thoughts

i feel depressed all of a sudden, i don't know why...

all this studying is making me nuts. i'm literarily trying to squeeze translations of chinese poems into my brain. for fuck?! i also dun noe for wad da hell reason.... to score As... i guess.

i'm been watching tv too. i gives me breaks. better than kit kats.

i keep telling myself tt all this is gonna pay off, i don't wanna regret. i wanna earn big bucks, i wanna get my parents a nice big house to stay in, i wanna drive a car, i want my parents to stop working & worrying bout money....
oh lala, i lack steam... i need to eat steamed buns..

~~~~~
me: u must study hard! if u get first u can get e gold plaque
my bro: but i dun want to get first! i want to get third in class!
me: xiao ah! for wad?!
my bro: i dun like gold colour, i like bronze.

u noe it's kinda weird... kids, how do u teach them to have ambition? i mean when a kid lacks ambition, does it mean he's wrong? if u look at e issue morally or in any other sense, it's just not wrong for him to wish not to be e first. he's just aiming for something tt he likes, maybe to him, third is just good enough.
but somehow to my family, or maybe to soceity, this kid so lacks e guts, e ambition to aim high. WHY SO STUPID CHOOSE THIRD? doesn't everyone want to be first? first in class, first in e race, first first first!
so what's wrong with not wanting to be first? social stigma? y must he be the ambitious boy who aims to be no.1 in order to be the "correct" or "ideal" child who can make it far in life? must u be e first in everything to be "successful"? or maybe it's only in singapore where we're trained to be kiasu in everything? this stupid mentality tt condemns those who fail to make it big, those who don't have e balls to strive for e best? maybe to my kid bro, third is just his no.1. maybe to him, e colour bronze is even more radiant than e colour of gold.
maybe, being first is not e best option after all...