i wish

in situations like this, i wish there's a help line, to let me know what exactly to do nxt, or maybe a dd and ss curve of all courses so tt i can choose e one tt is in least dd.

my mum hasn't been of much help, she's been menopausing, living in her own world, worrying abt my dad, being emotional as usual. and i just can't put forward to her tt i need help, cus she'll start ranting abt how i've wasted my life away, how i've wasted all her precious money away in tuition since primary sch to get nothing. oh fine u bastard.

i don't care if frens admire me or are jealous tt i've a so much better family than them. so what? wad's e point of comparing? can we change? can we even do anything? my mum was e one who told to remind her of her weakness, and then when i do remind her, she just continues like she's this bastard who can't ctrl anything but her tears. i noe she's nt all tt bad, but it really gets on my nerves.

i'm too self absorbed in my own world, thinking of my own pain or sorrows to even care abt how e others are doing, to even bother. i'm just sick and tired of every shit thing tt is breathing.

anyway, i'm happily enjoying life as a bimbo, ugly bimbo shit. buying nice clothes, painting nails, buying earrings like i've 10 earholes. bah bah black sheep. randomness.

i know tt no one can give me an ans, & no one can direct me as to what moves i shld make. even if they do, i'm still e one who has to decide even though it may nt be e best for me. i've been dreaming alot abt religion lately...

i really hope tt everyone is ok. it's just tt right now, i don't how to ask if u're ok because it feels all weird inside when they start talking abt their future plans, and i'm really sick of telling everyone how i am because i don't know. i really don't know.

and i'm just ranting as usual because it's e only way i can let go...