unspoken

and u tot i didn't felt guilty, u tot it was funny....

it'll be hard, living w/o e things tt have been with me since i was born. they say tt ur greatest fears are always unspoken, i guess tt's e same with me. i dun really wanna think too far off. with life like tt, we'll just have to make do with wad we have each day & live each day as it is, hoping it doesn't get worse, & maybe praying tt it might get better.

as my fiancee laments about how she does threesome with me & how much she'll miss NY. i guess this is e only place i won't miss, & am really glad i'm over & done with it. e past few wks had made me more sure of tt. i won't miss e tchers, i won't miss my classmates. i won't miss e sch (it wasn't even conducive for me to study in e first place) maybe my impression of cedar is warped, maybe wad i've went thru has twisted my memories of cedar & make it seem so much better. who noes, who cares.

it's like e days are getting worse, just tt e reality hasn't sunk in cus i didn't want to think too much bout it during As. it's difficult to get someone to look at things frm e same perspective. it's difficult to get someone to understand e things tt u can't say. if u wanna say tt each sch has their own spirit, den ny's was a cultural shock for me. even till now. though now i still have close friends, some things just don't change. they just can't....