The lift

The lift makes us all equals.
Business men, super models, rock stars, poor people, strange people, you and me.
We are all silent when confronted with each other.

Then we get out on our different floors (some higher, some lower) and carry on with our lives,
thankful we no longer have to deal with our own inhumanity.

via iwrotethisforu

there is, after all, no happily ever after.

it took 2 months for u to find out

it took years for me to break free

i dont know if it was too long or too short

because somethings just can't be measured.

like pain. like bittersweet pain.

n till today, i do wonder sometimes, undeniably

if things cld haf turned out better for us.

but as we all know

there is always, no happily ever after.

22

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”




~
22 was filled with the littlest things

the little surprise celebration, the little gifts, e little messages, e random handshakes n smiles when ppl learnt that it was ur birthday.

22 岁的那一天，不知道为什么，怎么也高兴不起来。

淡淡的忧愁，不管怎么尽力，就是抹不掉。

语无伦次了。

不就是昨天么，怎么好象过了很久了似的。

不管如何，还是由衷感谢，那些祝福，已足以让我知足了。

撑伞挡风遮雨记

u asked if i felt any pain

u asked if i was in shock

no, i said flatly.

it didn't hurt a teeny weeny bit. i'm fine with it.

oh. u're boring leh. hahaha.

fuck u.

and from that moment onwards. i knew that somethings can never be the same again.

i didn't noe...that with my heart bleeding like that, i cld still conjure a lie...

有时候自 己 站在那，为你撑伞挡风遮雨，很累。

你却把脸上的泪水当成天上的雨水，理所当然。恨。

my birthday wish

i shall spend my 22nd birthday

cursing and swearing at anything or everything

and then hate everything n everyone

and then cry

and then whine abt my pathetic life

amd cut myself n die.

i shall die hating my stupid rmmate for bugging me till now to have a hearttoheart talk with her. fuck u. i dun wan to see ur heart n i dun wan to talk to ur heart.

i shall die hating lesbians.

i shall die a virgin.

i shall die screaming at this OH SO UNFAIR WORLD.

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hahaha. that would really really be stupid n retarded.

happy 22nd birthday simin, i hope u'll grow up soon =)

MORBID SHIT HAHAHAHA

cus i just dun noe what to do anymore.

a few days ago

i was given a situation.

with no problem, no resolution.

just a fucking situation.

what else could i do? i wasn't given a choice. i couldn't take a stand. i couldn't think.

-blank-

i cried, cus i'm helpless. i'm angry because i can't blame anyone, cus i'm helpess.

cus i just dun noe what to do anymore.

因为不曾拥有

因为不曾拥有，比曾经拥有，少了那点点的心痛和遗憾。

所以，所以， 一直要让自己是个过客。因为过客无牵挂，过客少了那丰富感情。

过客不会留念，不会放不下。


就如徐志摩所说的，我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩

多潇洒。。。

love =)

today was epic X)

it's always great to see ur frens do well in the things they set out to do.

u're always my source of inspiration, love =)

this is a reminder for u to grow up.

i am unhappy because i want things to go my way

i am unhappy because i want things to go my way

i am unhappy because i cannot accept what others say about me

solution

i cannot want things to go my way

i cannot expect other ppl to go according to my wishes

that is a selfish behaviour

fuck this brain washing.

i must change.

i must remind myself to change.

breath breath breath

now i feel better.
:)

this never ending road

someone told me life was about hanging on

i tot life was how to go abt going on.

it's this long stretch of winding road, like the delta of the river, people come & go from the road u're taking. sometimes, they stay a little longer with u, but nvr forever.

sometimes u dun feel like goin on cus u see no end. but sometimes u believe that beyond that bend, there's smthing better for u.

it's all in e head aint it. how u wanna go on. wether u wanna go on X)

i heart facebook

ironically, facebook is best place to stalk ur nemesis

& see if her status updates shows that she knows that u hate her/are avoiding her so tt u can change ur strategy in dealing with her accordingly to ur wimp & fancy. HAHA

i love facebook.

谁值得信

记得一部科幻的电视连续剧里面的主题曲，曾有这样的歌词

如果我们，变得更聪明，谁值得信。


摸不透你的想法。

我们，到底是你盘上的棋子，还是你沙场上的战友呢

人心是个无底洞

我，还是当初的我吗？

记得老师和我说过，
人是一直在改变的

现在的你，和昨天的你，也许是不同的一个人。

不知道为啥，他昨天的一句，“你呢，你变了吗？”却把我问倒了。

我，还是当初的我吗？

如果我，还是当初的我，那是件好事，还是坏事呢？


i always thought we were in a constant state of change.
maybe i was wrong...

自欺欺人

i'm off tanget again....

but i'm trying to tell myself that i'm going to survive this without any scars....

literally.

i need to check myself into a hospital.

simin u'll be fine.

玄

爱

这东西

很玄

当时的我们应该都是对彼此有好感吧

但为何没有开花结果，我也不是很清楚。

也许是觉得自己是不可能会有人爱的感觉，
或是认为说女孩子在谈恋爱的时候应该是处于被动的，
才会少了那份主动。

最近常想说自己也许没谈过恋爱，所以根本不晓得恋爱到底是啥感觉

今天看到他的留言，才突然觉得，爱，也许是对对方的一种思念，一种挂念

心里那一丝丝的甜，那一点点的温馨

这，

也许就是爱吧。


玄。

过山车

the roller coaster ride was fun while it lasted.

but sit on it for too long

u'll feel aimless, going in circles,

after which ur ass will start to hurt.

den u'd feel nauseous.




spare me.

exciting as it may be

i rather sit & watch u go up & down on it alone.

this beautiful fucked up life

i have the craziest thoughts in my head when i start dieting or when i am waiting painfully for my stupid mensus to come once every few months

apparently, it's e stupid hormones & also e genes. cus i found out from my mum that my maternal side's relatives tend to get very melodrama & suicidal at times. i dun noe abt e self multilation part.

i'm glad i told my mum & i'm really relieved that she doesn't feel at all shocked or digusted that her daughter is a freak or some failure of sorts. just that she tends to get a little naggy or over sensitive when she noes i'm down or dat i've started dieting again since tt was wad screwed me up badly last time.


ironically

i haf to keep telling myself that i'm crazy to stay sane.

it's tiring, it's shit draining when e emo-ness lasts for days
it's like u're holding on to leashes of ten friggin bitches which goes on heat every few months. they pull, tug & dash around in all directions while u try to scream at them to calm down
when this melodrama season starts & i haf to keep my emotions under control & keep reasoning with myself tt i'm just being paranoid.


so now when suicidal thoughts come once in a while, i would try to force myself to think of e ppl i love. den i'll just knock my head on e wall a few times, dismiss e thought, smile, & continue to live.

this fucked up but beautiful life

i always wondered if i'm alone

this battle against myself,

every single day, hour, minute, second.

dear god

this war has to stop.

i don't think e 3 of us give a shit abt her now adays.

interesting how we can move on so quickly on a friendship that's built on a year and a half's worth of time. or maybe it was all superficial.

end this pain

simin shldn't care

at all

run if u want

because we were walking towards different directions anyway.


tml, all this will end.

dellusion

she just lost it

she's just not making any sense now

she's just sent me 3 msges in a row. that doesn't make any sense

she's asking me to trust her. she is holy. there is this god word being thrown around

she wants me to follow my heart

she says she knows and god knows my schedule

she's going to run and hide from me.

she needs help



i'm just sinking with her again.

why is this feeling so familiar...