Monday, January 29, 2007

is tired of bootlicking

it wld do us both good, if u wld just keep quiet and leave me alone in my own corner. i need my own space. if u didn't realise, away frm e horse fart patting, away frm back stabbing, away frm office politics, away frm e responsibility of being always politically right.

i'm tired of being nice to a piece of shit who bootlicks e HOD 24/7 with her damn irritating laughter & damn disgusting acting. i'm tired of laughing @ "jokes" which just aren't funny. in case u didn't realise, i'm a freaking loner. so i hate eating with ppl i dun noe, i hate talking to ppl i dun noe & pretending to act as if we're long lost friends. i dun find essays with no proper content and no proper grammar funny. i'm tired of her setting up her own KTV corner in e staff room which is URGH. BLOODY HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Sunday, January 28, 2007

colour of your soul

i came across soneone's flickr photo album on mr wang's blog. there wasn't any comments, any pictures, just a link to his photo album with a disturbing image of a homeless man with blood on his arms. his photo album features a collection of homeless people, frm different parts of country, with different stories to tell. these are ppl who have e life's most interesting and heart wrenching stories, yet these are e ppl most forgotten. these are e survivors, these are e ppl who are e strongest of us all.

If you're photographing in color you show the color of their clothes - if you use black and white, you will show the color of their soul. ~Author Unknown

tom stone is a documentary photographer known for his portraits of people living along the edges of society. his photography shares perspective with the work of dorothea lange, richard avedon, diane arbus and sebastião salgado.

"i photograph people who skirt the edges of things; people whose connection to the broader flow is murky or obscured. mistaken as more, less or different than they are; they aren’t really seen and don’t really belong. that’s everyone sometimes; but some more often. i try to establish a line for a moment. i hope to connect. and i see the most beautiful and the most heartbreaking things."

- tom stone

Keeping Faith
(homeless woman, sf, 12/12/06)

the day is unsettling. it's cold and it's wet; and the mist is stubborn and seems to hover; only disturbed as huddled masses hurry through.

robin is not well. a bullet still rests near her spine. and she still feels pain. she needs more treatment; but doesn't get it.

she rustles through a large trash bag of something and bends by her cart overflowing with nothing. a man stands beside and waits. then leaves.

robin's sons visited her for thanksgiving. both of them; one about 22 and the other about 35. they came from sonoma. her younger son came with a bible and a fine set of clothes. her older son came to stay.

she says that all she wants in the world is to spend time with her family and for them to be happy and to be well.

she hasn't seen her younger son since about thanksgiving. and now she's been told he just got shot in the mission. he didn't want her to know; but she found out. yet she can't find him. she tried the hospital where they bring gunshot victims from the mission. nothing.

she is visibly shaken. "how can two people in the same family be shot like this?" says, it's like the city is trying to tear us apart.

her older son came to visit earlier than his younger brother and has been staying with her on the street. he's a "builder." she tells me proudly of the homes he's worked on.

robin is originally from marin (not sonoma). she spent her early years there in a catholic convent or such. they were planning to move to marin together. she would get off methadone. it was real nice.

but "he got real ugly" and mean a few nights ago, she says. and she hasn't seen him since. he just vanished.

says it's hard. says she doesn't know what to do.

"but i must have faith" she says and seems to swallow

taken frm stoneth

Friday, January 26, 2007


so they say, life is unpredictable...

u nvr noe...

when u'll be hit in e head by a very very light object, to be specific, a basketball & maybe die of concussion e nxt day.

having a bad headache now... bleahx.

oh righty, all e best for ur THE ONE auditions my dear mrs vanesse wu. i'm sure u can overcome all odds and be forever rmbered as the one 2007 winner! MUACKS!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Rain, Rain Go Away

by Robertson Kway

Rain’s concert sales were dampened by actual rain, says Sistic, and some Singaporeans are also considering suing the Korean superstar.

According to the ticket agent, only 7000 or so tickets were sold out of the Singapore Indoor Stadium’s capacity of 13000 seats.

“That’s like just over half, so not very good,” said Sistic spokesman Boey Tee Kit. “We didn’t understand why, since Rain is such a big star, and Singaporeans just lurve Korean shit at the moment.”

Investigations revealed that the recent bout of inclement weather had plenty to do with it.

“Na beh,” said Bukit Gorblok resident Loh Hor Leow, “Everyday also rain, and you want me to pay $200 to watch some more rain?”

When informed that the ‘Rain’ in question was a Korean singer, Mr. Loh remained unconvinced. “Who cares whether Korean rain or Singapore rain or got Koreans singing in the rain or donno what futt!”

“Yah lor,” agreed K-pop enthusiast Ting Han Ren, 15. “Normally Rain gets me all wet, but after the past few weeks of flooding and shit, I thought, screw him. I mean, the other kind of screw, lah, not the kind of screw I normally think about… uh, neh’mine.”

Some Singaporeans are also thinking of suing the soulful singer from Seoul.

“Bastard,” said Thomson Road plant nursery owner Boh Lui Liao. “My entire business, including my car and vans, were lost due to Rain. So now that he’s in the country, I’m going to get my lawyer to faster sue him down to his last plate of kim chi!”

Sistic says, however, that things could have been worse for Rain. “His name could have been ‘Flood’, for instance,” said Mr. Boey. “Now that would have made people even more too lan.”

taken from

imagine life as a game

Brian Dyson, CEO of Coca Cola Enterprises from 1959-1994
Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling five balls in the air. You name them - work, family, health, friends, and spirit - and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls - family, health, friends, and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Cedar's 50th Anniversary Celebrations

Dear friends,

We can all look forward to Cedar's grand 50th year celebrations soon!
Date is fixed on May 19 '07 at the school hall and as soon as we have more details on bookings, we will keep you informed.

In the meantime, Cedar is keen to have momentos (of years gone by!) from us ex-Cedarians. Should you have any items like the ones listed below, do contact the person-in-charge in the school whom you can liaise with to deposit your contributions:

Ms Sankaran Nair, Cedar Girls' Sec School


" Hope you can spread the message to all the ex-cedarians to contribute these items if they still
have it:-
1. Old school uniform ( the pinafore...wonder who is still keeping it)

2. PE attire

3. Report Books

4. School badges, Prefect badges and other CCA badges

5. Old exercise books ( with/without teacher's marking) and textbook

6. Class photos

7. Trophies/prizes/certificates

8. One set of old wooden table and chair "

Thanks for your help!
It means a lot to Cedar!

warmest regards,
Sherry Alsagoff
Committee Member

blogs, packaged or real?

if u come to my blog looking for or expecting to get anything out of it, i'm afraid to disappoint u. i don't package things, i hate to package myself into someone i'm nt, into someone who is too perfect for her own good, into someone who is nt real.
it's e same for lipsticks & makeup, who cares if it makes me pretty when i feel like shit inside. real beauty doesn't come from nude colour lipsticks, pretty eyelashes, different shades of mascara. real beauty shines frm within u, when u are happy, when u have successfully unloaded ur burden & feel free, ur smile, ur laughters, ur eyes filled with happiness, tt is true beauty, that is ur nautural NUDE colour makeup.
sometimes i do have my concerns, tt my blog might bore e shit off ppl, might disgust those who don't agree with me, might insult those tt i want to insult. but e problem is why shld i care? why shld i care who e hell is readin this entry, who e hell is feeling pissed. why shld i be bothered if my friends have bad impression of me if they see e real me.what's e point of having ur friends make friend with a well packaged u, if ur real dark ugly self is hidden somewhere, wanting to free. if i have so much concerns, isn't this another form of "friendster testimonial" crap? where i have to package my entries to sing praises of those who don't deserve it, to write names here so tt my friends can seek assurance from my blog tt they are nt forgotten by me, to wrry if some entries are targeted at them or nt.
why shld i care? haven't i cared enough in real life? to have to run through every sentence tt comes out of my mouth in case some glass heart shatters or someone decides to take offence @ my words & blackmark me for life.
i write abt my life, abt things i see, abt things tt make me feel. because that is life, cold & harsh as it is, we live in it, all e time, 24/7, even @ home. we can't seek solace anywhere cus we cannot trust enough. we fear bckstabbing, we fear betrayal. but isn't tt life? i hate humour tt hides reality, tt gives u delusional feelings of fleeting happiness, only to be reminded after e laughter tt ur burden is still weighing down on u.
my sis loves to do tt, to write humorous entries in her blogs to convince everyone tt she's feeling ok. she hates to rant & weep in sorrow on her blog because she hates ppl to leave msges asking her if she's ok.
it's ok to weep, it's to rant, why keep it to urself & let urself drown. e most impt thing is to find solutions after u've done crying, to seek & pray for inner strength after facing a moment of weakness. that is life. u fall, stand up & move on.
life is.
e bare.naked.truth

Monday, January 22, 2007

there's more than 1 reason why kahhui became my arch enemy after our fateful PW projects, it wasn't because he was faking it all along, but rather e time & effort i spent trying to reach out to him as a classmate, e time & effort trying to accommodate him despite myself knowing tt he might just be putting up another show of heart attacks & shits noes wad.

maybe it's because of my expectation of him to be at least remorseful for wad he had done to his friends, my expectation of him that he wld change for e better tt made me even more disappointed in him & eventually to hate him.

kahhui is not an isolated case. rather, i've seen a few like him, a few "friends" whom i had given my time & attention & hope for a true friendship of which i only got back backstabbing, betrayal & manipulation.

so now even when i've entered society, like it is any different from what i've exprienced in sch, i see the ugly side of my "best friends", showing signs of jealousy just because she felt like she was my replacement, saying hurtful things & then dismissing it as a joke.

so now, i've basically given up e simple expectation of being able to find a person whom i can trust fully. because sooner or later, we will betray each other eventually.

there's really nthing we shld expect out of ppl, we only live for ourselves. we live to fulfill our fears, satisfaction. we continue to play games, tt continues to fascinate me & frighten me with e fast changing alliances.

maybe it's nt by expecting anything frm ur friend tt u get surprised, tt u are able to see those who are true & those who are nt. it's e same for any other ppl, ur family, ur friends. to go thru e sadistic process of brainwashing urself to not to expect, to just give & give, no matter how tired u are, no matter how sick u are of deception, lies & e crocodile tears. to just give until u have nthing left, & then retreat to a dark corner & die....

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Au revoir, les enfants


In the published script Malle wrote: "Il (Muller) tourne le dos a Julien, qui ne peut s'empecher de regarder vers Bonnet, une fraction de seconde. Muller se retourne, intercepte le regard...." (He (Müller) turns his back to Julien, who CAN'T HELP LOOKING TO BONNET, for a split second. Müller turns around and catches the glance...")
It's a kind of "guiltless becoming guilty" ... An "undisciplined" moment of a child, who can't resist to run into the trap, who has to "act out" instead of hiding this (for him) strange connection he feels to the stigmatized jewish boy, with fatal consequences...

Ironic reference a few scenes later: Müller speaks to the lined-up pupils in the yard: " The discipline is the power of the german soldier. That is what you French are lacking in: discipline..."

creativity & normality

was looking thru my emails when i saw this stashed away in some forsaken corners of my inbox. it's interested how much treasures and memories i actually have stored inside my inbox, gossips & evil sniggers targeted @ baldy and her allged bf, e songs we send to each other... this things we hold on...

Thursday, January 18, 2007


smtimes, we just need to open our mouths and talk
e tension gets unbearable smtimes
e paranoia.....

read b/w e lines

fear, anxiety, uncertainty....

Sunday, January 14, 2007

self realization

when is e first time u can actually rmb urself alive, tt u actually exist in this world, tt u have a memory?

mine goes way back, to when i was 2. my mother had to go to e hospital to give birth to my sis, & she had to leave me @ my third uncle's hse. e memory is almost dream like but i cld rmb e details clearly;
i cldn't slp, i walked out of this dark room, my third uncle saw me, he sat on a table behind e sofa, he motioned me towards e table, & started tying rubber bands together.

yup tt's abt it. maybe tt was when i became aware of myself, when my sister was born & i had to take on e responsibility of an elder sis, i became "alive".


so now we'll be saying goodbye, to e place tt we grew up with since young. e place where we had fun with machines, e place where we blew air thru airpumps into each others face & giggled. e place where industrial & nature cohabited, with little birds setting up nests nearby, where plants grew e best with maximum exposure to sunlight. e place where we cld sit and slack watchin tv which has malaysian channels. e place where my bro had his own play corner, away frm e stressful piles of hmwrk, away frm expectations. just his own little world where he cld conduct "experiments", watch tv & be a child who is free. our second home.

i know it hurts u alot. it hurts me alot too. pls be strong.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

we can't live on hope

if u've realised, my mind usually shuts off when it comes into contact with erhum... philosophical stuff. or maybe to be specific, things that require me to think in a very abstract way or just think way out of e box.
i can't. i tried comprehending what my fren is saying by reading & re-reading what my friend typed in msn & i gave up after a few tries.
if there's anything i've learnt frm my 10min bus rides to NY everyday, it's this poster at e busstop before e NY busstop tt reads, u can't live on hope. indeed, hope can't feed our stomachs, neither can e philosophy of e human being, of human behaviour, of playing mind games fill our growling stomachs too. just admit it, we are all pathetic creatures, we love ctrl, we love power, we love seeing ppl unfold their different layers in front of us & manipulate them to our advantage. tt's just e way we are, so why analyse when it's nt going to get us anywhere, only make us more tired & burdened than we alrdy are.
e shock, e fear, e every complicated feelings tt we feel when we realised tt he/she is more than what we tot after much analyzing leaves us more hurt & more afraid to trust anything, even ourselves. we become paranoid & we feel jaded & tired of e wrld.
why bother? why bother to form complicated equations to human relations? why bother to waste time untying dead knots when we cld just have moved on & make sure we try nt to tie any "dead knots" in e future.
maybe the philosophy of life itself gives us an explanation for things tt are happening to us which we think shld nt have. maybe it's in NY tt i've learnt tt it doesnt really pay much to be kind. rather, it pays more to just stand there & look @ how dramatic e world can be....

Thursday, January 11, 2007


自嘲 鲁迅


Tuesday, January 09, 2007

it's the little things

In this world
Divided by fear
We've gotta believe that
There's a reason we're here

'Cause these are the days worth livin'
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

See the truth all around
Our faith can be broken
And our hands can be bound
But open our hearts
And fill up the emptyness
With nothing to stop us
Is it not worth the risk?
~the calling -our lives

the world is my classroom and society is my teacher.
i'm learning everyday...

it's e little things u do tt matter to those who care.

i got this colourful strip of paper frm my student frm my co-form class on my very first day in sch. i didn't noe what i've done to deserve this. i haven't tot them any lessons, i haven even done anything nice for them as a teacher.

maybe it's these little things tt lets e teacher stay afloat despite e crushing workload & immense stress. the little things they do to show their appreciation for teachers always comes as a pleasant surprise, & a huge energy booster for us to live through boring & useless meetings.
a simple grammatically wrong greeting like ," ms yeo how come we nvr see u so long?" is just enough to make my day. there was once i drew a lousy picture of a beach, & gave it to my student. her classmates gathered around her & started asking her where she got her picture from. "ms yeo gave it to me" she declared proudly as she started colouring e picture tt was nt meant to be coloured. it looked nicer with colours anyway.

it's e little actions tt they do, no matter good or bad, tt shows us something we so rarely see in adult world - e innocence of a child. everything abt a child so real, their guilt, their happiness, their sadness. they don't bother to hide their feelings, they just cry their hearts out when they feel depressed, they laugh & scream when they they're high. they can lie to u, thinking tt u wldn't know while u laugh ur heart out recalling how naive these children are.
and they don't know how much an impact they have on teachers, with these little things they do, every single day.
tt's how special they are @ this age.
thank u natasha, thank u for teaching me tt.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

New Employment Rules

New Employment Rules

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice to allow time for you to train your own replacement.

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order.
For instance: All employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both workers' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open.

Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slimfast and take a diet pill.

It is advised that you must come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing designer clothing we will assume that you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a payrise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice day !

The Management

Monday, January 01, 2007

somwhere beyond our imagination

Glacial ice can range in colour from milky blue to white because of trapped air bubbles but occasionally organic material can make it appear green.

With hundreds of tiny islands the peninsula is one of Antarctica's richest breeding grounds for penguins, who have no fear of humans.

The future though is uncertain. Antarctica is warming at the same rate as the rest of the world but the temperature in the peninsula has risen at five times that rate in the last 50 years and 75% of its glaciers are in retreat.


i want to rant i want to rant i want to rant

because my mum's a piece of shit, tt's why.

smtimes, it's only because of love tt u expect perfection & refuse to accept flaws. u forget tt these are e ppl who've given up almost all their time & effort for u. u forget tt these are e ppl who've sacrificed e most for u.

yet when they claim to understand, all these things that they've sacrificed doesn't seem so impt after all.