Friday, March 30, 2007
did i tell u how much i love kids? i love laughing along together with them, i love playing their stupid little games like chasing them around e playgrd (yes and apparently i'm e only teacher crazy enuff to do tt) or classroom, or just playing scissors paper stone with them, if they win, they get to go to the toilet or drink water XD and because of this, they love to go to the toilet now cus they get to play scissors paper stone with me. *dies*
now i find myself going to bookshops to buy or paying closer attention to kawaii stickers, cute notepads, pink cartoon pencil boxes, or power ranger or pokemon kraks. yes kraks. it's this stupid plastic round plastic circles tt kids have so much fun playing o.o
it's so weird to go back to childhood again, yet for now i'm just having lots of fun with e kids. XD
i realise how impt it is to always live for e moment & nvr look back. i know tt even though i'm hanging on to alot of regrets right now, there's alot of joy to be found in everyday life to actually burden myself with fear.
maybe in e near future, i might just be a unemployed apathetic youth sitting in e middle of orchard rd wasting my life away, i might some ah lian because i might too depressed tt i got into nowhere. but tt doesn't really matter now does it?
i am happy for now, going out with friends, bitching, gossiping, eating ajisen, saving up for salmon buffet....
i want to live simply because i'm living. i am alive, i am real. right here, right now.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
but hey, at least i'm nt falling asleep during staff contact now since sweet ms goh is sitting beside me & keeping me awake with her laughter. i used to just drop dead during e meeting even if i'm sitting diagonally in front of the principal. i mean it was that
and now when i'm trying to recall what we did for staff contact today, i vaguely rmb sparkling apple juice, some grapes and sandwiches being passed around. as for what really happened, i think my brain sort of automatically blocked e information out...
* tries hard to recall *
a teacher will be following me around this few wks to observe me so tt she can take over my job when i leave. she's giving me alot of stress.
let me count the ways
1. i don't follow the timetable. i teach maths during eng, ss & health education periods. (which is surprising considering how i detested this slimy subject) i teach english during maths period.
2. i bully/scold students, so i hate teachers to be actually around when i bully/scold them.
3. i don't go by the book when i'm teaching. meaning, i print my own worksheets, i give them homework which by right i'm nt supposed to do. so when i'm doing something illegal, i don't really like anyone around to catch me red handed.
4. i am not a model to learn from. i make alot of mistakes, in fact, i'm still learning! how can i expect someone to follow me around when i'm still learning?
5. i speak singlish to the students. which is highly unacceptable. but i realised tt when i start speaking perfect english to them, i sound like a nutcase and they don't understand nutcases. so i'm going to leave a very bad impression to the teacher cus i'm weird.
lol am i even making sense for e 5th point? i guess nt. i still have nus application.
honestly, i'm just banging everything on ntu and nie. i can't choose engineering just to get a degree cus either way, doing smthing tt i total have no idea and no passion will kill me.
hongyi e genius teacher who walks around the sch to get paid 65 bucks a month while we slog our guts out will be leaving. hahahaha XD i'll miss having him ard.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
if i had special powers
i would like to be able to...
be invisible and ppl can't see me so i can eat the biscuits not with my hands and if i wear my cap, people only can see my cap. and, shoes so i touch, peoples hand they can feel me and i go to the stage and sing the people only hear my voice than all the people in front of me say magic than all the people say cool!
extract frm my student's journal.
i love their english XD
1. to see snow in singapore
2. to see sunflower fields
3. to see sakura trees
3. to see a sky full of stars
2.to have a bf (strictly with e guys below only)
3.The Lord of the Rings Trilogy: Theatrical and Extended Limited Edition DVD
sale price: US$59.85
ahahaha, i guess i better stick with e simplicities of life XD
here's a toast to e things i will nt have, sayonara ~
" i wldn't even wait for him to open his mouth, i'll just point to u & pretend i dun noe u *snorts*"
i told my students tt i'll be having test tml
"good luck ms yeo!" shouted e enthusiastic one
"ms yeo u nt student still need to take test ah" screamed e ask stupid questions one
"ms yeo wad if u fail? " -_-||
later tt kid called me after sch & said: " ms yeo, when e results come out must tell me okay?"
lol, there's a reason i why i love them so much. they really really do make my day.
meanwhile, all e best for my test *trots off to slp*
Friday, March 23, 2007
by right, i'm nt supposed to print wksheets out frm e assessment book because of copyright issues.
by right, teachers are supposed to have at least a few free periods a day "to stay sane"
by right, relief teachers do nt have to plan lessons
by left, all of these are nt followed. i feel so drained after working 5.5 hrs straight trying to resolve kids' complaints of he kick my private part, he push me, she copy my work etc etc. it is so stupid tt it makes u wanna laugh and tell them how stupid & ku-ku brained they are. almost all my free periods are taken up for relieving classes.
i just talked to my mini p abt e child who's very weak in class & is very behind time. she told me tt because by right this system is supposed to work, i cannot keep e child back for remedial.
so because of your stupid by rights, this child will be left behind... e pdt of all so noble education system
Thursday, March 22, 2007
maybe it's just another fictional me created online, maybe it's what i'm known as when i blog, aka e weaker side of me which makes me feel vulnerable when it is actually being"called" into e real world.
~dixitque Deus fiat lux et facta est lux~
just what is good for e child? teach less learn more? i mean seriously, when their foundations are weak, how do u teach less? how do they even explore if they have no basic knowledge to begin with?
true, we may have been so accustomed to drilling of information since young, the memorizing of tenses, the memorizing of comparative adjectives, yet these are e things which built e foundation of a child.
how can we even trust a p2 child to do independent learning? how do they even learn in a classroom without walls? so what if e classroom is more spacious? it's even more tiring for e teacher to shout across 3 classrooms, it's even more tiring for e teacher to teach a class when e other 2 classes are making noise. a child cannot focus on his own and cannot be left to his devices because they have yet to reach the stage where they can analyse what is good or bad for their future, or rationing which shld come first, work or play. even i cannot do tt smtimes o.o
and in e end, there'll always be a child left behind, with his fate left there to be judged by others despite his tender age. it's like we can already picture a future for him, bleak & hopeless, just striving for self survival. they do nt learn, cannot learn & they refuse to learn. they are nt allowerd to repeat sch, just move forward with e flow & hopefully just get out of e system and survive in e society.
pray just let us go back to our old ways for e better of the children.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
- Simin was banned from Finland because of not wearing pants!
- Simin was originally green, and actually contained cocaine.
- Simin was declared extinct in 1902.
- Tradition allows women to propose to Simin only during leap years.
- Simin once came third in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest.
- Simin is the world's largest rodent!
- There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat Simin, though it may feel uncomfortable.
- If you drop Simin from more than three metres above ground level, she will always land feet-first.
- Originally, Simin could not fly.
- Simin will often rub up against people to lay her scent and mark her territory!
u can feed my fishie but don't overfeed them pls. hahahaha
with every emotional outburst comes calm & peace. maybe for a while, at least now my emotional burden is nt bothering me as much..
nthing much in life now, except for e upcoming CL proficiency test.
maybe for each of us, our lives revolve ard these simple yet central things, things tt are impt to us, things tt are irreplaceable. yet mine seems to be revolving only ard e issue of trust, how much to trust, how nt to trust. it seems like i'm getting pretty much paranoid again if my confidence lvl goes to an extreme low, getting depressed & emotional & all e rubbish of sorts. haha get tired of me babe. XD
what do we live for? & what if e thing tt u've been living for suddenly vanishes frm ur world? wld u then be just an empty shell? how strong are u against emptiness, how well can you stand loneliness?
when all else fails, what is really left of e person is what is e person is truly made up of. we have nthing else to hide & these are our only weapons left for defence.
and when we do have "everything", do u live for e fleeting moment of happiness? or do u trust in blind faith, moving forward & only deciding what u shld do when the fleeting moment is gone? how long can u live with self delusion? yet if wad u need is just this feelings to fill up e empty u, isit wrong to even enjoy what is given & face e consequences later? isn't this still happiness?
when someone tells u to be strong, how do u exactly "be strong"? isit just a simple change in attitude where u become a optimist? or isit something more. what if u're nt made to be strong? what if u were nvr taught to be strong?
what is failure to all of us? what is failure to me?
Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
is highly shittified. is stupid & irritated.
stupidstupidstupid. i have minutes nt done, ntu and nus crap nt submitted, i have tons of work nt marked & i just feel like dying.
and i know my blog is making u depressed so u can dun read it if u want to.
and maybe if u start realising how abnormal everyone is, u'll just feel like u nt being part of e world doesn't make much of a difference.
everyone was giving me tt so pitiful look. or maybe i was being paranoid. blood blood blood
wad is e so much i can do? i hate u calling me a failure, i hate u insinuating things. ahaahaha
i'm just tired, dead tired, brain dead. sorry
Sunday, March 18, 2007
& e reason y i'm nt telling u anything is because we're just lacking in smthing. trust. obviously, u're quite ignorant of tt & and blissfully living in a self dellusional relationship which i by all means am nt willing to commit. i've been betrayed too many times to trust ppl. trusting ppl makes me feel sick. & i'm perfectly fine living as a loner. i'm paranoid. wadever.
& just because we beliefs lie in different directions doens't mean i've never believed in u. it's always more of how u nvr believed me to let me into wad u saw & yet let urself into my world.
i dun noe y i'm writing random stuff. & my recent entries have been very vulgar.
my brain hasn't been thinking. bwahaha. maybe everything will just settle down after may. hopefully. meanwhile, i'm just looking forward to e special day which can cheer me up.
teaching kids have made me understand y ppl are behaving this way & why they won't change despite knowingly or unknowingly irritating alot of ppl. it has given me so much patience & love, & less anger towards ppl whom i was unable to accept in e past. yet, kh e birdbrain will remain e only exception.
is random & gibberish again. take care peeps.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
my mum hasn't been of much help, she's been menopausing, living in her own world, worrying abt my dad, being emotional as usual. and i just can't put forward to her tt i need help, cus she'll start ranting abt how i've wasted my life away, how i've wasted all her precious money away in tuition since primary sch to get nothing. oh fine u bastard.
i don't care if frens admire me or are jealous tt i've a so much better family than them. so what? wad's e point of comparing? can we change? can we even do anything? my mum was e one who told to remind her of her weakness, and then when i do remind her, she just continues like she's this bastard who can't ctrl anything but her tears. i noe she's nt all tt bad, but it really gets on my nerves.
i'm too self absorbed in my own world, thinking of my own pain or sorrows to even care abt how e others are doing, to even bother. i'm just sick and tired of every shit thing tt is breathing.
anyway, i'm happily enjoying life as a bimbo, ugly bimbo shit. buying nice clothes, painting nails, buying earrings like i've 10 earholes. bah bah black sheep. randomness.
i know tt no one can give me an ans, & no one can direct me as to what moves i shld make. even if they do, i'm still e one who has to decide even though it may nt be e best for me. i've been dreaming alot abt religion lately...
i really hope tt everyone is ok. it's just tt right now, i don't how to ask if u're ok because it feels all weird inside when they start talking abt their future plans, and i'm really sick of telling everyone how i am because i don't know. i really don't know.
and i'm just ranting as usual because it's e only way i can let go...
Friday, March 16, 2007
found this video clip while i was looking for smthing else. it's kinda funny XD
some bg info abt e clip by e author.
A clip of a skit from TBS's Warai no Saiten Match 2005. Mimura Masakazu from Summers and Tanaka Naoki from Cocorico are in a sketch about a man who sees a fight. Out of the eight competing teams from various comedy teams, this sketch was selected as the grand prize winner.
I subtitled it for educational, testing purposes regerding the receptablity of a non-culturally acclimatized audience versus an acclimatized audience to various types of subtitled humor.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
she is my da yi ma. XD she lost her husband to a car accident after being married to him for a year. at that time, my cousin was only a year old while the other cousin wasn't even born yet.
she's hip and she was one of e first aunties to get her hair dyed. i rmb there was once where we went to carrefour together where she followed me and my sis to the CD section. she took up e ear phone and put it to her ears, shaking her body slightly to e music. after a while, she took off e earphones and passed it to me and my sis. "wah, very hot leh", she said, referring to the music tt she was listening to. curious, i put on the earphones, expecting it to be canto pop oldie. if i didn't rmb wrongly, it was a1's newest song, take on me. i rmb liking her alot after tt. XD
somehow i've lived through e first 2 wks feeling void, feeling like nthing has happened, or mostly feeling hopeful. ppl want me to take care, ppl want me to live strong but i guess whatever happenes, it is only ur own strength that will pull u thru, and maybe just prepare urself for wadever will come. i am preparing for the best, but have yet to prepared for the worst...
maybe ur gp will pull ur thru, maybe u'll be lucky this year. haha, who knows, who knows. somehow once in a while when ppl pop in on msn just to ask what is my As, i just feel like a piece of shit, flaunting my results as if nthing has happened. or maybe i'm supposed to act all sad and unwilling to say my results. or maybe...
or maybe i'm just retarded.
some ppl have lived through lives as cynics, believing tt no one is altruistic, believing tt no one will be there. i don't know, but somehow this has taught me how impt friends are to me, those who go all out to tell me i'll do fine, those who go out to me & tell me i'll live thru this. maybe i will... maybe i just will.
it amazes me to no end, on how moronic games can keep me fascinated with their idiocy for such a long time.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
i wld like to believe tt i'm changed, tt i'm no longer as selfish as before, tt i'm no longer as weak as before, tt i'm no longer a attention seeker.
i wld like to believe tt i've grown, from all e tears, fears, phobias of interacting with ppl, tt i've learnt to accept ppl as who they are, nt what they used to be.
for now, i wld just like to believe tt i'm happy.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
and i wanted to reward myself for being able to buy 2 pieces of clothing because i actually have a phobia of buying clothes. maybe it's because i tore a cheongsum last time when i was trying it in the fitting room(i was very fat last time ok?? nt my fault...) so yar, i just threw a cheongsum in e fitting room & ran out of e shopping centre. so yar, i do have a phobia shopping for clothes.
so rite, i'm now on a shopping spree....
*is dead tired*
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Monday, March 05, 2007
or maybe i'm just bitter & all, nt understanding why it has to turn out this way, or maybe why i'm treated like i've just failed & lost my "whole bright future" with me when i'm expected to perform e best, if nt second best to my cousins who got themselves into ntu/nus. so right, they didn't have to tell me tt i've failed, they didn't even have to bother to label because i wld have willingly taken up tt label anyway.
so life goes on, & i continue my wait, for e final journey... to nowhere.
they tot she's weird, they tot she was strong. or so i heard. heh.
i woke up on sat thinking tt it was all a dream, & then tot of e different ways i cld die, & then wished i was dead.
i woke up on sunday feeling like a piece of crap, i wanted nthing, i wanted everything to go away, but i just had to drag myself to some fest & live life like i've won a million bucks & supposed to feel happy cus "there were others who did worse".
so by comparing i am expected to feel better. i am expected to...
i don't know.
just apply, just apply, just apply, don't wait, don't hesitate. u don't have much of a choice.
u shld have gone to work, u cldn't be trusted to be independent, u're worthless, u have disappointed me, u've wasted all my tuition fees on u, u cannot study, what more do u want me to say? wad is real wad is nt.
i can't even trust myself to study anymore, since i might just flunk it anyway. bwahaha.
so everyone is telling me to stand up & move on. i'm moving, i'm moving. just tt it hurts alot, no matter how hard i try to tell myself it's ok, it hurts alot. i'm sorry am i nt supposed to say tt? hahaha. i'm srry, i feel very happy then.
and wad's e purpose of this entry? to gain sympathy? to get ppl to comfort me? to move on? i don't know. hahahahaha.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
If you didn't get the grades you wanted in your A-levels, chances are you feel like it's the end of the world, especially if all your friends passed and your parents have gone ballistic.
It might help to know that all kinds of people who have made a success of their lives didn't excel in their exams the first time round, so it doesn't have to be all doom and despair. There are still several avenues for you to explore, so think about all of them. The most important thing to remember is that you should avoid making hasty decisions. Don't get panicked into making an unsuitable choice; sometimes it's better to take time off and get it right, rather than settle for second best.
What can I do?
Start by having a very honest chat with your teachers and your careers officer, to work out why you didn't get the grades you wanted. If you were ill, panicked in the exam, or just didn't work hard enough, you might wish to consider resits. If you don't stand much chance of improving your grades, it's time to look at Clearing, other qualifications, or the world of work. You might even want to take a break from education while you consider what you want to do with your life. Here's the lowdown on the lot:
You can resit A-level exams in January or in the summer. A-levels can often be re-taken at your old school, minimising any upheaval by staying in a familiar environment. You may wish to go to a sixth form college or further education college instead. If you can afford to pay, you might want to consider going to an independent tutorial college (a 'crammer') for one year to improve your grades.
If you wanted to go to university or college, but didn't get the grades, it may still be possible to find a similar course with lower entry requirements. This is known as the Clearing process, and is used by 25% of all students. There will be loads of places advertised in the next few weeks, so look for courses listed in the newspapers or visit these websites: UCAS (Scottish places here) and ECCTIS.
- Alternative qualifications
Study for GNVQs, BTECs, or NVQs, or train with modern apprenticeships, City and Guilds, London Chamber of Commerce, or OCR (formerly RSA). Contact your local Careers Service or Training Enterprise Council. As well as being recognised in many kinds of employment, some BTECs and GNVQs can be accepted by admissions officers to get you into university.
- Gap year
Take some time out to work, travel, teach, learn a new language, or volunteer. More information can be found on TheSite. Also check out http://www.gapyear.com/ for more advice and information.
- Get a job
This will allow you to get some cash coming in while you decide on your next move. You may even want to consider it as the first rung on your career ladder. Look through our Getting a job and Workers' rights sections for some more ideas.
Things don't always go to plan in life, but the important thing is to not let it get you down too much, and find a find a positive way to deal with the situation. Just because you failed some exams doesn't mean that you are a failure as a person.