blue

it's interesting how human chemistry, or fate, as some wld like to call it, works. one moment we can be so close & then after a while be so far apart. & it all lies in how we manipulate, behave or feel.

i'm just feeling abit blue....

cheers to labour day, no kids = no salary

rant

i'm tired of being played ard. oh wait. i wasn't being played ard. i was just being psychotic.

i love doing this to myself. & then hope i'll just die early.

ok this is nt pms. i'm just... weird. hahaha.

RELC examinations bureau

this is to inform you tt as you have met the minimum requirements of the Chinese Entrance Proficiency Test conducted by the RELC examinations bureau in full, you have passed the EPT.

~~~

oh righty. but tt doesn't change e situation rite?

my future still looks bleak. :(

poor jack

jack of all trades, master of none.

~~~

i pang seh my student today to play badminton with mr chia & 2 other teachers.
why weren't u in my badminton team last time?
i don't know. i wasn't chosen, i rmb, it was just a lucky draw kinda of thing where pupils were randomly selected. i tried to enter badminton in sec sch too, but e teacher with a weird surname said i cmi. oh well. & i'm too lazy to even practice or hone my skills so i can't complain.

guess what, i'll still stick to whatever i know, which is talking crap & continue in e self delusion tt my chinese is good.

i miss e days when i played badminton with a7a.

my motto of e day. wadever.

the end spells a new beginning

These are my hands, these are my faults,
These are my plans, and these are my nasty little thoughts
I wrote them down for you to contemplate at a later date

to whoever who needs it

i tot tt just by caring, maybe all these wld go away
i tot tt by finding a job for u, maybe u wld be less troubled by wad's happening ard u
i tot tt by asking u if u were ok, u wld just tell me wad's on ur mind & what u truly needed
i tot tt if i at least try to understand, we wldn't be strangers or just 2 ppl just waiting to drift away.

i saw e signs. but i guess i'm just screwed up as a friend. i can only do so much & i only know so much. just tell me what u need, & u know i'll give it to u.

u're depressed, seek help.

things tt can come out from a P2s mouth

...is amazing.... in a really really bad way

Raphael: just now namsang say u sex with natasha

Nigel: Fuck you la namsang

Nigel: you sleep with malar

Namsang: fuck i dont friend you

Nigel: Everyone lets sex!

and tt was only 20% of the numerous fucks & assholes & suckers & what have u in the msn conversation which they added me in but i wasn't there to just give them a piece of my mind.(i was away).and to think they said it in a conversation fully aware that their teacher in the conversation. it's just shocking tt things like this can come out of a primary2. i didn't even dare say or write tt word till i was in sec 4 going j1. but honestly, i'm cutting down on it, even in extreme cases where i'm just blowing my top. it's so crude & nt necessary.

i don't know what is getting into them nowadays. they have vulgarities in P2, handphones in P3(some even in P2). they have everything in the world, except for the time with their parents. most of the parents have no idea what is going on with their child in school, or even if they do, they're in denial, either attributing e fact tt e child is forgetful to e genes or just hoping tt e teacher can do more to teach e child in sch because they can't do it @ home. so what's ur role as a parent? to load them with branded goods, satisfy their material needs? so now our future generations are even worse than e strawberry generation, they lie just to get attention, frm teachers & parents alike. they can spin ridiculous tales of how e teacher punished them every lesson when none of such things existed. they complain if there is too much stress, like stress frm learning spelling. what kind of child do u want? someone who whines @ e slightest pressure in school? someone who is protected & can get what he/she wants without even working hard?

what is e world coming to?

wadever

i'm srry for being human & having so much problems on my own tt i can't be bothered abt anyone else's life. if tt is what they make me up to be.

u know wad, i really can't be bothered.

wadever.

hello! my kids are made of tofu

at some point in time, i've stopped loving teaching kids but rather worry abt wad my own future will be like... it's currently @ stake @_@

i know i know, i still like them, i think, with all e insecurities & frustrations i'm facing now. but e pressures of wanting to give them homework yet afraid to go against e policy, e pressure of keeping them in line so tt e fun of learning doesn't compromise discipline. i'm multi tasking everyday... which is why whenever i do manage to find e strength to bring home their work to mark, it always ends up untouched. i'm just drained. i really want a class, just a class with 4 walls and with my own space, my own freedom to teach them.

i just humiliated a kid today by putting a plastic bag over his head and making him face e wall because he kept playing with e plastic bag despite my warning. i took it off a while later only to realise tt he was tearing. shit. there are times when i just lose it, especially when dealing with a class which threatens to run amok if i just direct my attention somewhere else.

but my co-form class is keeping me going. they're like my strength now for me to just keep on going and to keep on reminding myself where my interest lies. & i realise tt i'm slowly becoming more twisted than i already am because when i see kids tt piss me off, i just wanna wack e hell out of them or doing smthing really xtreme so tt i wldn't have to remind them again. my patience is wearing thin.

and now my student keeps calling me when i'm taking my afternoon nap because he wants me to play badminton with him. *dies*

if i don't keep my sanity, i might just lose my job soon.

shutup

i'm srry for talking too much
i'm srry for being too naive to think tt i could just tell anyone wad's on my mind
i'm so srry for forgetting that adults are irresponsible people who love to play e blaming game

i really really shld have just shut up abt my kids mixing with e class under quarantine.

o.o

no boundaries

e insanity of siblings know no boundaries

i love hp with cameras XD

nthing nthing nthing

why do u keep harping abt e past?

maybe i havent changed.

maybe i'm just trying to use money as a replacement for everything tt i cldn't be...

just feeling a little blue...

15 hr marathon in front of e comp = freedom

i woke up @ 10am, and sat my fat ass down in front of my long lost computer & played like there was no govt and ended e marathon @ ard 2.45am. this.is.my.freedom

i cldn't be happier. in fact, i haven't been so happy in my whole entire wk. no kids (i silenced their phonecalls), no stupid policies tt are based on dayreams & naive fantasies, no paper wrk, no marking of silly assignments tt doesn't come in on time (thanks to e policies as well)

if fact, i realise tt if i continue to do weird things like giving hmwork to kids or bring them to e playgrd under e sweltering heat, i'll screw up my job soon. very very soon. btw, e younger a kid is, e easier it is to recruit them for slavery. like carrying bks, carrying my bag, singing a song for me or wad have u. i love slaves.

i'm nt e one who'll go all out to do social work, because i'm too lazy, i feel pissed tt ppl at e upper rungs of e society receive astronomical sums of wages & do crap while we're slogging out here hoping to make ends meet. and yet my friend loves to help out in all types of social work because she feels tt studying alone will restrict her. all righty. talking abt differences in mentality.

i think i shld just get married to a computer. tt way, i'll be happy. live happy, die happy.


*btw, i did 2 designs for a blog for some upcoming project. pls tell me which one u prefer? or wad changes can be made? thanks lots babes.

cedar youth wing 1

cedar youth wing 2

drained is e word

i suddenly feel like i don't even have time for myself anymore.
it's just, kids, parents, kids, parents, childcare, parents, kids.

it's nt tt i hate them. i really do LOVE them.

i need time off. countdown to fri...

2 more days... 48 hrs?

haix...

dear all....

hey guys i noe this is abit late but a big

THANK YOU!

to all who have made my transition from a spoilt 18 yr old brat to a spoilt 19 yr old brat wonderful.

many thanks to
1. e S5C grp, specifically miao, CHEE-CHEE!!, MRS VANESSE WU, hsianggay, soo-soo, wenxin
for e wonderful nite out & also for e wonderful card & e lovely book on how to trick & abuse little kids

2. to my dear echizen for betrothing narimiya hiroki to me on my 19th birthday. so er hum, i'm now married (yes regarding kim jung hoon, it was just a.... one night stand) thank u so much for being there for me always. as in always! lol. love u baby

3. to my 2 seniors who suddenly emailed me a e-card out of e blue. i really really thank u for that wonderful surprised, it's so great to be rmbered.

4. to my wonderful penpal whom i've been unable to contact thru email or her blog, thank u so much for ur letter. i better reply u by snail mail soon o.o

5. to e lovely weilian and faith, thank u for msging me on e dawn of 31st march. really appreciate it. and also i love e kawaii cushions alot!! lol, i'm hugging it rite now.

6. to my dearest PRC friends, thank u for e lovely meal on april fool's day, kaleidescope, e starwberry cake, e wonderful perfume and e great time we spent.

7. to e lovely ppl who took time off to send me a special sms on my special day, ee hui, my gor, shihui, tom tom, jane tong, shiming. many thanks!

8. to e wonderful backrow who bought me my first bag. lol, isit a bag? i don't now wad is tt but i love u all. honestly! lol. muacks and kisses

9. to e lovely twins who brought me a bag of sweets and accessories, thank u for e special delivery! XD i love e sexy earrings.

10. to ms goh, whom now my kids have come to assume is my sister, hahaha, thank u so much for e wonderful note & gift. it's always great to have u ard, life wld have been so boring w.o u, baby.

11. to my dearest angie, who walked all e way frm her hse in potong pasir to mine to pay me a visit & drop me ur present. i love u! LOTS! LOL.

to all those who've been with me, thank u so much for making e day before april fools day truly special. u make my day. hope i haven't missed out anyone.
take care...

(i feel loved XD heh heh heh)

screwed up

i've been screwing up my life pretty badly these days...

firstly because of e fact tt i noe how much every little thing i do can make a very big difference b/w a good impression or a bad one.

everything i've been doing is just so so wrong...

and i was stupid snuff to give e students my phone no... of which i realise was a mistake only hrs after i left sch. wth

just kill me....

korean madness

ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this! this! this! is a must watch! just watch it at wadever cost. XD



be prepared for madness

how can

without doing anything towards this relationship, i wonder if it's even there at all

like it is almost non existent, yet it is always there, something tt u constantly worry and yet find it a source where e confusing emotions come from.
there is uncertainty, there is fear tt u'll just lose it, there's a feeling of helplessness, there's memories of e past, yet nothing of the present.

how can 2 ppl nt talk for such a long time and yet remain close friends? how can 2 ppl nt talk for only a while and yet feel like strangers who are just worlds apart? it puzzles me still. have i not done enough? have i been too selfish? have i been too insensitive? i don't think i'm paranoid. we're just lacking in something, trust. i don't trust u, i don't trust how ur heart feels. i don't know how u want to me to there anymore.

it's nt a feeling of being replaced. more like a feeling of nthingness. i feel like i'm trying to give it all, yet there is just no response at all.
somehow this is nt going to work out in e long term. and e most ironic thing is tt despite graduating frm nyjc a few months ago. those ppl i keep in close touch with are those who've graduated with me since sec sch. how much can this tells me abt sch life?

i feel very very tired.

Anastasia Volochkova

Anastasia Volochkova dancing to "Adiemus"

this ballerina looks like a goddness

Anastasia Volochkova (Russian: Анастасия Волочкова) is a Russian prima ballerina(2nd highest in rank). She was born in Leningrad in 1976 and was trained in the Vaganova Ballet Academy by Natalia Dudinskaya, a famous pupil of Agrippina Vaganova. She then danced with the Mariinsky Ballet for four years and won the Serge Lifar Competition in Kiev in 1996.

In 1998, her influential patrons had her transferred to the Bolshoi Ballet in Moscow, which she was forced to leave in 2000, although she returned a year later. In 2001 she worked with Derek Dean and with Alberto Alonso in the English National Ballet. The following year, she was awarded the Prix Benois de la Danse.

In September 2003 Volochkova was fired by the Bolshoi administration amid accusations that she had become too fat and that male dancers had refused to work with her because of her height and weight, the allegations with she emphatically denied. After a media storm subsided, she was invited by Yuri Grigorovich to work as a prima ballerina in a theatre he runs in Krasnodar. She also appeared in Russian TV series as an actress.

info take frm wikipedia

rest

Matthew 11:28 Come unto Me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

i noe this is probably random and out of no where but me being me tend to do very much random things tt i can't be bothered to explain...

but i guess all e teachers wld be needing this very much deserved break away frm e kids to just get our own lives back in order and recharge for e weeks to come. i'm totally drained & i realised tt learning malay after contact time is a mistake because i'm seriously slping in e class, or maybe half alive, getting high & trying to make head and tail of malay sentences.

nama saya simin
saya naik bas

tt is probably random again.

i've been loading my students with more homework then what i'm supposed to give. e catch is tt e homework can be finished in 10 mins so i really don't see my hmwrok as taxing... just feeling a little guilty for being a conformist of e traditional education system which stressed on drilling kids with e basics. tt's how i grew up, even though i wasn't a really good eg to follow.

e singapore education is going to change alot in a few years time... and i'm nt e one who suffers, it's e kids whom u feel like giving up most suffers.

found this article frm webbie. those who've been cps shld noe... it's so sws *rolls eyes*

rah rah rasputin

i don't noe why, but i've always look to rah rah ppl as e ideal stage of the development of humanity.
they're always so sun-shiney, always so ready to take on challenges, always on e verge of something new, funny.

i'm nt saying tt i see them as perfect beings, but rather ppl who are always e most willing to live their life, ppl who have e courage to go beyond boundaries, ppl who see joy in everything, ppl who have alot of hope in life. maybe they've embodied e spirit of a child, innocence, courage for e unknown, no fear for failure. they are what life shld be abt.

somehow my energy doesn't keep up with me, my ideologies doesn't fit in as well as theirs. maybe these are e ppl whom i long to be, but yet am unable to be. maybe i hate myself alot, maybe i just want to be someone i'm nt. i'm a cynic. in case u forgot.

randomness

还是走着瞧吧。。。

我快乐吗？好像反复的问了自己好几遍，就是说不出一个明确的答案。我快乐，因为我有朋友陪伴，我不快乐，因为我知道这只是短暂的。

现在生活没有什么是肯定的，老爸虽然有工作，但也只是走一步，看一步的。 工作苦了一点，老妈脾气就坏了一点。每天像个小孩一样老是哭，我们看了也不好受，心里也就多了一个负担。

快乐是因为幸福吗？还是因为知足，才懂得从我们所有的寻找出生活点点滴滴的快乐？我看不出我和她处境的分别，因为我们都活在同样的环境，也因为同样的东西时而感到忧郁。

接下来要怎么办？还是走着瞧吧。。。