life's profit graph

i think life's like a profit graph

there are times when e gradient of e graph is a steep upward slope
ironically, that's when u're facing set backs in ur life, when u feel that everything in life is going downhill, spiraling out of control. that's when u start questioning urself, u lose all ur beliefs & try to reorganise ur life, u suddenly learn who's important to u & how important u are to some ppl. u question e way u live & think. some ppl gain new faith, others grow stronger in their beliefs. that's where u gain e most out of life. that's when u grow as u climb up e steep gradient of e profit graph.

there are times when e gradient of e graph is negative, sloping downwards.
that's when u are complacent, when u think u know everything in e world, u start taking relationships for granted,when u feel that everything in life is under ur control. there is no humility, only pride. u hurt ppl, others turn away from u. before u noe it, u are alone & have gone down e slippery slope which denoting losses. u are at e bottom. deep shit bottom. u dun gain from life when there's pride. u only lose what life has to offer.

then, there are times when e gradient of e graph is zero. that's when it's stagnant.
here, it can either go up, or down.
u have either recovered from a set back, or are enjoying e fruits of ur labour. u are contented, hoping not to slip into complacency. u look forward to things each there, albeit whine once in a while about how boring life can get on an island surrounded by water.

that's where my life is now. stagnant but still looking forward to each day, hoping that i can achieve more than what is set out for me. knowing that i can end up somewhere good because there's a world out there. there's also this constant fear, a result of paranoia i guess, that i might just slip and fall, but excited at e possibility that i might also be climbing up a positive gradient where i discover more of life's wonders & beauty.

but whatever it is, no matter where it ends, one thing's for sure, u know tt u'll definitely be going up, & u'll always be gaining something, learning something new, maybe not today, maybe tomorrow. that's life.

lugen

i guess if i lied hard enough, i might soon come to believe it, and then live it.


maybe there is no need to question e existence of religion. if u're just happy where u are, and if it makes u happy believing the miracles it have done for u, then why wonder how all it came about...

original sin

我像落花隨著流水 隨著流水飄向人海
人海茫茫不知身何在 總覺得缺少一份愛

《舊夢》

still recovering from e 13 h plane ride

i think e 13 hr plane ride is a good buffer time for u to make a transition from to reality

like reading a fantasy book by neil gailman neverwhere helped.

so... despite that buffer time, my 1 wk sch experience in a sch so jealously guarding its prestige was pretty fucked up. cus my slping hours were all wrong and i had only 4 hrs of proper slp each day. another anal thing about tt sch was tt teachers' image was something they paid so much attention to that u felt that there was a security camera attached to ur ass 24/7. taking into consideration that i was half an hr late on one of the days, i pretty much screwed up on impression pts... that is if i even wanna step into that sch to be a full time.

n despite being a trainee language teacher to be, my English proficiency is dropping way below acceptable standards. FAITH I NEED TUITION!! LOLLOL

~~~

e power of love means

sometimes, despite ur initial promise to urself that u'll wring ur mother and throw her down the rubbish chute, u realise that's e way she is so instead of getting all flustered over that idiot, u'd rather do something more meaningful like like... not getting angry. haha. wth

i am still pissed though. haha. shit her. damn. haha

about the bitch

one thing i seriously cannot stand abt my mother

she's a fucking bitch

bitch to e max

there's nvr once we can stay for a long period of time at home without wanting to kill her

she likes to insist on her way of doing things.

and if things go seriously wrong and she's being forced to apologise, she'll just shrug it off as it's no big deal. fuck her. and den when we do smthing that is not to her liking she makes such a fucking big fuss about it. fuck that fuck bitch. damn motherfucker.

so im telling u, we will all move out of this damn fucked up house sooner or later.

or else one day i'll fucking just wring her neck and throw her down e rubbish chute.

fucking chee bai.

taste that life

it's pretty ironic

how MJ with his much chaotic and almost insane lifestyle like molesting boys (dun noe true or nt still), dangling his baby over the balcony is instantly forgotten or only stated matter of factly after he dies. all this just pales in comparison to his legacy, his death, his very neglected childhood that makes u feel pity for him. pity, only comes in after death.

i guess that's wad happens to anyone dead anyway. when they're alive, they can be the reincarnation of satan but death immediately makes them an angel, all sins forgotten or forgiven, all evil hidden under that sheen of angelic light.

~~~
i wonder

why we don't talk that much anymore.

but i guess we all have to move on.

with or without each other

that's life

that's life shoved in ur face. taste it. bitter, cold & cruel.

grow

to be a teacher means

learning to draw the line between urself and the student

it means not making e same mistakes u made a yr back

it means that u'll continue to instill in them the love for learning.

it means not to forget why u chose NIE, not because u had no other choice, but u chose, out of ur own free will, to be continually inspired by the ppl who have taught and e ppl u will teach in time to come.

smartness

2nd july

nie wants us to take a leave of absence for 7 days which means that my practicum and stuff will be affected.

3rd july

moe says tt moh has realised tt e stupid home quarantine is well... stupid so since itll be lifted on 6july, e leave of absence will not come into effect. nie has not made any announcements as yet.

and to tell u e truth, e home quarantine thing is just downright lame, i have 4 other ppl in my family, they work, they step out of e house, how e hell will it be effective if 4 other ppl can move around freely while at e same time are able to interact with me without any precautionery measures. u think germs only stay on one person ah. and i probably would have cause a outbreak in changi airport as well since i covered alot of area from the time i alighted e plane till e time i met with my family at e hall. wadever

LOSE.