FLAKES FLAKES FLAKES! I HATE THEM! URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
DAMNIT....
I WANNA BATH!
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Estelwen, you're 17% masculine
This is based on how you scored on a variety of traits that, founded on classic research and our own studies, are typically associated with men.
You're also 83% feminine, which is based on how you scored on traits that are typically associated with women. When we compare your results with other women it shows that you are somewhat less masculine than other women.
okayyy... i would say... ermxxxxxxxxx.... REALLY?????? wadever lar.... i was just trying to act feminine i think
>.< lol!
Estelwen, you're a Pessimist Low!
Geez, who rained on your parade? Okay, so you don't have the same Eeyore-ish attitude as a true pessimist, but you definitely aren't expecting good things to happen, either. Even when the weatherman is sure of sun, you carry an umbrella. And we're willing to bet that you're at least somewhat sarcastic — you like making fun of those suckers who are always looking on the bright side of life. You don't trust people readily; they have to earn their spot in your good graces. (In fact, you may even feel like you have enough friends and don't really need any more.) After all, nobody's giving you anything in this world — it's every man for himself. But you're not completely devoid of hope. Admit it: Somewhere deep inside is a tiny part of you that truly believes at least one cloud out there has a silver lining. Try listening to that part a little more often and see what happens.
i love this! haha! this is accurate! wheeeeeeeee... gahx...
me is just being lame >.<
This is based on how you scored on a variety of traits that, founded on classic research and our own studies, are typically associated with men.
You're also 83% feminine, which is based on how you scored on traits that are typically associated with women. When we compare your results with other women it shows that you are somewhat less masculine than other women.
okayyy... i would say... ermxxxxxxxxx.... REALLY?????? wadever lar.... i was just trying to act feminine i think
>.< lol!
Estelwen, you're a Pessimist Low!
Geez, who rained on your parade? Okay, so you don't have the same Eeyore-ish attitude as a true pessimist, but you definitely aren't expecting good things to happen, either. Even when the weatherman is sure of sun, you carry an umbrella. And we're willing to bet that you're at least somewhat sarcastic — you like making fun of those suckers who are always looking on the bright side of life. You don't trust people readily; they have to earn their spot in your good graces. (In fact, you may even feel like you have enough friends and don't really need any more.) After all, nobody's giving you anything in this world — it's every man for himself. But you're not completely devoid of hope. Admit it: Somewhere deep inside is a tiny part of you that truly believes at least one cloud out there has a silver lining. Try listening to that part a little more often and see what happens.
i love this! haha! this is accurate! wheeeeeeeee... gahx...
me is just being lame >.<
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
true- north...
it is about finding out who you are & where u truly belong...
we are always in a constant search about who we truly are, some think that they've found it through religion... others are still finding their own ways & methods of discovering their true north...
to be restricted by rules & regulations... to loose freedom in thought...
though u may be guided, how much space are u given to wander?
why choose to live with a burden instead of finding solace in a powerful unknown
why choose to believe that kharma exist & burden urself with doing gd deeds for the future u, or for redemption of the previous u? why not just focus on living life as it is now?
i'm appalled... by things i seen... things i choose to believe in...
it might all be a matter of perceptions.... because a phrase taken out of a passage spiced up with the author's commentries may completely twist the original idea...
but somehow it didn't seem to be so...
i keep telling myself that everything is a matter of choice.... everything is a matter of what you choose to believe, what you choose not to believe...
the only word that keep appearing in my mind was: "S-T-U-P-I-D."
ignorance is not always bliss... it is always through the process of gaining knowledge tt i learn more... that i discover myself...
that's is life... cest la vie...
pray let me find my true north....
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
it is about finding out who you are & where u truly belong...
we are always in a constant search about who we truly are, some think that they've found it through religion... others are still finding their own ways & methods of discovering their true north...
to be restricted by rules & regulations... to loose freedom in thought...
though u may be guided, how much space are u given to wander?
why choose to live with a burden instead of finding solace in a powerful unknown
why choose to believe that kharma exist & burden urself with doing gd deeds for the future u, or for redemption of the previous u? why not just focus on living life as it is now?
i'm appalled... by things i seen... things i choose to believe in...
it might all be a matter of perceptions.... because a phrase taken out of a passage spiced up with the author's commentries may completely twist the original idea...
but somehow it didn't seem to be so...
i keep telling myself that everything is a matter of choice.... everything is a matter of what you choose to believe, what you choose not to believe...
the only word that keep appearing in my mind was: "S-T-U-P-I-D."
ignorance is not always bliss... it is always through the process of gaining knowledge tt i learn more... that i discover myself...
that's is life... cest la vie...
pray let me find my true north....
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Monday, November 28, 2005
extracted frm my wonderful mei's blog!
" oh wells. toking abt fires. i used to play with fire. esp during mooncake festival. damn fun lah. me and jie will collect rough paper throughout the whole year just for this day. then on mooncake festival night we go high and start burning evt. pluck leaves from plants.. throw them in and smell the chlorophyll smoke and hear the lovely sizzling.i guess it's like full moon and like the wolves..we go crazy. aiyah.sadly.. we dont have such time to do crazy stuff tgt anymore. the only thing we burn is midnight oil. which is not fun at all. heh. well.. we managed to pass on the tradition to our brother. he burns stuff every mid autumn festival under the supervision of my dad. SUPER- VISION. can u sense the sacarsm? just this yr.my dad actually threw the sparkler into the air and apparently it got stuck among the leaves of the palm tree at the garden downstairs and the palm tree was on fire. damn lame ok.the palm tree was smoking badly and we wanted to call the fire engine initially. and the next day when i was on my way to sch. the palm tree was chao tar. so malu. how weird and lame can my family get?i also dunno."
how i miss the fun times.... i miss burning stuff... i miss doing crazy stuff... i miss mixing chemicals and freaking melissa out.... now she's in china! *pokes*
apparently, i'm not slacking enough... i'm doing at the speed faster than they expected... damnit... i shall slow down... meanwhile, shall curse & swear that i have to leave my job early to go for mrs ho's farewell... she can happily retire for all i care.... just don't eat into my salary!
i've got my junior's graduation night photo... i look bloated in the damn bloody picture... i look uneven! AHHH! btw i'm overweight.... i bet i'm going to die of a heart attack! teeheee...sitting in office no good for health... damnit... i'm ranting rambling ranting...
i ate crabby yesterday too.... am looking forward to delicious food! MUAHAHAH! oysters! salmon! drools....
tada!
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
" oh wells. toking abt fires. i used to play with fire. esp during mooncake festival. damn fun lah. me and jie will collect rough paper throughout the whole year just for this day. then on mooncake festival night we go high and start burning evt. pluck leaves from plants.. throw them in and smell the chlorophyll smoke and hear the lovely sizzling.i guess it's like full moon and like the wolves..we go crazy. aiyah.sadly.. we dont have such time to do crazy stuff tgt anymore. the only thing we burn is midnight oil. which is not fun at all. heh. well.. we managed to pass on the tradition to our brother. he burns stuff every mid autumn festival under the supervision of my dad. SUPER- VISION. can u sense the sacarsm? just this yr.my dad actually threw the sparkler into the air and apparently it got stuck among the leaves of the palm tree at the garden downstairs and the palm tree was on fire. damn lame ok.the palm tree was smoking badly and we wanted to call the fire engine initially. and the next day when i was on my way to sch. the palm tree was chao tar. so malu. how weird and lame can my family get?i also dunno."
how i miss the fun times.... i miss burning stuff... i miss doing crazy stuff... i miss mixing chemicals and freaking melissa out.... now she's in china! *pokes*
apparently, i'm not slacking enough... i'm doing at the speed faster than they expected... damnit... i shall slow down... meanwhile, shall curse & swear that i have to leave my job early to go for mrs ho's farewell... she can happily retire for all i care.... just don't eat into my salary!
i've got my junior's graduation night photo... i look bloated in the damn bloody picture... i look uneven! AHHH! btw i'm overweight.... i bet i'm going to die of a heart attack! teeheee...sitting in office no good for health... damnit... i'm ranting rambling ranting...
i ate crabby yesterday too.... am looking forward to delicious food! MUAHAHAH! oysters! salmon! drools....
tada!
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
am i supposed to be happy tt she said that?
but then again, to each his own...
we're just two worlds apart, her friends & mine too...
why am i even thinking about this?
getting sick of work... its only a week... maybe i wouldn't feel so burdened if i didn't have LEP stuff plus revision & the "threat" of the HOD looming dangerously close...
shit shit shit shit...
sound like teenage angst...
i think too much... i shld stop thinking & stop being so damn sensitive to everything...
i shld just shut off mentally & go to hell... muahaha
i'm just a screwed gurl... apparently, the new cedar principal is sucky... i just hope this apparently doesn't become a fact...
i'm still guilty over the fact tt i didn't get to send faith off in changi airport...
the bible is at the corner of the computer table... reading it once in a while...
was wondering if i do convert to some religion, would i go attend church or mass or whatever gatherings that is required of that religion...
in that case.. religion becomes a committment... i bet that if i do become a member of a faith, i would be the worse member in history... lol...
meanwhile, i hear stories here & there that never fails to amaze me...
my sis meanwhile, shows no interest in the bible despite my attempts to coherce her to read it with me... hahax...
如果一切都是注定的,那选择何在?很多东西其实不需要去寻找,只需要我们去珍惜
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
but then again, to each his own...
we're just two worlds apart, her friends & mine too...
why am i even thinking about this?
getting sick of work... its only a week... maybe i wouldn't feel so burdened if i didn't have LEP stuff plus revision & the "threat" of the HOD looming dangerously close...
shit shit shit shit...
sound like teenage angst...
i think too much... i shld stop thinking & stop being so damn sensitive to everything...
i shld just shut off mentally & go to hell... muahaha
i'm just a screwed gurl... apparently, the new cedar principal is sucky... i just hope this apparently doesn't become a fact...
i'm still guilty over the fact tt i didn't get to send faith off in changi airport...
the bible is at the corner of the computer table... reading it once in a while...
was wondering if i do convert to some religion, would i go attend church or mass or whatever gatherings that is required of that religion...
in that case.. religion becomes a committment... i bet that if i do become a member of a faith, i would be the worse member in history... lol...
meanwhile, i hear stories here & there that never fails to amaze me...
my sis meanwhile, shows no interest in the bible despite my attempts to coherce her to read it with me... hahax...
如果一切都是注定的,那选择何在?很多东西其实不需要去寻找,只需要我们去珍惜
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Sunday, November 27, 2005
sometimes, i just wish that u did't care...
sometimes, i just wish u could care more...
isit a problem of me being emotional & all,
or isit a problem of ur eq being too sucky...
i don't know why...
sometimes i feel that everything bad that happens in this family is ur fault
u're the one who whines the most,
u're the one who always make it sound like the world is against u
u're the one who always ramble on & on abt how unlucky ur life is, how lousy ur kids are as compared to some invisible others
soemtimes i think u are just mentally challenged... or maybe u are just too pampered by ur parents ...
or to put it simply... u don't know how to treasure...
why do i feel like i'm talking abt myself...
how i hate genes... how i hate my similar behaviour as u
did i tell u that u're daughter is just as freaking crazy as people who are suicidal
did i tell u that it is always when i quarrel with u that i feel like life is not worth living any more
u always think i don't care... u always say i'm selfish... who's the selfish one?
everything is always about how u feel, u feel hurt that we don't tell u things,
u feel hurt when we flare up, u feel hurt when we don't respect u...
problem is, do u deserve it? u think by having us in ur womb for a period of 9 months plus 17 years of providing me with the basic accomodations is enough to justify this crap? u are so damn wrong...
u always treat me like a kid... both of you always do... i get calls from u like almost 2 to 3 times at least if i go out with my friends...
i have to describe to u the most detailled details like what time i reached that place, or what i did during my lunch break, or every single event that happened on that day...
i'm sorry do i sound overboard? the problem is i'm just pissed off & tired of you asking me to narrate to u what happened during that period of time in my life when u weren't around to witness it... and when i don't show interest or when i'm too tired to give u the exact details, u start whining & say that we're self centered & all rubbish
i'm amused... don't u do that to us too... flaring up for no reason at all when u are troubled with ur own kind of shit, screaming & yelling @ us like we're born to be ur punchbags... is that part of repaying you as well? to be ur personal punchbag?
then what are we? what the hell generation do u think we live in? kampong century? where results don't matter? there is not much cca stuff for u to fret about, where people during that time were more simple minded? WAKE UP! damnit... i just feel that u're childish, wishing for things that never exist, hoping that u're live in a condo or some other crap like wishing u were richer than u already are... who's the materialistic one?
i don't understand... why can u make errors that i can't? why can u commit every single mistake that u tell us not to do but u just blatently do it as if u were given the right because of ur priviledge as a parent?
everyone is suffering, everyone has their own problems... i just wish u cld know that... don't think that u're oh so heroic by seemingly bearing all the shit of the household... u're not the only one who fret...
i just wish u could just wake up... and stop being such a kid...
sometimes, i just wish u could care more...
isit a problem of me being emotional & all,
or isit a problem of ur eq being too sucky...
i don't know why...
sometimes i feel that everything bad that happens in this family is ur fault
u're the one who whines the most,
u're the one who always make it sound like the world is against u
u're the one who always ramble on & on abt how unlucky ur life is, how lousy ur kids are as compared to some invisible others
soemtimes i think u are just mentally challenged... or maybe u are just too pampered by ur parents ...
or to put it simply... u don't know how to treasure...
why do i feel like i'm talking abt myself...
how i hate genes... how i hate my similar behaviour as u
did i tell u that u're daughter is just as freaking crazy as people who are suicidal
did i tell u that it is always when i quarrel with u that i feel like life is not worth living any more
u always think i don't care... u always say i'm selfish... who's the selfish one?
everything is always about how u feel, u feel hurt that we don't tell u things,
u feel hurt when we flare up, u feel hurt when we don't respect u...
problem is, do u deserve it? u think by having us in ur womb for a period of 9 months plus 17 years of providing me with the basic accomodations is enough to justify this crap? u are so damn wrong...
u always treat me like a kid... both of you always do... i get calls from u like almost 2 to 3 times at least if i go out with my friends...
i have to describe to u the most detailled details like what time i reached that place, or what i did during my lunch break, or every single event that happened on that day...
i'm sorry do i sound overboard? the problem is i'm just pissed off & tired of you asking me to narrate to u what happened during that period of time in my life when u weren't around to witness it... and when i don't show interest or when i'm too tired to give u the exact details, u start whining & say that we're self centered & all rubbish
i'm amused... don't u do that to us too... flaring up for no reason at all when u are troubled with ur own kind of shit, screaming & yelling @ us like we're born to be ur punchbags... is that part of repaying you as well? to be ur personal punchbag?
then what are we? what the hell generation do u think we live in? kampong century? where results don't matter? there is not much cca stuff for u to fret about, where people during that time were more simple minded? WAKE UP! damnit... i just feel that u're childish, wishing for things that never exist, hoping that u're live in a condo or some other crap like wishing u were richer than u already are... who's the materialistic one?
i don't understand... why can u make errors that i can't? why can u commit every single mistake that u tell us not to do but u just blatently do it as if u were given the right because of ur priviledge as a parent?
everyone is suffering, everyone has their own problems... i just wish u cld know that... don't think that u're oh so heroic by seemingly bearing all the shit of the household... u're not the only one who fret...
i just wish u could just wake up... and stop being such a kid...
Friday, November 25, 2005
Thursday, November 24, 2005
random thoughts again... if u feel bored, pls leave...
it isn't my job to entertain u, i wasn't a born entertainer
>>i thought i saw u today.... i haven't talked to you since u graduated like 3 years ago...
all the promises about keeping in touch... we had our lives to live...
i kept staring at the person who looked like you... and i felt... hmmm....
i wanted to go forward and asked if she was who i thought she was....
but my courage failed me...
>> i kept thinking about what u said... that i treated you like others, that i am cold to you...
i wonder how much of what you said is true... or it's jus another of ur stupid plans to make urself appear like u're the enemy of the world... well... basically u are to everyone except ur princess...
i dun noe why i keep thinking... i'm just amuse... because usually people wld drift apart... only u were desperate to keep it going...
bad day... i have headache and black eyes now due to lack of sleep...
come fry me
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
it isn't my job to entertain u, i wasn't a born entertainer
>>i thought i saw u today.... i haven't talked to you since u graduated like 3 years ago...
all the promises about keeping in touch... we had our lives to live...
i kept staring at the person who looked like you... and i felt... hmmm....
i wanted to go forward and asked if she was who i thought she was....
but my courage failed me...
>> i kept thinking about what u said... that i treated you like others, that i am cold to you...
i wonder how much of what you said is true... or it's jus another of ur stupid plans to make urself appear like u're the enemy of the world... well... basically u are to everyone except ur princess...
i dun noe why i keep thinking... i'm just amuse... because usually people wld drift apart... only u were desperate to keep it going...
bad day... i have headache and black eyes now due to lack of sleep...
come fry me
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
am supposed to be having lunch break and studying my hong lou meng at the "request" of my mother...
i spent half an hr at the arrowana breeding pond... it felt nice to be alone and know that u are alone...
i've been addicted to old & outdated songs recently... don't ask me why...
i feel hmmm... peaceful? i don't know...
i have a upcoming camp which i don't feel like going...
just tired...
i read an article recently tt said ppl with exptreme mood swings are ill... i wonder if mine is extreme enuff...
i'm normal now... cheers!
i'm me....
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
i spent half an hr at the arrowana breeding pond... it felt nice to be alone and know that u are alone...
i've been addicted to old & outdated songs recently... don't ask me why...
i feel hmmm... peaceful? i don't know...
i have a upcoming camp which i don't feel like going...
just tired...
i read an article recently tt said ppl with exptreme mood swings are ill... i wonder if mine is extreme enuff...
i'm normal now... cheers!
i'm me....
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
religion...
what does it mean to me?
i think i've asked myself this countless times...
sometimes i think i don't need it, sometimes i just feel that i'm not ready to accept any religion yet...
i just feel that there isn't a need to restrict myself to any beliefs... i just take up those that i like, discard those that go against my own values..
however the bad thing is that because u define ur own rules & values, u might lose urself sometimes... and then you would be as lost as before...
are people with a religion happier? i have yet to find a person who has the same answer to this as me....
i am my own master... :)
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
what does it mean to me?
i think i've asked myself this countless times...
sometimes i think i don't need it, sometimes i just feel that i'm not ready to accept any religion yet...
i just feel that there isn't a need to restrict myself to any beliefs... i just take up those that i like, discard those that go against my own values..
however the bad thing is that because u define ur own rules & values, u might lose urself sometimes... and then you would be as lost as before...
are people with a religion happier? i have yet to find a person who has the same answer to this as me....
i am my own master... :)
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
munching on chocolate and bloggin while in office... since i'm nt going to be paid durin my lunchtime, why work...
gahx...
didn't manage to get to airport to send faith off... i'm stupid
meanwhile... shall continue to slack
simin bloggin frm qian hu fish farm office at 12.40pm
life sucks
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
gahx...
didn't manage to get to airport to send faith off... i'm stupid
meanwhile... shall continue to slack
simin bloggin frm qian hu fish farm office at 12.40pm
life sucks
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Sunday, November 20, 2005
i'm overweight!!! ghax.... holidays make me lazy... i've been camping in front of the computer almost everyday... bad...
christmas coming... lol... should i make a wish list? haha... for the fun of it!
simin's wishlist
1. contact lenses!
i just love these things... it's the most troublesome thing in the morning but it's one of the best to not make you look like a nerd... u feel at ease too
2. shaman king comics...
i love yoh... lolx
3. get my tv repaired
4. drive a car / go karting..
i'm sorry but i think i'm supposed to be a guy...
5. to go travelling
6. to love & be loved
7. to be a better person, better in everyway, to love more hate less, to better manage my time, emotions
8. that my grandma will either get well soon, or have a happy depature into afterlife... i love u... >.<
9. to keep in close touch with my friend, those in cedar & those that i've known in NYJC... to learn to treasure
10. to see you smile...
i realised my list is never ending... this is bad.. shall i summarise it?
simin's summarised wishlist
1. contact lens & repaired tv
2. to learn to love, to let go....
3. to better manage my life...
wadever... i suck at making wishlishes... cus i wish for too much...
grandma is in bad condition... hmmm... ok... not bad... i just feel that she's fading away... the good thing is tt her brain is still quite aleart... *cries*
i dun noe.... last time when my maternal grandma wasn't feeling well, i bought a tiny plant & made a wish.... that if the plant grow well my grandma will be well, now i'm just hoping that all will be well...
it's a matter of time... that's what my dad & mum are saying... they say it as if it is nothing... but i feel that they're hiding something...
i can only hope and hope that she will feel okay... as long as she is happy, as long as she doens't suffer all this pain, whatever she chooses, i'll....
i'm just being stupid... wishing for this and that...
christmas coming... lol... should i make a wish list? haha... for the fun of it!
simin's wishlist
1. contact lenses!
i just love these things... it's the most troublesome thing in the morning but it's one of the best to not make you look like a nerd... u feel at ease too
2. shaman king comics...
i love yoh... lolx
3. get my tv repaired
4. drive a car / go karting..
i'm sorry but i think i'm supposed to be a guy...
5. to go travelling
6. to love & be loved
7. to be a better person, better in everyway, to love more hate less, to better manage my time, emotions
8. that my grandma will either get well soon, or have a happy depature into afterlife... i love u... >.<
9. to keep in close touch with my friend, those in cedar & those that i've known in NYJC... to learn to treasure
10. to see you smile...
i realised my list is never ending... this is bad.. shall i summarise it?
simin's summarised wishlist
1. contact lens & repaired tv
2. to learn to love, to let go....
3. to better manage my life...
wadever... i suck at making wishlishes... cus i wish for too much...
grandma is in bad condition... hmmm... ok... not bad... i just feel that she's fading away... the good thing is tt her brain is still quite aleart... *cries*
i dun noe.... last time when my maternal grandma wasn't feeling well, i bought a tiny plant & made a wish.... that if the plant grow well my grandma will be well, now i'm just hoping that all will be well...
it's a matter of time... that's what my dad & mum are saying... they say it as if it is nothing... but i feel that they're hiding something...
i can only hope and hope that she will feel okay... as long as she is happy, as long as she doens't suffer all this pain, whatever she chooses, i'll....
i'm just being stupid... wishing for this and that...
Saturday, November 19, 2005
i thought i had found the answer today.... i thought....
maybe i didn't have to think deeper into anything, everything is as simple as what my friend has explained... why did i have to consider the fact that he was pitiful & didn't have any friends or whatever crap that i found out or have been told...
there is a reason for everything... there is a BIG FAT WARNING SIGN which i ignored... now i suffere the consequences...
it's not that bad actually... if i learnt something from this... if i know how to make a clean break...
this is something that i have been teaching my friend to do, but i ended up with the same problem and committing the same mistakes... ironic huh...
i think i know the way to walk... i'm just afraid that this will not turn out to be the right way, or that i might just go haywire..
just feel very depressed suddenly...
tiredd...
who cares when i cry, who cries when i die... hur hur... it rhymes but it's lame
SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP....
confiding is nvr easy... no one said it was, only you though it was easy, you said it like it's a piece of cake & you though trust is an easy thing too...
sometimes i feel that u are full of bullshit, full of promises but it's just empty talk.. i don't know how i got to know you...
you lament about the world, like it's against you.... the problem now is, who is pitting against who, the world against u? or u against the world?
i'm sick & tired of u and ur bullshit... i'm sick & tired of acting like nothing matters
i'm sick & tired of laughing & end up being called insane by the others...
fuck u... u are the cause of all this...fuck u....
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
maybe i didn't have to think deeper into anything, everything is as simple as what my friend has explained... why did i have to consider the fact that he was pitiful & didn't have any friends or whatever crap that i found out or have been told...
there is a reason for everything... there is a BIG FAT WARNING SIGN which i ignored... now i suffere the consequences...
it's not that bad actually... if i learnt something from this... if i know how to make a clean break...
this is something that i have been teaching my friend to do, but i ended up with the same problem and committing the same mistakes... ironic huh...
i think i know the way to walk... i'm just afraid that this will not turn out to be the right way, or that i might just go haywire..
just feel very depressed suddenly...
tiredd...
who cares when i cry, who cries when i die... hur hur... it rhymes but it's lame
SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP....
confiding is nvr easy... no one said it was, only you though it was easy, you said it like it's a piece of cake & you though trust is an easy thing too...
sometimes i feel that u are full of bullshit, full of promises but it's just empty talk.. i don't know how i got to know you...
you lament about the world, like it's against you.... the problem now is, who is pitting against who, the world against u? or u against the world?
i'm sick & tired of u and ur bullshit... i'm sick & tired of acting like nothing matters
i'm sick & tired of laughing & end up being called insane by the others...
fuck u... u are the cause of all this...fuck u....
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Got this frm a email.... it's nice... :)
Schs... Remember these? Well, This really brings back so much memories. For those who studied in Singaporean primary schools... Remember these? Heartwarming & a little funny... the things we used to do...
50 things for Singaporean teenagers. Sit,enjoy and think back about the past...Were you one of these?
1. You grew up watching He-man, Transformers, Silver hawk & Mickey Mouse. Not to forget, Ninja turtles & Smurfs too.
2. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during recess time. You will squat by a drain with all your classmates beside you, and brush your teeth with a coloured mug. The teachers said you must brush each side10 times too.
3. You know what's Bin(1) Fen(1) Ba (1) San(1) is all about.
4. You know what SBC stands for.
5. You were there when the first chinese serial, the Awakening was shown on TV.
6.Internet? What the hell is that? So you thought a decade or more ago.
7. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in Secondary school.
8. SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats are made of wood & the cushion is red.! The big red bell gives a loud BEEEP! when pressed.There are colourful tickets for TIBS buses. The conductor will check for tickets by using a machine which punches a hole on the ticket.
9.Your favourite actor and actress is Huang Wenyong & Xiangyun. Next is Lee Nanxing & Zoe Tay & the Aiyoyo woman.
10. You've probably read Young Generation magazine. You know who's Vinny the little vampire and Acai the constable.
11. You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.
12. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50
13. Gals are fascinated by Stra! wberry Short Cake & Barbie Dolls.
14. You learn to laugh like The Count in Sesame Street.
15. You longed to buy tibits called Kaka(20 cents per pack) & Ding Dang(50 cents per box), tt had a toy in it and it changes every week not forgetting the 15 cents animal crackers & the ring pop, where the lollipop is the diamond on the ring.
16. You watched TV2(aka Channel 10) cartoons because Channel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.
17. All that you know about Cantonese is from the Hong Kong serials you watched on TV2.
18.Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators, Famous Five & Secret Seven are probably the thickest story books you ever thought you have read. Even SweetValley High & Malory Towers.
19.Civics & Moral Education was "Hao3 Gong1 Min2".
20. KFC used to be a high class restaurant that serve food in plates & let you use metal forks & knives.
21. The most vulgar thing you said was asshole & idiot & THE MOST EXTREME WAS 'super white'...you just couldn't bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.
22. Catching was the IN thing and twist the magic word.
23. Your English workbooks was made of some damn poor quality paper tt was smooth & yellow.
24. CDIS was your best friend.
25. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixellised characters in 16 colours walking abt trying to teach u maths.
26. Waterbottles were slinged around your neck & a must everywhere u go.
27. Boys loved to play soccer with small tennis balls in the basketball court or play something tt uses tennis ball to hit other players known as "HUM TAM BOLA" during recess /after school
28. Hopskotch, five stones,chateh & zero point were all the rage with the girls & boys too...
29. Science was fun with the balsam & the angsana being the most impt plants of our lives.
30. Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei & John, eternalized in our minds from the txtbks. Even Mr Wally.
31. U did stupid exercises like seal crawl & frog jumps.
32. Every children's day & national day u either get pins or pens with 'Happy Children's Day 1993' or dumb files with Happy National Day 1994'.
33. In Primary 6 u had to play buddy for the younger kids like big sister & brother.
34. Chinese teachers were always old, boring & damn fierce looking.
35. Ur form teacher taught you maths, science & english.
36. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.
37. U went to school in slippers & a raincoat when it rained, & u find a dry spot in the school to sit down, dry ur feet, & wear ur dry & warm socks & shoes.
38. Famous Chinese singers were only Jacky Cheung, Andy Lau, Aaron Kwok & Leon Lai
39. School dismissal time was normally ard 1 pm.
40. There would be spelling tests & mental sums to do almost everyday.
41. Ur friends considered u lucky & rich if ur parents gave u $3 or more for pocket money everyday.
42. During class gatherings, parents always tag along in case someone gets lost at Orchard Road.
43. U freak out when the teacher tells u to line up according to height & hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.
44. Handkerchiefs were a must for both genders
45. Collecting notebooks & all kinds of stationery was a popular thing.
46. Autograph bks were loaded with "Best Wishes", "Forget Me Not", & small poems like "Bird fly high, hard to catch. Friend like you, hard to forget".
47. Class monitors & prefects loved to say "U talk somemore, I write ur name ah!"
48. There were @ least 40 people in one class.
49. Large, colourful schoolbags were carried.
50. You brought every single bk to sch, even though there was one thing called the timetable.
Schs... Remember these? Well, This really brings back so much memories. For those who studied in Singaporean primary schools... Remember these? Heartwarming & a little funny... the things we used to do...
50 things for Singaporean teenagers. Sit,enjoy and think back about the past...Were you one of these?
1. You grew up watching He-man, Transformers, Silver hawk & Mickey Mouse. Not to forget, Ninja turtles & Smurfs too.
2. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during recess time. You will squat by a drain with all your classmates beside you, and brush your teeth with a coloured mug. The teachers said you must brush each side10 times too.
3. You know what's Bin(1) Fen(1) Ba (1) San(1) is all about.
4. You know what SBC stands for.
5. You were there when the first chinese serial, the Awakening was shown on TV.
6.Internet? What the hell is that? So you thought a decade or more ago.
7. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in Secondary school.
8. SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats are made of wood & the cushion is red.! The big red bell gives a loud BEEEP! when pressed.There are colourful tickets for TIBS buses. The conductor will check for tickets by using a machine which punches a hole on the ticket.
9.Your favourite actor and actress is Huang Wenyong & Xiangyun. Next is Lee Nanxing & Zoe Tay & the Aiyoyo woman.
10. You've probably read Young Generation magazine. You know who's Vinny the little vampire and Acai the constable.
11. You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.
12. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50
13. Gals are fascinated by Stra! wberry Short Cake & Barbie Dolls.
14. You learn to laugh like The Count in Sesame Street.
15. You longed to buy tibits called Kaka(20 cents per pack) & Ding Dang(50 cents per box), tt had a toy in it and it changes every week not forgetting the 15 cents animal crackers & the ring pop, where the lollipop is the diamond on the ring.
16. You watched TV2(aka Channel 10) cartoons because Channel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.
17. All that you know about Cantonese is from the Hong Kong serials you watched on TV2.
18.Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators, Famous Five & Secret Seven are probably the thickest story books you ever thought you have read. Even SweetValley High & Malory Towers.
19.Civics & Moral Education was "Hao3 Gong1 Min2".
20. KFC used to be a high class restaurant that serve food in plates & let you use metal forks & knives.
21. The most vulgar thing you said was asshole & idiot & THE MOST EXTREME WAS 'super white'...you just couldn't bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.
22. Catching was the IN thing and twist the magic word.
23. Your English workbooks was made of some damn poor quality paper tt was smooth & yellow.
24. CDIS was your best friend.
25. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixellised characters in 16 colours walking abt trying to teach u maths.
26. Waterbottles were slinged around your neck & a must everywhere u go.
27. Boys loved to play soccer with small tennis balls in the basketball court or play something tt uses tennis ball to hit other players known as "HUM TAM BOLA" during recess /after school
28. Hopskotch, five stones,chateh & zero point were all the rage with the girls & boys too...
29. Science was fun with the balsam & the angsana being the most impt plants of our lives.
30. Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei & John, eternalized in our minds from the txtbks. Even Mr Wally.
31. U did stupid exercises like seal crawl & frog jumps.
32. Every children's day & national day u either get pins or pens with 'Happy Children's Day 1993' or dumb files with Happy National Day 1994'.
33. In Primary 6 u had to play buddy for the younger kids like big sister & brother.
34. Chinese teachers were always old, boring & damn fierce looking.
35. Ur form teacher taught you maths, science & english.
36. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.
37. U went to school in slippers & a raincoat when it rained, & u find a dry spot in the school to sit down, dry ur feet, & wear ur dry & warm socks & shoes.
38. Famous Chinese singers were only Jacky Cheung, Andy Lau, Aaron Kwok & Leon Lai
39. School dismissal time was normally ard 1 pm.
40. There would be spelling tests & mental sums to do almost everyday.
41. Ur friends considered u lucky & rich if ur parents gave u $3 or more for pocket money everyday.
42. During class gatherings, parents always tag along in case someone gets lost at Orchard Road.
43. U freak out when the teacher tells u to line up according to height & hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.
44. Handkerchiefs were a must for both genders
45. Collecting notebooks & all kinds of stationery was a popular thing.
46. Autograph bks were loaded with "Best Wishes", "Forget Me Not", & small poems like "Bird fly high, hard to catch. Friend like you, hard to forget".
47. Class monitors & prefects loved to say "U talk somemore, I write ur name ah!"
48. There were @ least 40 people in one class.
49. Large, colourful schoolbags were carried.
50. You brought every single bk to sch, even though there was one thing called the timetable.
..:: end ::..
剑煮酒无味 饮一杯为谁
你为我送别 你为你送别
胭脂香味 能爱不能给
天有多长 地有多远
你是英雄 就注定无泪无悔
这笑有多危险 是穿肠毒药
这泪有多么美 只有你知道
这心没有你活着可笑
这一世英名我不要
只求换来红颜一笑
这一去如果还能轮回
我愿意来生作牛马
也要与你天涯相随
红颜....胡彦斌唱地...听了很感动,可能是那歌声好听,也可能是歌词写得好
me & xj talked abt BGR and stuff... kinda of lame... i think i was trying to convince him that R is a bian tai.. lol... but he agreeded with me in the end... so i rox... R sucks.. lol
tml i need to find teacher... gahx..
my sis said tt my cedar junior suddenly asked her for my email. i'm surprised tt someone even bothered to ask lol... i wasn't really popular among my CCA, and i dun think i was being idolised as well.. haha.. cedar has this culture of idolizing seniors... i know i know.. i used to idolise my senior too... hehe...
LEP project.... lby say our group very not motivated... the problem is. DO I CARE? lol.... haha... no... i just wanna revise which i had not been able to. stupid me
penknife... this word keep appearing in mind...
i just want to love and be loved... haha... i know i am loved :)
btw, did i tell u, i DO have a image, which is not to have a image at all...
in case u didn't noe.. i also realised that there are also ppl who are damn dumb...
my sis came back from her sabah trip, and she said that one of her campmates ask the airhostress for a pad so loudly that everyone in that area (i must say it's quite a big area too.. lol!) was looking at her... poor sis, have to sit beside such a weirdo...
oh yar. & someone said my sis looked like bae yong jun.. i just conclude that the girl is just desparate and has lesbianic tendancies... haha..
whee... cranky now... wanna slp... take care ppl
i know what i'm doing for now... i think
MUAHAHA
你为我送别 你为你送别
胭脂香味 能爱不能给
天有多长 地有多远
你是英雄 就注定无泪无悔
这笑有多危险 是穿肠毒药
这泪有多么美 只有你知道
这心没有你活着可笑
这一世英名我不要
只求换来红颜一笑
这一去如果还能轮回
我愿意来生作牛马
也要与你天涯相随
红颜....胡彦斌唱地...听了很感动,可能是那歌声好听,也可能是歌词写得好
me & xj talked abt BGR and stuff... kinda of lame... i think i was trying to convince him that R is a bian tai.. lol... but he agreeded with me in the end... so i rox... R sucks.. lol
tml i need to find teacher... gahx..
my sis said tt my cedar junior suddenly asked her for my email. i'm surprised tt someone even bothered to ask lol... i wasn't really popular among my CCA, and i dun think i was being idolised as well.. haha.. cedar has this culture of idolizing seniors... i know i know.. i used to idolise my senior too... hehe...
LEP project.... lby say our group very not motivated... the problem is. DO I CARE? lol.... haha... no... i just wanna revise which i had not been able to. stupid me
penknife... this word keep appearing in mind...
i just want to love and be loved... haha... i know i am loved :)
btw, did i tell u, i DO have a image, which is not to have a image at all...
in case u didn't noe.. i also realised that there are also ppl who are damn dumb...
my sis came back from her sabah trip, and she said that one of her campmates ask the airhostress for a pad so loudly that everyone in that area (i must say it's quite a big area too.. lol!) was looking at her... poor sis, have to sit beside such a weirdo...
oh yar. & someone said my sis looked like bae yong jun.. i just conclude that the girl is just desparate and has lesbianic tendancies... haha..
whee... cranky now... wanna slp... take care ppl
i know what i'm doing for now... i think
MUAHAHA
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
XXX XXXX XXXX should go & die! URGH! someone pls tell her to go to hell... first it is no home clothes, now u give me 2 hrs to bbq.. pls eat shit!
reasons for me hating to organise bbqs, especially for a class whom i'm not close to is that the most unimaginable things crop up..
nvm... now i shall plan with weihao the exco bbq... at least we wun be doing shit... GAHX
did i tell u, ppl who make use of me suck as well... and the problem is i stupidly let them do it... thank me and my genius IQ
DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!
reasons for me hating to organise bbqs, especially for a class whom i'm not close to is that the most unimaginable things crop up..
nvm... now i shall plan with weihao the exco bbq... at least we wun be doing shit... GAHX
did i tell u, ppl who make use of me suck as well... and the problem is i stupidly let them do it... thank me and my genius IQ
DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!
current status...: half dead...
it's freaky sometimes... to be able to know what the other person is thinking and what he or she might do... cus u never know how this ability to "see" might be used against u...
soemtimes u try to hard to understand the things around u, ending up complicating relationships than it already is...
i used to think that i could trust in you not to do what others did to me, but in the end u broke it... now i trust no more... nothing is as simple as it seems... there is never a thing as simple as what you see...
after saying all theses, it may be that it all ends up in one word, "choice". so what is this choice given to you... what do you do with it? to choose to believe in the surface of things & stay happy? afterall, ignorance is bliss... or to look deeper than the surface, and discover the ugly truths & hurt yourself in the process...
i used to form alot of conlcusions about people, now i can't be bothered... i just wanna stay neutral... even if i do hate the person, i'll try to forget the conclusions i came up with that person... or try to make these feelings dormant...
dormant... that's what i am feeling now...
i used to think that people who talk about love 24/7 have no life at all.... i still do...
i used to think that as we grow older and step into society, we'll meet alot more odd shapes and in different colours, shapes and sizes... i still do
i used to think guys are a weird speices who are mostly desperate to have a gf... i still do... for most ppl! MUAHAHA
did u find me contradicting... haha.. that's how life is, that's how we, as part of this whole "LIFE" is also affected...
i have yet to read the online bible... though the first part i read was interesting...
mind games... we play them all the time... or maybe i play them... that's why i feel jaded... it's sick i noe.... haix...but that's my mind... >.<
gd nitex... or rather...good morning...
i saw my frens nick... it's nice... harhar.. see ya
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
it's freaky sometimes... to be able to know what the other person is thinking and what he or she might do... cus u never know how this ability to "see" might be used against u...
soemtimes u try to hard to understand the things around u, ending up complicating relationships than it already is...
i used to think that i could trust in you not to do what others did to me, but in the end u broke it... now i trust no more... nothing is as simple as it seems... there is never a thing as simple as what you see...
after saying all theses, it may be that it all ends up in one word, "choice". so what is this choice given to you... what do you do with it? to choose to believe in the surface of things & stay happy? afterall, ignorance is bliss... or to look deeper than the surface, and discover the ugly truths & hurt yourself in the process...
i used to form alot of conlcusions about people, now i can't be bothered... i just wanna stay neutral... even if i do hate the person, i'll try to forget the conclusions i came up with that person... or try to make these feelings dormant...
dormant... that's what i am feeling now...
i used to think that people who talk about love 24/7 have no life at all.... i still do...
i used to think that as we grow older and step into society, we'll meet alot more odd shapes and in different colours, shapes and sizes... i still do
i used to think guys are a weird speices who are mostly desperate to have a gf... i still do... for most ppl! MUAHAHA
did u find me contradicting... haha.. that's how life is, that's how we, as part of this whole "LIFE" is also affected...
i have yet to read the online bible... though the first part i read was interesting...
mind games... we play them all the time... or maybe i play them... that's why i feel jaded... it's sick i noe.... haix...but that's my mind... >.<
gd nitex... or rather...good morning...
i saw my frens nick... it's nice... harhar.. see ya
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Monday, November 14, 2005
i think miaoyu's blog makes me think... haha... which means i haven been thinking properly or haven been thinking for the past few weeks...haha
anyway, faith says it's more sincere if i write crap on my entry... haha... which gives me the conclusion that my crap makes ppl feel that i'm sincere. so if i'm nt crapping den what do ppl think of me?
i also realised recently that i will get very very HIGH if i get myself overloaded on sugar or carbohydrates...MUAHAHA
btw have u tried playing maple story while listening to classical music... like killing snails while listening to a piano piece? i think it makes u feel like psycopath.. heh... i'm just cranky... paiseh
oh yar, i created a new domain too! many thanks to jasmine darling aka echizen jasmine.. it's called true-north.de.. although i have no idea what to do with it now... cus i'm to drained to do anything photoshopping or webdesigning with dreamweaver *smiles sleepishly @ jasmine :P*
i wonder if i would be happier if my class was 05s5c? or if i didn't have any class at all & will be alone most of the time.. haha... i bet i would still be a loner if i changed to other classes...
btw, i dun look like loner meh? haha.. even wilson thinks i'm a loner... haha... it's nice to have a change... especially when i used to think that i was a social butterfly...
what do i need to reflect about my life now that i have nt?
my school work
1. to work much much harder... focus on studies and throw everything out of ur mind... priority shld be placed HERE!
my friends
1. to do my best to help but also at the same time understand my limits, of my need to live a normal life, to know my limits, to know that there are many things beyond my control, that i should learn to let go at appropriate times... to learn not to worry but instead to do something else more worthwhile
2. to accept people as who they are, some ppl just can't help behaving or thinking that way. we have no right to force them to accomodate to ours as much as we don't like them forcing us to accept their beliefs as well. they have the right to talk about their interest, life, hobby and most imporantly their religion. as long as i have a clear stand of what i want in my life and not let myself be affected by those around me, i shall not intervene others of promoting their beliefs.
my life
1. to let go of things that are in the past... to learn to trust and love... to learn to not give up... to learn that nothing is impossible
2. to count my blessing constantly, so that i may not neglect those who care for me, so that i shall not think of life & death as a game
3. to have a healthy lifestyle... dun sleep late :)
guess that's all... drained... shall sleep... bon nuitte... wadever... i dun noe french..haha!
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
anyway, faith says it's more sincere if i write crap on my entry... haha... which gives me the conclusion that my crap makes ppl feel that i'm sincere. so if i'm nt crapping den what do ppl think of me?
i also realised recently that i will get very very HIGH if i get myself overloaded on sugar or carbohydrates...MUAHAHA
btw have u tried playing maple story while listening to classical music... like killing snails while listening to a piano piece? i think it makes u feel like psycopath.. heh... i'm just cranky... paiseh
oh yar, i created a new domain too! many thanks to jasmine darling aka echizen jasmine.. it's called true-north.de.. although i have no idea what to do with it now... cus i'm to drained to do anything photoshopping or webdesigning with dreamweaver *smiles sleepishly @ jasmine :P*
i wonder if i would be happier if my class was 05s5c? or if i didn't have any class at all & will be alone most of the time.. haha... i bet i would still be a loner if i changed to other classes...
btw, i dun look like loner meh? haha.. even wilson thinks i'm a loner... haha... it's nice to have a change... especially when i used to think that i was a social butterfly...
what do i need to reflect about my life now that i have nt?
my school work
1. to work much much harder... focus on studies and throw everything out of ur mind... priority shld be placed HERE!
my friends
1. to do my best to help but also at the same time understand my limits, of my need to live a normal life, to know my limits, to know that there are many things beyond my control, that i should learn to let go at appropriate times... to learn not to worry but instead to do something else more worthwhile
2. to accept people as who they are, some ppl just can't help behaving or thinking that way. we have no right to force them to accomodate to ours as much as we don't like them forcing us to accept their beliefs as well. they have the right to talk about their interest, life, hobby and most imporantly their religion. as long as i have a clear stand of what i want in my life and not let myself be affected by those around me, i shall not intervene others of promoting their beliefs.
my life
1. to let go of things that are in the past... to learn to trust and love... to learn to not give up... to learn that nothing is impossible
2. to count my blessing constantly, so that i may not neglect those who care for me, so that i shall not think of life & death as a game
3. to have a healthy lifestyle... dun sleep late :)
guess that's all... drained... shall sleep... bon nuitte... wadever... i dun noe french..haha!
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
this is my nice crap for my class NE... the best crap i've written since i was born! WHEEE.. hahaha....
National Education – Learning Journey for 05A7A
Field trip to Qian Hu Fish Farm
Our class will be going to Qian Hu Fish Farm located at 71 Jalan Lekar, Agrotechnology Park. Our class will be able to come into close contact with nature and also learn about the history of Qian Hu Fish Farm and how it was set up.
Qian Hu’s rich history will allow my classmates to see that success does not come easily and that we have to learn from set backs in order to reach our goals. This coincides with the NE message No one owes Singapore a living and that we have to depend on ourselves to contribute to Singapore’s economic success.
National Education – Learning Journey for 05A7A
Field trip to Qian Hu Fish Farm
Our class will be going to Qian Hu Fish Farm located at 71 Jalan Lekar, Agrotechnology Park. Our class will be able to come into close contact with nature and also learn about the history of Qian Hu Fish Farm and how it was set up.
Qian Hu’s rich history will allow my classmates to see that success does not come easily and that we have to learn from set backs in order to reach our goals. This coincides with the NE message No one owes Singapore a living and that we have to depend on ourselves to contribute to Singapore’s economic success.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
wheeee...
i need to plan for bbqs!! one for class one for me lian lian & eugene den still need to go find more ppl...hahaha
i need to go see teacher on thurs... HOD summore... though i'm nt scared of teachers or wadever, and i noe i'm nt going to die, this thing is still constantly on my mind...
i need to study too
this entry is bimbotic but i dun care...
btw i realised a similar theme for the dreams that i have been having since... hmm... i dun noe when
the themes of my dreams are
1. freedom
this mainly include having the ability to fly, the most embrrassing thing would be to try to squeeze my... erm... plum body out of my house window... and obvious i can't get out... but other times i would just be flying... these are the best dreams!
other than that, is to be jumping on the matress and can bounce to great heights... kinda of fun since my parents forbid me to jump on the matress when i was young, i guess i had to do it in dreams then. lolx
2. escape/running away
i dun noe why but in most of my dreams... i would be running away, from both people i know and people i don't know...
my entry is lame...
i wonder if people with different religions mix well together... *my father is playing with my brother's toy..haha...*
it's great to have people like weilian aka my darlin to remind me of the things in life that i fail to treasure, to remind me of what friends are for
like faith whom i can talk to abt the philosophies of life
like jasmine whom i can fangirl, talk abt our common interest!
like HL milk and my whole clique
i guess i can't grumble with all these wonderful ppl ard me
haha! i shall continue counting my blessings!
thanks ppl & take care... i will stay happy too!
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
i need to plan for bbqs!! one for class one for me lian lian & eugene den still need to go find more ppl...hahaha
i need to go see teacher on thurs... HOD summore... though i'm nt scared of teachers or wadever, and i noe i'm nt going to die, this thing is still constantly on my mind...
i need to study too
this entry is bimbotic but i dun care...
btw i realised a similar theme for the dreams that i have been having since... hmm... i dun noe when
the themes of my dreams are
1. freedom
this mainly include having the ability to fly, the most embrrassing thing would be to try to squeeze my... erm... plum body out of my house window... and obvious i can't get out... but other times i would just be flying... these are the best dreams!
other than that, is to be jumping on the matress and can bounce to great heights... kinda of fun since my parents forbid me to jump on the matress when i was young, i guess i had to do it in dreams then. lolx
2. escape/running away
i dun noe why but in most of my dreams... i would be running away, from both people i know and people i don't know...
my entry is lame...
i wonder if people with different religions mix well together... *my father is playing with my brother's toy..haha...*
it's great to have people like weilian aka my darlin to remind me of the things in life that i fail to treasure, to remind me of what friends are for
like faith whom i can talk to abt the philosophies of life
like jasmine whom i can fangirl, talk abt our common interest!
like HL milk and my whole clique
i guess i can't grumble with all these wonderful ppl ard me
haha! i shall continue counting my blessings!
thanks ppl & take care... i will stay happy too!
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Saturday, November 12, 2005
i should start doing self evalution
value of my daily expenses for 17 years, including basic necessasities, materialistic satisfaction, spiritual fulfilment
= priceless
value of my life
= worthless
hurhurhur...
so tired... haha... me not going bbq cus my darling jasmine not going... hahaha... wheee... i'm so drained of energy.... muz bring hong lou meng with me to my bed... then mum will think i fall asleep while studying... haha
kahhui is looking for a new job... good... i have one less worry...
i haven talked to faith for like hmmmm a week? haha... her clothes and time table is with me... gahx
haven talked to ee hui for a long time too...
i'm just drained of life philosophies and crap....
i wonder if anyone kills themselves out of boredom... haha... that will be amusing...
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
value of my daily expenses for 17 years, including basic necessasities, materialistic satisfaction, spiritual fulfilment
= priceless
value of my life
= worthless
hurhurhur...
so tired... haha... me not going bbq cus my darling jasmine not going... hahaha... wheee... i'm so drained of energy.... muz bring hong lou meng with me to my bed... then mum will think i fall asleep while studying... haha
kahhui is looking for a new job... good... i have one less worry...
i haven talked to faith for like hmmmm a week? haha... her clothes and time table is with me... gahx
haven talked to ee hui for a long time too...
i'm just drained of life philosophies and crap....
i wonder if anyone kills themselves out of boredom... haha... that will be amusing...
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Friday, November 11, 2005
曾经答应的,曾经的承诺,我无法守着,曾经的我,还很天真, 曾经的我....
愧疚，但就只懂得怎么感到内疚....
我知道知己无能,在成绩方面也搞不好,友谊方面也是一塌糊涂...
你总是觉得自己没人关心,没人爱护,如果我有办法,我一定会让你知道,其实,你一直是我的牵挂... 是使我最放不下心的....
曾经问过自己,如果当初没碰见你,自己现在会不会那么痛苦,我至今无法找到答案,因为你的痛苦,也成为了我生活的一部分....
你曾经说过了很多话,让我感到很痛心... 我至今还记得一清二楚,不知道为什么,就是无法忘掉...
我... 很傻吧?
every single day, i would ask myself who do i live for... what do i live for... the past? or the memories? or the future?
my results are like shit.... my life is like shit... i can't study... i dun noe why.... which pisses me off tremendously....
i just want my life back.... is that too much to ask?
everyday i keep comparing my life to what it used to be... asking myself how i would deal with this situation if it had happened last time... why am i doing this?? why do i even want to do this?
can't i depend on my present self for strength? why do i need the past to make decisions for me? why do i need my past to push me forward?
it's just this sense of frustration... this sense of anger... that everything is just working against me... WHY ISN'T ANYONE LISTENING?! WHY??????
why isit so hard to understand? to feel that someone cares? we wallow in self pity everyday, saying that what others have is better than what u currently have.... the thing is are u even sure? what about the things u have? do u even know u have it? or it has come to u so easily that u have forgetten it's mere existence?
WHO AM I NOW? really? i'm just a emotional wreck... sustained by insanity & a false image...
i can't confide.... i suddenly lost the urge or even the will to confide... sometimes i feel that the whole world is plotting against me.... that everyone is hatching a evil plan... that everyone is scheming to do something.... i question their motives.... i question every single thing they do... i feel so out of control...
don't ask me why... is there a reason for every tear?
am i even mentally sound? i don't really know....
i'm tired... of trying to find who i really am... maybe i am defined by my friends.... maybe i feel lost when they're not around... maybe i dun even have a definition of myself at all
maybe it's because i made a promise this time not to let go... maybe i didn't make that promise in the past...
she called me on the phone one day.... we both cried... and she just said, i'm scared... of who i will become... whatever i become next year, please be there for me... i said u didn't have to ask... i promised her... but we just drifted apart... how come the same thing isn't happenin now? what happened? why are there so many things i can't let go...
how much courage does it take to live, how much does it take to die?
weilian... thanks for being there...
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
愧疚，但就只懂得怎么感到内疚....
我知道知己无能,在成绩方面也搞不好,友谊方面也是一塌糊涂...
你总是觉得自己没人关心,没人爱护,如果我有办法,我一定会让你知道,其实,你一直是我的牵挂... 是使我最放不下心的....
曾经问过自己,如果当初没碰见你,自己现在会不会那么痛苦,我至今无法找到答案,因为你的痛苦,也成为了我生活的一部分....
你曾经说过了很多话,让我感到很痛心... 我至今还记得一清二楚,不知道为什么,就是无法忘掉...
我... 很傻吧?
every single day, i would ask myself who do i live for... what do i live for... the past? or the memories? or the future?
my results are like shit.... my life is like shit... i can't study... i dun noe why.... which pisses me off tremendously....
i just want my life back.... is that too much to ask?
everyday i keep comparing my life to what it used to be... asking myself how i would deal with this situation if it had happened last time... why am i doing this?? why do i even want to do this?
can't i depend on my present self for strength? why do i need the past to make decisions for me? why do i need my past to push me forward?
it's just this sense of frustration... this sense of anger... that everything is just working against me... WHY ISN'T ANYONE LISTENING?! WHY??????
why isit so hard to understand? to feel that someone cares? we wallow in self pity everyday, saying that what others have is better than what u currently have.... the thing is are u even sure? what about the things u have? do u even know u have it? or it has come to u so easily that u have forgetten it's mere existence?
WHO AM I NOW? really? i'm just a emotional wreck... sustained by insanity & a false image...
i can't confide.... i suddenly lost the urge or even the will to confide... sometimes i feel that the whole world is plotting against me.... that everyone is hatching a evil plan... that everyone is scheming to do something.... i question their motives.... i question every single thing they do... i feel so out of control...
don't ask me why... is there a reason for every tear?
am i even mentally sound? i don't really know....
i'm tired... of trying to find who i really am... maybe i am defined by my friends.... maybe i feel lost when they're not around... maybe i dun even have a definition of myself at all
maybe it's because i made a promise this time not to let go... maybe i didn't make that promise in the past...
she called me on the phone one day.... we both cried... and she just said, i'm scared... of who i will become... whatever i become next year, please be there for me... i said u didn't have to ask... i promised her... but we just drifted apart... how come the same thing isn't happenin now? what happened? why are there so many things i can't let go...
how much courage does it take to live, how much does it take to die?
weilian... thanks for being there...
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
NEW SELF MADE BLOGSKIN!!
many thanks to myself and a big humongous HUGS to my dear jasmine for helping me the html code and stuff... i love JASMINE! MUACKS!
today i went jasmine's hse and we did a lesson plan for friday! wheeeee... can't wait!
how much of others do u understand... how much do u think others understand u...
it's a 2 way thing.... how much u try to understand, how much u let others understand...
there are times u think that u are a know all piece of crap and act as if u are on top of the world
there are times when u feel that everyone is just some foreign object no matter how much attempts u make to understand them, u just can't... then u end up feeling all alone, despair...
u wonder if anyone cares, u feel abandoned, u feel like the world doesn't matter much to you any more...
this.... is the mentality of a emotional girl...
it sucks when ur emotions get the better of you.... i dun believe it when they say u should just cry it out when u feel depressed... maybe it's this image i wanna maintain... ever smiling, ever insane & high high high...
should we even try to maintain a image? or should we be just who we really are inside? i've meet people who are quiet, reserved & what others would usually describe as a introvert... but inside them are souls who yearn for this carefree feeling as much as we do, it's just that they don't know how.... they don't dare to try
it's after i befriend them that i realised that some of them are actually more crazy than me if given a chance to, that they can better represent and understand the word carefree than my own interpretation.
why are we so concerned about the image thing? why are we so eager to package ourselves into perfect products of the society, to sell ourselves to companies. to smile and cough only at appopriate times. to have dining etiqutte. what wrong with uncivilised? at least people are more direct, less scheming.
"you are the crazy side of me" my best friend wrote that in my autograph book.... till this day i still remember...
sometimes i just wish i was more simple minded.... sometimes my thoughts scare me... sometimes i'm so freaked out by the complicated relationships between people that i prefer not to have friends at all.... sometimes i'm so grossed out by how much influence one can have by bootlicking teachers, the extremes they go to to please them, that whatever they say to the teachers holds so much weight that it could crush those they directed their words to.
sometimes i do things so unthinkable... that i can basically classify myself under the same category as those bootlickers whom i hate...
dont' trust me... i might betray u one day... i'm so ironic...
many thanks to myself and a big humongous HUGS to my dear jasmine for helping me the html code and stuff... i love JASMINE! MUACKS!
today i went jasmine's hse and we did a lesson plan for friday! wheeeee... can't wait!
how much of others do u understand... how much do u think others understand u...
it's a 2 way thing.... how much u try to understand, how much u let others understand...
there are times u think that u are a know all piece of crap and act as if u are on top of the world
there are times when u feel that everyone is just some foreign object no matter how much attempts u make to understand them, u just can't... then u end up feeling all alone, despair...
u wonder if anyone cares, u feel abandoned, u feel like the world doesn't matter much to you any more...
this.... is the mentality of a emotional girl...
it sucks when ur emotions get the better of you.... i dun believe it when they say u should just cry it out when u feel depressed... maybe it's this image i wanna maintain... ever smiling, ever insane & high high high...
should we even try to maintain a image? or should we be just who we really are inside? i've meet people who are quiet, reserved & what others would usually describe as a introvert... but inside them are souls who yearn for this carefree feeling as much as we do, it's just that they don't know how.... they don't dare to try
it's after i befriend them that i realised that some of them are actually more crazy than me if given a chance to, that they can better represent and understand the word carefree than my own interpretation.
why are we so concerned about the image thing? why are we so eager to package ourselves into perfect products of the society, to sell ourselves to companies. to smile and cough only at appopriate times. to have dining etiqutte. what wrong with uncivilised? at least people are more direct, less scheming.
"you are the crazy side of me" my best friend wrote that in my autograph book.... till this day i still remember...
sometimes i just wish i was more simple minded.... sometimes my thoughts scare me... sometimes i'm so freaked out by the complicated relationships between people that i prefer not to have friends at all.... sometimes i'm so grossed out by how much influence one can have by bootlicking teachers, the extremes they go to to please them, that whatever they say to the teachers holds so much weight that it could crush those they directed their words to.
sometimes i do things so unthinkable... that i can basically classify myself under the same category as those bootlickers whom i hate...
dont' trust me... i might betray u one day... i'm so ironic...
Monday, November 07, 2005
he neglects his health, he didn't spare a thought for others feelings, especially that of his parents....
he thought he did but he didn't.... it's really sad, especially with him insisting that this is the best and maybe the only way where he can solve the problem...
u can't call him selfish, because what he did was for the sake of the family. he felt that this is the best way to make up to the family, for being such a burden to the family with his ill health causing his parents much trouble... yet...
i talked to my teacher... i just hope a few days later is not too late...
i hate being stuck in situations where i feel helpless, being unable to help and just only being able to wait... all i can do now... is to pray that u will be fine, that u will come to see that u are not only responsible to urself but also to ur family & friends as well. if u truly care for others, pls take care of urself before u care for others...
me went out with jasmine today, abandoned her when a insane man came up and started demanding for "donations"... yesh! and our dear jasmine had such a interesting way of dealing with them that i'm just so impressed at her patience and that she even bothered to be kind to them. i would maybe just hurl vulgaraties or start saying NO THANK U I"M NOT INTERSTED and then force him to take back his damn unhygenic clipboard and just walk off... i therefore conclude that jasmine is very very kind cus shld that guy have approached me, u would see me in the news tml fighting with a dumbass
yes and both of us got a very good haul... haha...cus jasmine got her long lost CD-Rs and shaman king manga keep popping up in shelves for me!!! so magical! *FLAUNTS THE BOOKS to make jasmine jealous* lol!
i have lots of tots.... just too tired to pen it down... shall go read books.. byebye...
let me not think for a while~let me rest.....
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
he thought he did but he didn't.... it's really sad, especially with him insisting that this is the best and maybe the only way where he can solve the problem...
u can't call him selfish, because what he did was for the sake of the family. he felt that this is the best way to make up to the family, for being such a burden to the family with his ill health causing his parents much trouble... yet...
i talked to my teacher... i just hope a few days later is not too late...
i hate being stuck in situations where i feel helpless, being unable to help and just only being able to wait... all i can do now... is to pray that u will be fine, that u will come to see that u are not only responsible to urself but also to ur family & friends as well. if u truly care for others, pls take care of urself before u care for others...
me went out with jasmine today, abandoned her when a insane man came up and started demanding for "donations"... yesh! and our dear jasmine had such a interesting way of dealing with them that i'm just so impressed at her patience and that she even bothered to be kind to them. i would maybe just hurl vulgaraties or start saying NO THANK U I"M NOT INTERSTED and then force him to take back his damn unhygenic clipboard and just walk off... i therefore conclude that jasmine is very very kind cus shld that guy have approached me, u would see me in the news tml fighting with a dumbass
yes and both of us got a very good haul... haha...cus jasmine got her long lost CD-Rs and shaman king manga keep popping up in shelves for me!!! so magical! *FLAUNTS THE BOOKS to make jasmine jealous* lol!
i have lots of tots.... just too tired to pen it down... shall go read books.. byebye...
let me not think for a while~let me rest.....
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Sunday, November 06, 2005
MUAHAHA... blogspot is down.. gahx
i'm tired....i volunteered for baiyungang today... i have... erhum, big dreams, but a weak heart.. therefore, shall contemplate on whether to volunteer myself as an actress... hehehe... i'm acting like i'm a pro in acting skills... gahx
suddenly realised i like "gahx" alot, and my engrish sucks but i cant be bothered...
~
i realised that all this while, what i needed was not a solution,but more of a resolution...
because what i'm doing now is wrong, or to rephrase the sentence, is that i'm not progressing
i need to set a goal, cus i've lost one since exams, maybe it's because of my lousy grades that i don't really wanna think far
i keep questioning myself how the hell i'm gonna get into a uni with my sucky scraped through results
i keep asking myself if i did my best, what went wrong?
the answer was, i didn't know
in fact, that has been the answer to most of my questions that i posed to myself
therefore, i chose the route of self denial... all the way till today...
i don't know what i have to do.... i don't feel like doing anything
everything is like so impossible
oh well....
here's a newspaper article... enjoy!
“拼命三郎”任南初院长
潘星华
有“拼命三郎”之称的先驱初级学院创院院长郭毓川，将随每年年底掀起的“校长大风吹”行动，于12月15日调任南洋初级学院院长。
南洋大学1978年数学系毕业的郭毓川（50岁）在和他共事6年的女作家尤今口中，是一位行事如“闪电”、照顾人如“护垫”的院长。
尤今是先驱初院的华文教师。她以言简意赅而又传神的两个比喻概括了这位即将离开先驱到南初上任的上司。
她说：“同事们在公事上有任何困难，郭院长能以最短时间，最高效率，以闪电般的速度协助完成。同事们在私事上有任何困扰，他则会如铺在地上的护垫，保护你，开解你，让你感到温馨。”
她说，自2000年创院以来，郭院长把先驱初院创造成一所“五心”级的初院。
她所谓“五心”级，指的是“郭院长以恒心和耐心创造了这所爱心学院，让老师们安心工作之余，还开心地把学院当第二个家。”
16年前，34岁的郭毓川初任德贤中学校长，是当时最年轻的校长。就算6年前他出任先驱初院院长，也是当时最年轻的初院院长。16年掌校，在新加坡教育史上留下了很多至今仍然让人津津乐道之事。
上世纪90年代，他是第一个把安德逊中学从原排名21，带进全国十大，而且接下来还以排名第十、第七、第五，向前四大名校步步进逼的唯一邻里中学校长。回顾如今已经淡化的学校排名十多年的历史，他可说是异军突起，能攻破名校堡垒，在全国排名榜上最引人瞩目的校长。
安德逊中学优秀成绩来得绝非偶然，身为校长的他，每早6时半去爱迟到学生家敲门，喊他们起身。他承认自己是“拼命三郎”，并说“不拼命不行，只有拼命才能生存。”在他的拼命下，安德逊中学很快成了自治学校，顺利挤进“名校圈”。
2000年，先驱初院在“一无所有”情况下开学。750名新生在没有校服、校歌、校徽、校规下，进入一个充满了“千禧年挑战”的环境里。开学之初，他们必须立刻大动脑筋，发挥创意，分头决定这些重要事宜。
做为这所初院的开荒者，郭毓川说:“只有充满创意的人，才是千禧年的赢家。”他说得一点没有错。
他一直以把学校塑造成快乐的家为目标。他说：“我想，是受我在华义中学度过了快乐的6年中学生涯所影响吧。”
他同时坦然表示，办学应该一切以学生为主，学校必须全面地照顾学生身心的发展，而学生也应该对学校有归属感。
谈到去南洋初院上任，郭毓川说：“南初是一所有28年历史的学院，有很强的董事部、教师团队和校友会。这回我不是去开天辟地，而是去延续，去发扬光大，去更上层楼。”
他说，南初有华文语文特选课程，又有美术特选课程，对中学生非常有吸引力。
他说：“我希望读华文语文特选课程和美术特选课程的学生日后升学和就业，都能延续在初院所学的，不要离开初院后，从此和华文或美术两不相干。我可能会在这方面先做些了解与探讨。”
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
i'm tired....i volunteered for baiyungang today... i have... erhum, big dreams, but a weak heart.. therefore, shall contemplate on whether to volunteer myself as an actress... hehehe... i'm acting like i'm a pro in acting skills... gahx
suddenly realised i like "gahx" alot, and my engrish sucks but i cant be bothered...
~
i realised that all this while, what i needed was not a solution,but more of a resolution...
because what i'm doing now is wrong, or to rephrase the sentence, is that i'm not progressing
i need to set a goal, cus i've lost one since exams, maybe it's because of my lousy grades that i don't really wanna think far
i keep questioning myself how the hell i'm gonna get into a uni with my sucky scraped through results
i keep asking myself if i did my best, what went wrong?
the answer was, i didn't know
in fact, that has been the answer to most of my questions that i posed to myself
therefore, i chose the route of self denial... all the way till today...
i don't know what i have to do.... i don't feel like doing anything
everything is like so impossible
oh well....
here's a newspaper article... enjoy!
“拼命三郎”任南初院长
潘星华
有“拼命三郎”之称的先驱初级学院创院院长郭毓川，将随每年年底掀起的“校长大风吹”行动，于12月15日调任南洋初级学院院长。
南洋大学1978年数学系毕业的郭毓川（50岁）在和他共事6年的女作家尤今口中，是一位行事如“闪电”、照顾人如“护垫”的院长。
尤今是先驱初院的华文教师。她以言简意赅而又传神的两个比喻概括了这位即将离开先驱到南初上任的上司。
她说：“同事们在公事上有任何困难，郭院长能以最短时间，最高效率，以闪电般的速度协助完成。同事们在私事上有任何困扰，他则会如铺在地上的护垫，保护你，开解你，让你感到温馨。”
她说，自2000年创院以来，郭院长把先驱初院创造成一所“五心”级的初院。
她所谓“五心”级，指的是“郭院长以恒心和耐心创造了这所爱心学院，让老师们安心工作之余，还开心地把学院当第二个家。”
16年前，34岁的郭毓川初任德贤中学校长，是当时最年轻的校长。就算6年前他出任先驱初院院长，也是当时最年轻的初院院长。16年掌校，在新加坡教育史上留下了很多至今仍然让人津津乐道之事。
上世纪90年代，他是第一个把安德逊中学从原排名21，带进全国十大，而且接下来还以排名第十、第七、第五，向前四大名校步步进逼的唯一邻里中学校长。回顾如今已经淡化的学校排名十多年的历史，他可说是异军突起，能攻破名校堡垒，在全国排名榜上最引人瞩目的校长。
安德逊中学优秀成绩来得绝非偶然，身为校长的他，每早6时半去爱迟到学生家敲门，喊他们起身。他承认自己是“拼命三郎”，并说“不拼命不行，只有拼命才能生存。”在他的拼命下，安德逊中学很快成了自治学校，顺利挤进“名校圈”。
2000年，先驱初院在“一无所有”情况下开学。750名新生在没有校服、校歌、校徽、校规下，进入一个充满了“千禧年挑战”的环境里。开学之初，他们必须立刻大动脑筋，发挥创意，分头决定这些重要事宜。
做为这所初院的开荒者，郭毓川说:“只有充满创意的人，才是千禧年的赢家。”他说得一点没有错。
他一直以把学校塑造成快乐的家为目标。他说：“我想，是受我在华义中学度过了快乐的6年中学生涯所影响吧。”
他同时坦然表示，办学应该一切以学生为主，学校必须全面地照顾学生身心的发展，而学生也应该对学校有归属感。
谈到去南洋初院上任，郭毓川说：“南初是一所有28年历史的学院，有很强的董事部、教师团队和校友会。这回我不是去开天辟地，而是去延续，去发扬光大，去更上层楼。”
他说，南初有华文语文特选课程，又有美术特选课程，对中学生非常有吸引力。
他说：“我希望读华文语文特选课程和美术特选课程的学生日后升学和就业，都能延续在初院所学的，不要离开初院后，从此和华文或美术两不相干。我可能会在这方面先做些了解与探讨。”
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Friday, November 04, 2005
WHY SHOULD I CARE?
abt lep, abt pw?
and then give myself all the trouble, the misunderstanding, plus a whole lot of crap?
i can be happier w.o all these things weighing down on my mind
pissed... cus it's 4am, and i can't find kahhui's script... gahx
cus some ppl suck & i'm just trying to change the situation to benefit this group
maybe it's just because we have 2 different perspectives of the world, some choose the subtle way, i prefer the more direct & faster way
i do things on impulse...
it gives u a great feeling at first, and then later it sucks.... sometimes... most of the time...
things that u do on impulse makes u appear crazy...
i complain too much... i should just shut up and live with what i have
rite....
that shld be my resolution for the new year..
we're given personalities to compliment our weaknesses....
we try to hide who we truly are inside...
i hit out fast, cause i fear being made use of... i fear being manipulated by others...
i feel that there isnt' a need to suffer in silence
i feel that the world isn't fair, but if possible, then i want it to be fair, for myself, for others too
it's not just about being interested in the power struggle... it's about voicing out what i feel is wrong, what i feel should not be happening...
but sometimes i become too eager in expressing what i feel,
i put myself at a disadvantage
then i will force myself to go through an emotional rollercoaster
anger, guilt, shame etc
i am too emotional... bad...
why let urself fall if u saw it coming
i don't know...
do we have to go thru immense pain & suffering to see that to repeat our mistakes time and again is not worth the trouble, time and effort?
humans hate to be criticized, tt's why i can't say fuck u into ur face w.o feeling a tinge of guilt, regret or shame
every man for himself... or maybe not
i conclude that... after self reflection that i am in fact a hyopcrite... and a big fat one too!
*claps claps claps*
wth...
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
abt lep, abt pw?
and then give myself all the trouble, the misunderstanding, plus a whole lot of crap?
i can be happier w.o all these things weighing down on my mind
pissed... cus it's 4am, and i can't find kahhui's script... gahx
cus some ppl suck & i'm just trying to change the situation to benefit this group
maybe it's just because we have 2 different perspectives of the world, some choose the subtle way, i prefer the more direct & faster way
i do things on impulse...
it gives u a great feeling at first, and then later it sucks.... sometimes... most of the time...
things that u do on impulse makes u appear crazy...
i complain too much... i should just shut up and live with what i have
rite....
that shld be my resolution for the new year..
we're given personalities to compliment our weaknesses....
we try to hide who we truly are inside...
i hit out fast, cause i fear being made use of... i fear being manipulated by others...
i feel that there isnt' a need to suffer in silence
i feel that the world isn't fair, but if possible, then i want it to be fair, for myself, for others too
it's not just about being interested in the power struggle... it's about voicing out what i feel is wrong, what i feel should not be happening...
but sometimes i become too eager in expressing what i feel,
i put myself at a disadvantage
then i will force myself to go through an emotional rollercoaster
anger, guilt, shame etc
i am too emotional... bad...
why let urself fall if u saw it coming
i don't know...
do we have to go thru immense pain & suffering to see that to repeat our mistakes time and again is not worth the trouble, time and effort?
humans hate to be criticized, tt's why i can't say fuck u into ur face w.o feeling a tinge of guilt, regret or shame
every man for himself... or maybe not
i conclude that... after self reflection that i am in fact a hyopcrite... and a big fat one too!
*claps claps claps*
wth...
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
simin's first ever bimbotic entry
i have a simple calculation of my expenses for nov & dec
1. Lord of the rings (the ultimate!) = 25 ringgit
* considered cheap cus i saw a quite similiar ring which cost S$60 in bugis
2. necklace for ring= S$2 (buy in toa payoh. MUAHAHA)
3. prezzies for my frens
sensitive topic! MuAHAHA.... but i think i need to spend over S$20
4. outings... like sake! *winks winks @ jasmine* which will cost S$13++ ?
guess so... gahx....
broke.... and i want a damn blooody badminton racket which costs 19.90... i need a holiday job.... but come to think of it... my heavy racket can train my arm power too :P
so.... haha....
now for the not so bimbotic entry... simin starts thinking
it's not like me....
to gush about my idols on msn nicks
to wish to be alone
to wish to find some desolated areas of the school to contemplate
to constantly stare straight down when i'm standing on the 5th floor wondering if this hurts
to wish to buy my friends lots & lots of presents and wish that i could just exhaust all my wealth on them
to wish to do things that i know would end up hurting myself
to wonder if the dark hole will come back....
u know i will miss u
u know i hate saying goodbyes
u know somethings i just can't let go...
in case u didn't know, i'm peeved by ur insensitivity, ur callousness, ur brainlessness, ur worthlessness
i shld just link u to all negative connotations tt is availale in this world. in this case, i can just tell u in the face, fuck u... i just wished i had the courage to write out ur name
u said it as if it was some event that happened in another school, another time...
u told me to let her go, like she's more like a thing to u than a friend
u said that these things can't be helped, like u even bothered to feel sad or regretful at all
what are we to u? ur tools? ur rubbish cleaner? is this how u treat us?
she is my friend! HARLOW!!! doesn't this even get into ur thick skull? and u even gave absurd & ridiculous ideas to me and expect me to think it's nice?! u are a big piece of bullshit.
ur tone sucks, ur personality sucks too... u dun deserve any respect from me. in fact, hatred suits u more...
i will not give way under pressure... i have walked this far, i refuse to be beaten down...
yet whenever im with u, i just feel... confused.... regret? happiness?hatred?
it's just everything combined into one.... so complicated, yet so easy to understand... just like u...
why are we crying?
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
i have a simple calculation of my expenses for nov & dec
1. Lord of the rings (the ultimate!) = 25 ringgit
* considered cheap cus i saw a quite similiar ring which cost S$60 in bugis
2. necklace for ring= S$2 (buy in toa payoh. MUAHAHA)
3. prezzies for my frens
sensitive topic! MuAHAHA.... but i think i need to spend over S$20
4. outings... like sake! *winks winks @ jasmine* which will cost S$13++ ?
guess so... gahx....
broke.... and i want a damn blooody badminton racket which costs 19.90... i need a holiday job.... but come to think of it... my heavy racket can train my arm power too :P
so.... haha....
now for the not so bimbotic entry... simin starts thinking
it's not like me....
to gush about my idols on msn nicks
to wish to be alone
to wish to find some desolated areas of the school to contemplate
to constantly stare straight down when i'm standing on the 5th floor wondering if this hurts
to wish to buy my friends lots & lots of presents and wish that i could just exhaust all my wealth on them
to wish to do things that i know would end up hurting myself
to wonder if the dark hole will come back....
u know i will miss u
u know i hate saying goodbyes
u know somethings i just can't let go...
in case u didn't know, i'm peeved by ur insensitivity, ur callousness, ur brainlessness, ur worthlessness
i shld just link u to all negative connotations tt is availale in this world. in this case, i can just tell u in the face, fuck u... i just wished i had the courage to write out ur name
u said it as if it was some event that happened in another school, another time...
u told me to let her go, like she's more like a thing to u than a friend
u said that these things can't be helped, like u even bothered to feel sad or regretful at all
what are we to u? ur tools? ur rubbish cleaner? is this how u treat us?
she is my friend! HARLOW!!! doesn't this even get into ur thick skull? and u even gave absurd & ridiculous ideas to me and expect me to think it's nice?! u are a big piece of bullshit.
ur tone sucks, ur personality sucks too... u dun deserve any respect from me. in fact, hatred suits u more...
i will not give way under pressure... i have walked this far, i refuse to be beaten down...
yet whenever im with u, i just feel... confused.... regret? happiness?hatred?
it's just everything combined into one.... so complicated, yet so easy to understand... just like u...
why are we crying?
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
ever since the quarrel, i've been avoiding the best as i can anything tt has to do with pw... pardon me but nthing would ever be the same if a relationship escalates into an argument...
Missing you
All these five years
That we shared with you
The time we spent hearing you out over there
Through newspapers, character ed
We remember them all deep in our hearts
Bridge:
Thank you for your contributions to Cedar,
to Cedar
We will never forget what you have done
Chorus:
And so we are missing you lots
Miss you lots, miss you lots
Thank you for what you have done
Thank you for what you have done
And so we are missing you lots
Miss you lots, miss you lots
We love you so much so Ms Leong
Remember
The times which you joked,
Laughed with us,comforted us in distress
Fighting for a chance to heighten our growth
In leadership and exchange programmes
Remember
You motivate us
Telling us to pursue our biggest dreams
From ABCs,
To learn how to be gracious Cedarians
Who hold the Cedar flag high
Bridge
Chorus
did i tell u that ms leong mentioned abt me & lynn while she was making her impromtu( wadever u spell tt lar) speech?! *squeals* cus we're the only Cedarians that were present, on that day of the farewell, who went to ourT&F, Cedar's glory!
and i was talking to my gor today... it's been a while since we had a proper conversation.. i guess it's just difficult for me to completely dissociate myself from him but i guess i won't be playing an active role in this friendship... just let things be i suppose
i realised that all this while, i've been trying too hard to be mature... a main source of my unhappiness.... i've been trying too hard to be someone i'm not, to be mature, to look sane, to tone down my loudness....
i wanna be someone who doesn't show my emotions outside, because emotions betray ur weakness...
i am writing crap entries...
this is spoiling my blog... shld go into hibernation... byebye
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Missing you
All these five years
That we shared with you
The time we spent hearing you out over there
Through newspapers, character ed
We remember them all deep in our hearts
Bridge:
Thank you for your contributions to Cedar,
to Cedar
We will never forget what you have done
Chorus:
And so we are missing you lots
Miss you lots, miss you lots
Thank you for what you have done
Thank you for what you have done
And so we are missing you lots
Miss you lots, miss you lots
We love you so much so Ms Leong
Remember
The times which you joked,
Laughed with us,comforted us in distress
Fighting for a chance to heighten our growth
In leadership and exchange programmes
Remember
You motivate us
Telling us to pursue our biggest dreams
From ABCs,
To learn how to be gracious Cedarians
Who hold the Cedar flag high
Bridge
Chorus
did i tell u that ms leong mentioned abt me & lynn while she was making her impromtu( wadever u spell tt lar) speech?! *squeals* cus we're the only Cedarians that were present, on that day of the farewell, who went to ourT&F, Cedar's glory!
and i was talking to my gor today... it's been a while since we had a proper conversation.. i guess it's just difficult for me to completely dissociate myself from him but i guess i won't be playing an active role in this friendship... just let things be i suppose
i realised that all this while, i've been trying too hard to be mature... a main source of my unhappiness.... i've been trying too hard to be someone i'm not, to be mature, to look sane, to tone down my loudness....
i wanna be someone who doesn't show my emotions outside, because emotions betray ur weakness...
i am writing crap entries...
this is spoiling my blog... shld go into hibernation... byebye
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)