士为知己者死，女为说己者容...
以前曾对自己说过，做人要敢爱敢恨，勇往直前，潇洒走一回...
然而...有时候却发现,活着,而且有勇气的活着,其实并非想象中的那么容易...
常把"我敢!"这个两个字挂在嘴边儿,但却缺乏了真正的勇气...
发现其实我所追求的只不过是一时的快乐和刺激,也因为这错误的理想而使周遭的人受了伤,也使自己一直跌倒,但就是没办法找出挫败的原因何在...
不是一切事物都有让你选择的自由... 也就因为如此, "敢爱敢恨"也完全失去了意义...

trust is amazing... so is receptiveness... the willingness to accept... the willingness to be open...
to close urself to things is to just put urself at a disadvantage...
i think happiness comes from being open to things around you...
to condemn is to make urself feel tired... to feel jaded about this bloody damned world... because everything is bad to you....even if something is okay, u'll just wreck ur brains to find something bad to condemn...
u feel jaded... u wonder what's so gd about e world that makes u wanna live on...
u feel stupid cus u had thought that the world was a great place, where miracles existed, where love made it go round... that some humans are selfless...
maybe it's through all this condeming that u lose touch with what is good... u would instinctively feel that something is bad & not the other way round...
u loose ur ability to trust, to love... eventually u lose urself along the way...
i'm trying to find myself back... i'm trying hard & i won't give up.. cus i know it is only through myself that i can hope for a better future... that it is through myself that i can hope for a change in others...

to ask myself to be optimistic might be not get me to my aims... i guess to be open to things is the goal i'm truly aiming for...
i don't wanna hate people anymore... i don't wanna complain no more... i just wanna get on with my life... i just want to be happy...
i won't let go of sarcasm, nor my passion for things that tire me out....
to be open.... maybe it's then i can see things more clearly... then i won't be so quick to criticise, so quick to hate...

there's always something to be learnt from everything... maybe it's through experiencing things that i hate that i will learnt to walk my own path, that i will know more clearly the things i like... life is about self discovery... to know about urself... & to help others in the process... that's life... i think i love it... that's why i won't give up.... yet...
@__@

to backrow, PRCs, faith, weilian, jasmine, eehui... miss u guys...enjoy ur holidays..

~I will live in the hope for a better tml, to see miracles happen, to see love, trust... i will live in hope...