u've told urself before

sometimes u forget pain
n u feel that it's something so unbearable
that u'll do anything to avoid it

guess what.
u've been through worse
u've cut n bled
u've run n fled
people have hurt u time and again
but they haven't killed u
they can never kill u

u've told urself before
what's worse den dying
unless u haven lived before.

3am, n i let my thoughts run wild. darkness, it has been awhile

it was a blog post

that triggered off insecurities

that triggered off the reconnection that i thought was long lost

n in a way i feel guilty 

because 

maybe 

all along while i've let go of what i thought was lost

u held on. silently.

believing that i was holding on to the other end of that bond that we shared.

the process of accomodating n assimilating
is like breaking down the thick walls of ur comfort zone
to let someone in.
u start to think if everything abt u is wrong
so fking imperfect
u cld just kill urself.
n u wonder if everyone is blind
to even  call u a friend.

shit these insecurities.

still i need to change. i've been making u more upset than i shld :(

stop being childishnirritatingngrowup

patience.

maybe it is in human nature to want to share.
those emotions pent up inside
what they saw, what they heard, their worries, their troubles, their hurt, their secrets, their anger.

sometimes i wish i had more patience with u
i am trying
n i am failing

no excuses. i just have to try harder.
to be a better person for u

花很迷惘

还有些想逃 虽然有预感应该逃不了
爱或不爱都一样苦恼 花不够灿烂我不要
我能给你多少 还要为你变得多计较
为何渴望燃烧又害怕拥抱

I must go down to the seas again

 I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea's face and a grey dawn breaking.

I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull's way and the whale's way where the wind's like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over.

bad girl. :(

sometimes i say things that are terrible
even though i don't mean it at all
but the damange is done
i can feel ur hurt
i think
that silent hurt
i'm srry.

i wonder why i even haf frens at all
i'm good at losing them
terrible terrible simin :((

mad.ness

i wld wake up at ard 8 or 9 everyday

just to see if u're awake on the other end of the world

this is madness.

i'm going crazy.

i.hate.this.

Live Laugh Love :) the little random inspirations

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,

So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

ideas down heads

i wonder if most of the time
if u're even aware
that u're forcing ideas down heads
to get
what
you
want.
planting ideas.
push n
prod
push
n prod
until one fine day,
she's at e edge.
one final push.
she falls or flies.
u'd be there.
straight into ur arms

well u got it. congrats

i wonder if it's out of concern

i wonder if it's with all sisters

i wonder if u hate him so much
that u wish for this to not work out

i wonder.

close ur eyes. let go. n u’ll be with me?

close ur eyes. let go. will u still stay beside me?

beauty in simplicity

i love simple

so little detail

so raw

so classy

of all the things

it came and gave me so much hope

but thru the cracks i caught a glimpse of what it truly was

“i want you,
but we cant last forever”

it whispered

n then it filled me with despair.

u’re such a jerk

ramble

the fear is no longer as strong
but
i'm still scared.

why?

pretty ugly

most of the time i wonder if the + 2 hrs is killing me or keeping me alive

some times i wonder if u're real

the rest of the time, i'd just close my eyes & wish really hard tt u'll appear in front of me so that i won't think that i'm some delusional madhouse

most of the time i wonder if i know u

any of u at all

the deep dark secrets

the judgmental frowns

we've stopped looking surprised

we've stopped feeling impressed

just so we cld just sink wearily into this world

hoping tt some meaning cld keep us afloat

cliques, groups, ambiguous touches and stares

glitz and glamour

the different coloured lights reflected off that glitter

just brings out the prettiest n ugliest side of us

all
of
us

i hate

i hate
waiting
it doesnt bring u happiness
so the waiting stopped
n other reasons n interests were found
but nthing ever stays the way u plan it to be
n they say that life always hits u with e things u least expect it


i hate
being so long winded in my post
i prefer to write in short sentences really
abstract, general, brief

i hate
the wild accusations n baseless assumptions u make
u, all of u
that i wld just give in to any guy tt comes along
or that i wld need a guy to live my life
& i'd sit there quietly,
helpless n
let u make assumptions of what i possibly would n could have done

& we wait for the future to arrive
rubbish really.
random shit

sheep has no brains.

it wasn't jealousy fueled by feelings of unrequited love or wadever rubbish reasons that i cld concoct
thank god
really. thank god.
i thought it was
n the robot wasn't helping either.
by insisting that there's smthing wrong in my life
that screwed me up so bad

it was the feeling of confusion as a result of being left out of something that was so important of ur life

now u noe. it wldn't have made a diff if i told u.
u cant take sides. even if u did. u wld never be on my side
but i'm fine with it anyway.

for now.
i'm hoping that things will work out for u :)
really.
it's abt time
i just want u to be happy.

_|_

give me one gd reason, besides family
why i shld stay at hm
n bear e brunt of ur temper.

u just love to drive us up the wall.

if everything is Yours... I'm letting it go-- it was never mine to hold

these few days have been bad. in fact, it's a slow progression from bad to worse n maybe worst.
i hope it doesnt escalate.
this emotional roller coaster.
just hang on.
the ride will be over soon.

the question u cldn't ans

“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”

yes it's constantly on my head
what should've/could've been
but i thought things b/w us had been clear.always.
so why are these whisperings bugging me more than it should
n smtimes i wish u wld stop
bringing up those limitless possibilities
because i might just leave
shld e idea
become a reality

the different facades that i put up amazes me

fb, twitter, & 3 blogs

no wonder i go crazy

"u like this ambiguity

u like this chase

n u're good at pretending that it doesn't matter to u when it does."

i wonder. too

you have tangled with my heart and for that there is no forgiveness.

i hate routines
i hate that familiarity that u give me
that expectation that u instill in me
to wait
for u
because once it stops
it clings on to u
like those painful thorns
bleed... it says... keep bleeding
because i'm gone