Wednesday, April 06, 2005

i wanna write, sing, dance! i wanna be free...

mood: 'cedar'ish
msn nick: stupid lar... i dun wanna write this msn thing

i'm going through this process of "stupiditation" of which my mentality forces me to accept the fact that i'm a dumbass. i'm happy for huihui when she's feeling truly happy, i do feel worried for her when she becomes too melanchony so it's kinda of nice to see others around u in a jubilent mood.. hui, u look so beautiful when u smile...
i still miss my dear.. dearest blue, mother in law, sister, good friend... she's a great person to be with. i don't know, maybe it's because i can connect with her w/o having to hide anything inside, as with most people in cedar... cedar makes me feel @ home... in fact, cedar is my second home... talking abt displaying public affections... she's the person i have hugged the most of all the friends i knew in cedar... even my best friend of 10 years didn't hug me as much as she did.. is like everything feels so much better after u truly hug someone & u mean it... like sharing the burden w/o actually having to say what my load is... i haven been able to get this feeling since i came to ny... i don't know.. maybe i still can't trust others enough yet... (do give me a year... but is that too long?)
what makes cedar united? a sea of bue... how i miss this phrase.. the cedar spirit, enough to let the cedar flag soar high.. the extreme emotions u feel for this sch, hate and love.. a place where u feel free enough to approach just abt any teacher, a place where we sneak food into classrooms, change in classrooms openly or behind closed doors. it's the culture.. just like you don't need a reason to love someone, u don't need a reason to love cedar as well.
i miss this feeling... where u walk around the sch compound, looking frantically for a familiar face. or u go back to class to see our dear vanna eating fruits to save up for prom. or see yisha running around preparing for guides or prefectorial board stuff, jane and lynn as well..
i'm not making sense already... i better stop... don't feel like lamenting abt life.. it's tiring..
once a cedarian, always a cedarian...

~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

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