Saturday, April 21, 2007

hello! my kids are made of tofu

at some point in time, i've stopped loving teaching kids but rather worry abt wad my own future will be like... it's currently @ stake @_@

i know i know, i still like them, i think, with all e insecurities & frustrations i'm facing now. but e pressures of wanting to give them homework yet afraid to go against e policy, e pressure of keeping them in line so tt e fun of learning doesn't compromise discipline. i'm multi tasking everyday... which is why whenever i do manage to find e strength to bring home their work to mark, it always ends up untouched. i'm just drained. i really want a class, just a class with 4 walls and with my own space, my own freedom to teach them.

i just humiliated a kid today by putting a plastic bag over his head and making him face e wall because he kept playing with e plastic bag despite my warning. i took it off a while later only to realise tt he was tearing. shit. there are times when i just lose it, especially when dealing with a class which threatens to run amok if i just direct my attention somewhere else.

but my co-form class is keeping me going. they're like my strength now for me to just keep on going and to keep on reminding myself where my interest lies. & i realise tt i'm slowly becoming more twisted than i already am because when i see kids tt piss me off, i just wanna wack e hell out of them or doing smthing really xtreme so tt i wldn't have to remind them again. my patience is wearing thin.

and now my student keeps calling me when i'm taking my afternoon nap because he wants me to play badminton with him. *dies*

if i don't keep my sanity, i might just lose my job soon.

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