Thursday, July 27, 2006

was e choice given? or was there even one?

ma·ture (m-tyr, -tr, -chr)
adj. ma·tur·er, ma·tur·est
  1. Of, relating to, or characteristic of full development, either mental or physical: mature for her age.
my headaches are back. congrats simin. it seems like u're destinied to screw ur As. wadever lar.

i used to have throbbing headaches during sec 2 streaming. i didn't know wat was going on then, i popped panadol pills like i was a drug addict, & e worse thing was i was facing some emotional crisis at e point of time & my results plunged. so yeah. hallelujah.

it doesn't help even if i slp early, e headaches just go & off throughout the day & e pain makes me very grogy & sleepy during lessons. i had tot it was e time of e month or smthing but guess my biological clock went out of order again. sighx.

so if i happen to talk weird recently or call u by e wrong name, pls forgive me. i've managed to call choon meng when i wanted to talk to edwin. nice. & i'm nt making sense of what i'm talking about most of e time. i can't think. my mind is blank. as in BLANK.

i'm in a trance. hohoho.

oh & i had wanted to talk abt maturity....
what is maturity? to have ur emotions under control? to be able to see big picts? to be able to stay objective? exactly what is maturity?
i guess i have to agree with e person who said tt to have one's emotion under control is definitely a sign of maturity. because once emotions get e better of u, u lose all control of thoughts & actions, like being high & screaming like me. so what's e moral of e story? grow up simin, u're immature.
so to be myself all high & giggly & hyper active is immature while to act all demure, speak softly is to be mature?
ok tt doesn't make sense. but i guess it's how i deal with crisis when it strikes. or like now, dealing with stress.


talking abt choosing who u want to be.
i have 2 cousins who are every bit like circle & square.
they r irritating. they try to act all mature & grown up & do not know where their place is, always trying to correct ppl & act like they're on moral highground all e time. they cannot stop talking, or to be more specific, they cannot hold conversations which do not piss off ppl.
but there is a problem.... they are autistic.

e one with e more serious autistic problem is nt well liked in class, is often bullied. his brother is really nt any different. when we have family gatherings every sat at my grandma's house, these 2 kids are often scolded by my other relatives for being irritating, problematic etc. basically they are being scolded for who they are.

did they have a choice as to how they behaved?
we would assume tt we behaved the way we behaved because
1. we see nthing wrong with e way we r now
2. it is accepted by ppl

if our behaviour were to cause negative reactions frm others, i wld have attempt to change it or the most hate myself for being so high & crazy all e time. therefore we see here a exertion of choice.

so here we wonder. do they know tt their behaviour is unaccepted by society? despite being scolded or being ostracized because of their behaviour, do they still think tt there's nthing wrong with e way they are behaving? do they really don't get it? if there was a choice, wld u have chosen to be ms popular? or ms unpopular?

or maybe, they just didn't have a choice as to how they behaved? because this mentality has been so deeply entrenched in their minds, tt they just can't change their behaviour anymore?

i have a senior who has had similar behaviour problems. & interesting enough, she doesn't realise tt she herself has this problem. she thinks e whole world is against her, she thinks tt e wrld has betrayed her, the morally upright her. as she poured out her woes to me of how she was betrayed by this person who meant alot to her, does she even realised tt e mess she gt herself into was to a large extent a result of her personality than with e person who "betrayed" her? does she even know tt ppl are talking behind her back? does she even know she is hated by this very community which she had thought had accepted her as she was? does she even realise tt there is a problem with her mentality? her personality? it cannot be accepted by society because it is just too extreme. but did she have a choice to choose her personality tt made her who she is today? throughout her life, she must have met those who were obviously more well liked by others, those whose personalities r accepted as e norm. she cld have switched to it had she wanted to. but e problem is she nvr realised that there was a big problem with her "choice" of behaviour tt she has "choosen" to display.

was she given a choice? or was there even a choice?

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