so where are we now love?

i'm srry i gave in more than i should
but tt's life
n it's vices
so what i can do now
is to know what i can do to stop going even further

so that question did the trick
what are we now
and u cldn't give me a reply
u gave me a series of definitions
fine with me
let's play by ur rules then

n u think u understand me
that i am predictable
but maybe i was predictable because i was so afraid of losing u after u came back
because suddenly u became real to me


but not anymore
u may be blinded by ur feelings of love or lust
but i'm more blinded by fear
and the things abt u that don't make sense at all

filth

they say love changes u
i think love mutates u.
and then we both become so ugly
we cant recognize ourselves anymore

i'm such mess arent i

i'm nt as good as i think i am
don't be a piece of shit

i
cant
be
bothered
that's what i'm telling those who know
tt's what i think i am feeling towards this

it's either i'm bored
i can't talk to u
i don't trust u
i dont think i know u
or i don't see why i shld be tied down

never make plans for the future more than 3 wks in advance.
u never know when it's gonna end.
i'm srry.
i never believed in love.

or maybe the question now is
do i really love u.

confessionsions of a fashion disaster

she doesnt understand how a girl would not want to dress up

i do i guess. but not all time. 1 out of 10 times maybe? rest of the time i'm just t shirt shorts n my ipnama sandals.
tt's how i wld like to live my life
fast, simple, easy, haphazard combination, a fashion disaster
something i can run in
something i can sit in anyway i like without bothering if e world saw my wadever is underneath
but most importantly, something i can run with.
not like i run around all the time
but i don't know why
this thought is just in my head whenever i think of what to wear
something i can run in

i cant run in dress can i?

primal maybe?

maybe i lacked the confidence to carry off those hot dresses with bare backs or wadever complicated fashion terms that u haf
but honestly, e rest of the times i can't really be bothered.

i guess i dont understand how she wldn't understand that girls are not just abt dressing up.

i
shld
honestly
live
in
a
cave

ramblingggggggggg

what's on my mind

yes i am bothered by the fact that he has done nothing and is the whole world to u
n we have done everything but am nothing to u

im sorry am i judging?
too bad, he's a loser.

stupidity stops now

u haf more to lose than to gain
so i obviously wasnt thinking when my act of stupidity was performed
twice
n it is sooooooo easy to convince urself that this guilt
can be easily buried somewhere deep inside

lust. is a more poweful feeling
than love

maybe

maybe life is about giving it all
without caring abt the returns
n then maybe
maybe, u won't be afraid
of ur heart breaking
because u could always grow another heart back
with hope
with love
n with time

love is

love is simple
my mum said
dun expect fairy tales
u're only expecting disappointments
just love
n keep it simple

every morning
she wakes up with pieces of her life on the floor
n one by one she slowly picks them up
shame guilt joy memorise recollections and what nots
mostly shame now
it's the shame guilt n uncertainty that cuts the most

maybe i'm thinking too much into things

as usual

maybe it's not a big deal

but if u knew i was going to be emo

why didn't u call to ask if i was ok?

maybe she's right

u're not that simple after all

i need a time out

after wednesday

i need to sort things out

with myself

alone

just leave me alone

cliff jumping

and we took a step too far
so now we're off the cliff
we can't turn back
n decide that we want to stand at the edge again
it's just free falling now
n damn i really hope the parachute will open
before i hit the ground.

3 months
i don't know if i want it to work
or if i just want it to end

maybe

maybe this is why i didn't want to commit.
the effort that would require me to change.
i hate change
n i'm too selfish to do it for someone else

laughter abused

i abuse this joy
too much

n i have only myself to blame

if no one really knows what i'm thinking

i don't really want them to know do i?

i'm so full of shit. i'll just smile n lie in ur face

when i'm just crying inside

the stupid things i do

the night was spent refreshing the changi arrival page
till 'landed' appeared
n i made an estimation of how long it wld take for u to reach home
"welcome home"

:)

the cheap fallacies that mean nothing to u at all

i don't understand
so am i at fault for feeling this way?
am i not entitled to feel this way?
so just because u make sense all the time n i dont
ur anger would always mean that i am at fault
and thereafter every utterance i make
can only be fuel for ur anger
but not the other way round
i have to be totally at fault
deeply apologetic and show willingness to repent
and most of all be sincere about my apology
if not, nothing else counts
only ur anger n arguments makes sense
e rest, would just be fallacies.
cheap fallacies that mean nothing to u at all

the happiness equation

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.

- Ernest Hemingway, author and journalist, Nobel laureate (1899-1961)

Great men are always of a nature originally melancholy. -Aristotle

nope, not implying that i'm intelligent
i'm just saying. haha

been wanderlusting again
terrible. because i know it's not going to happen anytime soon :(
n the list keeps on growing
1. aurora broealis (Norway/Iceland)
2. NZ caravan
3. eastern europe, spain maybe (Oscar & Boris!)
4. Trans Siberian Rail
5. Middle East
6. Pamir Mountains
7. Ladakh
i think i'll die before i complete this :(

and we've reached and equilibrium in life

both of us

equi-distance from home

n i was lying in bed thinking

about how things have been

the people that u thought u were close to

were the once u have been neglecting all the time

and the only solution to this

seems to be for me to start working

save more

for u to stop

n rest

why can't we chase our dreams

and at the same time be rich too

too much angst

there's a thin line
between who you love
and who you think you love
that thin line

and seriously go take a good hard look at urself in the mirror

before u start condemning me

bitch

n i bid thee farewell

can i love u without giving up loneliness?

because i'm so accustomed to it that i'm afraid

that e process of getting use to its presence is going to kill me again

it's like i'm already preparing myself for the worse even though nthing has happened
yet
but then again
life has taught me never to expect anything to last forever
even family
things can just break down
any
other
day
any
time
of
the
day

the heart amplified does no one anygood

bad dreams
headaches
i think i keep too much anger inside
too many things bother me
but i just keep it pent up inside
n then everynight it explodes
in crazy nightmares

but at least life is slowly gettin back on track

it's all in the mind
all these anger, love, sadness
mad ness

evol

that's good...

make sure he loves u more than u love him.

n i don't know if at that moment if this was the best sentence that sums up this 4 lettered game.

i wish u happyness, evol