Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

Friday, October 02, 2009

if we studied this for LEP, we wld have all gotten As. XD

史记·陈冠希列传

陈公冠希者,江东上海府人也,龙额准目,骨骼清奇。冠希年尚垂髫,肆意狂放,不拘礼法,世人奇之。时有名士宋祖德者,见冠希,异其貌,讶然曰:“此子治世之情魔,乱世之淫棍也!”
  
  冠希之父,岭表巨贾,家资亿万,然冠希少时父弃其母,携小蜜而去,独遗巨资与冠希。冠希遂得日糜金二千,恣意放浪,悠游裙钗之中,狎戏脂粉之间。
  
  既弱冠,冠希携巨资而入梨园为伶,未几,声名鹊起,名动香江,粉丝甚众。香江梨园,佳丽甚众,纯女熟妇,万紫千红,环肥燕瘦,婆娑婀娜,浅笑 轻颦,极尽瑰姘。冠希见之,怅恨良久,叹曰:“不入此间,不知天下佳丽何其多也!吾必一一御之!”左右皆笑,以为妄言,冠西太息曰:“嗟乎,燕雀安知鸿鹄 之志哉?!”
  
  时有丽姝曰钟氏欣桐者,或谓之“阿娇”。冠希见之,曰“吾必御之!” 或曰:“此女甚纯,常自比贞女烈妇,恐不可得也!” 冠希笑曰:“以貌取人,失之子羽。诸君徒知其貌,安知其底?!吾且为诸君尝之,诸君但作壁上观,温酒以待吾归!”遂入阿娇金屋,倾而,执阿娇亵衣以归,而 镬酒尚温,左右皆拜服!或赞曰:“温酒之间,斩将夺旗,古有云长,今有冠希!”
  
  冠希既得阿娇,意尤未平,偶遇熟妇曰张氏柏芝者,魂动心醉,情难自禁,遂提枪而往。或劝曰:“不可!阿娇很傻很天真,然此女黠甚,公今虽得之,异日恐受其害!”冠希不纳,拔枪而上,鼓而攻之,粉肠一现,柏芝束手!
  
  冠希既收柏芝,遂欲如洪水,一发不可再收,终日游荡梨园,渔艳猎色,遇花弄花,见柳戏柳,半截粉肠,无孔不入,所御之女,虽罄南山之竹,难以数之。
  
  冠西好画,尤嗜春宫,其御百女,皆以相机摄之,存之电脑,或邀朋共阅,或举杯独赏。后电脑崩坏,与修,冠西春宫遂泄。好事者闻之,以千金购 之,散于网上,遂天崩地裂,百兽惊惶,中外侧目,香江鼎沸。夷人闻之,皆惊曰:“中国者,冠带之国,礼仪之邦,圣人之所在,而蛮荒之所慕也!孰知黄暴若 此!”众女皆自危,或以千金购冠希之头。冠希闻之,急亡之东夷曰美立坚者,不敢复出。世人谓之曰“艳照门”。
  
  阿娇、柏芝闻事泄,皆惶然。阿娇泣告世人曰:“很傻很天真”。 柏芝之夫霆锋闻之,仰天叹曰:“吾识柏芝三十年矣,孰知其贱若此,反不如芙蓉姐姐也!”遂意欲休之。
  
  是时,冠西身败名裂,梨园索冠希之财,社团购冠希之首。冠希途穷路尽,遂告天下曰:“某今退出香港梨园,永不复出!”众人乃罢。
  
  或谓曰:“公何以自断后路?既出梨园,复能何为?”冠希笑曰:“此吾之计也!吾所誓出者,唯香江而已!浩浩中原,煌煌美夷,安得无为?今中原大豪张公纪中,已以千金聘吾饰西门庆矣,得无可乎?” 左右皆服之。
  
  复五十年,冠希卒,终前曰:“吾纵横半世,阅女无数,所不得者,惟西施、貂禅、昭君、玉环而已!今吾死,虽上追九天,下穷九泉,终当觅而御之,方无恨矣!”言迄,大笑而卒,左右皆汗颜。既卒,谥曰“黄品源”。然世人叹冠希之才,皆尊之为“黄帝”,礼祀与轩辕氏同。
  
  太史公曰:“中国自和谐后,奇事纷呈,惊世骇俗者甚众,然黄暴若冠西者,未之有也!奈何冠希之生不逢国,设投身东瀛,安知不可为倭国宰辅乎?”

Sunday, October 05, 2008

onnli euuuuuu

F lying
A round
lI ke a dodo bird
T he only
H omosexual partner i'd like to have


HAHA WAD DA HELL IS THIS FREAKING ACRONYM POEM!!!

just lame. love u darling! XD

take care & JIAYOU!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

widdle wabbits

welcome to the widdle wabbits club!

there are many reasons why we love wabbits. because they r nt just cute, but VERY cute.

membership has been overwhelming since e club was first started. in fact, many ppl are frantically trying to join e club at this moment because wabbits are just so irresistible.







considering e history tt we've had with wabbits, e formidable wabbit is nt just an animal which we can ignore. wabbit 万岁!

e official club dance


president: echizen, chee, estel
vice president: echizen, chee, estel
treasurer: echizen, chee, estel
secretary: echizen, chee, estel

members!
echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel, echizen, chee, estel

Monday, September 17, 2007

HAPPY!!

i am very happy! as in a very simple childlike happiness has overwhelmed, overpowered, overhaha me. wadever lar. HAHAHA, let me tell u why!!!


YES!!! LOOOK AT MY CUTIE!!! WHICH I'VE FINALLY FOUND!!! ... wadever, it's all because of this cute white fluffy thing hanging in front of my computer giving me this big wide smile like there's no tomorrow, or like there's always tomorrow. i haven given it a name yet though. shld i call it fluffy? or terry? i mean from teru teru bouzu, so terry wld be... nice? CUTIEEEE.... wheee!!! i managed to find it like how many freaking lightyears after watching ima ai ni yukimasu. IN UR FACE!!! WOOT!

anyway, strange sightings have been, well, sighted at my house. it's getting crazier day by day.
first, me & my sis spotted a poor hello kitty being held hostage by a deranged woman by e window.


den we found this illegal squatter in my house. and then....

HAPPY FACES STARTED APPEARING ON ALL OUR APPLES!!! OMGOMGOMG!!



i guess it must be e full moon tt's making everyone crazy.... oh well, HAPPY LIFE!!!

单纯的幸福虽短暂,但还是珍惜,因为快乐,就是这点点滴滴的小事累积而开始。

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

You're Boring



This is it. You're time is through.
You're boring!
You're rambling on...no end in sight
You're boring!
No need to thank your parakeet!
You're boring!
Look at Catherine Zeta-Jones, she's snoring!
You could have rushed up to the stage, but you were lollygagging
They're turning off your microphone...
And cutting to a commercial for Del Taco!
Del Taco!
Del Taco!
Del Taaa-aaa-coo!!!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

no boundaries

e insanity of siblings know no boundaries


i love hp with cameras XD

Sunday, April 08, 2007

korean madness

ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this! this! this! is a must watch! just watch it at wadever cost. XD



be prepared for madness

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

if i had special powers


if i had special powers
i would like to be able to...

be invisible and ppl can't see me so i can eat the biscuits not with my hands and if i wear my cap, people only can see my cap. and, shoes so i touch, peoples hand they can feel me and i go to the stage and sing the people only hear my voice than all the people in front of me say magic than all the people say cool!

extract frm my student's journal.
~~~
i love their english XD

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Simin!

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Simin!

  1. Simin was banned from Finland because of not wearing pants!
  2. Simin was originally green, and actually contained cocaine.
  3. Simin was declared extinct in 1902.
  4. Tradition allows women to propose to Simin only during leap years.
  5. Simin once came third in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest.
  6. Simin is the world's largest rodent!
  7. There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat Simin, though it may feel uncomfortable.
  8. If you drop Simin from more than three metres above ground level, she will always land feet-first.
  9. Originally, Simin could not fly.
  10. Simin will often rub up against people to lay her scent and mark her territory!
I am interested in - do tell me about

Friday, March 16, 2007

TBS's Warai no Saiten Match 2005



found this video clip while i was looking for smthing else. it's kinda funny XD
some bg info abt e clip by e author.

A clip of a skit from TBS's Warai no Saiten Match 2005. Mimura Masakazu from Summers and Tanaka Naoki from Cocorico are in a sketch about a man who sees a fight. Out of the eight competing teams from various comedy teams, this sketch was selected as the grand prize winner.

I subtitled it for educational, testing purposes regerding the receptablity of a non-culturally acclimatized audience versus an acclimatized audience to various types of subtitled humor.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Rain, Rain Go Away

by Robertson Kway

Rain’s concert sales were dampened by actual rain, says Sistic, and some Singaporeans are also considering suing the Korean superstar.

According to the ticket agent, only 7000 or so tickets were sold out of the Singapore Indoor Stadium’s capacity of 13000 seats.

“That’s like just over half, so not very good,” said Sistic spokesman Boey Tee Kit. “We didn’t understand why, since Rain is such a big star, and Singaporeans just lurve Korean shit at the moment.”

Investigations revealed that the recent bout of inclement weather had plenty to do with it.

“Na beh,” said Bukit Gorblok resident Loh Hor Leow, “Everyday also rain, and you want me to pay $200 to watch some more rain?”

When informed that the ‘Rain’ in question was a Korean singer, Mr. Loh remained unconvinced. “Who cares whether Korean rain or Singapore rain or got Koreans singing in the rain or donno what futt!”

“Yah lor,” agreed K-pop enthusiast Ting Han Ren, 15. “Normally Rain gets me all wet, but after the past few weeks of flooding and shit, I thought, screw him. I mean, the other kind of screw, lah, not the kind of screw I normally think about… uh, neh’mine.”

Some Singaporeans are also thinking of suing the soulful singer from Seoul.

“Bastard,” said Thomson Road plant nursery owner Boh Lui Liao. “My entire business, including my car and vans, were lost due to Rain. So now that he’s in the country, I’m going to get my lawyer to faster sue him down to his last plate of kim chi!”

Sistic says, however, that things could have been worse for Rain. “His name could have been ‘Flood’, for instance,” said Mr. Boey. “Now that would have made people even more too lan.”

taken from talkingcock.com

Sunday, January 07, 2007

New Employment Rules

New Employment Rules

SICKDAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.

SURGERY
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

HOLIDAYS
Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

ABSENT
FOR YOUR OWN DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice to allow time for you to train your own replacement.

TOILET USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order.
For instance: All employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both workers' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open.

LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slimfast and take a diet pill.

DRESS CODE
It is advised that you must come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing designer clothing we will assume that you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a payrise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice day !

The Management

Saturday, October 14, 2006

欠扁问答题

Q1) Ah Mei's dad has 7 wives. The 5th and 7th are Africans. Guess Chinese idiom.

A1) Wu Qi Ma Hei

Q2) There's a party in the forest. Who didn't get to eat the cake!?!

A2) GRASS because Cao Mei Dan Gao (草莓蛋糕/草没蛋糕 )

Q3) Ah bao was murdered! However, the police quickly found the killer. Who was it?

A3) Ah Dou because Dou Sha Bao ( 豆沙包/豆杀包)

Q4) Xiao Bai and Da Bai are bros. As Xiao Bai grows older, he looks more and more like his bro. Guess a Chinese idiom.

A4) Zhen Xiang Da Bai (真相大白/真像大白)

Q5) Osama, Bush , Blair and Saddam play mahjong. Who will win first ??

A5) Saddam Hussein because Saddam Hu Xian

Q6) What's the panda's 2 biggest wishes?

A6) i. Get rid of dark eyes ring

ii.Taking colour photo

Q7) Who will pick up the dumpling (ba zhang) on the floor ?

A7) Xiang Long because Xiang Long Shi Ba Zhang (降龙十八掌)

Q8) There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box. The Female pencil got pregnant!! Which Male pencil is responsible?

A8) The one without the rubber

Q9) Xiao Ming drinks milk to grow up. What does Da Ming drink?

A9) Alcohol because Jiu Yang Da Ming (久仰大名/酒养大名)

Q10) Which brand of shampoo is the wealthiest?

A10) "Lux" Super Rich

Q11) What did Batman say when he fell down?

A11) Painful Sia... (Bian fu sia/蝙蝠侠)

Saturday, September 02, 2006

when commuting on a busy train...


ohhh... anyway, i heard jay & fei yu qing's song 千里之外. think it's wonderful & finally i can heard jay's real voice, nt e rapsy blurry voice tt he uses to rap most of e time.

i pity u. ur stupidity, ur ignorance, ur stubborness, ur selfishness. for that, i pity u.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Top Crimes Committed in Fairy Tales

1. Unlawful demolition of straw houses

2. Illegal consumption of grandmothers

3. Abandonment of children in the woods

4. Inter-species romance

5. Conversion of humans into amphibians without a licence

6. Offering poisoned fruit

7. Tricking little children into trading their livestock for ‘magic beans’

8. Grand Theft Pumpkin

9. Outraging the modesty of women by kissing them without their consent when they are in a magically-induced coma

10. Breaking and entering, followed by theft of porridge

11. Failure to pay musicians for pest control services

12. Employing elves without paying foreign worker levy

13. Distorting the truth and undermining confidence in the monarchy by writing a column suggesting that the Emperor has no clothes on

Friday, April 28, 2006

it's nt tt..

it's nt tt i'm angry, sad, betrayed or whatever u wish to call it...
i've simply given up on harping things tt waste my energy & is nt conducive to my mental state of health...
i'm swear... i feel nthing at all, in fact i dun even wish to think abt it.... nt like it doesn't hurt but who cares... so what is the REAL TRUTH? does it even bother me? sure it affects some realationships but the problem is i refuse to & can't be bothered...
the point here is simply : I CAN'T BE BOTHERED...

dun get me wrong... this still means alot to me.... maybe i'm just choosing to run away as usual... but i guess the most basic thing is i don't really know how to react.... i don't know what to say... & i'm just doing all this things subconciously until my dear friend scribbled furiously on the paper to remind of it... i swear.... i swear i really don't know & i don't mean to....

i don't know whether this is right or wrong... i need to find my aunt agony...

anyway, we've created a new religion during GP...

it's called
mintology

(in case u're wondering who e min refers to... it refers to e min da ren of da chang jin... )
some background info of mintology
it was created with e interest of all NS guys in mind... since min da ren is a high ranking official who does good for e ppl, we've decided that if guys pray to this diety, they will be blessed with a gd life in NS plus a high chance of striking rich in e official world....
not forgetting the poor gfs of these NS guys who will be w.o their bfs for 2 years, gfs can also pray to min da ren for their bfs...

the religious prayer wld be: ONARA (yeah... u guys shld know this song, with its distinctive korean music & lyrics)

offerings that wld please min da ren
for guys:
beard shavings... as u know, min da ren needs to maintain his very nice goatee so u guys gotta contribute smthing tt e girls dun haf... so for guys who don't have goatees or beards, too bad... go buy it or smthing...

for gfs:
kimchi offering wld be good.... min da ren is nt picky but he loves kimchi made with changjin's love so u gotta haf that skill... go watch da chang jin to learn or smthing... but yar... kimchi offerings u get me?


sooo.... prayyyyyyyy to meeeeee.....