i think i've been losing it these days.

just yest was enough...

this is hard to bear...

but i'm hopeful that it will end soon.

pls just let it end soon :(

maybe i shld just check into IMH... woots

and den u keep asking urself

everyone is doing e same thing

everyone is facing e same amt of shit

why is it that u have to be different?

why aren't u able to cope?

3 am, it's when i think of ways i can just kill myself.

there's this overwhelming self pity.... it is scaring me.

den it whispers to me.

"why are u living..."

i don't know...

"it's so tiring isn't it..."

i noe.. it is...

"end it all..."

i did a really stupid thing

and i didn't mean it when i said it.

but still....

i'm just really sorry.

fail

simin is stupid, because she tried to act smart.

fail

nxt time. just go straight to e point pls.

failing is not the end, it is failing to stand up that's e end

so what if there's this problem all along. this fucking problem hogging me and not letting me go..

it's not like i didn't try. i try. hard. every single day to breathe.

and yet it still has to come and bug me every once in a while.

persistant bitch.

why are there no solutions to this problem?

i would like to say

what the fuck.

to

my rmmate, my nie mate.

both of which i have no obligation to be nice to, since both i dun really like.

farnnie how i've been living with her for almost 2 years, and we share so much secrets. oh wait. it's her secrets. i dun share mine with her. since she openly doesn't like most of my other friends that i'm close to. like i'm exclusive to her. she can fuck herself and die.

i dun like her. still. for e fucking things that she does. for her irresponsibility towards herself and others.

so what if i'm e fucking wayang queen and i dun like to say things directly. if i had to be direct, it wouldnt be nice. at all.

fucked up bitch. if u think u noe me very well. think again. ur judegement of ppl is really screwed.

hope

There is a saying that the earth upon which we fall is the same ground which enables us to push ourselves up again. There's another which maintains that barley grows better after it has been trampled on. Human relationships are sometimes painful, but there is no such pain from which we cannot recover. It is up to us to decide to live a life free from self-doubt and despair in spite of our failures. Indeed, it is during our most humbling moments that we should show greatest poise and grace. Then the dignity of our lives will truly shine.



i think, religion gives her alot of hope. ignoring the fact that their ultimate aim is to achieve world peace in the end.

i think religion gives her hope to move past tragic events in her life. to keep her strong and calm in the face the worst that life has to "offer". in fact, 12 years of knowing her, i've never seen her cry. at all, despite all that she's facing. she's never blamed anyone or life. she just lived. for passion, for her family, for her friends. she just lived life to e fullest.

if there's a embassidor they need for living life to e fullest, i think she fully qualifies for that. without doubt.

she gives me hope. always.

there must be something really really wrong with me.

if i keep complainin abt ppl, den i think e fault lies in me, not?

玄姚

缘分

莫名得让我们俩相遇

我们自己，却选择了让时间，岁月把这份浓厚的感情淡化了。

与其说岁月不饶人，不如说我们自己不懂得珍惜。

忙忙碌碌的生活，到底是成为了一种无奈，还是一个能逃避现实的借口。

我们就这样忘记了什么是简单，单纯的快乐。

上を向いて歩こう (I shall walk looking up)
涙がこぼれないように (so my tears won't fall)

at 3am, u kinda lose ur mind & hope u'll die...

i think minds weren't made to stay awake till 3am in the morning.

but it's also late in e night where u get to actually reflect about ur life. ur life that has just past within e last 24 hrs.

u ask urself what's wrong with the things u've done today to deserve that kind of crap u get from ur friends.

i mean 2 within a day just makes u wonder if u're one of e worst asses in e world.

maybe i do get a little pushy overzealous and fucking self centered sometimes.

oh fuck this.

i shld just slp.

PSLE

it was 20 mins of screaming at my brother for the upteem time on why he's not using the method that i taught him and which worked for him as well.

and then i watched him cry & sob uncontrollably.

and i tot to myself. humans must be e stupidest animals on e world to get themselves so upset over their studies.

whoever said that the responsibility of students was to study is a pile of shit head.

there must be more than life to this.

this is definitely not gd for e kids.

no wonder we are all getting screwed.

recess wk

i wonder if there'll be a day

when i'll become so dellusional that i'll take my own life

the chances of anything happening at all is just like e probability of u getting knocked down by a car.

but then again there are ppl who do get knocked down by cars. like one sunny day. like any other normal day.

what makes u desperate enough to take ur own life?
when u have nthing to lose? or when u have nthing to gain?

my recess wk was a little screwed. i think i slpt for a wk. or maybe it was all a dream...

i think funerals are like this little sacred places where time just stops. where everyone is like black and white. time ceases to exist. and i guess with that, emotions are numbed too. surrealism in nostalgic way.

i'm sorry i cldn't meet up with u faith. i miss u loads. :(

if we studied this for LEP, we wld have all gotten As. XD

史记·陈冠希列传

陈公冠希者，江东上海府人也，龙额准目，骨骼清奇。冠希年尚垂髫，肆意狂放，不拘礼法，世人奇之。时有名士宋祖德者，见冠希，异其貌，讶然曰：“此子治世之情魔，乱世之淫棍也！”
　　
　　冠希之父，岭表巨贾，家资亿万，然冠希少时父弃其母，携小蜜而去，独遗巨资与冠希。冠希遂得日糜金二千，恣意放浪，悠游裙钗之中，狎戏脂粉之间。
　　
　　既弱冠，冠希携巨资而入梨园为伶，未几，声名鹊起，名动香江，粉丝甚众。香江梨园，佳丽甚众，纯女熟妇，万紫千红，环肥燕瘦，婆娑婀娜，浅笑 轻颦，极尽瑰姘。冠希见之，怅恨良久，叹曰：“不入此间，不知天下佳丽何其多也！吾必一一御之！”左右皆笑，以为妄言，冠西太息曰：“嗟乎，燕雀安知鸿鹄 之志哉？！”
　　
　　时有丽姝曰钟氏欣桐者，或谓之“阿娇”。冠希见之，曰“吾必御之！” 或曰：“此女甚纯，常自比贞女烈妇，恐不可得也！” 冠希笑曰：“以貌取人，失之子羽。诸君徒知其貌，安知其底？！吾且为诸君尝之，诸君但作壁上观，温酒以待吾归！”遂入阿娇金屋，倾而，执阿娇亵衣以归，而 镬酒尚温，左右皆拜服！或赞曰：“温酒之间，斩将夺旗，古有云长，今有冠希！”
　　
　　冠希既得阿娇，意尤未平，偶遇熟妇曰张氏柏芝者，魂动心醉，情难自禁，遂提枪而往。或劝曰：“不可！阿娇很傻很天真，然此女黠甚，公今虽得之，异日恐受其害！”冠希不纳，拔枪而上，鼓而攻之，粉肠一现，柏芝束手！
　　
　　冠希既收柏芝，遂欲如洪水，一发不可再收，终日游荡梨园，渔艳猎色，遇花弄花，见柳戏柳，半截粉肠，无孔不入，所御之女，虽罄南山之竹，难以数之。
　　
　　冠西好画，尤嗜春宫，其御百女，皆以相机摄之，存之电脑，或邀朋共阅，或举杯独赏。后电脑崩坏，与修，冠西春宫遂泄。好事者闻之，以千金购 之，散于网上，遂天崩地裂，百兽惊惶，中外侧目，香江鼎沸。夷人闻之，皆惊曰：“中国者，冠带之国，礼仪之邦，圣人之所在，而蛮荒之所慕也！孰知黄暴若 此！”众女皆自危，或以千金购冠希之头。冠希闻之，急亡之东夷曰美立坚者，不敢复出。世人谓之曰“艳照门”。
　　
　　阿娇、柏芝闻事泄，皆惶然。阿娇泣告世人曰：“很傻很天真”。 柏芝之夫霆锋闻之，仰天叹曰：“吾识柏芝三十年矣，孰知其贱若此，反不如芙蓉姐姐也！”遂意欲休之。
　　
　　是时，冠西身败名裂，梨园索冠希之财，社团购冠希之首。冠希途穷路尽，遂告天下曰：“某今退出香港梨园，永不复出！”众人乃罢。
　　
　　或谓曰：“公何以自断后路？既出梨园，复能何为？”冠希笑曰：“此吾之计也！吾所誓出者，唯香江而已！浩浩中原，煌煌美夷，安得无为？今中原大豪张公纪中，已以千金聘吾饰西门庆矣，得无可乎？” 左右皆服之。
　　
　　复五十年，冠希卒，终前曰：“吾纵横半世，阅女无数，所不得者，惟西施、貂禅、昭君、玉环而已！今吾死，虽上追九天，下穷九泉，终当觅而御之，方无恨矣！”言迄，大笑而卒，左右皆汗颜。既卒，谥曰“黄品源”。然世人叹冠希之才，皆尊之为“黄帝”，礼祀与轩辕氏同。
　　
　　太史公曰：“中国自和谐后，奇事纷呈，惊世骇俗者甚众，然黄暴若冠西者，未之有也！奈何冠希之生不逢国，设投身东瀛，安知不可为倭国宰辅乎？”

Sie haben Angst

i am PMSing very badly :(