simin's first ever bimbotic entry
i have a simple calculation of my expenses for nov & dec

1. Lord of the rings (the ultimate!) = 25 ringgit
* considered cheap cus i saw a quite similiar ring which cost S$60 in bugis

2. necklace for ring= S$2 (buy in toa payoh. MUAHAHA)

3. prezzies for my frens
sensitive topic! MuAHAHA.... but i think i need to spend over S$20

4. outings... like sake! *winks winks @ jasmine* which will cost S$13++ ?
guess so... gahx....

broke.... and i want a damn blooody badminton racket which costs 19.90... i need a holiday job.... but come to think of it... my heavy racket can train my arm power too :P

so.... haha....

now for the not so bimbotic entry... simin starts thinking
it's not like me....
to gush about my idols on msn nicks
to wish to be alone
to wish to find some desolated areas of the school to contemplate
to constantly stare straight down when i'm standing on the 5th floor wondering if this hurts
to wish to buy my friends lots & lots of presents and wish that i could just exhaust all my wealth on them
to wish to do things that i know would end up hurting myself
to wonder if the dark hole will come back....
u know i will miss u
u know i hate saying goodbyes
u know somethings i just can't let go...

in case u didn't know, i'm peeved by ur insensitivity, ur callousness, ur brainlessness, ur worthlessness
i shld just link u to all negative connotations tt is availale in this world. in this case, i can just tell u in the face, fuck u... i just wished i had the courage to write out ur name
u said it as if it was some event that happened in another school, another time...
u told me to let her go, like she's more like a thing to u than a friend
u said that these things can't be helped, like u even bothered to feel sad or regretful at all
what are we to u? ur tools? ur rubbish cleaner? is this how u treat us?
she is my friend! HARLOW!!! doesn't this even get into ur thick skull? and u even gave absurd & ridiculous ideas to me and expect me to think it's nice?! u are a big piece of bullshit.
ur tone sucks, ur personality sucks too... u dun deserve any respect from me. in fact, hatred suits u more...

i will not give way under pressure... i have walked this far, i refuse to be beaten down...
yet whenever im with u, i just feel... confused.... regret? happiness?hatred?
it's just everything combined into one.... so complicated, yet so easy to understand... just like u...
why are we crying?
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come