Sunday, December 31, 2006

new year is nt very new

waves byebye to kk BO cash management dept
hellos to cps sws teachers & students

so here i am, preparing myself for e BIG DAY in 3 days time where i get to torture students with ss, maths, eng & if i'm nt wrong, PE. yes, dun laugh, PE. but honestly, i dun have to care much, do my job, get e pay & get e hell out of there. hopefully, nt screwing up anybody or myself.

i actually appluad my sis for writing a dictionary of cedar frm A - Z. it's good to know tt someone actually shares e same experience with u in e same place with e same ppl.

& i've realised tt most personalities are actually formed during e crucial period from sec 1-4. but i guess tt must be crap deduction. i have nthing to rant abt life. in fact, there's too much for me to rant abt tt i can't be bothered to rant abt it. take care ppls. take care.


things always gets more complicated when e issue of money comes into e story. when princes & princessess talk abt living happily ever after, they do nt have to factor in the cost of living, the cost of bringing up a child. in fact, they're just too obsessed with each other to even calculate. so this is how we get or maybe naive ppl get attracted to k.drama. those promises of i'll love u forever, of running away to a new place where nobody can find us. u can't live a dream. a dream will nt be called a dream if it can be fulfilled in reality.

if our friendships do get affected because of reality, i won't hold on. because u & i can't feed ourselves on friendship, on hopes, on false expectations & dreams...

Friday, December 29, 2006

looking @ cedar thru cedar.

maybe i'm just thinking too much into this whole thing tt i feel jaded & depressed. maybe it's just this simple reasoning tt u rejected it because of ur "promise" to & i happen to get it. maybe what u said is true, tt u had a commitment to keep towards sgh so u cldn't let go. right. so what abt me?

e fact remains, we went together, i got in, u did not. twice i had get a grip of myself to get over this overwhelming guilt coming down hard on me. it's been a few days? it still hurts to think that u're nt here. that somehow or rather i might be taking ur place

i'm tired of questioning myself over & over again if i shld have walked e "morally upright" path & continue my job as a BO astant. i guess in e end, i just gave up & followed what was e correct & realistic way to do things as my parents have strongly advised me.

we will all have to move on. it's only a matter of how much effort u need to just simply put down everything, ur responsibilities, ur promises, ur hopes & walk away frm this guilt. all this guilt.

Sunday, December 24, 2006


夜太漫长 凝结成了霜
是谁在阁楼上 冰冷的绝望
雨轻轻弹 朱红色的窗
我一生在纸上 被风吹乱
梦在远方 化成一缕香
随风飘散 你的模样

菊花残 满地伤
花落人断肠 我心事静静躺
北风乱 夜未央
徒留我孤单在湖面 成双

花已向晚 飘落了灿烂
凋谢的世道上 命运不堪
愁莫渡江 秋心拆两半
怕你上不了岸 一辈子摇晃
谁的江山 马蹄声狂乱
我一身的戎装 呼啸沧桑
天微微亮 你轻声地叹
一夜惆怅 如此委婉

菊花残 满地伤
花落人断肠 我心事静静躺
北风乱 夜未央
徒留我孤单在湖面 成双

菊花残 满地伤
花落人断肠 我心事静静躺
北风乱 夜未央
徒留我孤单在湖面 成双

待到秋来九月八, 我花开后百花杀。
冲天香阵透长安, 满城尽带黄金甲。


Thursday, December 21, 2006

dear mum
kindly dispose of urself in hell
ur lousy daughter

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

so now u know....

someone said smthing tt bothered me alot, i tried to move on but i cldn't.
i'm becoming increasingly paranoid, increasingly insecure.

& now i'm blaming myself for everything tt has happened. like it's my fault, or maybe it is my fault...

i've always tot tt to enter society was to go to another new world, with grown ups who manipulate, play office politics & climb up e ladder to reach e top. either way, it's a dirty world out there. but i guess what i hadn't realise was tt i had already been out there since i entered JC. just tt i've happily convinced myself tt my jc mates wouldn't be as assholic or as weird...

so i have conveniently allowed myself to be made use of by different ppl over e 2 yrs & i was kind enough nt to collect rent frm them for using me & instead have to refund them back with my emotional trauma. all thanks to them, i'm now officially paranoid & convinced tt everyone has a conspiracy against me, there's this ultra big conspiracy to take note of every word i say so tt it can be used against me, so tt they know my weakness & can manipulate them in the future. it's sad, it's damn tiring to guard against everyone, even e ones i trust, or i want to trust.

it kills me every time i have to think twice to what i have to say to close friends or even family member so tt i won't have to be judged by ppl. oh the fuck.

u noe i've always lamented at why ppl just refuse to sit down with a pen and paper to list out all their misgivings & compromise. it's e most simple & most direct solution. why nt? y isn't it as easy as it seems?
i don't noe why it's bothering me. and somehow a part of me still tries to convince myself tt maybe all this is just a mistake. tt they are still kind, that they're nt aware tt what they're doing is wrong. all these things are so wrong, how could someone even do tt to a "friend"? what's so nice abt e manipulation? doesn't it bother u @ all?

maybe some ppl just thrive on e fact knowing tt they've ctrled & manipulated u, tt u are like their objects waiting to be used, over and over and over and over and over again....

Thursday, December 14, 2006


this song has been playing in my mind for e past few days since i heard her cry. i don't know. i had initially planned to burn down recruit express's office, but found out recently tt my friend was working there so i guess i'll just have to shelve my plans. wadever it is, i've been lucky so far in my past working expriences (xcluding my sec 4 $1/hr work) so everything is pretty much ok, cept for feeling e guilt once in a while for nt being able to help. i just pass life each day pretty much the same.

i don't know if this heavy feeling comes from e recent changes in my life or maybe i'm just too drained by work. my work load is pretty ok actually.

i guess i've been pushing things to e back of my mind, nt wanting to think too much into e future, just living everyday hoping tt this will nt end. i don't know how i feel towards all these stuff anymore. it makes me depressed when i talk abt so i guess i'll just act dumb & laugh it off like it doesn't really matter much to me as it is to u.

it's fascinating how e person who understood my fear was the one who was in a worse situation then i was. even though i'm nt as financially handicapped as her, i guess these kind of stuff is just difficult to explain & only ppl who've been thru it know what it truly means to fear for e uncertainties in life, nt just As, results or relationships but rather e basic survival of a family unit & how long it can hold out under e financial strain...

i'm tired i guess.... & i tot e race has ended...




Tuesday, December 12, 2006



christmas carols also mean tt u are a month nearer to ur *gaps* Alvl results! HALELUJAH...

ok i haven't been of sound mind recently. e monotonous office works tends to make ur brain more retarded den it alrdy is. plus, looking at numbers from 8.30am to 5.45pm is nt really smthing to look forward to everyday....

Sunday, December 10, 2006

to e ppl who died

i've always had mixed feelings towards ppl who wallow in self-pity, claims to want to end their life & those who tried to die. stuff tt makes u very worried, very tired, very angry & more depressed than u already are.

i don't noe, maybe i'm just felt tt i'm one of them or used to be one of them. the significant few who just needed someone to always care, who just needed constant reassurance tt we're nt worthless, tt there are always more reasons to live than to die, tt we did't even have e right to die.

somehow even till now, i still think i am, e attention seeking sort who yearns who attention. it's not like my parents didn't give me enough. looking at how my grandmother is trying all sorts of viable options to end her life, i tot maybe it's just in e genes again... which sucks alot...

i've always tot tt there were things u cld control in ur life. by gaining ctrl of one, u can then eventually gain ctrl of the others. but apparently, e all so powerful human mind has a wonderfully tunneled vision & can only see & manage so little things tt they can't see where their fault lies. isit their fault tt they have tunnel vision? so it's like it's u're fault if u are childish, if u get depressed easily. isit in e genes? or are these ppl just being stubborn for not being able to change their scope of vision?

i really don't know.

it's nt like i didn't try. i tried to remind myself everday tt shld i even do smthing stupid, there'll be these bunch of ppl who will be disappointed in me even though i won't be disappointed with myself. there'll be these group of ppl who are always keeping a look out for me & wanting me to be happy & me being foolish will make them sad too.

i failed terribly, miserably. i felt like shit in e end. it's like losing ctrl even though u try. am i still e one to be blame?

i don't noe...

all i know, is tt u can nvr ever have this mentality tt u can always depend on someone. when reality sets in, u have to survive...
on ur own


把残酷的现实留下来, 把烦人的生活负担抛出脑外


Thursday, December 07, 2006

my mei's entry

okok i noe i lack originality but hey, i couldn't get a better description of what really happened @ e marathon. we had fun! so much fun tt we're looking forward to volunteering for this event nxt year XD
sad thing is we didn't manage to take photos, but i guess this sort of experience is really rare, gettin to pass drinks to e runners & stuff...
btw, work has really been drainin e hell out of me. i'm too tired to play games, read e newspapers or watch tv. all for e sake of money. hell...

Monday, December 04, 2006

i've been quiet for awhile, again.

standard chartered marathon was darn cool. if you dont know what that is, it's about running around looking for money for 42.195km.haha.. quantas, barbie, jie and me volunteered for the event as drink station helpers.. partly because of the free adidas apparel. okay, you didnt read that (: haha. prep for the marathon was supposed to start at 3am so we had to meet at 10pm the day before and blah blah blah. i shall spare you the details about the nuts. heh. we didnt catch any sleep due to some bloodsuckers so yep.. we were half asleep most of the time.

reached padang at about 2 plus 3 am where we had to report to our station leaders. mine was uh.. nevermind. we got our much awaited shirt- yah yah the adidas apparel- and a big goodie bag with only a few things inside- poncho, breakfast, water and a itsy bitsy bottle of sunblock. the moon was really BRIGHT. damn, now the bright white smint jingle is in my head. as i was saying the moon was big and BRIGHT and round. chang er must have been sleeping cos i didnt see her (: we got onto the bus which would send us to our stations. i sat beside this ntu student called denise. she and her uni orientation group volunteered together and that was their 2nd time volunteering.. damn cool lah. they were all extremely awake and zi high. denise asked me about jc and stuff and told me she was from st nicks and vj and her sis was from cedar. the GL overheard our conversation and started ranting about his Os.. how he topped his sec sch with 8 points and denise went
' aiyah, if i was in your sch i wont be the top student. i will be second, because i got 9.'
they got down at some ulu place where station 26 was. i think.

our station 11h was at republic ave- halfway mark of the marathon. it's rather ulu, with very pretty trees on either sides.haha. pretty trees. oh. the roads were blocked so some of us were jaywalking like we paid double road tax. we slept on the pavement like a bunch of construction workers while the 100 plus guys as in not one hundred plus guys but the isotonic- drink guys prepared 100 plus. haha. woke at abt 5 plus to pour the drinks into the cups. the marathon started at 6am and first few runners ran past abt 6.30 plus. they are so swift, skinny and scary. all the kenyan runners i suppose. they swiped at the whole row of drinks and toppled almost all of them just to get that one cup of 100 plus which was reduced to 1/4 a cup because they squeezed the cup too hard. this is what i call SIAO. and when some of us held out cups of water for them to take/swipe, darn, because of their incredible speed they didnt manage to take the cup from us properly so they got empty cups instead. cheh. make us guilty only.
anyway, the korean, china, sg and ang moh runners came along later. i saw ms lee, mr tay and mr goh! (: they were among the faster group of sg runners. if you cant imagine how the marathon's like, try thinking about the lion king scene of the wildebeest stampede where musfasa died.

everyone got bored gradually as we began to see more flabs than abs. all the slacker runners, talking on the phone, smsing. there was this man that told his friend "aye, my outgoing calls not free okay!" so there were 2 extremes, the chionging runners and the slackers. oh. and the funny runners.. eating bananas or energybars, sucking some energy gel and asking for water from us as they ran. of course there were the very nice runners that thanked us for the cups of water and smiled at us when we rah rah-ed them.

the last participant was an old lady. she was walking rather slowly. not sure why barbie said it was a guy. maybe she(the old lady) got a sex change somewhere after republic ave.. you know because of the fact that males are physically stronger than us. i guess she got desperate after realising she had another 20k to go. hmm. sorry about my fertile imagination.but really, she was very determined, despite her age and the slight drizzle. plus there was this van which was following behind (the van was meant to follow the last runner, some sort of sweeper) i think most of us would have taken the van if we were her.. she's a cool old lady.

so.. the cool old lady walked past our station, we waited for the bus to bring us back to the padang, it didnt arrive, we dragged our semi-conscious bodies all the way to the padang, got some lunch which i didnt really eat, got our 20 dollars allowance, dismissed and went home.

wah seh. my summary skills not bad (:
anyway, volunteering for the marathon is what i call real cip. note: REAL cip.
go next year and see for yourself. if anything, there's free adidas apparel and 20 dollars allowance X)

Thursday, November 30, 2006


and u tot i didn't felt guilty, u tot it was funny....

it'll be hard, living w/o e things tt have been with me since i was born. they say tt ur greatest fears are always unspoken, i guess tt's e same with me. i dun really wanna think too far off. with life like tt, we'll just have to make do with wad we have each day & live each day as it is, hoping it doesn't get worse, & maybe praying tt it might get better.

as my fiancee laments about how she does threesome with me & how much she'll miss NY. i guess this is e only place i won't miss, & am really glad i'm over & done with it. e past few wks had made me more sure of tt. i won't miss e tchers, i won't miss my classmates. i won't miss e sch (it wasn't even conducive for me to study in e first place) maybe my impression of cedar is warped, maybe wad i've went thru has twisted my memories of cedar & make it seem so much better. who noes, who cares.

it's like e days are getting worse, just tt e reality hasn't sunk in cus i didn't want to think too much bout it during As. it's difficult to get someone to look at things frm e same perspective. it's difficult to get someone to understand e things tt u can't say. if u wanna say tt each sch has their own spirit, den ny's was a cultural shock for me. even till now. though now i still have close friends, some things just don't change. they just can't....

updates on my life

yes, unlike most ppl who have revived their blog after suffering frm e boredom of post exam blues, i do nt update my blog as often as i want to. i tried writing but i gave up halfway too. i've been going out almost everyday, trying to keep in touch with ppl frm JC (yeah i noe we just graduated), & sec sch as they walk ard preparing for prom & i prepare my office wear.

we do lame stuff like borrowing haogay's phone to send gay sms to his guy classmates and freak them out. we take lame picts and scream at how incompetent haogay is with electronic gadgets only to find out tt it's nt really his fault either. or maybe just walk ard looking at weird revealing prom clothes & taunting my fren to wear it, or bringing my brother all e way to pasir ris escape themepark just to welcome rain when we were going to enter e themepark.

so tt's how my life was like during e past few wks after As. no plans abt e future i guess. just waiting and succumbing to materialistic desires & working hard to get it. i want e Z610i phone which i have ranting & raving & dreaming about since As. i want to upgrade my com. i want money

wadever lar. i'm so tired now. nite.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

the long path to success

~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

Friday, November 24, 2006

my post exam life

is boring....

ok it's nt really tt boring. i've been going out everyday, walking ard in shopping malls with frens looking for office wear. i just bought lipstick today too. i look dumb. i love echizen lots! lolx

there's alot of things u aren't sure. wad life will be half a year later, whether we'll be seeing more or less or each other. there's just this uncertainty there, this worry buried deep inside tt somethings might just go wrong... very wrong.

but as much as we worry bout Us, bout getting a temp job to feed our materialistic fetishes, life still goes on as we wait eagerly for friends to finish their As before we pounce on them & drag them out to chill. we see all this once familiar faces, adorned with new haircuts, different size frames, or maybe just the same old face that once made u laugh and cried with u. those friendly hugs & crazy laughters easily found their way back when we gather with this bunch of ppl we've lost contact with during e mugging period. there's so much things u wanna update each other, this cute guy, tt person's bf blah blah blah. but i guess all these things doesn't really matter.

it'a a race to keep on going and living with life. we just happened to have our little water break before we continue on e infinite journey till it ends. we don't know what this route will be like, where will it lead. we move on... till then, i'm just happy to have u back.

simin loves backrow, echizen, cedar, and ny buddys. XD

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


the end of As also means BYE BYE UNI!!





Wednesday, November 15, 2006


after facing bouts of depression & getting high i just hope all this will end....


Saturday, November 11, 2006

The Way Home

With the unexpected box-office success of her second feature, Lee Jeong-hyang has now earned the title of Korea's most commercially successful woman director. Although the widespread popularity of her debut film Art Museum by the Zoo can in part be attributed to star actress Shim Eun-ha, her latest work The Way Home offers nothing more in star power than a 7-year old boy and a 77-year old grandmother. Based purely on its strengths in storytelling this film has become a popular and beloved feature in its home country.

The Way Home opens with a single mother who, faced with financial troubles, decides to leave her seven-year son with his mute grandmother in the countryside. Having run away from home at a young age, the mother introduces the two to each other for the first time and then leaves for the city. The boy is furious at this upheaval in his life, taking out his frustrations by misbehaving and making wild demands of his grandmother.

The film was shot in a remote village of only eight households, with amateur actors taking all the roles save that of the young boy. Kim Ul-boon, the woman who plays the grandmother, was scouted from another village when the director spotted her walking down the road. Having never seen a movie before in her life, she nonetheless proved to be a talented and devoted actress, and she has since become a minor celebrity.

Apart from being a mainly personal story, The Way Home also highlights the world of difference that exists between rural and urban Korea. Without being preachy, the film manages to highlight some of the aspects of rural life that have been lost in the course of development. The film's main strength remains its storytelling, however. Although the plot contains few surprises, it develops in such natural fashion that it doesn't feel like a story is being told at all.

I admit I was shocked to see how well this film performed at the box-office when it was released in April. When you watch it, it seems to contain not a trace of commercialism, yet it managed to outperform both Hollywood blockbusters and star-studded local movies to land at #1 in the box-office. A small chunk of hope for those who support modestly-packaged films.

credits to korean movie review

Sunday, November 05, 2006

김정훈 金桢勋

iWeekly Magazine (Singapore) 2 Nov 2006 {Translation}

This is part of a larger article on Strawberry Generation celebrities, featuring Yoon Eun Hye, Joo Ji Hoon, Kim Jeong Hoon, Edison Chen and Charlene Chai. It basically seeks to spotlight a generation of youths born in/after the 80s, and the characteristics of this Strawberry Generation.

When you mention the Strawberry Generation, the first reaction of people around you would be to frown.
The Strawberry Generation: Encompasses the Generation Y youths born after the 80s.
Strawberry traits: Fresh, radiant appearances, sweet personalities tinged with sourness. Maturing in the greenhouse, unable to withstand torture, requires care in order to grow.
The Strawberry Generation in the eyes of many: self-centred, unrealistic, too weak to withstand blows, accustomed to a pampered upbringing.
However, there are always two sides to all things. They are simultaneously courageous, unafraid to express themselves, pursue life’s luxuries, full of creativity, passionate about freedom.
Unripe strawberries, nevertheless less palatable due to their sourness, aren’t something everyone can accept; only a high-pressure environment will cause people to mature quickly, and one such environment is the entertainment business.
To observe the Strawberry idols who have been steeped in the entertainment business for years, it’s not hard to realize that even strawberries ripen one day.

Kim Jeong Hoon
Birth date: 20 January 1980

Strawberry Traits
1. The Genius Celebrity
The average person’s IQ is between 90-100, while Kim Jeong Hoon’s IQ is as high as 145. With consistently outstanding grades since he was a young boy, he obtained 380 points in high school which ranked him 20th at the national level, gaining entry into Seoul University’s medical school, majoring in dentistry. He was also the national top student for chemistry that year. As a child, his family background wasn’t ideal, and his parents spent their days borrowing and returning money. This contributed to his learning to be very sensitive to people’s emotions and behaviour.

2. Troubled Young Man
While Kim Jeong Hoon’s IQ is superior to others’, his EQ pales somewhat in comparison. In his second year of high school, his physics grades were suffering, which led the usually-academically-excellent Jeong Hoon to finally slip into depression. “Actually I’m unable to pinpoint the real reason, just felt bored, the time spent sitting idly just got longer and longer. Even going to the hospital was useless.” With his family’s support, the gloom lifted half a year later. After becoming a singer, unable to withstand the pressure of balancing both university studies and career at the same time, the depression started to set in again. Finally, he chose to quit school and switch to studying acting.

3. Playful Generation
He describes the Kim Jeong Hoon of high school days as “a learning machine”. Upon entering university, he began a different kind of life. He became enamoured of foosball (table soccer), and one of the things that made him happy at that point in time was when schoolmates said, “Your foosball prowess is universally acknowledged.”
Besides, he is also fond of online gaming, and likes to play multiplayer online LAN games under pseudonyms. In order to come up with impressive monikers, he spends long hours poring over books in search of inspiration. The most important items he keeps in his bag are comic books (manga). ‘Redmoon’, a Korean comic in which a boy saves the Earth, drew tears while he was reading it. More recently, he’s become fascinated with a Japanese comic, ‘Death Diary’.

Strawberry Milestones
1. Acting in drag
In high school, Kim Jeong Hoon joined a student recreation committee event in which he performed in drag (crossdressed). This caused a huge wave of reaction in the school. He recalls bemusedly of himself, “In terms of sex appeal, I’m afraid even Madonna has to step aside.”

After the performance, he even received quite a few love letters from neighbouring girls’ schools and became popular in school. He also began to have an interest in performing.

2. Model group debut
He joined a singing contest in 1998, but was ousted in the finals. This didn’t prevent him from becoming a star, however. After being talent-scouted by a manager/agent, he underwent a hellish stint of vocal training, and formed U.N. with Choi Jung Won in 1999. They became a prominent model singing group. In 2005, however, they went their separate ways, citing “different musical ideals” as the reason.

3. A change of luck
Flying solo, Kim Jeong Hoon acted in a number of television dramas, but in negligible supporting roles. Until he accepted the role in Goong, his acting career was rather lackluster and he thus considered going on a hiatus from entertainment and furthering his studies abroad. Who knew that at this opportune moment, his role in Goong resurrected his career. The resulting white-hot popularity has seen him ceaselessly promoting in Japan and Taiwan. Striking while the iron is hot, he has also released a new album, Best.

Strawberry Ripeness Meter: 3 and a half out of 5 strawberries
The Strawberry trait of being good-looking but easily destroyed is apparent with Kim Jeong Hoon, as is the saying that genius is never happy. However, it is due to this very melancholy quality that he is able to flesh out the character of Yul. The troubled look in his eyes and gentle yet deep aura, have swept thousands of young girls off their feet.

For Kim Jeong Hoon, who has been in the business for 7 years, the cliché “Without going through a harsh bonechilling winter, you will never get to smell the fragrance of plum blossoms”, sums it up aptly.

The Four Nos
Do not judge Strawberry idols by the usual standards. Odd taboos and logic evidence the thought processes and style of these new celebrities.

1. No exposing of his forehead. Of his features, Kim Jeong Hoon is most satisfied with his eyes, and least with his forehead. He thinks that his forehead is too big, making him look very soft and immature. So no matter what hairstyle he uses, he never fails to cover it up with a fringe.

2. No phototaking from a low angle: Besides his forehead, Kim Jeong Hoon also dislikes his nostrils as he thinks that they are too big. So in most cases, he dislikes being photographed from a low angle.

3. No describing him as cute: When he was little, his older sister once dressed him up as a little girl and took him out, even photographing him for memory. This memory haunts him. He dislikes people praising him as ‘cute’, much in the same way females would prefer not to be described as ‘strapping’.

4. No asking about his withdrawal from school: Old dreams do not need to be remembered. When he withdrew from the famous Seoul University, he felt very stressed. He once revealed in an interview that he was most afraid of the media pursuing this matter. Catapulting to fame, however, caused the media to reopen the case and ask about it umpteen times, and even if he isn’t sick of talking about it, we’ll be sick of hearing about it.

** Some trivia of especial note to those who are also Edison Chen fans: From this article, I discovered that he and Edison Chen share the same birth date!

Translated by MissusGabriel

taken from kimjunghoonlub

Saturday, November 04, 2006

it's like having so much hope & den having to deal with this big blow....
i can't fail. i won't fail. i dun noe what i could have done more. i did my best.

u're so tired u dun feel like moving on....

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

rubbish barbish larbish

i honestly think chen weilian's fans are weird...
they are overzealous, over protective & overdemanding... like hello ppl?! get a life honestly will ya? so what if u guys voted infinite times for ur weilian & den he was leading in e 60% vote count thing. aren't u forgetting that steph sun has her own group of fans too? so what if he was leading in e vote by fans? there's still another 40%. have 60% lead doesn't make it a CONFIRMED WIN!!!?? and poor chen weilian felt so disappointed tt he didn't win. he was quoted in e newspaper tt he felt tt it's like winning 4D and den being told e nxt day tt it was a mistake or smthing... DOTXXXX
comparing weilian to sun, she has quite a few albums while he has only 1, and he's only a local singer. sun is already a regional singer & i bet her fan base ranges from china to malaysia & all other asian countries. furthermore how da hell did weilian end up in e hong xing da jiang? IS HIS ACTING EVEN NICE? OMG PPL!!!!
i'm nt surprised chen weilian didn't win & can e fans can stop making a big hoohaa demanding tt e votes are screwed & stuff. URGH GET A LIFE PPL!!!!!
ok nvm, i'm random. just bimbo rambling but hurhur.

studies killed me...............

Sunday, October 29, 2006

i am sick, drownsy, weak, & tired....

Thursday, October 26, 2006


i feel depressed all of a sudden, i don't know why...

all this studying is making me nuts. i'm literarily trying to squeeze translations of chinese poems into my brain. for fuck?! i also dun noe for wad da hell reason.... to score As... i guess.

i'm been watching tv too. i gives me breaks. better than kit kats.

i keep telling myself tt all this is gonna pay off, i don't wanna regret. i wanna earn big bucks, i wanna get my parents a nice big house to stay in, i wanna drive a car, i want my parents to stop working & worrying bout money....
oh lala, i lack steam... i need to eat steamed buns..

me: u must study hard! if u get first u can get e gold plaque
my bro: but i dun want to get first! i want to get third in class!
me: xiao ah! for wad?!
my bro: i dun like gold colour, i like bronze.

u noe it's kinda weird... kids, how do u teach them to have ambition? i mean when a kid lacks ambition, does it mean he's wrong? if u look at e issue morally or in any other sense, it's just not wrong for him to wish not to be e first. he's just aiming for something tt he likes, maybe to him, third is just good enough.
but somehow to my family, or maybe to soceity, this kid so lacks e guts, e ambition to aim high. WHY SO STUPID CHOOSE THIRD? doesn't everyone want to be first? first in class, first in e race, first first first!
so what's wrong with not wanting to be first? social stigma? y must he be the ambitious boy who aims to be no.1 in order to be the "correct" or "ideal" child who can make it far in life? must u be e first in everything to be "successful"? or maybe it's only in singapore where we're trained to be kiasu in everything? this stupid mentality tt condemns those who fail to make it big, those who don't have e balls to strive for e best? maybe to my kid bro, third is just his no.1. maybe to him, e colour bronze is even more radiant than e colour of gold.
maybe, being first is not e best option after all...

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

oh lala

ohhhh, i watched princess hrs today. ARHHHHH it's such a disappointment!!! it's like F4 meteor garden quality, e 4 of dem sucks totally. like totally u noe?!!! their faces were basically emotionaless. nil emotion. void void!!! ARGHHHHHH! no wonder my gd friend said tt i most probably won't like e show. it's so o.o!! U GET ME??!!!

ok nvm, i'm still gonna watch it at e end of e day. maybe everyone's been praising e show tt i've expected e quality to be better. haha. nvm, i'm going crazy slacking. THOU SHALL NOT SLACK! ARHHHH!! I'VE BEEN SLACKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* oh btw, did u noe, he's nt a very good singer too. it's really bad... unless he sings fast songs. >< but his cute looks shld more than make up for everything i guess. sighx.

Monday, October 23, 2006

forgive me, for being cute

we just need some things to look forward to at e end of As, sex, booze, drugs, cars, hunks... okok nt tt bad but just give me cute guys & my korean dramas... that would satisfy me....

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Friday, October 20, 2006

Light a candle for victims of online child abuse

Go and light a candle at, which has been set up to petition against child pornography. They have about 700,000 candles lit so far, and they are aiming for at least a million by 31st Drecember 2006, so go and lend your support.

taken frm mrbrown

Thursday, October 19, 2006


it's like u're standing on this piece of land with nothing in sight
there're no signs to guide u as to where u shld go
u feel tired, thristy, worn out & u just don't want to move on.
there's nthing in sight, just e setting sun in e horizon....


Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Are you a Carrot, an Egg or Coffee Bean?

wednesdays were always the best in cedar, not only because we were dismissed early but rather we'll always have pupils & teachers sharing their stories about life to motivate cedarians. (ok smtimes it's boring though o.o) ms leong's were always the most entertaining & the most encouraging...

this was one of e stories she shared....

Are you a Carrot, an Egg or Coffee Bean?
By Author Unknown

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life, and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it, and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first pot, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in
a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft. She then asked her to take the egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to smell and sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she smelled and tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What's the point, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity- boiling water-but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When trials and adversity knock on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a passive heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside, am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or, am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you become better and change the situation around you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?

How do you handle adversity?
Like the CARROT, the EGG, OR the COFFEE BEAN?

It is the size of one's will which determines success.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

what my bro will look like 20 yrs from now

u know those kind of techonolgy where they can recreate faces to see what ppl's faces looked like in e past or maybe in e future. well, me & my sis have come up with a more accurate recreation of what my bro will look like 20 yrs frm now. no fuzzy complicated programmes or photoshops, just a simple programme & tada!

he looks just like my dad. maybe i shld try doing this on haogay's pict too.


yeah i noe it's cliche, all e gdbyes, gifts, tears, hugs & blahx. but who cares, it's nt everyday tt u say gdbye to ur friend as both of u embark on another part of life's journey, be it to e Unis or to some other parts of e world.
u cry because u don't know when u'll meet her/him again, because there are so many uncertainties in life. (i mean if u knew u were gonna meet someone again, wld u even bother to have said goodbye?)
u nvr know how things may change after u've separated, how different things will be after ur frend who has been there for u leaves. u know tt no matter how many upteen times u write keep in touch in notes or letters or how determined u are tt u'll definitely keep in touch with this very close friend of urs, ur relationship with her might be as strong as ever, but there's also a high possibility tt both of u may drift apart. nothing is for sure, ppl change & so do their needs & mentalities...
photographs are e inventions of humans to capture a moment, be it real fake hilarious ridiculous, it captures ppl & places, & it reminds us of our past when our memory fails us. u take photos because u want to rmb what life was like with these bunch of ppl ard, how each place in e sch holds a special meaning for u.
u find urself becoming santa claus, giving gifts & letters to those tt have been with u throughout these 2 yrs, thanking them for friendship, apologizing for ur mistakes, urging them to keep in touch. maybe these words are hollow, maybe they're just last min attempts to make sure tt there will be no regrets when they leave. wadever it is, someone just wanted u to know that u had once meant alot to their lives & they appreciate u for tt.
goodbye marks an end, to my life in cedar, & then in nyjc. it tells me to move on, to leave without regrets cus there's no looking back. it gives me a closure & strength, & prepares me for e nxt part of my journey.

~thank u nyjc.


Saturday, October 14, 2006


Q1) Ah Mei's dad has 7 wives. The 5th and 7th are Africans. Guess Chinese idiom.

A1) Wu Qi Ma Hei

Q2) There's a party in the forest. Who didn't get to eat the cake!?!

A2) GRASS because Cao Mei Dan Gao (草莓蛋糕/草没蛋糕 )

Q3) Ah bao was murdered! However, the police quickly found the killer. Who was it?

A3) Ah Dou because Dou Sha Bao ( 豆沙包/豆杀包)

Q4) Xiao Bai and Da Bai are bros. As Xiao Bai grows older, he looks more and more like his bro. Guess a Chinese idiom.

A4) Zhen Xiang Da Bai (真相大白/真像大白)

Q5) Osama, Bush , Blair and Saddam play mahjong. Who will win first ??

A5) Saddam Hussein because Saddam Hu Xian

Q6) What's the panda's 2 biggest wishes?

A6) i. Get rid of dark eyes ring

ii.Taking colour photo

Q7) Who will pick up the dumpling (ba zhang) on the floor ?

A7) Xiang Long because Xiang Long Shi Ba Zhang (降龙十八掌)

Q8) There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box. The Female pencil got pregnant!! Which Male pencil is responsible?

A8) The one without the rubber

Q9) Xiao Ming drinks milk to grow up. What does Da Ming drink?

A9) Alcohol because Jiu Yang Da Ming (久仰大名/酒养大名)

Q10) Which brand of shampoo is the wealthiest?

A10) "Lux" Super Rich

Q11) What did Batman say when he fell down?

A11) Painful Sia... (Bian fu sia/蝙蝠侠)

Friday, October 13, 2006




Wednesday, October 11, 2006

the brother.

extract from my brother's english compo of his trip to e zoo where he noticed a man hiding in the bushes near the lion's den...

"At first I thought he was the zookeeper, but to confirm this, I went over to take a closer look. I saw the man holding a sharp knife. I decided to hide behind some trees & observe the man while my sister prepared to call the police with her handphone.
Soon, I saw the man stabbing the lions. We were rooted to the spot as it was horrible. Blood was all over the place. After killing the lion. He proceed to set up something. I quickly scrambled up the tree to spy on the man. To my horror, he was making a nuclear bomb as big as a watermelon."
"i ran over to stop the man from setting of the bomb. he was surprised to see me but started fighting. i put up a brave struggle but was no match for him. He soon pinned me to the ground & was about to stab me when a gunshot was heard. The man was so surprised that he dropped the knife missing my head just a few milimeters. i quickly grabbed a stick and swept him off his feet. the policemen than pounced on him & handcruffed him...

to be continued.....

my sis & i already died laughing when we finished reading this part. tt's e reason i love to teach pri sch kids, they have wonderful imagination, like stabbing lions & watermelon sized nuclear bombs which was mentioned later in his essay could "blow singapore into a million pieces". & tt's nt all, he went on to say how he was recognized for his bravery. when i tot tt he is finally making some sense, he concludes proudly:

"i hope that there will be peace on earth forever."

© the brother

of the disconnected P65 (II)

i happen to read mr wang's blog on e hoohaa abt the P65 blog & i found this comment by mr wang very interesting

Mr Wang Says So said...

Quick thoughts ...

I think that the root problem is that the public knows this isn't the real PAP.

In contrast, think for example of Virgin Airlines CEO Richard Branson - if he said that tomorrow he's going to hip hop in public, no one would be surprised because everyone knows that Richard Branson does crazy things all the time like run naked on a public beach or sail across the ocean in a little boat. If you read his biography, you know he's been spontaneous and freewheeling ever since he was a kid.

The P65 MPs, however, are nothing like Richard Branson. You know that they are going to hip hop essentially because PM Lee has announced that he has decided to change the PAP's image to get in sync with younger Singaporeans.

To me, that immediately smacks of fakeness. And really, I feel that this is what irritates people about the whole thing.

There's a bit of shallowness in the whole thing too. I mean, if you were interested in reaching out to youths in Singapore, there are thousands of more meaningful ways you could do it. Taking "youth" to mean Singaporeans, say, in the 17-25 age group:

MPs could for example visit schools; polys; local uni's; give talks; support youth charity efforts; form working groups to study issues and help specific groups of young Singaporeans (eg handicapped; juvenile delinquents; drug abusers; ex-convicts; single mothers); put forward suggestions to deal with NSF problems; help in AIDS awareness education campaigns; organise sports & other activities for youths in their constituencies; canvas for donations for bursaries to help young Singaporeans from needy families with their school fees; focus on education issues and contribute policy suggestions on how our education system could be improved; get in touch with organisations like the Juvenile Courts, Boys Home, Girls' Home, SIngapore Police etc etc and see where they can use their MP status to help with youth issues; do something in the area of career guidance for young Singaporeans; organise activities at the community centres in their constituency for youth etc etc ....

... or hell, just START a blog on youth issues.

Instead they're going to hip hop. Because that looks "cool". And "hip". And "happening".

Aiyah, please lah. Do we really need Members of Parliament to be hip and happening? Please leave that to the Singapore Idols and the TCS actors and the Super Model wannabes. MPs should focus on helping residents in their constituencies and on contributing to policy-making in Parliament. No one wants or needs MPs to be hip & happening or hopping or whatever.

oh yeah i also left a comment on their blog (sad thing was i didn't have e guts to leave my real email add & name)
i’m sorry dear MPs but this entry sounds bimbotic. may i know what are ur views on youth issues instead of ur own health issues? isn’t this blog supposed to connect with the youths?

let's see if this comment gets moderated.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

what we need now...

taken from the bitter stickgirl

how much is much?

ok it's this crazy obsession with some korean thing again. like URGH! i'm already addicted to quite a few korean dramas. @_@ e gd looking guys are killing meeee XD


just what is sharing ur troubles & what is overburdening others with ur problems?
i think there's always a fine line drawn b/w what is attention seeking & seeking comfort from ur friends.

maybe it's just me but whenever problems crop up in sch & u have so much emotions pent up inside u, e first person u look for is never ur family members but instead ur friends. u start keying in ur msg furiously into e phone & send it to e first person tt comes into ur mind ie. ray is such a bastard, he looks like a fucking balding monkey!#*$(^%# & hope for a reply that ranges from
1. comforting friend
(hey wad happened, r u ok? dun be upset, i'm sure u r nt what he thinks)
2. reflecting ur sentiments friend
(YAR LOR, what a piece of shit he is, nt only is he bald, he is a f***ing dork as well. i'll stuff durians up his ass for ya.)
3. the solutions & showing u e other side of e story friend
(hmmm, maybe u shld avoid talking to him for a while. i guess he must have felt very stressed too.)

maybe we just needed a channel for us to express what was kept inside, maybe we just needed someone to point us to a way which we can get out of this frustrating situation. or maybe we needed someone to tell us tt everything's gonna be alright.

friends, u assume, will always be there to carry ur burden, to reflect ur sentiments & to give u what u need when u can't get enough of it from e relevant authorities ie ur parents. maybe it's this unspoken rule tt said tt friends will be there for u 24/7 tt u r filled with e romantic notion tt it is e requirement tt all ur friends must meet. look @ all e songs tt have been sung abt friendship, e quotes tt have been made abt this special bond tt more often then not, we take all this "i'll always be there for u" promises for granted.

true, that's what friends are for, to help u up when u fall down, to cheer u up when u feel blue, to lend u a listening ear or shoulder to cry on. it is a bond worth celebrating, but apparently it's nt smthing tt we cherish much. with e expensive presents tt u've bought for their birthday, it is as if they have signed a contract in return to be there to give ur attention deficit life more attention, love & more attention. u make sure tt they honour their contract, by expecting them to pamper u when u're stressed out & then u're filled with their love, u sneak back into ur own little world only to come back for more later because there's just nt enough attention tt u can extract out of ur friend.

u forget tt u friend is human, ur friend faces e same problems as u do in life, maybe even worse. u forget tt ur friend needs u in return, ur support & ur care. as much as u need them to tell u tt everything will be ok, they need u to tell them tt things will be fine & i'm sure u can do it. basically, u forget. as long as it doesn't concern UR welfare, UR happiness, U, u forget.

i'm nt saying it's wrong to share ur troubles, in fact it is what bonds us together as we face each crisis in our lives together with another person. but forget abt claiming another person to be ur friend when u don't bother to share her burden, or "think tt" e person might need some time alone & she'll tell me when she's ready, or u're "too afraid" tt u might hurt her if u ask her wad's e problem now. i think it's bullshit. what do u mean u think? wad do u mean u're "afraid of hurting", yeah rite u're afraid of hurt, u're afraid u'll hurt urself, nt her.

honestly, it takes just this much effort to reach out to ppl tt u care. u just need to open ur mouth & listen with ur ears. ur friends willingly lent ur theirs & reached out to u no matter how tired they may be. have u even tried? it's another matter when ur friend tells u to shut up when u try but don't bother to give excuses when u haven.

~Friends aren't jumper cables. You don't throw them into the trunk and pull them out for emergencies.~

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Christ in Limbo

Christ in Limbo
Museum of Fine Arts, Budapest
As a fulfillment of redemption, Christ, having broken open the gates of hell, has brought with him the pious figures of the Old Testament, holding Adam by the hand as the symbolical incorporation of the whole of humanity. Allusions to this forced invasion, a favoured incident of popular legends and mystery plays, are found even in the Divine Comedy; here it is indicated by cracked and broken stones. It is typical of medieval thinking that hell is represented as a well-guarded building of huge stones, a sort of immense fortified prison; the notions of release, heaven, enjoyment of the delights of Paradise, are conveyed by a fresh green meadow encircled by mountains and forests of fantastic shape, worthy of the imagination of a Tyrolese painter. As symbol of his triumph over death, Christ holds the banner of victory in his hand; the wounds on his hands and feet are clearly visible.

ok so there's talk abt abolishing e limbo "since it has always been only a theological hypothesis".
i find it interesting tt ppl of e same religion can actually be separated into different "sects" or demonitions, or into different thinking eg b/w e traditionally minded & e more hmm, shld i say, open followers?

i mean isn't there supposed to be just 1 god? if there's 1 god, how come god's followers can have such diverse ideas on their beliefs? how can followers even disagree on their fellow followers' beliefs? so by disagreeing are they saying that there is only 1 correct belief? then how isit that they have been unable to figure out which is e correct one since religion first started? Isn't god supposed to guide them? how isit that god would allow such diversity in beliefs? how can god allow e possibility of e abolition of e limbo aka Abraham's Bosom? why isit tt e bible can be interpreted in many ways by different followers?


e haze is really bad. i dun think e PSI index is just a pathetic 80. like c'mon, i already have breathing difficulties & having nose & eye irritation & u tell me it's 80?!! honestly, i think tt's a lousy cover up again with e mentality tt singaporeans are dumb. ok maybe most of them are. i can't be bothered.
bet those assholes are well equipped with air purifiers @ home so they can't be bothered abt e rest of us. i tew u, if this goes on, my brain will most probably die frm e fumes. do smthin!

Friday, October 06, 2006

of the disconnected P65

maybe u might think i'm refering to e apathetic youths of singapore, rather i'm refering this whole bunch of people who are disconnected from e ppl they claim to serve or represent.

call e youths of singapore apathetic all u want, i've read enough in disgruntled entries on blogs. so with e MPs having this concept tt are our youths are self centered, they try all means to connect with the younger generation, by having these bunch of post 65ers (who apparently are young enough to connect with us) to set up blogs & if like that's not bad enough, they will be dancing hip hop @ the chingay parade. rite, so they wld expect me, to feel suddenly very inspired & VERY CONNECTED with them. it's just painful to see them try...

PAP is trying too hard to get youths onto their side. honestly, youths just want their voices to be heard. nt in some lousy stomp forum where attention seekers get to narrat abt their harrowing expriences on sitting on e MRT, or in some youth forum where a bunch of bimbotic no life youths complain abt abolishing e exam & education system just for e simple reason tt they don't want to study.

yes the P65 & e PAP are trying, but maybe they're just trying too hard to connect into any viable socket as long as they can avoid e responsibility of listening to youths & doing smthing worthwhile for them. youths are nt just any socket u can just plug into & hope to get smthing to work out. we don't want some stupid coffee shop talk where we just TALK but there is no ACTION. we don't want some 40 to 30 yr old MPs dancing hip hop or blogging with us. we just want them to listen & take action, is tt too much to ask for? apparently for e incumbents, it is.

"All of us are having fun. It's not important whether we perform well, we dance well or whether we look professional on tv or during the parade. Most importantly, we have to connect with the youths of today," said Lam Pin Min, MP, Ang Mo Kio GRC.

forget abt putting on an act or granting "freedom of speech". the more u try to connect, e more disconnected u are.

they are also NOT THAT young lor....

they think its so easy to connect with the youth meh?

youth blog, they also blog.
youth dance hiphop, they also dance hiphop.

come on lah.... u really want to connect with the youth, u just need to open ur ears and listen. don need come out so many pattern and act wannabes.... u'll onli make the youth move further from u onli....
dk99 from SPUG

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Song of Los

I Will sing you a song of Los, the Eternal Prophet:
He sung it to four harps, at the tables of Eternity,
In heart-formèd Africa.
Urizen faded! Ariston shudder'd!
And thus the Song began;--

William Blake's Song of Los 1

The archetype of the "creator" is a familiar image in the illuminated books of William Blake.

Here, Blake depicts an almighty creator stooped in prayer contemplating the world he has forged.

William Blake's Song of Los 2

In this image, Los resting on a cloud, leans on his hammer, the symbol of his creative energy.

He stares down at the bright red sun that he has fashioned out of components of his own soul.

The sun represents the giver of life, that most fundamental of elements which keeps the world in balance and nurtures the development of all physical matter.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The Fly

The Fly

Little Fly
Thy summers play,
My thoughtless hand
Has brush'd away.

Am not I
A fly like thee?
Or art not thou
A man like me?

For I dance
And drink & sing:
Till some blind hand
Shall brush my wing.

If thought is life
And strength & breath;
And the want
Of thought is death;

Then am I
A happy fly,
If I live,
Or if I die.

-William Blake

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

hazey bazey lazy crazy dazy fuzzy zazy

Carve a tunnel of hope through the dark mountain of disappointment.
~Martin Luther King, Jr.

what's @ e end of every tunnel? i haven been seeing light for a while, maybe abt a yr or so? it's kinda of depressing actually, as u are surrounded by bks & slog on day & night hoping for tt all that u're doing now is nt just a futile attempt to salvage ur grades. u wonder if ur frens are doing ok.

my sis has been nominated by her teacher to attend some global young leaders conference held in europe so she might get e chance to go to vienna(austria), prague (czech) & hungary. e problem with this world is tt nthing is for free so e trip will cost her around s$10,000, which is nt even my dad's 1 yr salary. oh well. as much as i'm jealous abt her getting this chance, i do hope she can get a sponsor, like maybe advertise for DBS in europe by wearing DBS T-shirts or smthing. haha.

i shld plan to save up to go on a european tour. maybe enough to bring my family along too. it'll be cool to actually see e hall of mirrors & other fascinating places. ohoh, & VENICE! haha. dreams dreams dreams.

The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart.

Monday, October 02, 2006





Sunday, October 01, 2006


So don't wish upon a star
Cause a star can only get you so far
And it doesn't matter who you are
Cause the sky looks better from the ground
Anyway you never know what you got
And even if you do it don't mean it's gonna stay
Tomorrow is another day
You only live once and I'm living for today

jc is a place where u'll find urself growing up alot.

i was kinda of cynical @ first when my senior told me this. but looking back at e archives of what i've raved & ranted, i guess maybe she's right after all.
e past 2 yrs in ny was a roller coster ride. i went through periods of extreme mood swings, depressions, obession, self-inflicted pain, crushes & what have u. it wasn't a great ride & i definitely wldn't wanna go thru it again.
maybe e only sign for me tt i've actually grown up frm some incident is tt i felt immensely stupid when reading my archives. but maybe it might be wrong too. who knows. now as i run e last lap, i keep asking myself what are e things i'll miss in ny. maybe it's e fact tt i missed cedar alot tt has pushed me to go through this process so that i can treasure those things i feel tt i'll miss when i leave this hellhole.
just like in sec sch, all these familiar faces will become distant once u've moved on to another phase.
maybe wad's so amazing abt e network of human relations is tt u can nvr be complacent or even think tt u have it under ctrl because u r not. graduation doesn't mean an end to all this tiring process of maintaning e network. weird ppl will nvr fail to show up... either u decide to take up e romantic idea of living in bukit timah out of human contact or live with it, of which none sounds very inviting.
whatever it is, we only live for ourselves. so forget e crap abt altruism. i'm nt making any sense. bahbah sheeps....

Saturday, September 30, 2006

e ultimate eraser

Madness need not be all breakdown. It may also be break-through.
~R.D. Laing, The Politics of Experience

hoho, me, miao & chee had our little discussion abt religion @ e expense of hcl lesson (c'mon it was boring... o_o) & e teacher being pissed off with our constant chattering threw a eraser @ us with e words "shut up" written on e sides of e eraser. i applaud her for her ingenuity...

my computer is laggy again. i nearly stabbed myself just now when i somehow reset e html code of my blogskin & lost all my customizations. wadever. i'm having problems setting up a blog too cus it just refuses to let me in despite me having gotten e correct username & password.

yes yes it's 4am & i know i'm supposed to either slp or study. wad da hell.

ohh. btw, i found this lovely website with all e very cute advertisments frm ard e world.
this one's abt piracy in e movie industry causing e superheros to be unemployed

this is e advertisment for deoderant for socks.
yay! e power of smelly socks! ^_^

meanwhile, study hard guys for ur As & ur Os & wadever test u have coming up.
admit it, this is just e no life education system. wad can we do? study lor....

I suppose it is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts. ~G.B. Burgin

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

dreams 我的梦

Climb every mountain, ford every stream
Follow every rainbow, till you find your dream

damn i'm so drained out today. i'm glad tt i finally passed my hcl. now all i need is to study harder & make sure i can memorise everything back to back to score well for my As.
believe me when i say there's smthing called exam luck, how u choose questions, how u stay calm throughout e exams & all e rubbish. haix. work hard ppl.

34 more days. A lvls here i come~!

rejoice, for your soul is alive

“If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simplest things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive.”

it's e little things u do tt matters. i don't really care for e crap & stuff on that "special day". it's abt how u live ur life every single day that matters to me. smtimes i wonder if i'm taking things too seriously. smtimes i wish u cld understand how impt all these means to me as much as it means to u.


Tuesday, September 26, 2006

i had a friend

yay yay to new blogskin. actually it's nt really new or smthing since i had echizen to help me out in manipulating e html codes of blogger's blogskin to put my nice pict in. but i'm still proud of my blogskin.

i used to have a very close fren when i was in sec 2. my table partner. we did all e crazy stuff but i guess my craziness made her very depressed too.
somehow i'll always have this guilt when i think abt her. this guilt of nt giving her back what she has given me. i guess she always deserved much more. i'm a lousy fren. i knew she loved anime & manga. i guess she loves it now too, frm her msn nicks. she even wanted to set up a website with another fren dedicated to anime. she had a great love for fan fiction too & always wanted me to read her stories & give her comments. i saved e link to her fanfiction, but i didn't manage to find e time to read it not until we drifted apart that i managed to find time to fulfil my promise. she is good. haha
maybe there were alot of things i cld have done for her. maybe i had e ability to give her more.

i guess tt's just one of my regrets in life. i've disappointed alot of ppl, i've made many more angry & every time i try to recall, it hurts alot. oh well.

maybe it's better to be alone, to nt feel like u have to live up to expectations...

i actually missed e times we had together. but i guess maybe one of e reasons we drifted apart was because we had very different personalities. i hope u're happy now. i hope u don't get stressed up easily like u used to in e past. stay happy okay?

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Fiat Lux - let there be light

Genesis 1:3 - And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

The Latin phrase fiat lux, from the Latin Vulgate Bible, is typically translated as "let there be light" when relating to Genesis 1:3 (Hebrew: "יְהִי אוֹר"). The full phrase is "dixitque Deus fiat lux et facta est lux" ("And said God let there be light, and there was light")

i found out abt this natural phenomenon frm e matrix revolution. it's pretty amazing, the stuff that mother nature has in store for us.. it's nt just floods, tsunami, drought, volcano eruptions alone. e skies filled with stars, e 4 seasons with its beautiful sceneries. these are the wonderful stuff tt u don't find in singapore. these are e things that just make u wanna stop time & stare @ it forever.

somehow this line frm e bible gives me e feeling of power, yet u do not feel overwhelmed but instead feel reassured & protected. u feel hopeful. u see hope.


Saturday, September 23, 2006

post prelims mood - irwin, religion & blah

if u've read e ST recently, there was this very gd article abt steve irwin in e review section.

it's quite a lengthy article but i very much agree with e points e author had mentioned.

But the lesson learnt — that animals think and behave like human beings — is a harmful and erroneous one. It was precisely that kind of mistaken arrogant thinking that killed Mr Treadwell and, to a lesser extent, Irwin. While Irwin never pretended that all the animals he encountered were cute and cuddly, he did, as Ms Greer pointed out, “barge into” their space to “manhandle” them.

Her ultimate fear, she concluded was that “a whole generation of kids in shorts seven sizes too small has learnt to shout in the ears of animals with hearing 10 times more acute than theirs, determined to become millionaire animal-loving zoo owners in their turn”.

It’s one thing to dress your poodle up in baby clothes, it’s totally another thing to assume that your poodle likes it. Irwin’s downfall was assuming he knew better than the animals and that he had the upper hand.

Human beings can sometimes be animals, but animals will never be human.
so yeah there u have it. not like we're saying irwin deserves it but smtimes we're just too full of overselves to assume tt everyone/everything will think & behave e same way as us.


btw, i found some interesting quotes regarding religion. it's thought provoking so i tot i might paste it here. :)

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. Albert Einstein

Or what about the statue in California currently said to be crying bloody tears? Why worry about the alleged weeping of a plaster effigy when so many actual human beings have reason to cry? Anna Quindlen (newsweek)

How do you define God? Like this. A God I could understand, at least potentially, was infinitely more interesting and relevant than one that defied comprehension.
Robert J. Sawyer

anyway, tt stupid ceremony is tml. i'm stuck @ home with my bro. believe me i can be so childish smtimes tt i'll get into fights with him. e only difference is tt he cries & i don't. @_@
haix. i've been sourcing youtube for animatrix clips too. e duration is abt 9 mins & e animation & storylines are fantastic. if u guys want i cld paste it in my blog for ya. muahaha.

until then, adios.

Friday, September 22, 2006

right or wrong?

after all this hoohaa abt religion, we're still tearing our hair out over whether there is a god. ppl who usually write abt religion in their blogs will have their entry flooded with comments & all this agitated debate over facts & faith, giving quotes frm a whole bunch of ppl just to prove their point.

so what? u realise tt nobody wins in e end. we'll always walk away frm debate having gained nothing but feeling more frustrated with e inability to understand & accept.

who is right to say that ur beliefs are wrong? there wasn't even a correct one to begin with.

e worse thing is tt none of us, when discussing abt our beliefs can understand what it means to respect. we get agitated when ppl question e existence of god, e bible etc because we feel that god shld nt be subjected to such an insult like questioning his existence.

and it's so funny how we shld nvr adopt a blasphemous behavior towards religion but religious followers on e other hand can label non-believers as being immoral, satanic or wadever names they feel is appopriate for us. some even call our beliefs another form of religion.

right, so we have to respect religion, but we can forget abt ppl who have other beliefs that are not similar to urs. isn't religion just another form of belief? y shld it be that beliefs which come under e category of religion can be protected from blasphemous behavior/language while e others can't? so u're saying tt i have to accept this unfair treatment? and i tot god was fair.

Monday, September 18, 2006

thoughts of a brainless shit

People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

i always wondered what it meant to be resilient

does being resilient mean that u wld by all means prevent things tt hurt u frm happening again?
or does it mean that u do nthing abt it but wld be expected to be strong if u'r hurt.

since u know u'll be hurt by it in e first place, why nt prevent it?
but by preventing it are u denying urself of any chance that things wld happen that wld be out of ur expectations. maybe even better than u've expected.

society has taught me tt it doesn't pay to be kind. society has taught me tt ppl make promises so as break them. society has taught me that it is a place filled with fucking bastards, who knows, i'm just one of those too.
anyway, nthing is making sense now adays. i read on ST interview with this religious figure tt if u read porn, u're most probably possesed by satan or smthing. interesting...

my family is preparing for my sis's PGA ceremony thing. i didn't noe my dad can look handsome in a longue suit. & my mum looks darn pretty too. URGH. i was hoping tt e president wldn't be such a shithead & allow e whole family to attend e ceremony but i guess he is just a shithead so it can't be helped.

anyway, my tolerance for whiny voices is very low recently but obviously someone doesn't get it. bleahx.

oh anyway e novena church saga is bothering me alot recently. haha. don't noe why. maybe it's because my mum was suggesting tt i go novena church & chill after my As or smthing. my sis was suggesting st andrews cathedral but i went there before.

"This life's dim windows of the soul
Distorts the heavens from pole to pole
And leads you to believe a lie
When you see with, not through, the eye."

William Blake, The Everlasting Gospel

Saturday, September 16, 2006

in the arms of an angel, may u find, some comfort here...

Columbine High School massacre occurred on Tuesday, April 20, 1999

history repeats itself. this time in canada.

& now as ppl start pointing fingers @ every single thing they cld lay their hands on, u wonder if these ppl are too quick to make judgements & jump into conclusions when they don't know much of what happened in e first place. (just look at e overwhelming 200 plus comments pasted on his blog calling him a motherfucker o.o)

Kimveer Gill, 25 years old, Quebec

i sort of tot he was an angsty guy, he had alot of anger in his blog entries & directed most of them towards bullying & ppl who didn't understand gothic culture.
his blog profile was kinda of disturbing too. it's kinda of weird smtimes, to look at e photos & blog of smone who's just not there anymore.

however, one entry in his blog that struck me most was abt him recalling abt his crush in his high sch & wondering what she was doing now... maybe what i needed to know was he wasn't just a cold crazy psychopath bent on destroying e world or die in a hail of gunfire. maybe he was just a someone who was disappointed with e negativity of e world. maybe he was just a guy who lost his way & didn't get e help he needed before he turned e gun on others & finally himself.

Where's Waldo? I think not! Where's Barbara is the true question!!
September 04, 2006, 03:57:am

I was thinking of Barbara Borelli yesterday.

I saw her in a dream. She was just standing their smiling at me. She looked like a princess. All in white clothes, and she was just smiling, the most beautiful smile, but didn't say anything, and i just looked at her, i tryed to look at her ears to see how many piercings she had by now, but couldn't see anything other than her face. There was a bright white light shining from all over, around her body, from the ground up, from the sky down, all over, a super bright white light. I couldn't stop looking in her eyes, it almost felt like if i stopped gazing into her eyes, that i would die. For a second i thought she was trying to tell me something, I wanted to run up to her and hold her, and touch her, to see if she was real, cuz' this dream felt different than others i've had. But i couldn't move. I wanted to look down to see if there was something holding my feet and keeping me from moving, but i couldn't take my eyes off her.

It was weird. Cuz' usually I have dreams about people being murdered, hung, getting shot in the head, and stuff like that. Sometimes it's me that that stuff is happening to, and it's always dark and cold. But this was so different.

I wonder what happened to her? She was a girl that went to my high school. We hardly ever spoke, we were in like two different groups of friends, so our paths rarely crossed. She always looks so preoccupied with stuff. I liked her, guess I should have told her or something, just to let her know and stuff, not that anything would have happened, but it would'a been nice.

I wonder what she's up to? Maybe she owns her own business or something (seemed like something she'd like). It always made me smile when she went running down the halls, screaming at the top of her lungs, arms and legs flailing in every direction. Like some sort of escaped mental patient or something (I mean that in a good way). She was really sweet. (But loud) Bet if she ever stumbled upon my web page, she'd hunt me down and smack me for that. lol.

Wonder if she'd have let me call her Bar-bar if we had been friends. Bar-bar sounds nice to me. Hey! Hey Bar-bar!! Where are you? You're not under my bed, or in my basement, or dancing on the roof!!


Have fun Barb :)

e last entry tt he wrote 2 hrs before he went on a killing spree

Gill’s last post, September 13, 10.41 AM:

Whiskey in the morning, mmmmmm, mmmmmmmmm, good !! :)

P.S. When i call people “niggah’s” in my journals . . . it doesn’t have anything to do with their skin color. I call white people niggahs too, it’s just fun. It’s all dave chappelle’s fault, ever since i started watching the chappelle show, i can’t stop calling people niggahs :(

Mood: No mood :(
Music: Megadeth — A Tout le Monde

there were a few other interesting blog post

September 12

Stop Bullying

It’s not only the bully’s fault you know!! It’s the teachers and principals fault for turning a blind eye, just cuz it’s not their job

August 20

The police in England shot an innocent man in the head seven times. Is it a coincidence that he wasn’t white? I think not.