i think life's like a profit graph
there are times when e gradient of e graph is a steep upward slope
ironically, that's when u're facing set backs in ur life, when u feel that everything in life is going downhill, spiraling out of control. that's when u start questioning urself, u lose all ur beliefs & try to reorganise ur life, u suddenly learn who's important to u & how important u are to some ppl. u question e way u live & think. some ppl gain new faith, others grow stronger in their beliefs. that's where u gain e most out of life. that's when u grow as u climb up e steep gradient of e profit graph.
there are times when e gradient of e graph is negative, sloping downwards.
that's when u are complacent, when u think u know everything in e world, u start taking relationships for granted,when u feel that everything in life is under ur control. there is no humility, only pride. u hurt ppl, others turn away from u. before u noe it, u are alone & have gone down e slippery slope which denoting losses. u are at e bottom. deep shit bottom. u dun gain from life when there's pride. u only lose what life has to offer.
then, there are times when e gradient of e graph is zero. that's when it's stagnant.
here, it can either go up, or down.
u have either recovered from a set back, or are enjoying e fruits of ur labour. u are contented, hoping not to slip into complacency. u look forward to things each there, albeit whine once in a while about how boring life can get on an island surrounded by water.
that's where my life is now. stagnant but still looking forward to each day, hoping that i can achieve more than what is set out for me. knowing that i can end up somewhere good because there's a world out there. there's also this constant fear, a result of paranoia i guess, that i might just slip and fall, but excited at e possibility that i might also be climbing up a positive gradient where i discover more of life's wonders & beauty.
but whatever it is, no matter where it ends, one thing's for sure, u know tt u'll definitely be going up, & u'll always be gaining something, learning something new, maybe not today, maybe tomorrow. that's life.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
lugen
i guess if i lied hard enough, i might soon come to believe it, and then live it.
maybe there is no need to question e existence of religion. if u're just happy where u are, and if it makes u happy believing the miracles it have done for u, then why wonder how all it came about...
original sin
我像落花隨著流水 隨著流水飄向人海
人海茫茫不知身何在 總覺得缺少一份愛
《舊夢》
maybe there is no need to question e existence of religion. if u're just happy where u are, and if it makes u happy believing the miracles it have done for u, then why wonder how all it came about...
original sin
我像落花隨著流水 隨著流水飄向人海
人海茫茫不知身何在 總覺得缺少一份愛
《舊夢》
Sunday, July 12, 2009
still recovering from e 13 h plane ride
i think e 13 hr plane ride is a good buffer time for u to make a transition from to reality
like reading a fantasy book by neil gailman neverwhere helped.
so... despite that buffer time, my 1 wk sch experience in a sch so jealously guarding its prestige was pretty fucked up. cus my slping hours were all wrong and i had only 4 hrs of proper slp each day. another anal thing about tt sch was tt teachers' image was something they paid so much attention to that u felt that there was a security camera attached to ur ass 24/7. taking into consideration that i was half an hr late on one of the days, i pretty much screwed up on impression pts... that is if i even wanna step into that sch to be a full time.
n despite being a trainee language teacher to be, my English proficiency is dropping way below acceptable standards. FAITH I NEED TUITION!! LOLLOL
~~~
e power of love means
sometimes, despite ur initial promise to urself that u'll wring ur mother and throw her down the rubbish chute, u realise that's e way she is so instead of getting all flustered over that idiot, u'd rather do something more meaningful like like... not getting angry. haha. wth
i am still pissed though. haha. shit her. damn. haha
like reading a fantasy book by neil gailman neverwhere helped.
so... despite that buffer time, my 1 wk sch experience in a sch so jealously guarding its prestige was pretty fucked up. cus my slping hours were all wrong and i had only 4 hrs of proper slp each day. another anal thing about tt sch was tt teachers' image was something they paid so much attention to that u felt that there was a security camera attached to ur ass 24/7. taking into consideration that i was half an hr late on one of the days, i pretty much screwed up on impression pts... that is if i even wanna step into that sch to be a full time.
n despite being a trainee language teacher to be, my English proficiency is dropping way below acceptable standards. FAITH I NEED TUITION!! LOLLOL
~~~
e power of love means
sometimes, despite ur initial promise to urself that u'll wring ur mother and throw her down the rubbish chute, u realise that's e way she is so instead of getting all flustered over that idiot, u'd rather do something more meaningful like like... not getting angry. haha. wth
i am still pissed though. haha. shit her. damn. haha
Saturday, July 11, 2009
about the bitch
one thing i seriously cannot stand abt my mother
she's a fucking bitch
bitch to e max
there's nvr once we can stay for a long period of time at home without wanting to kill her
she likes to insist on her way of doing things.
and if things go seriously wrong and she's being forced to apologise, she'll just shrug it off as it's no big deal. fuck her. and den when we do smthing that is not to her liking she makes such a fucking big fuss about it. fuck that fuck bitch. damn motherfucker.
so im telling u, we will all move out of this damn fucked up house sooner or later.
or else one day i'll fucking just wring her neck and throw her down e rubbish chute.
fucking chee bai.
she's a fucking bitch
bitch to e max
there's nvr once we can stay for a long period of time at home without wanting to kill her
she likes to insist on her way of doing things.
and if things go seriously wrong and she's being forced to apologise, she'll just shrug it off as it's no big deal. fuck her. and den when we do smthing that is not to her liking she makes such a fucking big fuss about it. fuck that fuck bitch. damn motherfucker.
so im telling u, we will all move out of this damn fucked up house sooner or later.
or else one day i'll fucking just wring her neck and throw her down e rubbish chute.
fucking chee bai.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
taste that life
it's pretty ironic
how MJ with his much chaotic and almost insane lifestyle like molesting boys (dun noe true or nt still), dangling his baby over the balcony is instantly forgotten or only stated matter of factly after he dies. all this just pales in comparison to his legacy, his death, his very neglected childhood that makes u feel pity for him. pity, only comes in after death.
i guess that's wad happens to anyone dead anyway. when they're alive, they can be the reincarnation of satan but death immediately makes them an angel, all sins forgotten or forgiven, all evil hidden under that sheen of angelic light.
~~~
i wonder
why we don't talk that much anymore.
but i guess we all have to move on.
with or without each other
that's life
that's life shoved in ur face. taste it. bitter, cold & cruel.
how MJ with his much chaotic and almost insane lifestyle like molesting boys (dun noe true or nt still), dangling his baby over the balcony is instantly forgotten or only stated matter of factly after he dies. all this just pales in comparison to his legacy, his death, his very neglected childhood that makes u feel pity for him. pity, only comes in after death.
i guess that's wad happens to anyone dead anyway. when they're alive, they can be the reincarnation of satan but death immediately makes them an angel, all sins forgotten or forgiven, all evil hidden under that sheen of angelic light.
~~~
i wonder
why we don't talk that much anymore.
but i guess we all have to move on.
with or without each other
that's life
that's life shoved in ur face. taste it. bitter, cold & cruel.
grow
to be a teacher means
learning to draw the line between urself and the student
it means not making e same mistakes u made a yr back
it means that u'll continue to instill in them the love for learning.
it means not to forget why u chose NIE, not because u had no other choice, but u chose, out of ur own free will, to be continually inspired by the ppl who have taught and e ppl u will teach in time to come.
learning to draw the line between urself and the student
it means not making e same mistakes u made a yr back
it means that u'll continue to instill in them the love for learning.
it means not to forget why u chose NIE, not because u had no other choice, but u chose, out of ur own free will, to be continually inspired by the ppl who have taught and e ppl u will teach in time to come.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
smartness
2nd july
nie wants us to take a leave of absence for 7 days which means that my practicum and stuff will be affected.
3rd july
moe says tt moh has realised tt e stupid home quarantine is well... stupid so since itll be lifted on 6july, e leave of absence will not come into effect. nie has not made any announcements as yet.
and to tell u e truth, e home quarantine thing is just downright lame, i have 4 other ppl in my family, they work, they step out of e house, how e hell will it be effective if 4 other ppl can move around freely while at e same time are able to interact with me without any precautionery measures. u think germs only stay on one person ah. and i probably would have cause a outbreak in changi airport as well since i covered alot of area from the time i alighted e plane till e time i met with my family at e hall. wadever
LOSE.
nie wants us to take a leave of absence for 7 days which means that my practicum and stuff will be affected.
3rd july
moe says tt moh has realised tt e stupid home quarantine is well... stupid so since itll be lifted on 6july, e leave of absence will not come into effect. nie has not made any announcements as yet.
and to tell u e truth, e home quarantine thing is just downright lame, i have 4 other ppl in my family, they work, they step out of e house, how e hell will it be effective if 4 other ppl can move around freely while at e same time are able to interact with me without any precautionery measures. u think germs only stay on one person ah. and i probably would have cause a outbreak in changi airport as well since i covered alot of area from the time i alighted e plane till e time i met with my family at e hall. wadever
LOSE.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
bridge over troubled waters
"Oh, I don't reject your Christ. I love your Christ. It's just that so many of you Christians are so unlike your Christ."
supposedly by Ghandi.
a christian told me this. lol. lovely.
~~~
no i dun get love. i think it's too mushy for me. i squirm when ppl start doing mushy mushy stuff. i wanna punch them. LOL. maybe it's jealousy. maybe it's cus i feel uncomfortable with PDAs. & i dun really need it. not now. i'm happy e way i am. lol. j dramas are enough. if not i can always find it in geylang. HURHUR. from how i see it, love is just a burden. a really huge burden spiritually, emotionally & financially.
---------
& i'm a selfish person. because i really can't stay going out with ppl i dun really know well or who don't have e same interest as me.. i dun want to feel guilty splurging on sights or doing things u wun get to do in sg while she doesn't even know what's her budget & yet at the same time say that she is broke. i'd rather go alone.
i am living a dream. MY dream. in my dream i will fly, i will soar. nothing will tie me down. nthing. so pls dun make me wake up.
5th may.
supposedly by Ghandi.
a christian told me this. lol. lovely.
~~~
no i dun get love. i think it's too mushy for me. i squirm when ppl start doing mushy mushy stuff. i wanna punch them. LOL. maybe it's jealousy. maybe it's cus i feel uncomfortable with PDAs. & i dun really need it. not now. i'm happy e way i am. lol. j dramas are enough. if not i can always find it in geylang. HURHUR. from how i see it, love is just a burden. a really huge burden spiritually, emotionally & financially.
---------
& i'm a selfish person. because i really can't stay going out with ppl i dun really know well or who don't have e same interest as me.. i dun want to feel guilty splurging on sights or doing things u wun get to do in sg while she doesn't even know what's her budget & yet at the same time say that she is broke. i'd rather go alone.
i am living a dream. MY dream. in my dream i will fly, i will soar. nothing will tie me down. nthing. so pls dun make me wake up.
5th may.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
A Dream
A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you will lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbows will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true
i had a wonderful dream yest... pls make it come true... plsplsplsplspls
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you will lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbows will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true
i had a wonderful dream yest... pls make it come true... plsplsplsplspls
Monday, April 13, 2009
insomnia
i woke up @ 1a.m. with britney spear's 'circus' playing in my head...
the fucking continuous loops just wldn't stop. i wanted to cry...
i hate insomnia...
and now i'm addicted to facebook's restaurant city. HAHA
EXAMSSSSSSSSSSSSSS WOOHOOOOO....
the fucking continuous loops just wldn't stop. i wanted to cry...
i hate insomnia...
and now i'm addicted to facebook's restaurant city. HAHA
EXAMSSSSSSSSSSSSSS WOOHOOOOO....
pride
it is pride that makes u pass judgment on others
and it is pride too that will bring about ur downfall...
yang sa min, have some humility pls
and it is pride too that will bring about ur downfall...
yang sa min, have some humility pls
Friday, April 03, 2009
a botlle of chicken essence. i am advertising. XD
a bottle of ji jing, with paper strewn all over the table, a laptop in the background, 4 windows on Microsoft word, one half done, one done to facilitate copying, the other two just random lines copied from here and there, the wall - e mug on the right with a cute hand drawn birthday card stuffed into it and a barney happy birthday party hat.
this is a crime scene. no one died.
it's 4am. i am brain dead. and have only written 870 out of 2000 words. if the look at it positively, 1500 is the min so life's not tt bad.
damn u for doing last min work. HAHA.
the party hat looks extremely forlorn on my table. but i can still smile from the events that happened two days ago. haha. the insanity of living in a hall, 4 people squeezing on the bed with me slping with face pressed against the wall so that my poor friends could sleep on whatever is left of the space on the bed. e insane cake made up of M&Ms (courtesy of my roommate) with 3 big candles?? HAHA. before i know it, i'm 30! LOL.
and e flooding of messages in my hp, my facebook, email from surprise surprise, my long lost US friend. HAHA. and there're farnnie ppl who keep wishing me happy birthday with exclamation marks again and again like they've caught an infectious diseases of happiness and they need to spread it me. i love them.
& my roommate and NIE mates bought me a day pack for my trip! i love my roomie lots and lots. haha. no wonder her bf was grinning farnniely when he wished me happy bday in e afternoon. LOL. the surprise home cooked meal didn't managed to make it's appearance in the end cus my roommate overslept. HAHA. but still, it was lovely.
it was MY day. LOL. they made sure i felt and understood that. even the lousy test didn't dampen my mood. and i'm so thankful for them. i tot i wld just rot in my hall on my 21st since most of e celebration was done over e wkends.
i'm still brimming with e overwhelming love u all gave me.
T H A N K Y O U
maybe adulthood wldn't be so bad after all. =)
Thursday, March 26, 2009
normal
“My darling girl, when are you going to understand that being normal is not neccessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage.”
Aunt Frances, from the movie “Practical Magic”
got this from my fren's blog. =)
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Different intonation ?
now this exercise requires u to have 2 mentalities and two tones.
1. matter of factly tone: she is stupid/i dont approve of her way of educating children.
2. bitching tone: she is stupid/i dont approve of her way of educating children.
wad's e difference? sriously? i dun noe.
it looks e friggin same to me.
it doesn't matter what kind of mentality u have or what kind of tone u have when u're talking abt e context. if u're using a negative word or passing a negative comment, either way it's just criticising, it's passing a statement of judgement. u give value. what gives u the right to give value to someone or someone's behaviour?
sometimes, it's just e way ppl are, tt's e way they think is best for their child.
and no, i dun even expect my mum to change. it's a very sad thing but true. i've lived with her for a hell of 20 years. she's going 50 this year. her values, her beliefs, her temper is smthing that has been with her for 50 years. she's definitely been thru alot more den i have and these beliefs are smthing tt come with it. even though it fits e fucking mentality of most singaporean mothers, and can be easily represented in e movie i not stupid, it is utltimately who she is. i can't tell her, nor i can't expect ppl to tell her tt appraising ur child's "worth" through other means like ablility to do well in other non academic subjects is also a benchmark to show tt ur child is not stupid.
smart, defined by e society as getting As, if not getting into a local uni, getting a scholarship, is something tt is drilled into all of us. hell yeah i wld think tt a child is stupid if he/she can't do well in exams. ironically, it's how i judge my brother sometimes.
maybe all this while, it wasn't even my mum's expectations on me or her putting too much pressure on me. it might just be myself trying so hard to do well so that i cld make them proud of me again, like a pri sch kid showing my parents tt i got 1st and den watching them smile.
maybe it's this fucking elitist attitude that i have with me, that my institution is a second class institution cus we dun get a "pure" degree, we are slaves to e institution, & we are so helpless when oppressed. any fucking thing tt involves a warning letter,a bad record, it just mean that we're one step closer to hell, bankruptcy and breaking e bond. we just study, so that we may get a higher salary if we hit above 3.5. fucking mindless. and i'm one of them too.
so really, i thank u for ur concern. i am normal, i think. it's not a curse of e whole extended family nor is it up to jesus to salvage e situation. it is genetic, and heridatry tt we are born a emotional bunch, bordering on e range of bipolarism & that we have a really bad temper if provoked. it's like lions kill animals to eat their flesh. if lions thought it was a curse, they wld all be christians or have killed themselves by now.
just dun make it sound like it's her fault.
1. matter of factly tone: she is stupid/i dont approve of her way of educating children.
2. bitching tone: she is stupid/i dont approve of her way of educating children.
wad's e difference? sriously? i dun noe.
it looks e friggin same to me.
it doesn't matter what kind of mentality u have or what kind of tone u have when u're talking abt e context. if u're using a negative word or passing a negative comment, either way it's just criticising, it's passing a statement of judgement. u give value. what gives u the right to give value to someone or someone's behaviour?
sometimes, it's just e way ppl are, tt's e way they think is best for their child.
and no, i dun even expect my mum to change. it's a very sad thing but true. i've lived with her for a hell of 20 years. she's going 50 this year. her values, her beliefs, her temper is smthing that has been with her for 50 years. she's definitely been thru alot more den i have and these beliefs are smthing tt come with it. even though it fits e fucking mentality of most singaporean mothers, and can be easily represented in e movie i not stupid, it is utltimately who she is. i can't tell her, nor i can't expect ppl to tell her tt appraising ur child's "worth" through other means like ablility to do well in other non academic subjects is also a benchmark to show tt ur child is not stupid.
smart, defined by e society as getting As, if not getting into a local uni, getting a scholarship, is something tt is drilled into all of us. hell yeah i wld think tt a child is stupid if he/she can't do well in exams. ironically, it's how i judge my brother sometimes.
maybe all this while, it wasn't even my mum's expectations on me or her putting too much pressure on me. it might just be myself trying so hard to do well so that i cld make them proud of me again, like a pri sch kid showing my parents tt i got 1st and den watching them smile.
maybe it's this fucking elitist attitude that i have with me, that my institution is a second class institution cus we dun get a "pure" degree, we are slaves to e institution, & we are so helpless when oppressed. any fucking thing tt involves a warning letter,a bad record, it just mean that we're one step closer to hell, bankruptcy and breaking e bond. we just study, so that we may get a higher salary if we hit above 3.5. fucking mindless. and i'm one of them too.
so really, i thank u for ur concern. i am normal, i think. it's not a curse of e whole extended family nor is it up to jesus to salvage e situation. it is genetic, and heridatry tt we are born a emotional bunch, bordering on e range of bipolarism & that we have a really bad temper if provoked. it's like lions kill animals to eat their flesh. if lions thought it was a curse, they wld all be christians or have killed themselves by now.
just dun make it sound like it's her fault.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
e ups & downs
i'm pretty much screwed cus i have an assignment due mon and wed and i have not done a damn thing.
& it is effing 3am. i am drained.
and i have not studied my japanese as well. i dun noe wad is going on in class. LOLLOL.
damn tt stupid test on my bday. why e hell must it be on 31st?? URGH.
and julia is going thru e hard time for her attachment too... i wish there was smthing i could do....
we are all depressed, worn out. we need rest from this world..
weary...
pls dun let me fall. pls be strong.
& it is effing 3am. i am drained.
and i have not studied my japanese as well. i dun noe wad is going on in class. LOLLOL.
damn tt stupid test on my bday. why e hell must it be on 31st?? URGH.
and julia is going thru e hard time for her attachment too... i wish there was smthing i could do....
we are all depressed, worn out. we need rest from this world..
weary...
pls dun let me fall. pls be strong.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
always on my mind
guess i can be pretty much possessive if i'm desperate / jealous.
if anything, i blame it on my all girls secondary sch history... haha. but then again i wldn't trade anything in this world for that 4 years there really. it's been so long...
but i guess once u get over e notion that e world doesn't centre ard u, u really cldn't care less & den ur live really goes on.
like e river...
i wish u happiness... really... even though we're worlds apart now.
i'm so over guys now. haha. ohmmmmmm
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
YESH! YESH! YESH!
Yosh my new blog created from an old abandoned blog for my upcoming trip! HOHO
ok la, i'm just excited ok. like gin nah like tt. nvr grow up. tsktsk.
MUAHAHA
ok la, i'm just excited ok. like gin nah like tt. nvr grow up. tsktsk.
MUAHAHA
Monday, March 16, 2009
simin loves rose and cousins. <3
lol u wld nvr see this on my msn post.
because rose is reading my msn blog. HAHA ok la. i shall stop making fun of rose. rose is my cousin. LOL. really? really! really i nvr bluff u. HAHA
did u just experience e effects of a word being repeated so many times. it becomes e opposite of what it's supposed to mean.
but when u say i love u so many times does it still mean e same thing?
there was once i got really sick of it. i got very sick of calling ppl babe, darling, honey.
i wanted to be normal. to be sane. i was tired of myself. of my stupid antics of trying to make ppl squirm and den laugh. it's like i cld just die without laughter. it's like i cld die if i was less insane. i didn't want to be a clown. i hate being loud. yet i cldn't live without it...
and i didn't noe my msn blog can cause such a commotion among my cousins really. u mean u didn't noe i wasn't normal? u mean u didn't noe my mum is not normal too? oh wait, it just runs in e family. i shld have known tt was normal and not complain abt it & make it sound so abnormal. i noe they care. & i'm truly thankful that they care so much so that they had to remind my mum to give my less pressure before i jump off e building or walk into e middle of e road.
i think less abt suicide now. it used to cross my mind alot, which i felt was normal when anyone's depressed or insane like me.
if anything, it was everyone's love that kept me alive. i wasn't e strongest in e food chain. and i fell.. down down down.. i figure i'm somewhere in e middle now, so i shld be happy cus there's always someone worse off, and i have no reason to run away from what life has to offer till july when i have my backpacking. HAHA. other than that maybe life will be pretty boring. HAHA. ok jking.
i feel like setting up another blog for backpacking. and den whine abt how i wanna go alone into italy and get mugged. LOL. simin has nthing but guts. simin will come back alive even if she has to travel alone. =)
because rose is reading my msn blog. HAHA ok la. i shall stop making fun of rose. rose is my cousin. LOL. really? really! really i nvr bluff u. HAHA
did u just experience e effects of a word being repeated so many times. it becomes e opposite of what it's supposed to mean.
but when u say i love u so many times does it still mean e same thing?
there was once i got really sick of it. i got very sick of calling ppl babe, darling, honey.
i wanted to be normal. to be sane. i was tired of myself. of my stupid antics of trying to make ppl squirm and den laugh. it's like i cld just die without laughter. it's like i cld die if i was less insane. i didn't want to be a clown. i hate being loud. yet i cldn't live without it...
and i didn't noe my msn blog can cause such a commotion among my cousins really. u mean u didn't noe i wasn't normal? u mean u didn't noe my mum is not normal too? oh wait, it just runs in e family. i shld have known tt was normal and not complain abt it & make it sound so abnormal. i noe they care. & i'm truly thankful that they care so much so that they had to remind my mum to give my less pressure before i jump off e building or walk into e middle of e road.
i think less abt suicide now. it used to cross my mind alot, which i felt was normal when anyone's depressed or insane like me.
if anything, it was everyone's love that kept me alive. i wasn't e strongest in e food chain. and i fell.. down down down.. i figure i'm somewhere in e middle now, so i shld be happy cus there's always someone worse off, and i have no reason to run away from what life has to offer till july when i have my backpacking. HAHA. other than that maybe life will be pretty boring. HAHA. ok jking.
i feel like setting up another blog for backpacking. and den whine abt how i wanna go alone into italy and get mugged. LOL. simin has nthing but guts. simin will come back alive even if she has to travel alone. =)
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