if only u knew..

if only u knew this feelings u had were nt juz exclusive to u alone, would u have behaved differently?
if only u knew how much ppl cared, would u have loved urself more?
if only u knew how much pain u're causing others right now by ur remarks, would u have learnt to appreciate those around u more?
if only u knew how childish ur actions had been, would u haf learnt to think for others instead of urself always
if only u knew.... if only u knew... would i have been penning this down now?
guess this sounds stupid... someone did something foolish today and was warded in ICU.... it could have been u... i used to live in fear everyday... but nt anymore.... if there is a god... then i let he or she decide the life u want for urself... i can't live everyday worrying abt what decisions u make.... what i can do now... is just simply to give u my support and hopefully u will not regret it...
i used to think i was alone... nt anymore... i used to think i was the only one lost.... but now i know.... everyone is lost at some point of time... it is whether u seek to find what u truly believe in, or to just sit and wait...
i've to admit that even now...i still feel VERY lost.. but i just hope with all this silliness going around me, i do nt get influenced and do crazy stuff that will utimately prove myself to be a total disappointment... a failure...
what juz said keeps spinning in my mind... she said i didn't look sad.... i didn't look like a pessimist... it proved something that i have been spectaculating abt since i entered nanyang to be true.... i am nt myself... and have nt been myself for a long time... either let it be a permanant change or just a transition where i'll b a better person...
to all guys whom u think i have insulted u... i do nt insult, and i do nt mean it... i just tend to be sarcastic.... i shall change it den since i haf been out of touch with guys for 4 years...
~eternity

~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come