self denial

mood: drained piece of shit
msn nick: dun wanna type... this is so not creative

so now after facing the disappointment of not being appointed a ct rep, i face another bigger disappointment... i didn't get the scholarship for lep.. haix... i guess i won't be the one lamenting on how unfair this system is because out of the 81 ppl who got into lep, & those few who were chosen for the interview for the scholarship, how many of them truly love & have the passion to study lep? then u start to see how we, people who are so fervent abt chinese culture more than the 2 bonus pts, are deprived of a chance to actually broaden our scope & develop our passion...
i guess all this will sound like a whole of bullshit to one that is not studying lep... but i fall w/i the range!!! haix... even 11 pts is not guarenteed... tried not to dwell on it too much, in case it becomes a burden..
i guess i'm now in a mood of self denial, or basically, i have slipped back into a mode where i just sit at a corner & rot for all i care...
i wrote a whole lot of crap yesterday but blogger denied me access, thus all efforts go to waste.. maybe in life, this happens as well... u give so much, yet sometimes u get nothing back at all, only tears, sweat, blood & a drained mind... when did some genius invented a phrase that says reap what u sow... what rubbish! if the weather conditions do not suit crop growing, no matter how hard u labour, u'll still get nothing in return..
should i even run for student council? the plus point is that i'll have a purpose in life if i do get in, the negative part is that i've gotta make speeches to convince people i'm the one... i hate making speeches... action speaks louder than words... runi is a great eg.. she is a very talented speaker (in fact much better than the square) but what she does for the sch is really not comparable as to that of lynn's. what's ur pt when u puke a whole of rubbish, bring hope, make people believe in you & in the end, you give nthing of what u have promised...
why is it so that the society wants us to speak up more instead of encouraging us to honour our promises & focus more on the action part than the noise pollution component. how come we always vote for people who are much better speakers but lousy leaders? then where does all the logic go?
i make it my pt to give it my best shot, so that i don't regret what i have done at the end.. i wanna live my life to the fullest... i wanna live a life..w/o regrets...
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come