曾子曰：吾日三省吾身，为人谋而不忠乎？与朋友交而不信乎？传不习乎？
曾子说：我每一天都以下列三件事来自我反省：一是我为别人谋划办事是否有尽心尽力？二是我与朋友交往有没有做到诚实信用？三是我有没有把一些未经过自己反复思考、演练确定为真的东西传授给别人？

《礼记‧大学》：“古之欲明明德于天下者，先治其国。欲治其国者，先齐其家，欲齐其家者， 先修其身。欲修其身者，先正其心。欲正其心者，先诚其意。欲诚其意者，先致其知。致知在格物。”


forgive me... i'm being cranky... my mum just scolded me for eating chicken liver for lunch... like i even care... and fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! MY FAV CD JUST CRACKED IN MY COMPUTER!!! DAMNIT..... now all my nice songs are gone... *cries* i'm just losing faith in technology everyday... most probably i'll get trapped in the school lift & die of hyperventilation... FUCK... urgh... >.<

and today my teacher told us a story of how to not pass a death judgement on someone quickly cus every one makes mistakes... i'm really in no mood to hear her talk cus my grandma's problem is distracting me alot... i don't know why... even though i'm nt really close to her or antyhing....
maybe i'm just... to have an adult apologise sincerely to u is really disturbing... it just happened all so suddenly, when i was visiting her one day... she just suddenly apologised to us... it just makes me wanna hug her & tell her it's okay... but i'm just scared i'll crush her with my body weight... & the problem is we have a huge language barrier... even tough i can communicate in teochew... it's another matter altogether when u want me to speak with a 90 plus grandma... i can only manage with a few yars, erms, erhum etc... i'm just a pathetic granddaughter...
i guess to have someone leave me permanently is just something very new... & too real for me to accept.... i was so desperate that i made a pact with the tiny plant i bought from a excursion trip during sec 4, that if you grow well, my maternal grandma who had a minor stroke would recover & that nothing bad will happen to her.... i'm just stupid... even till now...
i'm just praying & praying & praying whenever i think of her... it's weird...

i remembered a talk that we attended during sec sch... the speaker went through with us the different methods of de-stressing. some prefer to talk about it alot, others prefer to keep quiet...
i think i talk alot... it heals the pain anyway...

i had wanted to write something inspirational... but i guess the cracked CD just distracted me from whatever inspiration stuff i wanted to write...

what is a real person? someone who's candid or frank about what he or she says? i don't know... maybe ppl define real as people who show no reserve in their emotions... if they're real, then all the people around them are fake... cus
1. no one dares to provocate this ppl with "real" emotions, therefore, they would be very careful in the speech & actions... making them very much unreal...
2. real people thus because of their inability to show reserve in their emotions, will hit out at anyone should anything go against them, thus, if others were also "real", WWIII would most probably ensue.
i rmbed ms tan used to tell us during lep lessons that the society is governed by a set of rules, either play by them, or u fall... i used to disagree with her, cus it sounded stupid & overly realistic & i thought maybe she's overly ambitous to climb up the social ladder as well....
but if you look at it this way.. the society is indeed governed by rules... u can never be urself because u don't know who would just turn against u once they see ur vulnarability. u cannot risk pissing people off cus u're not leaving a leeway for urself should the person want to hit back twice as hard. how can u even be urself? unless u love being an outcast...

sometimes, the dumbest & blurest people may be the people with the most secrets & posses the strongest will& ability to survive...