sometimes... what the world needs is not salvation but humour... just humour to make the world go round...
if only we had a little more humour...

how does it feel not to feel....
how does it feel to cry but not have tears...
how does it feel to hate but feel no anger...
how does it feel when the ones whom u thought were ur closest friends turns out to be ur greatest enemies....
sometimes... it's better not to feel at all...

i'm starting to get myself mentally prepared... now what i need is the drive to keep me going...
life is a cycle... where we are like the frog swimming in the pail going round & round & round & round....
i love my tuition teacher, although he dresses like a contruction worker, and his mouth is filled with vulgarities of different languages, although he has a crazy sex life (don't ask me how i know, he shares it with us once in a while o.O) he tells me enough jokes to keep me sane...

c.e.d.a.r
it never fails to invoke a sense of nostalgia whenever i go back... the teachers, the ppl, the school...
even though i may be the only person there, even i may be wearing some begger clothing of some qi gai bang... i never once felt out of place... and that is when i always felt like somethings have become a part of me so naturally...
i miss cheering... alot... in fact, my talent in this area has been forcefully surpressed in ny... where ppl think cheering is stupid... so now i only go around declaring my love for everyone & anyone...

have u ever felt so out of place before? have u ever felt so betrayed by this group of ppl whom u readily called ur friends but in the end ended up ostracizing & discriminating against u...
i don't know... maybe i have... maybe i haven...
i have this tendency to just stick to a few friends, like i only had 2 good friends in pri school, more in sec sch, & a sizable no. in jc... i am blabbering rubbish...
maybe our greatest fear is the sudden realisation that we are indeed alone... that those ppl ard u, and were close to u, on the slightest disagreement, or because of other underlying factors accumulated over time turn against u... that u realise that u are truly indeed alone...

from e start i knew that forever was a lie, yet hung on to it for my dear life...
this was how we started... something happens... and this is how we end...
just fading away... away.... away..............
and then we are no more...

the sweet irony of a forever friend...