thurs was a great day...
i'm truly amazed with myself... that i've manged to pick fights with people everywhere i go...
i'm such a bastard...

if there's anything more i need to say
it's just basically guilt, self blame and more guilt...
i don't think that it's because i come down too hard on myself...
more like i have problems controlling my emotions...
which sucks...

guilt never felt good....
and maybe sometimes in my process of trying to gain understanding from people is also the process where i feel most alone, abandoned, stupid and guilty...
the journey of self discovery was never meant to be easy....
sometimes i wish i just could tell u everything....
sometimes to tell you everything would make me weak...

and mr kh didn't improve his impression by giving a very dramatic speech plus an action of trying to be very kind and helpful made me hate him even more...

and yet despite all this self blame remains... and now i carry another heavier burden of guilt...
i'm sorry for making u cry...
i'm sorry for making u worry....
i'm really really sorry....


confessions of a teenage fucking bastard cum bitch...