dad had already lost much weight for a few months. we didnt really notice. but he complained of a lack of appetite. we had celebrated mum's day the previous day at regent. i guess i already prepared myself for the worse which was why i didn't feel anything at first. or maybe i just numb myself to things. it's how i cope i guess.
there was alot of crying on the phone. me calling him, my sis calling me. we were lost i guess. 1 year and he would be gone.
life would go on i guess.
life was followed by 2 more days of hiding in the room to cry n then going to work to die.
it's been a week? life's back to usual i guess. with alot more weird additions and changes to our lifestyles. we got a hand blender, a juicer, a coffee bean blender n a sauna tub.
it's kinda of fun, if u look at it that way. i finally got to get my juicer to juice carrots n shit n make my own apple yakult drink. i also know now where i can get a replacement for my defunct blender. we also have a personal tub where i can have a relaxing sauna as if i was japan.
this sort of things sort of distracts u from the reality that u are facing. everyday we ask him intently if he was eating better, if he gained weight, if there was any abnormalities.
most of all we are just hoping that this shit of a natural alternative healing method, the budwig protocol, and the bill henderson protocol would make sense. it's what we are living on i guess. we hold on to any reason given n feel quite hopeful that it's gonna work.
now we wait. n hope.
n everynight i just sit in front of my lifeline, the internet n search for any other reason i can hold on to. every break that i have in school, all i could think of was how can i make this better n make it work.
i'm so tired. i just dont want to think anymore. i just need a miracle. i just want my dad to live.