what they've taught me

e last wk in cedar pri for e first half of e yr was...
memorable & not really memorable...

meet e parents was
horrible

i was thrown in a corner by my form Teacher who decided tt she's more interested in entertaining tamil parents & leave me alone with e rest of e parents even though they've stated clearly tt rts who co-form a class is not supposed to be left alone to meet parents just in case irritating parents decides to take advantage of e weak.

but she decided to do so anyway & i was forced to meet this pair of bastards alone together with another NIE contract teacher who wasn't really very helpful as they sat there
1. insulting my method of teaching saying i was too soft & e their "clever" kid has a hell of a time tricking me so tt she cld have a reason for nt doing her hmwrk
2. labeling me with humiliating labels such as immature, inexperienced, u're just a relief teacher crap
3. accused me of ostracizing their hell of a precious daughter, for having supernatural powers to prevent their daughter frm achieving full marks for spelling
4. another parent blamed me for nt teaching his daughter how to drink water & insisted tt i conduct a lesson to teach e kids to drink water

after they've finished insulting & pushing all e blame to me, they just walked off & left me there.

i didn't know y i cried so badly after tt, was i insulted? was i humiliated? was i pissed off? i didn't know. it's so ironic, to see them living in denial, to see them blaming others for how their daughter turned out to be. they're just desperately clinging on to e hope tt somehow their daughter will be e smartest in class, tt their daughter will nt be like her twin brother who has a lower IQ & has to go back to P1 & is still considered a "special student". tt somehow, her lousy grades & her unwillingness to learn in sch was e fault of e teacher. tt her v short attention span in class is in fact VERY normal because e parents insisted tt everyone has a v short attention span. wtf.

~~~

farewell was
unforgettable.

i tot P2 students were too young to understand what it means to say goodbye. i tot tt maybe they wld just forget me quickly as another teacher takes my place. greedy me tot tt maybe p2 stdents were too young to plan a farewell party for me & were too financially dependent to buy me lavish gifts.

"so, do u want to ask ms yeo any questions before i leave?"

hands shot up as they waved frantically to get my attention.

"ms yeo, i love u" & then he squirmed abit @ e mushy words
"ms yeo, i'll miss u"
"ms yeo, can't u just come back & teach us nxt term?" whined e whiny one
"ms yeo i love u too" e other one declared loudly
"thank u ms yeo" & he gave me a funny shy look

then all e love confessions started pouring out one by one. they promised to be good kids, they promised to listen to e nxt teacher, they promised to be e best class.even though they'll most probably forget it e nxt term, who cares

so yup, they finally admitted tt they love me after i've forced them for first 5 months to say tt they like ms yeo everytime whenever i felt depressed.

i got a lovely picture of a mermaid & a pink pen, i got some random pokemon stacks & kraks, i got those big princess stickers which they insisted tt i've got to stick it on my hand. i got to hug e cute boys in my class, e attention seeking girl who loved to hug me cried, they didn't whine when i gave them a truckload of homework. but i guess e best present they gave me was e wonderful memories they've given me...

on my last day, some lovely photos i took of them with their love msges on e white board. heh

to my lovely wonderful lover whom i've been harassing for e past few months, thank u for ur lovely gifts! sweet! as well as my lovely relief teaching comrades, i love u all! woot! * many thanks to ms J goh for the wonderful picts* *hugs*





to e staff of cps, thank u!

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

-Oscar Wilde

saw this when i was looking for a pict of stars...

“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. ” - Matthew 5:24-25

it's just interesting. oh well. anyway, my P2 korean student found out tt i'm nt a Christian & insisted tt i go to a church with him. i just found out recently tt most of e koreans are Christians so i wldn't be surprise. just kinda of, amused? or it just set me thinking abt things as he fervently insisted tt i pray to god & go to church with him or i will go to a bad place (he doesn't know what is hell & heaven in eng yet.) somehow i just sat there & smiled @ him as he started making me promise him.

tml will be my first day of unemployment. i have a whole list of things to do, appealing, continue learning my malay & japanese hiragana, teaching tuition, playing computer games, watching dramas & wad have u.

anyway, if u're nt aware, i'm rejected frm both unis & with e recent closure of UNSW uni in singapore, it will mean tt those people who initially applied for UNSW wld now have to apply to NUS & NTU = more competition = less chances for me = wadever

i've yet to go round making a public announcement of my rejection frm both unis yet. ppl will start comforting me & ask if i'm ok when i really don't know. i really am grateful for all e concern. it's not tt i don't care. it's just tt i've reached a point where i see no pt in being upset over things i cannot get. there are alot of regrets & sadness & all e wad have u rubbish but i realise tt life just goes on. i still have to work & make money & do e best i can while enjoying whatever life has in store. it just sucks not being able to get high paying jobs & crap but i guess as long as i don't starve to death, i just want to be happy. for now.

dear fucking parent

dear fucking parent,
i hereby apologise for:
1. ur child nt getting full marks for spelling
2. ur child nt finishing her water in her water bottle
3. ur child's fuckingly lousy results
4. ur child's stupidity
5. ur child's laziness
6. ur child refusing to do her homework
7. me nt being as good as ms dina whom u also have issues with
8. ur child's motherfucking attitude towards her schwork
9. ur child refusing to learn
10. supposedly "ostracizing" ur child for whom i've painstakingly sacrificed my recess & free period to teach ur piece of fucking retard
11. being a relief teacher
12. being "inexperienced"
13. being "immature"

i therefore accept all blame for being ur child's "immature", "inexperienced" relief teacher.

p.s u fucking son of a bitch.

rgds
ms ysm

~~~


so here i started my job as a teacher with tears because of students & end it with tears because of parents.
nice cycle, don't u think.

i'm just depressed. i don't even feel like going to sch tml. i'm just tired, sick, tired, sick

wtf

I saw a peacock with a fiery tail.

I saw a peacock with a fiery tail.
I saw a blazing comet drop down hail.
I saw a cloud with ivy circles round.
I saw a sturdy oak creep on the ground.
I saw a pismire swallow up a whale.
I saw a raging sea brim full of ale.
I saw a Venice glass sixteen foot deep.
I saw a well full of men’s tears that weep.
I saw their eyes all in a flame of fire.
I saw a house as big as the moon and higher.
I saw the sun even in the midst of night.
I saw the man that saw this wondrous sight.

strength

fallin's easy, u just fall.
jumpin requires e strgth of will

what he said

can i die if i don't get into a uni?

no u can't

y?

because u r nt supposed to.

bleeding

it's amazingly freaky, e rate at which foreigners are infesting s'pore & then leaving after they've taken everything tt we have for their use.

we lying there, bleeding...

六个礼拜的奇迹，三个人的永远。

その6週間は、私たちの永遠でした

“既然遇見了你們，
我就無法帶著這份回憶去過另一種人生。
我要讓我和你的孩子降臨在這個世界，
然後帶著這些幸福時光的回憶，笑著離開。
所以現在，我下定了決心，
笑著，去見你……

在宇宙的某個角落，有個叫阿格衣布的星球。
離開這個世界、被思念著的人，都住在阿格衣布星上。
我最深愛的澪，現在就在那裡。

在澪即將離開我和佑司，啟程往阿格衣布星的一個星期前，她曾對我說：『下一個雨季來臨時，我會回來看你們好不好。』
我決定，在她回來前，要堅強起來。

雨季即將到來的這一天，天空笼罩著厚厚的雲層，空氣裡有雨的味道。
一如往常，我帶著佑司，去以前我們常去的森林。
當我們到達目的地時，雨終於下了起來，朦朦朧朧裡，我看到了一個熟悉又令人懷念的身影。慢慢向她靠近，佇立在那裡的她逐漸清晰。

是妳嗎？澪…… ”

there's my boy

e kids were being "punished" by naz last wk cus they kept running to e staff room after their MT lesson to look for me. i bet they just hope tt i wld bring sweets out for them, which i usually do, & maybe even bring them into e staff room just to blow aircon.

thanks to my weakness of giving them sweets & bringing them to e staff room, now they love to stick their faces outside e glass door of e staff room & scream for my name, incurring e ire of e discipline master who sits near e door. dies.

but, tt's nt e main point.
naz decided tt their bad habit of crowding ard e staff room has to stop so she made them stand up & give us a good reason as to why they did nt wait for me obediently in class.
"why must u run to e staff room to see miss yeo? if you don't see her u don't feel comfotable isit? u need to see miss yeo before u feel happy isit?"

my dear shaun gave her a very sincere "yar"

i tried nt to smile. or to be more specific, to go hysterically high.

i'll miss them. i'm already missing them now since i'm assigned to relief tt SOB's class for a few days. darn. my kids now love to slip little gifts such as pokemon staks aka magnets into my bag too.

ironic, they're bribing me like how i'm bribing them. gahx

gahhhhhh

speak of e devil.

i bet they learnt tt stupid thing frm e stupid show tt i'm watching now.
motivational my ass. i still think it's stupid.

teh suxs.

rants rants rants

only way out?

i hate irresponsible ppl.

i lost it today. i blurted out fuck in front of e other teachers although i have yet e guts to just scream it in some bastard's face yet.

i have yet to receive a letter, just in case u're curious. & it's just adding to my frustration everyday. i hate leaving things hanging there as it is. & e fact tt A lvl holders who go into NIE are usually nt really "recognised" by e sch depresses me even more.

i can't just go into a place & expect to stay there at e bottom forever. i just want a BA from NIE. pulease....

or maybe i shld call my cousin to ask...
but she'll most probably tell me it's part of his plan again. *rolls eyes*
but i guess she'll guide me to a few other paths tt are available....

or is this just e only way out?

too little too late...

Imagini - visualDNA widget

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commitments = 2 years

e things i hate to fulfill most are commitments, esp when everything is just so wrong & uncertain now.

hanging there like a piece of shit.

can i tell u how much i'll miss them when i'm gone? i love disturbing them, because they nvr get tired of playing. they nvr get tired of smiling & laughing even when all else goes wrong.

it seems like if all else fails, i might just as well work for a while more, & then apply for contract teaching. even though adi said it's gonna make me so sch orientated tt all i think abt is just sch & kids, sch & kids. but what wld u have me do? when my grades are limiting all my choices... wait. i don't even have a choice to speak of.

just tell me it's nt e end of the world.

i even dream of sch now adays. it gets tt freaky.

& some ppl don't really get it when they speak. they have no sense of EQ, no shit sense of intelligence when they talk of things tt hurt. i knew it all along. these ppl are just as superficial as they look. give me a break really. i just wanna stick to those ppl tt understand. i'm just too tired to hide.

e.n.d

i'm just hanging there, not knowing whether i'm dead or alive...

2 of my frens have got letter frm ntu CL & another 2 frm nie.

why have i forgotten to remind myself tt i was already kicked out frm the MAINstream on tt fateful day...
somehow, i'm feeling like this is the end.

there are so many things tt are on e verge of happening. i'm just on e verge for another breakdown.

~~~~~~~~

my life is made up of complicated emotions which i can't ctrl. somehow, i just feel like while others are just fine being e way e are, e more i interact with ppl, e more i find myself hating myself more. it's in e genes tt my grandmother & my mother are just emotional. & even till now, i have to keep reminding myself tt i cannot be who i am, tt i just have to conform to normal standards to be accepted by the society & myself. i've nvr felt myself moving forward in terms of emotional management. i'm just standing there...