paranoia

i think i shld, one fine day, visit IMH and get medication for my bouts of paranoia, insanity & depression.

i think i shld.

then again, isn't it irritating to have known me, i'm loud, i'm sickening, i'm full of shit, i'm paranoid, i get depressed and start moaning abt how i wanna die on my blog and den i'll make u feel unhappy/worried. wad is so good abt me as a fren?

~~~

i secretly thinks my grandma praying for her death to come. no wait, i think we're all praying that she'll leave this world. talk abt mercy killing

she's just lying there, all skin and bone... her wound's full of pus, her skin blue black. she has no flesh... i cannot see any flesh... her house has a stench. in fact i bet we'll look like we're abusing her. she can't really talk now, she doesn't respond when i call her. her eyes are always closed... she curls up into a ball and falls into an uneasy sleep, she's been falling down e bed at night.

i dun even noe if she fits into e definition of living.

and den there's this buddhist song playing continuously nxt to her bed... e same one my maternal grandma had nxt to her bed and e song that i had to listen to during e wake and when she was cremated. it's so freakingly creepy. bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz