7.15am

the chinese have the tradition of stopping the clock after someone in the house has passed away.

so i guess for the past few days, my biological clock kinda of stopped at 7.15am too.

and i was still sleeping in the hall when she sneezed... jeez. haha

den throughout the 4 days where u were made to hold joss sticks and kneel, stand, kneel and den walk ard her coffin and den kneel again. u kind of numb urself to the pain of losing her and instead find the rituals increasingly humorous. good thing was i didn't burst out laughing or else i cld have gotten killed. haha.

den e pain of losing her again hit me again when she was cremated. i guess she was close to me after all. rmbering how widely she smiled when i told her i was going to a uni and how my sis got this president guides award. she wld just say good good and den insisted that we eat something even though we're damn full. and den we'll just sit beside her and watch her sleep.

i supposed if she knew how sad we all were when she passed away, she wld have felt really really happy. and all e big bombastic rituals and ceremony that were held for her wld have made her very proud. den i wld try to imagine her sitting somewhere amongst us, healthy, smiling, with the semi-present white smokey shape like those corny ch 5 drama serials.

den she wld stand up and leave or float wadever it is, happy, forever happy & peaceful. =)


~~~~

i wondered who really understood wad e fuss was abt behind all this? what did it meant? if it's supposed to guide her soul to afterlife, what were the processes like? so for those ppl who cldn't affort the thousands spent to bring monks to the deceased's graves, it means their soul is crossing over less peacefully? like wad my dad said, this whole thing is so commercialised... and some ppl were so anal abt rituals. if they were so insistent on the correct way, it is supposed to be frugal because that's wad buddhism is supposed to be abt... isn't it?

23 oct 2008 thursday 7.15am jalan rajah block 107 =)

~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

i watched u sleep & my heart was at peace