealing with stress.


talking abt choosing who u want to be.
i have 2 cousins who are every bit like circle & square.
they r irritating. they try to act all mature & grown up & do not know where their place is, always trying to correct ppl & act like they're on moral highground all e time. they cannot stop talking, or to be more specific, they cannot hold conversations which do not piss off ppl.
but there is a problem.... they are autistic.

e one with e more serious autistic problem is nt well liked in class, is often bullied. his brother is really nt any different. when we have family gatherings every sat at my grandma's house, these 2 kids are often scolded by my other relatives for being irritating, problematic etc. basically they are being scolded for who they are.

did they have a choice as to how they behaved?
we would assume tt we behaved the way we behaved because
1. we see nthing wrong with e way we r now
2. it is accepted by ppl

if our behaviour were to cause negative reactions frm others, i wld have attempt to change it or the most hate myself for being so high & crazy all e time. therefore we see here a exertion of choice.

so here we wonder. do they know tt their behaviour is unaccepted by society? despite being scolded or being ostracized because of their behaviour, do they still think tt there's nthing wrong with e way they are behaving? do they really don't get it? if there was a choice, wld u have chosen to be ms popular? or ms unpopular?

or maybe, they just didn't have a choice as to how they behaved? because this mentality has been so deeply entrenched in their minds, tt they just can't change their behaviour anymore?

i have a senior who has had similar behaviour problems. & interesting enough, she doesn't realise tt she herself has this problem. she thinks e whole world is against her, she thinks tt e wrld has betrayed her, the morally upright her. as she poured out her woes to me of how she was betrayed by this person who meant alot to her, does she even realised tt e mess she gt herself into was to a large extent a result of her personality than with e person who "betrayed" her? does she even know tt ppl are talking behind her back? does she even know she is hated by this very community which she had thought had accepted her as she was? does she even realise tt there is a problem with her mentality? her personality? it cannot be accepted by society because it is just too extreme. but did she have a choice to choose her personality tt made her who she is today? throughout her life, she must have met those who were obviously more well liked by others, those whose personalities r accepted as e norm. she cld have switched to it had she wanted to. but e problem is she nvr realised that there was a big problem with her "choice" of behaviour tt she has "choosen" to display.

was she given a choice? or was there even a choice?

Monday, July 24, 2006


Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.

there is this guy in lep room, who speaks with a weird accent, who is alone by himself most of the time, who sings chinese tribal songs when he's doing homework & bows to every senior he meets.

he comes to most ppl as odd, eccentric, or just simply some guy with e personality problem.

he's ostracized, not accepted by friends & seniors alike. it's like every action he makes screams for attention, & he never gets sick or tired of what he's doing so most ppl came to e conclusion tt he is just plain odd & sniggers when he does smthing funny like bow 90 degress to greet his seniors.

i wonder if he ever feels sad. i wonder if he ever hates himself for being different frm the "others". i wonder if he feels frustration for others nt being able to understand & accept him e way he is.

he reminds me of circle & square. i don't deny tt i always hit out at them. espcially square. when he fluants his almost "encylopedic" knowledge to us every single day & hr. telling us what shld be e correct ans, stressing that he has invincible debating skills, goes ard debating with anyone who has e mood to debate with him, raising his voice like he wants e whole wrld to know how knowledgeble he is, & thinks ppl who fail their hist ppl are nt human because e paper is simply just too easy(for him only). i wonder if he's ever thought if he shld change e way he talked or maybe his mentality tt ppl are lousier than him. i wondered if he's ever doubted himself & asked himself whether all this knowledge flauting wld get him anywhere. i wondered if he was like me, trying to search for my own identity, trying to look for a place in society where i can accepted as i am w/o being labelled as nuts.

it's these things tt make u not understand human. to not grasp why they can't be like everyone else. to not understand e insecurities & pain tt they go through when they hear e sniggers behind their back, the condescending tone tt ppl use when talking to them, when faced with other ppl's mentality tt they deserved e treatment unless they are willing to be someone whom they are not, a little less talkative, a little less proud, a little more thoughtful.

they are ostracized, simply because they cldn't meet e guidelines of what soceity deemed as normal. it is because they are special tt society hates them for who they are. u wonder why they don't change. i wonder too.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

nvr go for accupuncture


maybe i'm nt in e best mood to get needles stuck in my head.

and e doc decided tt he hated me & stuck more needles into my stomach.
ard 15 needles in my stomach & ard 5 more on my head. thanks doc. i owe u one.
ok it's nt exactly his fault because it was my mum who started complaining to him tt i cldn't concentrate when studying & blahx. so he came to e conclusion tt i needed more needles.

and staying in a enclosed aircom room for an hr make me nausea. and my head bleeded when e doc pluck e needles out. X_X

my dad bought me mint choco sweets t0 cheer me up. he buys e best things for me smtimes cus i rarely bager him to buy stuff for me. hehe....

i need something to cheer myself up. maybe a FIRST magazine.

you wonder what I am doing?

“You wonder what I am doing? Well, so do I, in truth. Days seem to dawn, suns to shine, evenings to follow, and then I sleep. What I have done, what I am doing, what I am going to do, puzzle and bewilder me. Have you ever been a leaf and fallen from your tree in autumn and been really puzzled about it? That’s the feeling.”

- T.E. Lawrence (of Arabia), 1935.

this wk wasn't good. i stress WASN'T

e time of the month is nt smthing i enjoy because i'll definitely cry, i'll definitely have headaches like someone just knocked my head with a brick & i'm sensitive to lights. yes even sunlight. i become extremely tempremental, moody & feels depressed all of a sudden when i'm alone. like if tt's nt enough, i feel lerthargic & am now lagging seriously behind in my studies because i'm too tired to do hmwrk & study for wkly tests.

but still i try to remain normal, resist e urge to hit out at anybody who's talking to be & try to be nice. u find it funny really, because even when u're very aware tt u've become more irritatable, there's really nthing much u can do to control ur emotions because it seems to be in control of u most of the time.

i think i've grown considerably weaker as i grow up. i cld still live life like it's normal in the past when i have hormonal changes. now i'm no different frm being sick.

and e worse thing was my computer decided to play me out now. now all my information, songs & photos might be gone. screwed.

it's 2 months. wait. it's nt even 2 months & now i feel utterly depressed. hurhur. it's tt time of e month again.

Friday, July 21, 2006

a primary 1 blog entry

today is a sad day for me.

why? because my computer spoil already. it's really not my fault that the stupid virus want to attack me. maybe it finds my computer sexy. i hope i can recover all my information, if not tears will down my cheeks, i'll cry like cats and dogs and my heart will shatter into a million pieces.

now my computer will not even start up.... i am really sorry my dear compaq computer. i will restore u soon. after my PSLE exams so please wait for me.

compaq said they will retrive my information at $100/hr. no wonder they are such a rich ass company. i hate rich ppl.

it is such a sad day for me.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

ladies & gentlemen, presenting to u...

cedar had T&F today...

haha. & we got 3rd 3rd...for e 2 divisions. it's lousier than last year somemore. i tell u sports sch shld go to hell cus they are being trained at asian standard so it's really not fair tt they shld compete at the national level. they have an advantage over everyone.

but life's nvr fair in the first place. gahxxxxx

but as long as cedar keeps the fighting spirit up & keep the presence of tt sea of blue there in the stadium, i'll be cheering for them all the way. hahahaha. but i heard all the coaches are being recruited to teach in other schs too. those really rich schs like rgs & hci. god tt sucks.

did i tell u some ppl suck alot too. just some ppl. ok fuck u some ppl. hahaha. wadever lar. sometimes i can't be bothered with u. hope u bang into a wall or smthing. & u know what. hope u wake up soon & stop hurting those ppl closest to u.

thank gdness hui hui dearest is accompaning me tml in displaying our sexiness in nice ethnic costumes. haha. i think no one else bothers to wear so it's be nice tt we can stand out of e rest of e ppl in class & attract attention like we always do. lolx. thanks hui dear! *grins*


how do u grade perfection?

how do u grade right & wrong?

how do u grade what's beautiful when beauty is in the eye of the beholder?

to grade art subjects are the most stupid thing one can do. for essays u have some god damn it LORMs (level of response).
u mean u can actually grade one's person response to an event? so if there are no right & wrongs to an issue, u start going into the grey areas & picking on ppl's response?

& what abt art & lit?

i'm fine if u wanna grade painting skills but what abt expression?

how the hell do u grade what an artist wants to express?

some ppl send out strong msges through subtilty, some through exaggeration.
it all boils down to personality, expression & emotion. how da hell do u grade tt?

i really dun get it when ppl have a stupid white room, place a faulty bulb in it which flashes once in a while can get praises for its "art piece". or maybe some stupid artist who decides to spray paint all over a piece of paper & sell it for millions while ppl try to decipher "hidden msges" behind those sprays of paint. like honestly honey, get a life.

ladies & gentlemen, presenting to u, the absurdity & stupidity of humans, selling for millions.

Monday, July 17, 2006

ignore me

i am ranting & raving & screwing my life up now.


smtimes u need to believe in urself more than anyone else can believe in u....

and now i can only think tt i'll screw up everything

hahaha. dumb lar.

misty misty...wooooo lala

Sunday, July 16, 2006

10 years down the rd...

being thrown suddenly into e "real" world is not something tt i wld easily forget

for starters, i had to take a bloody bus, i know compared to chee's almost 1 hr stint, mine was just peanuts but e fact tt i had to be running after buses in e morning was just nt e best way to start a day.

i witnessed alot of backstabbers, weirdos, funny shapes, & became embroiled in a whole complicated tangle of human relations. u cldn't afford to offend anyone, nor cld u make enemies because these ppl will come back & hit u so hard tt u just can't stand up again.

but i guess e thing which fascinated me alot was tt i saw alot of familiar faces on the bus when i first started sch in jc. maybe i had a gd memory, maybe they didn't change tt much physically, but either way i knew with absolute confirmation tt they were frm the very same pri sch & class as me. yet the sad thing was no one cld recognize me, giving me tt puzzled look tt said "do i know u" & "who's this crazy person talking to me" etc.

i thought maybe i had made a mistake judging frm e expressions they gave me so i went to look up for my pri sch photos. behind those photos i wrote these lines, XXX, my best friend.

maybe pri sch kids have fuzzy memories of what really happened when they were ard 7 yrs old. maybe pri sch kids have undeveloped brains tt cld rmb ppl as well as they shld have. but it's really sad how u can just walk past ppl u've previously known, & not recognize them at all. how much of the past have u rmbered? how much have u thrown away?

i always wonder what will happen to us 10 yrs down e rd after we've graduated frm sch. will we still be the best of friends? will we still hold on to the fond memories tt we had shared in the past? will we be able to recognise each other? or will we just walk past each other like nothing has happened? memories & friendships all forgotten, all lost....

~ cus moving on just isn't working....

Thursday, July 13, 2006

together we build my ass

It is long since we had any hope...

random. author depressed. ignore. HOHOHOx

i am tired but i can't slp...

i suck at lying cus my conscious always hit back at me.... hard.

now i know what ppl mean when they have insomia.

my nose is leaking again.

i shld die early cus i know i can't survive long with this shit body. hurhur.

i'm rambling as usual. nevermind me.

i'm reading that pasta's bk, tt rick warren. hurhur. so amused. one day i'm going to write out all e sentences in e bk tt made me laugh... which is almost 90% of e bk? or even more?

but some of it made sense i must admit. if i dun look at it frm e religion sense.

i dun dare to tell my mum i failed chinese again. maybe i just dun wanna see my mum's disappointed face & disappoint myself further. i sound like a little kid. i shld watch more jimmy neutron. or maybe spongebob sucker pants, or maybe teen titans. batman superman iceman

2 months more. i can grumble all i want but i just have 2 months more to prove that this wasn't a mistake. i dun even feel like touching anything related to chinese anymore. it's so sickening. what is it tt i don't understand? why isit tt i can't score? lit is shit i tell u. chinese lit is shit. and ppl who think they can excel in chinese lit is more shit. ie me. u are shit.

weeps by the toilet bowl. it's such a funny sight. imagine ppl weeping by e toilet bowl. so cute.

haahahah. for christians screwing with my sis, i'm going to curse u someday. ok cursing is bad.
but i think u r no better either.

hahahahahahaha. fuck u lar.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

it is a mistake....

i shouldn't have...

it is a mistake...


Tuesday, July 11, 2006

blogosphere in singapore....

i found out recently tt singapore's blogosphere is actually quite well established as compared to what i previously thought to be just restricted to mr brown & mr miyagi alone. u have this whole bunch of singaporeans blogging online & highlighting social issues tt concern singaporean's welfare, our rights to speak out and most importantly of course, blogger's rights to freedom of speech.

these ppl point out the ironies of the singapore media & the government as they quote mr lee hsiang long encouraging singaporeans to speak out & contribute to the society but recent mr brown issue shows otherwise.

i've come to realise the seriousness of what censorship can do to a country & if anything, i'm more than dissappointed with the suspension of mr brown's column in TODAY. i had tot tt lee hsiang long might be much more open minded in terms of censorship & encouraging freedom of speech but i was so wrong. reading the letter of response by mica made my blood boil. they were so arrogant, ignorant & unrecptive to even the slightest criticisms. if u dun accept suggestions, how do even improve? & worse thing was they said if we don't have suggestions, then don't criticise....

& i wonder why the govt always win the elections by a landslide w.o fail each year. i bet they're preparing for another progress package & give this little incentive to stupid singaporeans who keep thinking the govt is so good to us & the dogs of the govt who will just do anything to support the govt to avoid any repercussion. if u think e govt is gd, tt's because u've nvr seen e lower income grps in singapore struggling everyday to make ends meet. broken families who cannot even support themselves or their kids. families with e sole breadwinner of the family being disabled or killed & can turn to no one because there is no avenue made available to them to seek help. u want them to go online & seek for ur help? tt's stupid & btw, govt internet websites suck too.

we're nt even asking for a nanny state. just give us the help tt we need to tide over the crisis. no body likes being poor & no body deserves to be on the loosing end just because they are poor.

as for e dogs of the govt, believe me, i've seen a few good examples in NYJC already. & i hate these ppl. spineless dickheads who propagate nthing but shit.

i'm been adding these good blogs to my links as well. do check it out if u have the time. it's so much better then newspapers, & i bet they're more reliable too.


Media Release: Stop harassing Mr Brown and let him speak freely

9 Jul 06

The worst of the PAP’s pubescent mind has surfaced yet again with the latest silencing of Mr Lee Kin Mun and the removal of his newspaper column. It is an act worthy of a regime insecure and untrusting of its own citizens.

It is confirmation, as if more is needed, that the PAP governs from a political fortress isolated and under siege. It dictates that criticism and dissenting views are unwelcome, and moves swiftly to eradicate them. The arbitrariness and top-down-we-couldn’t-care-less-how-the-people-feel approach is wielded with increasing frequency.

The treatment of Mr Lee aka Mr Brown is not unlike that of Dr Catherine Lim in years past. This is testimony to the fact that under the PAP – whether it is Mr Lee Kuan Yew or Mr Goh Chok Tong or Mr Lee Hsien Loong as prime minister – the wrapper may change but the package remains decidedly antiquated.

Dr Vivian Balakrishman then fans the flame by saying that "if someone says something which we disagree with, we will say so. If someone says something which is unhelpful we have a right to say it is unhelpful.” The minister ignores the fact that citizens, in whatever capacities, have just as much right to tell the Government what we disagree with and find unhelpful about policies that affect our lives.

Such disagreements between the governors and those governed are bound to exist. The attendant debate and their resolutions must, however, be carried out in an open manner through the mass media – not shut down with Communist-like excuses that no one understands, much less believes.

The Singapore Democrats call on the Government to stop harassing Mr Lee Kin Mun and to restore his rights as a citizen to freely express his views. It goes without saying that this can only be done if the PAP desists in its unconstitutional control of the media.

The PAP needs to catch up in its development with the rest of the Singapore.

Chee Soon Juan
Singapore Democratic Party

Monday, July 10, 2006

convert or you die...

Imagine: you are a foot soldier in a paramilitary group whose purpose is to remake America as a Christian theocracy, and establish its worldly vision of the dominion of Christ over all aspects of life. You are issued high-tech military weaponry, and instructed to engage the infidel on the streets of New York City. You are on a mission - both a religious mission and a military mission -- to convert or kill Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, gays, and anyone who advocates the separation of church and state - especially moderate, mainstream Christians. Your mission is "to conduct physical and spiritual warfare"; all who resist must be taken out with extreme prejudice. You have never felt so powerful, so driven by a purpose: you are 13 years old. You are playing a real-time strategy video game whose creators are linked to the empire of mega-church pastor Rick Warren, best selling author of The Purpose Driven Life.

This game immerses children in present-day New York City -- 500 square blocks, stretching from Wall Street to Chinatown, Greenwich Village, the United Nations headquarters, and Harlem. The game rewards children for how effectively they role play the killing of those who resist becoming a born again Christian. The game also offers players the opportunity to switch sides and fight for the army of the AntiChrist, releasing cloven-hoofed demons who feast on conservative Christians and their panicked proselytes (who taste a lot like Christian).

Is this paramilitary mission simulator for children anything other than prejudice and bigotry using religion as an organizing tool to get people in a violent frame of mind? The dialogue includes people saying, "Praise the Lord," as they blow infidels away.

~ The Purpose Driven Life Takers (Part 1)


interesting... maybe they got so fed up with ppl who wldn't convert tt they decided to kill them all, in games.
even e title of e book sounds familiar to me as i tried to recall if anyone tried to introduce me to it before.
i decided to research on the game just in case the journalist was exaggerating, & i came up with a even more detailed description of the game.

Game description

Wage a war of apocalyptic proportions in LEFT BEHIND: Eternal Forces - a real-time strategy game based upon the best-selling LEFT BEHIND book series created by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins. Join the ultimate fight of Good against Evil, commanding Tribulation Forces or the Global Community Peacekeepers, and uncover the truth about the worldwide disappearances!

· Lead the Tribulation Force from the book series , including Rayford, Chloe, Buck and Bruce against Nicolae Carpathia – the AntiChrist.

· Conduct physical & spiritual warfare : using the power of prayer to strengthen your troops in combat and wield modern military weaponry throughout the game world.

· Recover ancient scriptures and witness spectacular Angelic and Demonic activity as a direct consequence of your choices.

· Command your forces through intense battles across a breathtaking, authentic depiction of New York City .

· Control more than 30 units types - from Prayer Warrior and Hellraiser to Spies, Special Forces and Battle Tanks!

· Enjoy a robust single player experience across dozens of New York City maps in Story Mode – fighting in China Town , SoHo , Uptown and more!

· Play multiplayer games as Tribulation Force or the AntiChrist's Global Community Peacekeepers with up to eight players via LAN or over the internet!

so now we have a game tt kills all those who go against god. interestingly, a few other games of similar themes were created before but apparently sold in chirstian shops only. & they are best sellers too. as if some ppl are nt radical enough, u have games to encourage violence against those who are different. it's so ironic when u see ppl preaching abt how peaceful a religion they are & get u to join them when there are others who use violence to carry out violent activities in god's name. so why is god not stopping them? y is god allowing ppl to use religion again & again & blatently to sacrifice those who are innocent? y are these things happening?

some articles related to this game

Converting Video Games Into Instruments of God

so what msg is e game trying to send out? convert or u die?

of pins & needles....

it's horrible. to have 3 needles sticking out of ur scalp, or shld we say punctured into ur scalp. u can't move ur head or ur face muscle cus e pain is amplified & u can't squint frm e pain too cus it doesn't help with e situation.

i hate sinus. i can't use western medication cus if my sinus doesn't act up, my skin will be red & itchy & in worse situations, u'll get pus & infection & all those shit. so now i'll need to have 3 needles inserted into my scalp once a wk. now i know why patients of long term diseases get depressed easily. e pain itself makes u very drained & weak, & a thought of having to endure e pain again makes u even more drained. e medical fees doesn't come cheap either. $20 a wk adds up to $80 a month. >< & worse. i went to research on e dangers of acupunture just now & i came up with this. now i'm having a phobia of him puncturing my skull & killing me.

Hematoma may result from accidental puncture of any circulatory structure. Nerve injury can result from the accidental puncture of any nerve. Brain damage or stroke is possible with very deep needling at the base of the skull. Also rare but possible is pneumothorax from deep needling into the lung, and kidney damage from deep needling in the low back. Needling over an occult sternal foramen (an undetectable hole in the breastbone which can occur in up to 10% of people) may result in a potentially fatal haemopericardium.

ok so i'll die if he pokes me too hard.
actually i dun mind. since we all die some day. it's a matter of when, where, how etc. and doc said i'm nt a very healthy person too. like duh. weird slping hrs plus unhealthy thoughts with unhealthy lifestyle shortens my lifespan.

i'm nt bothered by death because i think of it everyday. i'm just figuring out what to do with e lifespan tt's given to me... & till now i haf not a single clue.

and i realised my blog is nt suitable for paraniod, sensitive or inquisitive readers. i shld rate it as M-18 or smthing. wait... everyone is almost 18 already rite? shit. ok R21 then. because i usually don't write names, & because i usually see a shadow of myself doing e same thing when i criticise e actions/characteristics i hate, i spend most of the time dedicating entries to tell myself to get a life & stop whining... which is a reason y i hate myself too. i'm so zi lian. i used to have a friend in my cliche called zhi lian. take out e h & pronounce it as zilian & u get zilian! amazing rite? ok shut up simin. not funny

btw, my tuition teacher was using my com to dl songs & he introduced me to this really lovely song
somehow i just love e lyrics. it makes u sad, it makes u cry.....

Micheal Buble - Home
Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone

I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

Sunday, July 09, 2006

i'm back....

taken frm my sis

here's a simple science question.

all living things may die when_________

a: they are old
b: they are killed by predators
c: they do not have enough food to survive
d: they do not have toys to play with (:

1) a only
2) a and d only
3) a, b and c only
4) a, b, c and d

and my brother just had to put option 4 as his answer.
HAHA. he's so crazy. yah. like me
he saw my invisible pen. nah. it's not exactly invisible, if not i dont know how i am supposed to use it. it has invisible ink which is visible under UV light. then he said

'you can use this to vandalise the wall!'
haha.what's the point of vandalising then. i told you he's crazy. like me.


i'm back....

frm 5 hrs on walking on high heels, wanting to look beautiful/sexy has it's price

frm fangurling with jasmine & looking at a life size KAWAIIII wabbit bag. i don't know how i became wabbit in e first place but wabbit i shall be.

frm my grandma's bday dinner where my grandma was too sick to enjoy herself, u have a divorcee sitting alone with his child who's so quiet tt u just can't help but wonder y she has to go thru all this, all my cousin who's frustrated abt e car insurance cus e car he borrowed frm my uncle got involved in a minor accident. (he made a small dent or smthing) frm aunties who commented on how sickly my sis looked & blah, basically cannot shut up type. frm playing with my niece & nephew who had fun looking at me make a fool out of myself.

i love kids, i have no idea why. i love acting stupid in front of them. i love being crazy & all high in front of them cus these are e ppl who don't make stupid judegements abt u having a screw loose & telling u to shut up. these are e ppl who appreciate u for who u are, for being entertaining to make them laugh. their face literally brighten up when u do smthing crazy, like try to do CPR on a panda bag or fascinate them with invisible ink or consipring to hide my brother's paper aeroplane under their butt or smthing like tt. though they smtimes do get out of hand when they become high & giggly but once u've set e line, it's no worries.

and i think e only ppl i can mix ard with w.o looking behind my back is these bunch of ppl. kids are just so amazing. & they make u wonder what happens to ppl & what has happened to let them become who they r today. attention seekers, backstabbers, manipulators etc etc.

smtimes i think things happen nt because fate or god or whoever arranged it, but because e conditions ard us had been conducive to letting this thing happen. it's all abt learning frm mistakes, gaining new knowledge of e possibilities of it happening & preventing it frm happening to u again. we all fall down, some get hurt more, others just grazed their knee, but for different ppl it may mean a different thing all together. a child who is over protected by his parents may cry because of a small cut but a child who is let to face this world with e support of his parents may instead bandage up e wound & prevent himself frm falling down again. it's nt just why did it have to be me but rather what can i do to prevent myself frm being a victim again.

a victim is nt a person who has suffered frm smthing traumatising but rather someone who is unable to recover frm e trauma.

it's always heartening to see ppl move on or make a significant progress in life but i guess it also means tt e relationship with him has to change too. some u just distance urself away, some u continue to be friends with. it's interpersonal skills maybe but i guess i've learnt tt relationships changes & u have to be e one enforcing it insted of letting it be forced onto u.

i've decided nt to pray for my grandma anymore, but rather to do what is within my means to at least let her know tt she had a grandchild who love & respected her. this is what i can do, & what i will do....


i received a sms recently & i just wanted to say, to whoever who gave my phone number to this person called priscilla frm some god damn it church & told her abt me or even asked her to get me & my sis to go to church. fuck u. i don't care if ur bloody father approves or nt, i have only 1 father with a bushy mustache & looks very handsome so i'm nt interested in any other fuckers trying to mess ard with my head or my sis's head. if u dun haf enuff members, it's ur problem, nt mine so dun screw with me & invite me to ur bloody church cus i'm nt interested in u or ur father okay? screw u whoever u are for giving my number to some unknown sissy. if i find out who u r, i'll screw u so bad tt u can even forget abt going home cus i'll dump ur corpse in a drain or smthing.

i tell u i'm nt in e best of moods now adays to have anything to do with religion. any religion. i am a atheist & i bloody hell will die a atheist. if god wants to convert me to his loving arms or wadever, tt's his problem with me, i dun need a middle man to pass his msges to me if he's all so powerful. i can't be bothered if i get hate msges frm christ lovers & stuff cus if ur god's so powerful tt i haf to cower under his almightyness, or if he's a mr know all, i've probably have converted to christianity long ago w/o ppl asking me to attend church activities. i'll understand if close frens wanna share but if u're nt close, den dun pretend u're close cus i dun appreciate u screwing ard. fuck u.

i apologise if anyone is offended but if sm ppl have skins so thick & skulls so impenetrable tt e use of threat & vulgarites is necessary to get e msg across, then by all means i'll fling all e fuck at u. i am pissed so u better dun screw ard with me when i'm in a worse of moods. thank u for ur coorporation & srry for any inconvenience caused.

Friday, July 07, 2006

a little more selfish, a little less selfless...

i don't think i've changed much

i think i've changed much

i think i know alot

i don't think i know alot

these questions, tt i've been asking myself since... let's see, 2005?

i'm losing track of time already. it seemed like yesterday since i entered jc, & it seemed like i was stuck in jc forever. time passes slow as i have to deal with hypocrites backstabbers & manipulators. sometimes i wonder if ppl who are extremely naive survive through all this.... or maybe i'm the naive one too.

i waste 90% of my time thinking how much i've changed since 2005. it's nt tt i wanna praise myself, i just wanna know my progress, how much have i changed? for e better? for e worse? how much more can i change? am i still as emotional? am i still very selfish?

somehow, along the way, looking at ppl's blogpost, i've refused to give comments, because i simply feel tt i've lost e right to comment. i've lost interest in reading abt other ppl's rant abt thier life, their discoveries, their fears... u're right, i don't care as much as before. looking back i realised how much 1 incident has changed me & e way i look at myself for helping ppl. i didn't realise it. i was hurt maybe, for a couple of days when i realise i was so naive & stupid to think tt ppl will be there for u when u go all out to help them & tell them they are loved. that ppl won't backstab u when u trying to hold on desperately to ur life & stay afloat while at e same time trying to help ppl stay afloat as well. tt was when i decided u live in this world to make urself happy, nt to make others happy so tt u will be happy. no one lives for u. no one in this world is selfless so forget abt trying to act like one.

ppl didn't realise how much tt meant to me, & i didn't realise how much it mean to me too. & u expect me to tell u what happened when i didn't even know what exactly went wrong. & u promised to be there. rite... or maybe i'm just being selfish again, blaming everyone for my mistakes...

maybe i'm just making a moutain out of a molehill, i always do tt don't i? i'm just nt resilent enough to be manipulated. forget it honestly, why shld i help ppl for? to let them backstab me? to let them step on me? why shld i do this to myself, let myself suffer in silence? honestly, i don't know. hahahhahah

maybe i shld change my blog add so tt ppl don't read this depressing post & think i'm at it again, teenage angst. there is no perfect friend... honestly. i shld just forget abt finding one. because friends are humans & humans are flawed. so honestly, i think i'm happy with what i have. i'm happy to have a bunch of ppl to laugh & go all out to do crazy things. i'm happy to be accepted by a minority as who i am even though they know tt there is more to it then e surface. i'm happy to have ppl to confide in, to have ppl to tell me it's ok. i'm just nt happy with how i'm looking at & dealing with all these stuff.

if i told u i have this intense hatred for something tt it cannot be explained & it cannot be solved. wld u believe me?

life goes on, & it's only gonna make me strong...

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

this is my reason...

let me educate u on my experience with religion.

ok i'm just bored so i will just educate myself. u dun haf to read it. hurhur

my 1st contact with "real" religion was in my pri sch. i rmbered clearly tt my best friend forgot to get her parents to sign her spelling bk so she started to panic & asked us : "how?"
we comforted her, saying let's hope tt e teacher doesn't check e spelling bk today. then she started praying very hard to her god tt e teacher will forget. when e teacher came in, we had to stand up to greet e teacher. she was like :" harr, but my prayers won't work if i stand up to pray." i rmb saying smthing stupid like u just continue praying while we try to cover u up. (rmb we were still young @_@) tt was my first encounter with ppl prayin to their god (which is different frm my usual idea of getting incense to pray to ur ancestors.)

e 2nd encounter wasn't what u would call a pleasant one.
my p5/6 form teacher is a christian & he wld always subtly hint to us tt he had put a few bks in our class library abt christ & stuff & wld encourage us to read it. he wld also let us watch movies abt jesus christ & stuff but we weren't very put off cus no body bothered to read e bks he left in e library & we wld rather watch movies then study so it was kinda ok. however, we began to see notices being put up once a fortnight on our form teacher's metal cupboard to congratulate a fellow classmate for accepting christ. apparently, my form teacher & one of my classmate who is a pious christian started sharin their god &amp;amp; getting ppl to go to church & converting ppl. me & my frens weren't very pleased, with e irritating presence of e notices, e wording of e notices & e fact tt u haf classmates ard u trying to convert ppl pissed us of tremendously. my fren attacked tt classmate saying smthing like :" why? u all don't have enough christians arh? "

so yar, my first contact with christianity wasn't a very gd one & since then i became a anti-christian. however, some part of me still felt tt there was a higher being up there. when i was sec sch, i got a new prespective of religion when a actor in a show said smthing like, the reason y we pray is nt to e higher being up there but because there's a god in every one of us. our desires, our hopes & everything else lies within us & these r the things tt we pray for.

somehow tt sentence has affected the way i look @ religion, even till today. athetism to most ppl may seem like a very extreme view since it condemns all religion & even denies the existence of miracles, a higher being & all e unexplained happenings tt can only be justified as e presence of a higher being. most ppl who've learnt of my beliefs have asked me to tone down my views & be receptive to things tt cannot be explained by science alone. my sis got e same reaction frm her friends, & even though she's nt as extreme as me, she still gets bks & notes frm her friends saying they'll pray for her, hoping someday she'll come to accept god's love.

i don't think by being an atheist, i'm losing out in anyway, nor am i afraid of god's warth or going to hell because these things are just simply nt within our control. i believe in e present & e things we can achieve in e present. i believe in working hard & getting what we want by our own efforts.

i don't think being an atheist justifies me the right to condemn religion because to condemn religion wld be to disrespect e beliefs of others. being an atheist doesn't mean i'm allergic to e bible or e quran. i will still read it & learn their values at my own pace & i do nt deny tt i've learnt much frm e beliefs of various religions. being an atheist doesn't mean i will nt discuss religion with anyone but rather i cannot understand ppl who cannot accept me as much as i try to accept their religion & them as they are. as much as they wish to ask me y i don't believe in any god, i too have this urge to ask them why can't they accept the fact tt there is no god.

let me define my view on atheism.
atheism to me is not a religion, it is a set of unrestricted beliefs which i am free to expand on & to make my own rules & regulations. atheism is a belief which is a result of my observations of life, an accumulation of my experiences dealing with different things & the lessons i've learnt. it is nt smthing tt i believe in w/o any rhyme or reason, nt smthing tt i follow in without any justifications. atheism is constantly reasoning & questioning & justifying it with science, reason & experience.

i believe tt miracles r possible nt because of a higher being but e simple belief in onself & his potential to achieve what others deem as impossible. it is sheer will, resilience & strong belief in what u can achieve in tt pushes u to do things which ppl wld call miracles. i see it as the mind, and i believe in the infinte possibilities of the mind & it's capabilities. i do nt believe in heaven & hell, sin or guilt, e ideas in which others propagate to be right or wrong because it cannot convince me & thus i see no reason to believe in it or follow it. i do pray but nt to e higher being but to reaffirm my goals & aims in life, to remind myself of what i really want & get myself to achieve it. i do nt believe tt god answers our prayers. i only believe tt we can answer these prayers ourself.

so if there is a god, it is a form taken after our desires, hopes & dreams. this is my god. can u accept it?

Tuesday, July 04, 2006


so now u have another ***-loving companion whom u can cofide ur troubles in. welcome to the we love *** club where we talk abt everything under the sun that *** has given us. meanwhile we will try to ************ anyone who doesn't seem to agree with us or maybe we'll just use peer-pressure to force *** onto her. then we will have more ppl joining the ***y club rite?

singgers at this ignorant bunch of shitheads. dun look at me, i'm nt talking abt u. u love urself too much to even think tt ppl haf e nerve to critise u & ur ***. u wanna play hide & seek with me? i'd love playing it with u too.

u know what, i pity ur ***, i pity u too. i don't care if pity means to look down on ppl cus i am & i won't deny tt this is how i've been looking at u.

frm ur all so lovely god damn it bloody hell "friend"

Monday, July 03, 2006

things to look forward on liberation day 5/7/2006 immediately after 11pm

1. tie ur papers up & heave a sigh of relief & dispair because u noe u're gonna flunk oh so badly but tt comes later.

2. pack my bag, leave e bloody cold hall & head towards tampiness

3. get a new pair of shoes, hopefully cheap & nice

4. source for inspiration

5. wait till 3 plus for my darlings to arrive so tt we can spend time together & chill out.

6. go out with jas on sat & look for more inspiration.

7. clear my dvd stuff & organize my computer folders.

I AM DATING JULIA & MELISSA! what can be a better day then that? HUH?
i haven seen that cat for a year? very very long time. I MISS THEM LIKE SHIT... ok nt shit but yeah... alot

and damn it nthing is going into my brains. tt small tiny fat brain of my is rendered useless!!!!




I thought that I strayed in a dream...

Arwen: Do you remember the time that first we met?

Renich i lu i erui govannem?

Aragorn: I thought that I strayed in a dream.

Nauthannem i ned ol reniannen.

Arwen: Departed are the long years . . . you did not have the woes that you now bear.

Gwenwin in enninath . . . u-arnech in naeth I si celich.

Aragorn: Do you remember the word that I said?

Renich i beth i pennen?

irreversible - time destroys everything

haha some trivia & stuff i guess. it makes u wonder if i director did e movie as a form of artistic expression or to attract controversy over those graphically intense scene where u have ppl bashing up skulls with a fire extinguisher & another person being raped for quite a while. ok tt sounds wrong but as for e controversy part, i guess it worked cus i was curious to find out what actually happened that made it such a hoo-haa to movie goers.

"Irreversible"'s graphic violence and flinch-inducing rape scene (eight minutes, uncut) made headlines when the film premiered in Cannes last May, with reports of audience members fainting, throwing up, or just plain walking out.

The French DVD release proudly proclaims in the blurb on the back that of 2,400 people at the film's Cannes premiere, 200 walked out.

The first 30 minutes of the film has a background noise with a frequency of 28Hz (low frequency, almost inaudible), similar to the noise produced by an earthquake. In humans, it causes nausea, sickness and vertigo. It was the main cause of people walking out of the theaters during the first part of the film in places like Cannes and San Sebastian. In fact, it was added with the purpose of getting this reaction.


Cannes film sickens audience

One of the last films to be screened at this year's Cannes Film Festival proved so shocking that 250 people walked out, some needing medical attention.

Irreversible, directed by Franco-Argentinian director Gaspar Noe, describes a woman's rape and her boyfriend's bloody quest for revenge.

Fire wardens had to administer oxygen to 20 people who fainted during the film - which includes a 10-minute depiction of sodomy and also contains graphic scenes of rape and murder.

The film has received mixed reviews from critics, but those remaining in the audience at the end of the early Saturday morning screening gave it a five-minute standing ovation.

Italian actress Monica Bellucci, whose character is raped and beaten in the film, said it was good to let people feel a range of emotions.

"This is a film that people love or they hate, but it's good to have these kind of extremes," she said.

'Sick' and 'gratuitous'

Critics had walked out of Thursday's screening of Irreversible, describing it as "sick" and "gratuitous".

Fire brigade spokesman Lieutenant Gerard Courtel said: "In 25 years in my job I've never seen this at the Cannes festival."

Even Monica Bellucci admits she cannot watch some of the scenes without looking away.

Before playing the part, she watched films such as The Accused and Deliverance to toughen herself up.

Ms Bellucci insists that her father, who was at the premiere, enjoyed it.

"It was hard for him to watch, but he loved it," she said.

The film has also gained praise from critics impressed with its artistry, clever camera work and unrelenting examination of the pure anger that drives revenge.

Now the eight-person jury - which includes US director David Lynch and actress Sharon Stone - must mull over their choices for the coveted prize for best film, which will be bestowed late on Sunday in a glittering ceremony.

Irreversible was among the last 22 films to be shown in this years' Cannes Film Festival.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything." - Friedrich Nietzsche

life is a continuous cycle & a conscious effort on our part of renewing relationships with ppl so tt at e end of e day we may nt lament on how relationships have soured or gone to waste.

but smtimes ppl do change, gradually or maybe drastically till the point where u can't recognise them anymore, & u wonder to urself... is this the person i've known?

my sis told me abt her friend, who now shares a close relationship with god & is on a much better terms with her mother. they used to be best friends, now they've drifted so far apart. as long as she's happy, then i'm happy for her too. maybe i've felt the same way too.

blind obsessions...
what is true happiness... i still do nt know

i watch these ppl who are happy & contented with the love they have immerse themselves in
and all i can feel is fear & sadness
fear tt this illusion may end & sadness that they have chosen to blind themselves to reality & have forsaken true strength to make it thru the rain

i can only hope tt somewhere along the way when they fall, i will be there to help them up again. that somewhere along the way where their dreams shatter & they believe in nothing anymore, i will be able to show them what is real. and while this happiness & love last, that they will be happy & nthing will come in to shatter the dream & illusion they fought so hard to create & believe in.

maybe true happiness comes frm nt just e feeling or e act of smiling. but rather frm a firm belief & a whole lot of confidence, that the things ard u are real & will nt under any circumstances prove to be just a illusion. that u will then smile frm ur heart, & move on forward with confidence tt this things will nt come to pass if u shld cease to believe in anything anymore.

these are the things that will be real. these are the things which u will think of when u speak of a happiness that is real & true.
somethings just happen at random, & out of curiousity u're changed for ever

i'm nuts seriously, instead of studying i go ard doing stuff that traumatises myself

in case u don't know

i love playing with fire...

i'm nt making any sense.

tt's why they say curiousity kills the cat... i just wanted to do smthing to challenge myself but smtimes things go abit wrong

haha... gawd.

i think i'm going crazy

make them go away...

hahahaha. wad da hell

tell me how do i describe....

fear, depression, fear, fear, fear, fear, depression, fear, fear, fear

try watching a rape scene for a good 9 mins...

haha. i ought to be shot.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

this is good! lol! i got it frm zhixin's blog.

~~~Cyril Takayama is a Japanese American illusionist, born and raised in Hollywood, California. He is perhaps best known for his street magic performances. His father is of Okinawan descent, while his mother is French-Moroccan.

more information abt him here