current status...: holding on to what is left of me..
i always say tt i wanna die... but do i mean it? i always say tt i'm going break down soon, but did i? but this time i think i mean it. i need some privacy, i need to be alone.. writing in blog now feels more like telling others what i want them to think abt me rather than a self reflection... maybe i need to change my bloglink.. maybe there isn't a need for me to write any more..
close friends have been my source of comfort recently, i'm so thankful to have u around julia, 10 years of friendship & still counting.. : ) thanks for being there because i dared not confide in anyone else cause either it'll be betrayal or i'll be given stupid advices like to leave the source of frustration alone.. it made sense when u translate into chinese... yong ren zi rao, ming ze bao shen or something like that. my mum chooses this route, i guess i'm going to join her in treading this path soon.
i'm emotionally burdened. everytime someone says sth stupid, it pisses me off. might be because of biological reasons tt my temper is so short, but it might also be due the fact tt the more ss talks, the more irritating i find him/her is. childish, naive, attention seeker...
we used to have such people in our class as well, but i stayed away from them. i guess i got along well with the back row cus they're not as childish. i do think the back row is much more mature than the rest. we whine less, we stand up for each other, we all thought the people who decorated the class as one that lacks common sense, artistic sense & monetary sense. imagine spending 20 over bucks over a few pieces of junk rag with circles sewn on it. talk abt retro effect, more like begger effect. and worse, their (specifically directed @ LTB) lack of common sense makes ur blood (not only mine, but many others including the back row..) boil. by covering the windows with these rags with circles & creating an effect that was supposed to make one go " whoa " (in the end, it created more of a " wah lao" effect )
i realised i haven laughed for a while... i was the maniac laughter queen, together with amy, in 4i. horrible laughters we had, but we didn't care. haha.. just laugh out loud, laugh out the unhappiness that we keep inside due to the ostracizing, laugh out the disappointment cause we keep failing chemistry & mr tan keeps saying it was not because he didn't teach us but because the questions were ambiguous! yeah damn rite they were, i bet his IQ level & his ability to teach chemistry remains ambiguous as well.
那始终属于过去，属于回忆里的某一处。作业没做，力不从心。昨日还在QQ被一个中国人酸了，好不爽。但说实话，新加坡也够失败了，选了一个少数民族的语文为我国国语，会真正以此语言与他人交谈还只不过是华族里的少数。咳…又扯远了！读了朋友在网络上所写的故事，挺有新鲜感的，英文水平不足她好，有时也难免在那深奥的词句里感到一种无奈的彷徨，似乎是把自己迷失在一种难以形容的美，想往前走，又不知从哪开始，想站在原地不动，欣赏周遭的美，但又非常好奇那不远的地方可有更奇特的美呢？有个预感，功课是做不完的，也不想去常识在这宁静的夜晚里把头埋在作业里，不觉得会少了生活情趣吗？
人活着，是为了活得开心，潇洒吗？不被社会的礼仪，金钱等其他的诱惑束缚。还是人活着，目的就是光宗耀祖，对社会做出贡献呢？天生我才必有用…或许社会上的人就是这样多姿多采，对活着的方式有自己的原则，自己的定义。活的方式有是非，有对错吗？难道过着潇洒大方的活法，和井井有条，循规蹈矩的活法，有哪个是理想的吗？很多时候，我们的思绪无形中都被传统束缚，行为被祖先所定下的条规所约束了，但受约束了，就不好吗？因为有了先人所定下的规矩规律，才会文明，才有了文化的发展。有了文化，才使后人有了一个民族的认同，一个团结的象征。
潇洒大方，自信满满，我是风，去向不清，随着自己的理想走遍天下，锲而不舍的往自己的梦想狂追，不管他人的眼光，他人的评语。我不受拘束，不受绳锁的捆绑。现在我累了，改日在聊！
随风而去之人…不留姓名之者
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
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