fake frens and monies

a theorist is a terrorist... who terrorizes us with his theories.

wth is CDA. it is come dig ass. just jking, it's critical discoarse analysis and it is a damn interesting topic if u didn't have to write stupid essays about how people make use of language to manipulate other ppl.

and u'll realised that all this while, if ur mind is subconsciously resisting those damn stupid adverts like "because i love u, drink this damn tea" (rmb?) or steoreotypes being portrayed, den u're actually part of the terrorist grp too. just that u've not been fully inducted into the organization unless u've gone thru this stupid course called the CDA.

so nxt time u see adverts that seem to be talking to u, know that u're just another tiny faceless stupid consumer the author is targeting at. this is called synthetic personalization. and it treats u as if u are a fren but actually they dun even noe u. they just want ur monies.

blurghx

can i replace this please.

friends are replaceable, by boyfriends.

not like friends are that reliable anyway huh.

HURHUR

1 good reason why u shld improve on ur engrish

Hi XXX,

Thank you very much for your reply and all the trouble caused. It is really great to hear from you all:) We will get back to you and ben on monday. Thank you very much.

Best regards,
XXX

it's either she's really sarcastic, or she's really sincere in thanking him... i dun noe...

gawdddd... i dun noe how she's gonna join e teaching force in e future...

change

change

means that there'll be things u'll look forward to.

it means u'll have to modify urself to suit e world.

it means u no longer shld be u...

系风捕影

half empty or half full?

sunset or sunrise?

there is no answer, only e dellusion of choices to be made.


系风捕影

i have a secret to tell u

i have a confession... or a sudden realization...

it's like that u see...

i can't take goodbyes very well, nor can i take sudden disappearances very well...

because i'm stubborn, and i cannot take things as they are if nthing is done.

it makes me lose hope...

pls dun leave me there okay...
u promised...

depressed.

i have a dream a fantasy

i have a religion... it is called what the fuck, get on with life

i have a belief... it is called atheism

i have a wish... it is to get a good saloon car

i have a goal... that is to do well to get a good pay

i have a life... that is pretty much not there

i have a dream, that aliens shld invade earth so that tom cruise can say his Scientology works and the whole world can bring the level of absurdity to another high.

i think you can only dream, if u're still a student, & u haven't entered the workforce.

or maybe it's a phase like menopause. after a while, everything in life starts to irk u.

aunties whom u use to be able to tolerate just gets on your nerves with their assumptions, generalizations of "youths", the non-stop flaunting of their glorious days.

then u have the idiots in class, with e sarong party girl accent, trying to act ang moh and sophisticated. get a life, be proud of who u are and stop e damn accent. it sucks

next u have teachers who keep targeting you during literature class, because the class doesn't talk and since u begged to be in her class, u owe her ur life, and thus u have to entertain e fucking class.

but life doesn't suck. it just pisses u off once in a while, like e freaking periods.

but i think it's sad, that i can't really dream that big anymore. because u've met sucky ppl, worked in a really sucky environment, got urself into sticky situations & then wish u were never born. that's e problem with bonds. it stops u from dreaming. it binds u to the ground and stop u from floating away like cute little balloon. no link.

it's like given a chance to start a race 50m in front of everyone else but with a dumbbell tied to ur leg. really dumb huh.

i only want my good salary and my car.

it's always good to start small... & see how far u go.

hey galllllll gross

there's smthing abt acquaintances addressing me as gal that freaks me out and pisses me off immensely.

don't ask me why. maybe it's just a chemistry b/w e yaya sisterhood thang u noe.

just don't hey gal this and hey gal that if u dun noe me okayyyyyy

i dun noe u THAT well so i'm not ur gal.

~~

There are many wonderful things, but none is more wonderful than man.
Sophocles

u must be jokin. HURHUR

e love in e air is pissing me off

humid... fucking humid.
and i really hate stupid assignments because they assume u are stupid..


someone had wad used to be urs

tell me if u don't feel bitter.

but it was greed that killed u.

or maybe it was e greed for smthing better.

u can't be alone. u really hope u're nt alone.

being happy is being delusional

being depressed is being way too realistic & paranoid

going places...

how i wish i could be u smtimes...

but maybe my life isn't tt bad too. if money and intelligence weren't in e equation...

WOOFBALLS

e idea of relationships is weird

it's unimaginably indescribably weird.

maybe because i'm just gay & i fall in love with things that are non-existent aka jdrama actors/actresses

of course e idea image everyone has in their mind would be a happily ever after kind of thing with all e emotional and spiritual support u can get from the other half.

but still... it's kinda of misty...

& i'm really not that much bothered anymore if anyone decides to kill themselves, or just mutilate themselves in a fantastic display of unbalanced emotions because it is eventually their life they're ruining.

that's e power of living in a hostel. u start to wrap urself in air bubbles & then u practically lead ur own life, u cook ur own food, wash ur own dishes, plan ur own life. so staying @ home is a torture. because someone starts to rule over ur life & when u're 21, u dun feel like u have to listen to anyone anymore.

tt is my growing up... childish huh.

i shall thus represent my life in picture.


HAHA. can u imagine it? that such a thing actually exist??? LOL. WOOSH

wheels & cats

it was dark

i saw it run, across the road, into a car and den under e wheel, and den there was this loud crunch...

i saw it fly...

SHIT

and den everyone stared at me, before they saw it lying on e ground, flipping & turning in agony.
i don't think e head was there anymore.................

e road was wet, stained...

den a few more cars came, and u could hear its body break under the wheels as the cars went by it, one.by.one.

den it stopped moving


fuck. gross. damn.

URGH. stop playing in my head....

i dun noe y

i don't know why....

but e first thing i do when i meet someone is to look @ their wrist...

maybe it's e paranoia.

i don't know why...

but i really can't be bothered about cca's or group works that much anymore...
cus responsbility isn't really valued that much in society

i don't know why...

but i think euthanasia should be legalised in singapore.
so that we can run away from the pain...
there's really not much pt in living, when u're in pain...
and if selfish people really feel as if they deserve death to spare themselves from the pain and not care about e feelings of those who love them, since they would assume that they're so damn lonely anyway,
they should just jolly well die.

and no. i'm just estelwen, from middle earth, japan, and i work in a non-profit industry. not in e nuturing sector. in case u wanna find me and sue me.

pls let me be strong to keep myself going =)

~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

reflections

today i've learnt...

that ministers are actually vampires so they cannot stand flashlight of amateur cameras. once exposed, their thick makeup followed by their very rubbery skin will melt from the over-exposure to light. this will incur e wrath of their trying-to-act-like-i'm-very-cool-bodyguards-but-i'm-just-a-dog bodyguards to complain to the relevant authorities who are also dogs to be to shoo u away like u're just some dirt.

i've also learnt...

that despite my sch's promises that it's staff will be as caring as those they hope to nurture, it is actually a very polished line taken off an advert to brainwash unsuspecting students. they are all just pigs, licking off food from their plates when there's some big event and busy exchanging useless pleasantries.

i've finally come to the conclusion...

that i shall never ever be a reporter and faceoff with dogs that can walk & talk. i shall not take photos of them with my camera as it causes my camera to crash. i shall also be aware of my lowly second class status in society & not overstep my limits cus no one will praise u for a job well done if e minister dies unglamourously cus of the flashlight.

selfish confession.

the only reason i have to have that want would be not be left behind when u're in ur own world and ready to take off without me.

because people just fade off. like the effects u see in movies. they just fade off into the dark. leaving u there alone carrying the burden of what they used to promise. they can convince u to believe, convince u to make sense out of things that doesn't & then they'll leave, & everything will just crumble around u as u struggle to pick up the broken shards..

because they just disappear, after the promises, they'll always disappear.

so i hope u don't come back anymore. with ur empty promises of love. with ur reassurances that it's gonna be alright. because none of this is real.

just leave. i will be fine. like i always will. don't patronise me.

uber lame lol

monochrome

~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

97

有时候觉得自己不是长不大，而是不想长大

看见那么多陌生的脸孔，不知为何就感到很气恼
为何才出现
这些所谓的堂哥堂姐，血浓于水的亲戚，为何这时才出现~~

想要哭，却哭不出来的感觉，好难受。
想必大家的心都是默默地在痛着
有时候就是很难接受一个人将永远在这片天空下消失
是七份的不舍得，三份的遗憾
怀念着，
想起那以后那空荡荡的房间，想起以后不会有人以方言叫着我的名字
想起她那亲切的笑容，想起她和我讲着我一直到现在还是半桶水的方言
想起我在两个星期前才刚到过她的家，不管我多大声的叫着她，她就是躺在床上，皮肤因为身体的退化已经开始变黑了。


她就那么走了。心很痛 。

风雨中且让我盈步婀娜

2009 is sriously nt my year...

会呼吸的痛

想念是会呼吸的痛　它活在我身上所有角落

遗憾是会呼吸的痛　它流在血液中来回滚动