Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Different intonation ?

now this exercise requires u to have 2 mentalities and two tones.

1. matter of factly tone: she is stupid/i dont approve of her way of educating children.

2. bitching tone: she is stupid/i dont approve of her way of educating children.

wad's e difference? sriously? i dun noe.

it looks e friggin same to me.

it doesn't matter what kind of mentality u have or what kind of tone u have when u're talking abt e context. if u're using a negative word or passing a negative comment, either way it's just criticising, it's passing a statement of judgement. u give value. what gives u the right to give value to someone or someone's behaviour?

sometimes, it's just e way ppl are, tt's e way they think is best for their child.

and no, i dun even expect my mum to change. it's a very sad thing but true. i've lived with her for a hell of 20 years. she's going 50 this year. her values, her beliefs, her temper is smthing that has been with her for 50 years. she's definitely been thru alot more den i have and these beliefs are smthing tt come with it. even though it fits e fucking mentality of most singaporean mothers, and can be easily represented in e movie i not stupid, it is utltimately who she is. i can't tell her, nor i can't expect ppl to tell her tt appraising ur child's "worth" through other means like ablility to do well in other non academic subjects is also a benchmark to show tt ur child is not stupid.

smart, defined by e society as getting As, if not getting into a local uni, getting a scholarship, is something tt is drilled into all of us. hell yeah i wld think tt a child is stupid if he/she can't do well in exams. ironically, it's how i judge my brother sometimes.

maybe all this while, it wasn't even my mum's expectations on me or her putting too much pressure on me. it might just be myself trying so hard to do well so that i cld make them proud of me again, like a pri sch kid showing my parents tt i got 1st and den watching them smile.

maybe it's this fucking elitist attitude that i have with me, that my institution is a second class institution cus we dun get a "pure" degree, we are slaves to e institution, & we are so helpless when oppressed. any fucking thing tt involves a warning letter,a bad record, it just mean that we're one step closer to hell, bankruptcy and breaking e bond. we just study, so that we may get a higher salary if we hit above 3.5. fucking mindless. and i'm one of them too.

so really, i thank u for ur concern. i am normal, i think. it's not a curse of e whole extended family nor is it up to jesus to salvage e situation. it is genetic, and heridatry tt we are born a emotional bunch, bordering on e range of bipolarism & that we have a really bad temper if provoked. it's like lions kill animals to eat their flesh. if lions thought it was a curse, they wld all be christians or have killed themselves by now.

just dun make it sound like it's her fault.

No comments: