算了

forget it, for all i care
1. insult my post
be it high class cleaner or low class gardener, i can't be bothered with these ppl who just enjoy insulting people just because they dun belong to the highest order of the committee hierachy.

2. dun bother to respect me
i can't force nor can i be even bothered to ask ppl to respect. if u dun respect my position, be it as a friend, as a committee member, or just a accquitance, forget it. my life wun get any duller w/o u around. in fact i'll be so much happier.

3. i won't explain
because misunderstandings bein unaviodable r a result of both sides bein dense. one nt makin her stand clear enuff & e other one dense enough nt to get it. so u know what? forget it. i'm stupid to even have thought that u wld have understood e tiniest bit of what it is like to be in my place. since u didn't get it & u didn't even give me e basic explanation, just forget it. and while u're at it, i wish u luck in whatever u do.

4. to nt expect anything
because the more u expect out a friend/situation, e more disappointments u'll get. it's e same in life, so no expectations, no disappointments. simple.

i can't be bothered abt all this anymore. eunice said i was, to put it simply, "very shit leh" or smthing along this line. i can't rmb. i just felt tt there wasn't a need for me to balance out anything. i tried to accomodate, i tried to understand, i tried to tone down, i tried everything there was to be done to prevent misunderstandings. i dun rule out e possibility of a misunderstandin.

maybe it's because of my outdated, stupid mentality tt i dun understand what is going on. & for this i take e full blame for nt even bothering to ask & assuming things tt shld nt have been assumed. because i realised tt apparently i was e only one who was ignorant.

eunice was right abt another thing too. tt e more i think abt it, e more pissed off & hurt i'll be, so why nt just settle it directly? i can't. i've always sucked at face to face confrontations even though i know it's e best solution for any misundestandings. because i know in the end, i'll get eomtional & then both parties will be hurt... i just dun want to hurt ppl anymore...

so issue settled. life goes on as always. i'll live mine, u'll live urs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

somehow after all this i've nt learnt frm e pain....
& i had to make my friend cry again...
i've always thought of myself better off as a loner...
u know why?
cus i hate to see u cry....
and e worse thing is to see u cry because of me...

it's ironic how i want ppl to share their burden to me,
& i'm jealously & selfishly guarding my own pain & sorrows
because somewhere inside me
i know tt even though we grow closer by goin thru sorrow & happiness together
there will still be this unknown form of stress tt u'll go thru when u feel tt u're nt able to help...

i don't know when i made this vow
tt to see my friend cry & nt being able to relief her of her burden
or the worse of all, to make her cry
is e greatest sin one cld ever commit
& is one i swear nt to commit ever again...

guess what. i always break this vow...