is this funny or wad? LOL

she said to me:
cuz i so God God now
i v scared u scared
i know u mah
u don't like
i prefer to let u die in hell =X
then don't like me


good job babe, ur sense of humour is amazing.

oh btw,

i'm sure god will find u a better room mate.

i'm just dying inside

i don't see how i can survive this

i'm just going to die arent i.

i totally deserve this for making the decision to stay with her initially

and i totally deserve it for wanting now to move out of hall because she has made me question myself why i was friends with her in the first place.

no wait. we weren't even friends. we were just room mates.

and now every other day when she sees me, she asks me if i'm coming back to stay soon.

and here i am, the fucked up two-faced selfish hypocrite telling her, not so soon, not so soon.

i keep asking myself if there's really something wrong with me

if i'm the one at fault

if i'm the one being anal about stuff while she's easy going and accomodative.

maybe i'm e fucked up one.

maybe i shld just screw this shit.

i've been having hell this past few days

in limbo. because the hall office doesn't open on wkends, so i have to wait for their reply and be constantly constantly tortured by my fucked up decision.

and now, the other roomie to be has called to say someone has moved in to e room i was supposed to move in to.

if there is a god. he is really trying to scew up my life or he's trying to send me a msg that i'm a selfish bitch.

friends have been supportive. telling me i'm not alone. for this i'm grateful.

i'm just fighting a losing battle with myself.

and i'm just dying inside.

my emotions just plunged to a new low.

because i can't stop worrying.

lol

travelling back & forth from sch has been tiring

& i've been trying hard to slp by 11pm

but failing terribly.

dun think

dun think

because e guilt is there.

nxt wk....

because u're nt the only one that is beautiful

chanced upon this when looking thru echizen's links.

she totally rocks.

i mean i dun think i can ever be as dedicated as her towards my hobby.

*hides my half completed stamp collection & a whole other dun noe wad collection*

and there's so many pros ard... lol.

(photos koped from her DA and some other users collection. just stunning XDXD )

money making machine.

looking at my jam packed timetable

i'm insistant on killing myself by taking on 3 tuitions plus a heavy weight ECA.

because i just love to challenge myself

i want myself dead. lol

2010 chiong!

怀念

遗憾。怀念

结束了吧。。。 不会再痛了。

~

death puts a whole new perspective to life

they say where there is sorrow, there is also happiness

where there is death, there is also life.

we live. painfully. each fucking day. but at the end of the day. we live. and i have u.

thank u. for giving me life, for keeping me alive, and letting me love life.

bitchy haha

this entry will be bitchy n bimbotic

like all entries

i like to type in short sentences

and try to lace them with cheem cheem words

like a lacy bra

hahahaha

i have a love hate relationship with my roommate

i don't know why

and it suxs

try loving and hating someone

that's like stabbing the person you love

and loving the person you hate.

OHHH THE IRONYYYY.

insomnia

i can't slp

i can't slp

my heart & my head is not telling me what i need to know.

the end always marks a new beginning.

i want to move on.

yet i'm the only obstacle to my progress.

am i being selfish?

or is it all done in the name of self preservation?

why can't i slp....

------------------
i am no saint.

as much as she's an emotional leech

i might just be another emotional leech to someone else too.

i wish i was a better friend.

hate post. hahaha

i think

e more i try not to hate someone

the more i'll hate.

the things that make u, u.

it's like u're trying to own my fucking life.

why do u care who i mix ard with?

why do u care

fuck u

get e fuck out of my life.

judge

don't judge me

tt's e first thing he said to us when he first met us

now this phrase is getting popular with us too.

but dont we judge all e time?

it's like asking humans not to breathe.

no matter how hard we try not to, we always form conclusions, we always have first impressions, if those are not judgements, what are those?

i guess ultimately

it's how we live with ourselves...

i guess...

Lonely She

Lonely She

Lonely, she climbs a mountain:
At the top, in mirror blue air,
Her cloud-white breath disappears—
She is nothing and does not care.

The neighboring mountains shrug,
Old men playing solitaire;
On her bare peak a single shrub
Shrivels in the sun’s cold glare.

The view of empyrean expands
Below the same sky everywhere:
She is nothing and nobody—
A spirit freed that does not care.

Like her trailing breath, she drifts
Far from the joys of despair
Until, too late, she thins
And disappears up there.

~Lionel Willis

也只是空谈

一句一伤 无话可讲
你坐看缘分了断
当意念已转 再多遗憾
也只是空谈

一句一伤 无话可讲
我起身安静拈香
我停止想像 你的模样
闭上眼倔强

也许我和你的不同，就是我懂得控制，而你不懂。我学会了独自流泪，而你不会。这，就是你我之间的距离吧。

dear faith

i miss u

lol

it's sunday

to u, to us, to all

dear god

i'm tired n weary

yet i'm unable to slp

i'm unable to do anything

yet they keep coming to me, overwhelming me with emotions, making me confused

dear god

i wish for peace in my heart

i pray for gd night's rest

i wish to be free from these ppl.

~~~

maybe i was't meant for these kind of things

e inability for me to accept ppl can just move on, have flings, play with each other emotions like it's some cheap dirt that don't deserve any respect. how is this different from one night stands?

what do u mean by being "professional"

i know i haf no right to judge.

maybe i wasn't meant for this kind of friends

a tale, a tall tale

i am affected

by things that does not concern me

but by people tt are related to me

i dun noe why i'm affected.

it's a weird feeling

maybe these are e things u just can't control

no matter how rationale u try to be

no matter how much u tell urself tt it doesn't make sense

maybe tt's how u feel

maybe i'm starting to understand how u feel

that these things cannot be controlled

the jealousy, e possesiveness, e fear

tt's wad makes us so fragile

tt's wad tt makes all of us so selfish.

Prayer of the Selfish Child

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray thee Lord my soul to keep
And if I day before I wake
I pray thee Lord my toys to break
So none of the other kids can use em
Amen

Shel Silverstein

insomnia

insomnia shld be killed n shot in e head.

fuck it's 6am.

to think i was wondering how on earth can ppl haf insomnia

now i'm wondering how on earth ppl with insomnia get their slp.

~~

my sis said: "u're bothered by ur rmmate"

"yeah i noe. i don't give a damn"

"well, now u're contradicting urself"

maybe it's gd to know her through the eyes of someone else.

someone else less judgemental. someone who didn't noe abt her past.

living together does take it's toil on u. u get worn out. u get jaded. n den u wonder how u cld haf lived with her for 1 year n a half

n now tt u're nt living with her, u wonder how e tot of applying for a single rm cld occur to u

humans are such a pain in arse.

fucked up.

life : flikr defined

life is

learning how to be alone

but at e same time
knowing that there'll be bright splashes of colour which will brighten up ur days

it's abt learning to take chances,
opening doors which might lead to dead ends, or not

it's knowing that u'll be in a dumps,
once in a while

ultimately, it's abt love
loving someone, someone loving u

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

at 3am

i came to the sudden realization

that i've become too concerned abt how i look on e outside

that i neglected how i looked from e inside.

why is this balance so difficult to maintain...

~~~
@ age 21,

simin still doesn't know what she wants from life still.

but one thing i know for sure.

i am loved, n loving ppl for now

n for this.

i am happy. e way i am now. for now =)

知足

truth hurts

i wonder if telling my mum abt it was e right thing.

i just dun wan them to look at me different.

i'm nt crazy.

i'm normal.

aren't i?

----

just when u tot it's so simple

everything starts to get complicated again.

life suxs when u're walking in circles.