Wednesday, January 19, 2011


my cousin once told me that this was a destiny of sort, biological destiny, a curse n hence we have to pray to God for salvation.

this bad temper n the streak of madness that runs in our family as seen from e number of reported relatives who had always wanted to kill themselves but not done so.

the whole extended family is made up of bunch of emo freaks who have either damn big egos, fucking bad tempers n stupid IQ

my dad's paranoia + my mum's emo max + my mum's fked up temper = simin

this is not getting me anywhere.

n u have no idea how much i hate to be compared to my mum in terms of her temperament.

all my whole fking life, i've worked so hard not to be like her, at all.

yet i am failing terribly.

maybe i'm just trying to hard.

maybe i'm just don't have e determination to even try at all.

n now i'm just getting mind fucked by myself with all this paranoia n emo-ness.

n this post was supposed to be positive.

maybe it's cus it's pass 3am.

HAHA. fuck u simin. HAHAHAHAHA

in trying to deflate my ego
i might have mistakenly deflated my self esteem
it is nt helping that my dad stuffs me with food, get's upset when i don't eat his food, n then says i'm fat
n keeps insisting that there is smthing wrong with e way i am behaving, too tom boyish, laugh too loud. no guys will like
i have come to the conclusion that i can't be loved because i am mad, no one wld love someone who is mad, paranoid n irritating.

go n slp simin.

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