Thursday, April 21, 2005


current status...: dead piece of log, headache again..

i dun think this entry will be long... just needed to write something.. just needed to clear out my thoughts cause i haven been sleeping well.
it's quite amazing when u find that ur predictions about a certain aspect of a society or a certain someone comes true. it's like discovering the answer to one of the many unanswerable questions in life..
why do we question what we can't change? like the casino debate, i felt that singaporeans were being lead on a wild goose chase, only to realise that the deicisons the govt has long ago made for them leads them back to square one. ironic? i see it as totally hilarious. thank god i didn't bother myself with all this rubbishy debates abt upholding morales & be the morally upright heros, or be the one who sees all, one who predicts the future. thus, this casino must be built ' for the good of all singaporeans' ?! my ass, more like to feed the already filled pockets of the ministers. flithy rich people!

the thought that i'll meet u guys this friday makes me look forward to life. it seems like a short term goal in life which propells me on and give me the occasional strength when i feel down but who cares abt the duration? all that matters is that i'll be seeing u. my heart has this yearning for this someone whom i shall not name.. like it is shameful to fall in love, to fall in love with ur senior. or maybe it wasn't even love at all, but admiration & respect? what are these feelings i keep inside, they're making me go mad, i'm losing control. frustration, love, anger & dispair.
dear estelwen:
ur selfish desires has led others to suffer in ur stead, yet u seem unaware of what is happening around u, insisting that u're the victim, the people around u are the cause of ur despair. almost every blog entry has to be written about u, yet do u care? what makes u think that this world consists u & u alone? have u spared a thought for others before u say anything hurtful? have u wondered how hurt those who cared abt u will be when u wilfully porclaimed that they're too busy to care about u or even suggest that maybe they don't even care abt u.
how i wish i could tell this straight in ur face, yet i fear i may hurt u my friend..
friend, how do u even define this word? people who give u what u want? or people who give u what is best for u? why is the definition is broad, so difficult to set a scope. what u want may not always be best for urself, yet to give u what is best for u may not always be what u desire.
don't u even dare to have this thought that u're alone cus it is with these thoughts do darkness consume u. what do u fear? what prevents u from moving forward? or do u even want to move forward at all?
technology has gone to the extreme where human emtions can be gauged by the computer, what next, computers telling us how we should feel? will life be as beautiful in the future when everything is so clearly defined? for i only find beauty in things which has no clear definition, no clear outlines...
in the end, i guess i still wrote alot... feel like writing more but my brain is failing me...

~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

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