Friday, April 22, 2005

i need a break, pls leave me alone for a while

current status...: holding on to what is left of me..

i always say tt i wanna die... but do i mean it? i always say tt i'm going break down soon, but did i? but this time i think i mean it. i need some privacy, i need to be alone.. writing in blog now feels more like telling others what i want them to think abt me rather than a self reflection... maybe i need to change my bloglink.. maybe there isn't a need for me to write any more..

close friends have been my source of comfort recently, i'm so thankful to have u around julia, 10 years of friendship & still counting.. : ) thanks for being there because i dared not confide in anyone else cause either it'll be betrayal or i'll be given stupid advices like to leave the source of frustration alone.. it made sense when u translate into chinese... yong ren zi rao, ming ze bao shen or something like that. my mum chooses this route, i guess i'm going to join her in treading this path soon.

i'm emotionally burdened. everytime someone says sth stupid, it pisses me off. might be because of biological reasons tt my temper is so short, but it might also be due the fact tt the more ss talks, the more irritating i find him/her is. childish, naive, attention seeker...

we used to have such people in our class as well, but i stayed away from them. i guess i got along well with the back row cus they're not as childish. i do think the back row is much more mature than the rest. we whine less, we stand up for each other, we all thought the people who decorated the class as one that lacks common sense, artistic sense & monetary sense. imagine spending 20 over bucks over a few pieces of junk rag with circles sewn on it. talk abt retro effect, more like begger effect. and worse, their (specifically directed @ LTB) lack of common sense makes ur blood (not only mine, but many others including the back row..) boil. by covering the windows with these rags with circles & creating an effect that was supposed to make one go " whoa " (in the end, it created more of a " wah lao" effect )

i realised i haven laughed for a while... i was the maniac laughter queen, together with amy, in 4i. horrible laughters we had, but we didn't care. haha.. just laugh out loud, laugh out the unhappiness that we keep inside due to the ostracizing, laugh out the disappointment cause we keep failing chemistry & mr tan keeps saying it was not because he didn't teach us but because the questions were ambiguous! yeah damn rite they were, i bet his IQ level & his ability to teach chemistry remains ambiguous as well.


~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

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