Tuesday, June 28, 2005

dare to love dare to hate

if u're nt aware, my motto for life is dare to love, dare to hate

i am overwhelmed with hatred & digust due to some incorrgible blind monkeys & assholes who has morals but uses it in the wrong the worst situations & this is made worse by them trying to sound impressive & knowledgeble & fair when in fact, they are worse than what they truly claim to be. upholders of moral rights u can go KISS MY ASS because i HATE U & if i ever am to find out who the hell u are, u are going to pay!

the controversy started because of a msn conversion was posted online w/o the authorisation of the people involved. i admit tt it is a betrayal of trust when one paste conversations online but looking at circle & what he did, i wonder if he deserves this kind of trust & respect.. why shld a hypocrite be respected when he doesn't respect others by relieving himself of a leadership position immediately w/o giving relevant pple involved any notice. who does he think he is to have such authority? did he even respect the president? NO! he treated this CCA as a refuge where he supposedly could show off his talent (& in my opinion, he had none whatsoever) & bring greater heights to RP. however, his "noble" aspirations where nt fulfilled when he was not appointed e president, now he quits saying tt he had sooooooo many other commitements till he will just die under the wrkload & he is MR ALL SO BUSY YAR RITE tt he is tooooooooo busy to even tell others ppl before hand of his resignation tt he has to do it on a last min basis. did hitler teach u tt blitzking attack?

if these shit heads wanna aruge with me, i'm fine with it. call me biased but anyone who goes against my friend because of a stupid reason & a insignificant shapeless shape is definitely out of his mind & i will definitely stand up for my friend. if u call tt biased, then i'd say tt biaseness in judegment because of a friend is definitely worth it because friendships mean more to me than anything else.

~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

this entry ends abruptly... cldn't be bothered to continue since the anger isn't there anymore....
oh well... byebye

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Atheist Quotes

i think there's smthing wrong with my com... i wrote quite alot of stuff but it sort of disappeared when i tried to highlight it... the recover post doesn't help...
so here i am... an atheist.. or maybe that's what i think i am for the time being. beats being a free thinker cus i think it makes me feel apathetic..
me & weilian talked bout religion... more specifically christianity & i started thinking bout religion & how it has affected e ppl ard me.. & am surprised & still puzzeled @ the profound effects it has on us... the support it gives, how it can juz save ppl frm depression...
maybe it's just an alternative to being alone... for me i think it's smthing that i hold on to when i feel lost... everyone has their own judgement bout relgion, their own skeptism, own fears & believes. but i guess e most impt tt matters is whether one is truly happy in what ever u do. no fear, no doubt.. so the most similar term i found for this judgement - atheist...

my general distaste for christians come frm e fact tt christians promote their faith... i once condemned a diarist for leaving a note in my opendiary saying god loves me. so what if he does or doesn't? towards religion my feeling is tt of apathetic youths towards politics. i didn't regret what i said to her, & i nvr will... though i've found an explanation for my doubts, my attitude towards any religion doesn't change. i dun trust it & i dun believe in it.

* an appeal to all christians who read this, pls do nt be offended by the content below, thanks*
What Is an agnostic?
An agnostic thinks it impossible 2 knw e truth in matters such as God & e future life with which Christianity & other religions r concerned. Or, if nt impossible, @ least impossible @ e present time.

One who disbelieves or denies e existence of a God, or supreme intelligent Being.
A godless person.

Atheist and Agnostic Quotes
quotes frm http://www.math.unl.edu/~augustyn/godisdead.html

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." - - Stephen Roberts

"Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer." - - anonymous

Frisbeetarianism, n.:The belief that when you die, your soul goes upon e roof & gets stuck.

God is real, unless declared integer.

"The only difference between God & Adolf Hitler is tt God is more proficient at genocide."

Humanity's first sin was faith; the first virtue was doubt.

It seems odd that those who scoff at sun worshippers are apt to worship a vacuum

"People whose history & future were threatened each day by extinction considered tt it was only by divine intervention tt they were able to live @ all. I find it interesting tt e meanest life, e poorest existence, is attributed to God's will, but as human being become more affluent, as their living standard & style begin to ascend e material scale, God descends e scale of respectability @ a commensurate speed."[Maya Angelou, "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings", p. 101]

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish

God: The Immutable Chameleon; whenever e need is felt by one of his followers, He obligingly recreates himself to suit e occasion

more quotes frm http://www.animalliberationfront.com/Philosophy/Religion/Atheist%20Quotes.htm

Quotes of Reason -- in favor of atheism

"My spell-checker lacks the wrd 'creationism' in its dictionary, so each time tt word is encountered, an alternative pops up @ e bottom of my screen, 'cretinism'" E.T. Babinski

"An Atheist believes tt a hospital shld be built instead of a church. An Atheist believes tt deed must b done instead of a prayer said. An Atheist strives for involvement in life & nt escape into death. He wants disease conquered, poverty vanished, war eliminated." Madalyn Murray O'Hair

All4Christ--Kiss my ass

gt this frm open diary entry... haha... she has a personality!

All4Christ--Kiss my ass 4/13/2004

Yeah I named her/him personally. I know this makes me seem upset and gives her advertisement but the holy rolling bitch left a note in my diary saying "Jesus loves you!" Knowing damn well I am an Atheist, I suppose that is why she did it. I am guessing she is a girl.-Sigh- When will her people get it? I don't want to be Christian. I base all my beliefs on science and truth and IMO (in my opinion) truth is what exist and is what can be seen or felt like science or love these things are real because you can prove them or feel them or see them but God and Jesus can not be proven. Don't give me that "They are in the bible!" bull crap, because are we really sure the bible is a fact? Because if the bible is fact then how come it wasn't in refrence at the library or at barnes and nobles no it was in FICTION at both places. If it is fact it would be under REFRENCE. All4Christ gett of my ass okay. This is not your diary this is my diary. This is not Jesus's life this my life. If I chose to not believe guess what? That is how it goes. I chose to belive that I controll my life and what happens to me. I believe that once we die we are dead . I don't believe in fate. I believe that I will do what happens and that fate is a falsehood. The bible is anti-feminist and I do not chose to live by anything that is anti-feminist. Anti Feminent Quotes:
Woman created from Adam's rib
Woman cursed: maternity a sin, marriage a bondage
Rape virgins instead of male angels
Insulting Tenth Commandment, considering a wife to be property
Unfair rules for female servants, may be sex slaves
"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live"
Women may not enter tabernacle they must support
Women who have sons are unclean 7 days
Women who have daughters are unclean 14 days
Menstrual periods are unclean
If master has sex with engaged woman, she shall be scourged
Poll of people only includes men
Barbaric adulteress test
"Virgins" listed as war booty
Rape manual
Abomination for women to wear men's garments, vice-versa
Barbaric virgin test
Woman raped in city, she & her rapist both stoned to death
Woman must marry her rapist
Men can divorce woman for "uncleanness," not vice-versa
If woman touches foe's penis, her hand shall be cut off
Jephthah's nameless daughter sacrificed
Concubine sacrificed to rapist crowd to save man
I Kings
King Solomon had 700 wives & 300 concubines
Organized religion always has been and remains the greatest enemy of women's rights. In the Christian-dominated Western world, two bible verses in particular sum up the position of women:
"I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."--Genesis 3:16
By this third chapter of Genesis, woman lost her rights, her standing--even her identity, and motherhood became a God-inflicted curse degrading her status in the world.
In the New Testament, the bible decrees:
"Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression."--1 Tim. 2:11-14
One bible verse alone, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" (Exodus 22:18) is responsible for the death of tens of thousands, if not millions, of women. Do women and those who care about them need further evidence of the great harm of Christianity, predicated as it has been on these and similar teachings about women?
Church writer Tertullian said "each of you women is an Eve . . . You are the gate of Hell, you are the temptress of the forbidden tree; you are the first deserter of the divine law."
Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel. -- Ambroise Bierce
The First Amendment To The U.S. Constitution:
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof . . ."

Direct quotes from FFRF.ORGThis is not my only reason for believing against the mythology of any religion. I have stopped believing for the longest time. No one can convert me. Not the bible not my parents or family not some holy roller that post crappy notes in my diary. My family for most parts have beliefs about God and Jesus but they don't attend church. I don't have any beliefs and I don't wish for people to leave crappy ass notes in my diary about how Jesus loves me. I really don't give a crap, because I can prove the bible wrong using a few scientific methods. We have evolved sense Jesus was alive. If he ever was, and we know how the earth really works and does things. I hate to say this but what happens when we all die and there is no heaven or hell or nothing in between just death? Because as far as I see it that is all that there is. God has never proven to be real in all my life of all my prayers of all my research God hasn't been there then and I don't expect him to be there when I die. AND BTW why is God a he? HMmm? Well all I have to say is I am atheist and proud if you mamby pansy Christian babies can't stay out of my diary and out of my notes then you can get fucked. Which will leave you feeling guilty because you believe in sin. I don't need to feel guilty ever ever ever ever ever ever Because I can do what I want when I want and not feel like some one is watching over me. If I weren't on my rag I could walk around my bedroom nude! If I lived in my own place I could walk around there nude and never feel guilty. All you christians have guilts and sins and things you can and can not do, the bible is a big guilt trip and a big book of rules. Fuck it being one with God isn't as free as it seems. What is free is being free of religion. I controll me. No attachments or strings just plain old me. Yes I live by laws and rules but not ones that a fictional guy tells me to live by.Thanks for trying to save be but no thanks. I don't need your prayer or your guilt trips because I don't want them and I don't need them "answered" The day I believe in God is the day PIGS FLY!
~Guilt Free~~

Friday, June 17, 2005



● 刘培草









~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

Thursday, June 16, 2005


exams coming, so every other little things have been pushed to the back of my mind, blood gore life... oh well
chanced upon other's blog. noticed people write interesting entries, mostly lame, mostly reflecting their character their style.
wad's my style... haha.. i wonder.. cynical perhaps? or maybe pessimistic viewpts on life life & more stupid things on life...
8pm , did nthing cept for reading blogs & trying to find out when was the period of the Great Fear... the internet is addcitive...the temptations are there, lurking in the dark...

what do i have to reflect about life now...

that i believe that i can do great things but the problem is i have yet to know what is my true potential... so do many others of my age... what i need to do now is while studying to is find the true me.. meanwhile, hope remains...

i have a great need to find a religion. maybe cus i feel lost many times when it comes tp decision making. maybe someone like God will help me make a decision.. but with my scarcsm towards religion remains, i feel that if i do have a religion, i'll spend most of my time condeming it then let it be my spiritual guidance... i trust myself more...

so instead of condeming others & their religion, shld i nt focus more on what i believe in & find myself. a line from the with tang guo qiang as yong zhen once said, smthing like this, why do we pray to god / buddah / allah / fate? these come frm within us, our desires, our dream, hopes, fear, so we pray to let all these inner desires have a reposal. so there is a god inside everyone of us?

~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

Sunday, June 12, 2005


落花问 卷风帘
太阳红 树摇动
黑色忧郁 红色的痛
蓝色的心 心中话语
承诺太重 重的让我走不动
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

my life is...

my life is....
sad, pathetic, confusing, assholic,crappy, madness, schizophrenic, disgusting......
i've been of a very crazy mood recently, constant blaming of self doesn't help... one side of me tells me to face problems maturely, one side of me just tells me to face the problem straight on... i'm constanly debating with myself when i face an issue... i feel so tired...
frustration, anger, blame, guilt, confusion.... i'm plauged by all these junk now... it's making me sick..... i wish to go into hibernation....
and it all started with a game....
i wish to die....

~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

Saturday, June 04, 2005

if only u knew..

if only u knew this feelings u had were nt juz exclusive to u alone, would u have behaved differently?
if only u knew how much ppl cared, would u have loved urself more?
if only u knew how much pain u're causing others right now by ur remarks, would u have learnt to appreciate those around u more?
if only u knew how childish ur actions had been, would u haf learnt to think for others instead of urself always
if only u knew.... if only u knew... would i have been penning this down now?
guess this sounds stupid... someone did something foolish today and was warded in ICU.... it could have been u... i used to live in fear everyday... but nt anymore.... if there is a god... then i let he or she decide the life u want for urself... i can't live everyday worrying abt what decisions u make.... what i can do now... is just simply to give u my support and hopefully u will not regret it...
i used to think i was alone... nt anymore... i used to think i was the only one lost.... but now i know.... everyone is lost at some point of time... it is whether u seek to find what u truly believe in, or to just sit and wait...
i've to admit that even now...i still feel VERY lost.. but i just hope with all this silliness going around me, i do nt get influenced and do crazy stuff that will utimately prove myself to be a total disappointment... a failure...
what juz said keeps spinning in my mind... she said i didn't look sad.... i didn't look like a pessimist... it proved something that i have been spectaculating abt since i entered nanyang to be true.... i am nt myself... and have nt been myself for a long time... either let it be a permanant change or just a transition where i'll b a better person...
to all guys whom u think i have insulted u... i do nt insult, and i do nt mean it... i just tend to be sarcastic.... i shall change it den since i haf been out of touch with guys for 4 years...

~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

Friday, June 03, 2005



~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

sundial dreams part I

current status...: acting blur... nt myself

sundial dreams... i wish i could juz continue dreaming...
back frm lep camp, tired and lost... revision yet to be done.... stuff yet to be learnt and prepared bfore lectures... great...
had great fun... cept for lectures... blar blar blar... she is boring... she made me sleep... or maybe it's the afternoon heat and made me so drownsy... grp members were great though didn't manage to rmb their names cept for 2 ppl... ziyun and weiquan... and den there is my new "gor" plus renewing ties with old classmates frm backrow such as hl milk and getting to understand some ppl better such as tf and myg... oh well
this song playing reminds me of baiyungang again... oh well... too tired to think... test tml

~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come