曾经答应的,曾经的承诺,我无法守着,曾经的我,还很天真, 曾经的我....
愧疚，但就只懂得怎么感到内疚....
我知道知己无能,在成绩方面也搞不好,友谊方面也是一塌糊涂...
你总是觉得自己没人关心,没人爱护,如果我有办法,我一定会让你知道,其实,你一直是我的牵挂... 是使我最放不下心的....
曾经问过自己,如果当初没碰见你,自己现在会不会那么痛苦,我至今无法找到答案,因为你的痛苦,也成为了我生活的一部分....
你曾经说过了很多话,让我感到很痛心... 我至今还记得一清二楚,不知道为什么,就是无法忘掉...
我... 很傻吧?
every single day, i would ask myself who do i live for... what do i live for... the past? or the memories? or the future?
my results are like shit.... my life is like shit... i can't study... i dun noe why.... which pisses me off tremendously....
i just want my life back.... is that too much to ask?
everyday i keep comparing my life to what it used to be... asking myself how i would deal with this situation if it had happened last time... why am i doing this?? why do i even want to do this?
can't i depend on my present self for strength? why do i need the past to make decisions for me? why do i need my past to push me forward?
it's just this sense of frustration... this sense of anger... that everything is just working against me... WHY ISN'T ANYONE LISTENING?! WHY??????
why isit so hard to understand? to feel that someone cares? we wallow in self pity everyday, saying that what others have is better than what u currently have.... the thing is are u even sure? what about the things u have? do u even know u have it? or it has come to u so easily that u have forgetten it's mere existence?
WHO AM I NOW? really? i'm just a emotional wreck... sustained by insanity & a false image...
i can't confide.... i suddenly lost the urge or even the will to confide... sometimes i feel that the whole world is plotting against me.... that everyone is hatching a evil plan... that everyone is scheming to do something.... i question their motives.... i question every single thing they do... i feel so out of control...
don't ask me why... is there a reason for every tear?
am i even mentally sound? i don't really know....
i'm tired... of trying to find who i really am... maybe i am defined by my friends.... maybe i feel lost when they're not around... maybe i dun even have a definition of myself at all
maybe it's because i made a promise this time not to let go... maybe i didn't make that promise in the past...
she called me on the phone one day.... we both cried... and she just said, i'm scared... of who i will become... whatever i become next year, please be there for me... i said u didn't have to ask... i promised her... but we just drifted apart... how come the same thing isn't happenin now? what happened? why are there so many things i can't let go...
how much courage does it take to live, how much does it take to die?

weilian... thanks for being there...
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come