guilt

what exactly is guilt?
does it come from us having a conscience?
then why do we hate feeling guilty?
because it comes back to us again and again, reminding us of how we were not there when someone who was the slightest bit related to u was in trouble and needed a kind word or a helping hand?
or is it because we are simply being selfish because we hate the feeling?

and i know that at the end of it all, should anything happen to u, any one of u, i would feel so torn up by guilt because i wasn't a good enough sister, family member or friend...

i am so bloody selfish.

i don't know if i tried to be there. i don't know if i did push u away when u tried to reach out to me for help. i don't know if i burdened u with more crap den u can already handle by selfishly telling u all my woes.

i am sorry for not being there. i know i suck. and if it makes u happy, it doesn't make me less guilty and i'm nt running away from any responsibilities.

...