Tuesday, January 23, 2007

blogs, packaged or real?

if u come to my blog looking for or expecting to get anything out of it, i'm afraid to disappoint u. i don't package things, i hate to package myself into someone i'm nt, into someone who is too perfect for her own good, into someone who is nt real.
it's e same for lipsticks & makeup, who cares if it makes me pretty when i feel like shit inside. real beauty doesn't come from nude colour lipsticks, pretty eyelashes, different shades of mascara. real beauty shines frm within u, when u are happy, when u have successfully unloaded ur burden & feel free, ur smile, ur laughters, ur eyes filled with happiness, tt is true beauty, that is ur nautural NUDE colour makeup.
sometimes i do have my concerns, tt my blog might bore e shit off ppl, might disgust those who don't agree with me, might insult those tt i want to insult. but e problem is why shld i care? why shld i care who e hell is readin this entry, who e hell is feeling pissed. why shld i be bothered if my friends have bad impression of me if they see e real me.what's e point of having ur friends make friend with a well packaged u, if ur real dark ugly self is hidden somewhere, wanting to free. if i have so much concerns, isn't this another form of "friendster testimonial" crap? where i have to package my entries to sing praises of those who don't deserve it, to write names here so tt my friends can seek assurance from my blog tt they are nt forgotten by me, to wrry if some entries are targeted at them or nt.
why shld i care? haven't i cared enough in real life? to have to run through every sentence tt comes out of my mouth in case some glass heart shatters or someone decides to take offence @ my words & blackmark me for life.
i write abt my life, abt things i see, abt things tt make me feel. because that is life, cold & harsh as it is, we live in it, all e time, 24/7, even @ home. we can't seek solace anywhere cus we cannot trust enough. we fear bckstabbing, we fear betrayal. but isn't tt life? i hate humour tt hides reality, tt gives u delusional feelings of fleeting happiness, only to be reminded after e laughter tt ur burden is still weighing down on u.
my sis loves to do tt, to write humorous entries in her blogs to convince everyone tt she's feeling ok. she hates to rant & weep in sorrow on her blog because she hates ppl to leave msges asking her if she's ok.
it's ok to weep, it's to rant, why keep it to urself & let urself drown. e most impt thing is to find solutions after u've done crying, to seek & pray for inner strength after facing a moment of weakness. that is life. u fall, stand up & move on.
life is.
e bare.naked.truth

2 comments:

echizen said...

I used to think like that about blogs until a certain someone threatened a lawsuit and an (unwilling) apology out of me. The truth is, much as you want to dump all your sorrows and happiness onto the www, you can't because of stupid people like the aforementioned.

But then again, you can if you use aliases for the person (just don't, you know, use a very UNIQUE one like r*******z).

:D

estel said...

HAHA! OMG YARRRR, that one was very very unique... *shudders*