shame

if anything, i m very thankful that my family is not into this religion thing, cept for my mum n her buddha 'burn incense for me after i die' thing.

but the thing is

once in a while when i hang out with ppl who are very pious

it just makes me question my own beliefs alot

it's always easier to follow what others believe in

but then again,

i always wonder

is my reason for holding on so tightly to atheism

a result of an unexplainable fear that i might be proven wrong

or is it because atheism has always been based on nothing

if i lose this belief

what else do i have to hold on to?

because i still can't forget that long pause u gave me when i asked u what u believed in

that long, unsure and awkward pause

before u said

atheism

like there was this fear of being judged,

this unmistakable sense of shame

n from that day onwards

i carried that shame with u too