好寂寞~

对不起。我尽力了。

好幸福啊。

感觉喜欢自拍的人心灵很空虚

可能是没有其他的东西或理由能说服自己在这世界上存在的价值吧

所以当发现自己心灵空虚时，也只能往外表看。

只要外表还像一点人样，或看的顺眼的话，这就足以成为我存在的理由。

很奇怪吧，这种感觉应该是少年时期常会体验到的。

但我都快成年了。。。


每天看到学生下课后和朋友成群的往学校门外冲，有说有笑，有些打情骂俏，有些牵着弟弟妹妹的手，哼着一支小曲走回家~

好幸福啊。

estelwen likes to camwhore

yesh i've taken a liking for camwhoring when i'm bored. my sch stuff hasn't been going as well as i wanted it to be.... again. like u know. wadever. my boss said friends dun like their frens to complain too much. yar. i'm really complaining too much so i think i'm pissing off all my friends. and i'm going to be a typical bimbo soon. assholes. slap me

due to sch stress and me combining my breakfast and lunch to just egg and bread, my weight has been dropping. from 60 kg during march to 53kg now. amazing isn't it? i hope it drops more. den i can advertise for marie france. MUAHAHA

and yeah, i know it's already halfway thru april but here it is. *takes a deep breath*
i would like to thank these people
faith
weilian
chee
zhixin
miao
wenxin
backrow peeps- julia, mel, shihui etc
LIMTWINS XD
junjie
chenjing
zhuangjing
and the list goes on (i hope i've not missed out anyone)

for the most wonderful 31st march i've ever had for this really bad year. i feel really loved and i know that i am nt alone.
because i've come to realise that as we all go our separate ways, we've become so flustered in our own world, trying to get use to uni exams/life or working life, i think little things like rmbring ur frens birthday is really really a big deal. so for all the wonderful memories that we've shared when we were still students and the short gatherings we're having now, i thank u and i'll cherish them. cheers to life. and i love u all.

~~~~

can teacher's be friends?

somehow i'm just having difficulty trying to understand what u've been trying to get across

are we just being old fashioned or is there really a boundary that u can't cross?

if being friends means that u can influence them positively, why not?

why draw a boundary?

how can u respect someone who behaves so seriously and stern in class and den start spewing vulgarities or go crazy in the staff room? aren't u acting in front of the kids, trying to be someone u're not?

how do u teach? how do u inspire?

damn u

damn this place

drop dead.

bang!

die....


effing headache

3 hr meetings till 5pm or later

u noe wad is shagged? it means when u dun even have the strength to walk and u feel like rolling on e floor.

yay

perfect strangers

i have....

over 102 friends in friendster

74 friends on facebook

203 contacts on msn

yet....

out if this few hundred friends i see online everyday,
20 i keep in touch with

people whom i can contact when i'm in deep shit
is almost as much as the fingers i have on 1 hand.

so let's do some maths.

5 out of 379 = 1.31% pathetic isnt it?

and i find it amusing that kids have difficulty comprehending, or in fact, that's how i used to think as well, i tot the more ppl u know, the more friends u have? so friends grow in numbers, they don't decrease! the tot of them even decreasing was atrocious to me, and now to them.

we used to want to meet up with the whole class, painstakingly organising class BBQs and making sure everyone joined, having websites where we could update each other of where we were in life, blah blah blah. look at us 20 years from now. i don't even know where u are, or even what u look like now.

who knows, one day when i walk past u on the streets, we'll just be back where we started.... perfect strangers.

i shld just get a dog XD

i wish to move on. :)

i had wanted so much to really grow up recently. because i realised the reason for all the pain i'm feeling now is my inability to accept what is considered to be duties of an adult and duties of just a teacher cum friend.

i realised that cedar has spoilt me. not that i didn't enjoy my stay there but it's because i was so protected and well taken care of that i couldn't take a slight stab in the back nor could i stand being alone in corner. i just didn't want to be forgotten. i just didn't want responsibilities other than teaching. i forgot that i was no longer a relief teacher. i forgot that the SWS team of big sisters and big brothers were no longer there.

if u don't like a job, no one can force you to like it. if u don't know, u ask & learn. live and learn live and learn live and learn. u of all people in the educational force should know that. as long as u live, take everything in ur stride and believe in ur abilities. everyone has done it before, so can u.

no one will reach out to you unless u take the first step and open up. we don't like people wallowing in self pity.

i need more time to reflect. i wish to move on. :)

i'm writing rubbish...

感觉好像失恋了，
心里一直惦记着，挂念着
很想回到已经不存在的过去
好想回到那时曾经拥有过的
回去每一个曾经有你我的踪迹的地方

本以为怀念的会慢慢淡忘
但现在发现回忆虽然甜蜜
回到现实时候反而更痛苦　

i'm writing rubbish...
slap me

it's time u grow up

my recent bizarre behaviour has resulted in me doing really really stupid things that i've come to regret and i now extend my sincere apologies to the students i've had bad influence on.

i've failed in my duties and i wish to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

yar right. if only life was that simple.

and i've come to realise that me being 20 in age doesn't mean that i'm acting like my age, nor in maturity. i think it's time that i really really grow up and take responsibility as an adult and not a child.

damn. britney's i'm nt a girl, nt yet a woman is my theme song of the year.

random thoughts of the day....

intruder alert.

and i do not like it.

this blog is supposed to be personal. so scram off flamers. go flame ur ass.

~~~~~~

i guess the only comfort i can get out of this is that as much as i don't know u, there's so much u don't know abt me as well.

mrs yeo XD

i treat u like my daughter, which is why i'm telling you this....

a funny coincidence that her name is mrs yeo (as in not my mum). the senior teachers here have been really patient. to be specific, the adjunct teachers here are really those who are helping me along....

isit because i look like a juvenile that they feel a need to take care of me? my student said i looked like 16. not that it made me particularly happy since i know now why they treat me more like a friend than a teacher and why some of my colleagues don't take me seriously.

thank u for making my day. i will continue to be strong.

i know there are people who care but why is it that i feel so lost and tired...

i'm nt coping well. everyone seems to be doing fine. i don't know why...

shallow simin

hello darlings,

my blogposts have increasingly become more shallow as a result of overexposure to immature students who fight/throw bottles at each other in class, name callings and blah blah blah

just save me from this immaturity because i'm really starting to think i'm childish. and i really wanted to play online games today but was too busy working. ON A SUNDAY CAN U BELIEVE IT?

and yesterday was a total knockout cus i just slept straight through from 6pm to 9am the nxt morning. that was like 15 hrs? and i still feel tired. and i have work not done. in fact, my work is never done, it's more of prioritizing which one to hand in late and which one to hand in not as late. but either way, i've nt really got myself into any big trouble yet so yar. alive but not really a LIFE.

slap me cus this entry is bimbotic.

and honestly, i think i'm starting to get addicted to drinking cus it makes me kinda of high and happy for that moment. and now as i sit here and wonder if i've gotten myself into any kind of trouble plus my piling workload, i really wonder if i'm just the type who could have survived uni if i really got in there.

honestly, the times have changed. teaching is really not as glamorous or as highly regarded as it looks. i look at my colleagues slogging their lives off and i really pity myself and them. i look at those ppl who don't bother to care and i really hate them.

so i guess i was made for a lower end job huh.

and i had wanted so much to dedicate a post to those ppl who sent me bday wishes on my special day. damn, i have to really do it soon.
><

原来成长是这样子的啊

原来成长的过程就是把自己曾经拥有过的童年渐渐遗忘了

原来成长就是与分秒必争的时间和岁月赛跑

岁月无情，人情也就变得更淡薄

成长就是忘了自己也曾经是个小孩，成长就意味着多一份的冷酷，不耐烦，少了一份的天真，无邪。

说到底，我还是无法接受这变态畸形的社会。

FTFTFTFTFTFT

my birthday present from the school is to be suddenly placed as the form teacher of a very LOVELY class because their original form teacher was conveniently forced out of the school to study in some other course.

and now, i'm suddenly the form teacher of 30+ kids.

i love u. thank u for the birthday present.

*foams*

diet

my breakfast and lunch has been reduced to

egg and bread.

and i hope i slim down soon. no dun worry i'm still a les and still single so it's nt for guys.

so i was happily cracking and eating my egg today when the hard boiled egg just broke and half of it dropped into e dustbin under my table. (i was shelling it u see)
and den ms yeo just stared at her egg in e bin, heard her stomach growl, looked ard to see if any one was looking, picked up e egg and popped it into her mouth.

my stomach felt funny afterwards. o.o