onnli euuuuuu

F lying
A round
lI ke a dodo bird
T he only
H omosexual partner i'd like to have


HAHA WAD DA HELL IS THIS FREAKING ACRONYM POEM!!!

just lame. love u darling! XD

take care & JIAYOU!

回忆

我曾经很傻，
曾经很迷茫
曾经很寂寞
曾经很自卑

也许是因为自卑，才会无形中变得很彷徨
才会做出一些不可理喻的事
感觉好像走火入魔。

只是希望将来不再会那么的痛苦。

只希望你懂事点，
有多点责任感，
多为他人着想
别让他人为你流泪

未来还是个
未知数

the future.... all so full of shit

why did u become a teacher??

because i had no where else to go....

lol, so cute la, that's e future generation of our educators,me included, they will be educating ur sons & daughters aka brats. but there's really nthing wrong with our kids today. i dun hate them. i only hate the soceity that breeds them. we're all coming out wrong. wrong values, wrong morals, wrong ideals, wrong wrong wrong...

honestly, it'd really be interesting to note what's the turnover rate of teachers as compared to other professions. because i don't know...

my blog's becoming very superficial!!! cus i'm becoming shallow like the toilet bowl. it rhymes!

i should start ogling at cute japanese boys again! hahaha. now i love oguri shun! HEEEEE

Pain Siah

Illness is the doctor to whom we pay most heed; to kindness, to knowledge, we make promise only; pain we obey.

Marcel Proust (1871–1922), French writer

morally upright piece of shit

i guess being morally right means so much to me that even the slightest hint that i'm being disloyal, being inconsiderate, being irresponsible, being selfish just touches a raw nerve and i'll be very upset @ e asshole who dare accuses me of that w/o any valid reason

but maybe i am not as morally upright as i've thought myself to be. since i've been flamed before for being a jerk to someone who didn't have e balls to admit who he/she is, and the recent project thing which just screwed me up with another guy, i don't know. or maybe it's karma since kahhui is a peranakan whom i just absolutely abhore so his good brother who looks like a paranakan decided to give me a taste of my own medicine by being a complete ass. i just know i try not to be an asshole.

i try...



“Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.”
Oscar Wilde



“The most important human endeavor is the striving for morality in our actions. Our inner balance and even our very existence depend on it. Only morality in our actions can give beauty and dignity to life.”
Albert Einstein

i am gay XD

it's very ironic, that teachers themselves are pretty scared of exams considering how much time we'll be spending on preparing for the examination when we teach in the future. pre and post exam times are hell when u have to set paper, analysis of papers, get pupils to stand up if they have Q1 wrong, Q2 wrong so on so forth. and den u write those comments where u're supposed to phrase things positively because kids these days cannot take a little bit of criticism or they'll melt and die and be forever traumatised. toufu-es

and me and my roommate have come to a conclusion that we should start saving up NOW. since u know that the global economic gloom is just looming close with banks closing down and then ppl queueing up outside banks due to the pranoia and den the cycle of banks not having enuff money den close down den more paranoia.
so save NOW, when economic depression strikes, cost of living drops, by den we'll have saved up enuff money to eat Jack's Place beef steak everyday! isn't tt cool? BEEF STEAK EVERYDAY!!! SIRLOIN! TENDERLOIN WADEVER LOIN. my econs is screwed but i figure this will definitely work to our advantage. HEEEEEE. slaps myself

and i've been VERY high when driving the car recently. but it gets kinda of hilarious when i get nervous cus my legs will pretty much step on everything there's for me to step so i'll accelerate if i'm supposed to stop or i'll stop if i'm supposed to accelerate. i believe that one day my instructor will just be so pissed with me or we'll just both die in a car accident. HURHUR. ok i'm nt THAT lousy but i've sworn to myself that i rather buy a car and eat shit slp in a car den buy a flat. i love cars, hate HDBs. so buy me a car on my birthday! okay okay okay? okay u've read this line so u've promised! HOHOHOHO.

~~~~

recently, religion's startin to bug me again. like when i'm filling up forms. because under religion, i can't reallhy put free-thinker cus i'm not and it's not really a damn religion too. and atheism is not really orthodoxed because it's like the ultimate where u just basically condemn everything. there's just so much negativity linked to athetism and i'm just worried tt ppl will bug me and try to change this piece of atheist asshole so that they can save another person condemned to hell. if i'm really going to hell, it isn't bothering me now anyway, it's more of the present where ppl give u the wide eye look and ask u what u think abt how the earth was created. at least my roommate got if from another christian. gahhh. shld have told her not to spread ard. but i wish they could at least change it to the category to beliefs rather than religion. it's too restricted...

on the topic abt filling upforms, i wonder how homosexuals feel if they're filling it up. and honestly, if parents say that all i want for u is happiness, but if ur happiness is in someone/something that is not the norm, why are they so unwilling to accept that? because females are made for males and vice versa? because u can't have a child with ur other half so it's not normal? if ur happiness is truly found in someone of the same sex, den what is wrong? i tot all this while, while we're so engrossed in the rat race, we're also seeking for happiness, someone to share weal and woe?

llife's so damn lame when u have no answers to questions, and no right or wrong.

let me sort things out

i dun noe why i'm depressed by what he said...

but i guess he made sense in one way or another.

but it's not like i've not wanted to come for meetings, nor that i'm slacking and refusing to do what the grp has told me to do.

sure i cld have conributed more if i knew wad e shit theories were abt.

and den when i try to give suggestions u said it was wrong. so it made me more confused then ever.

but i know i wldn't say this to anyone in e grp,

cus i just have to shoulder all the blame

or maybe i was really whining at that time... so let's just take it that everything was my own fault. that i shouldn't have said i don't know so openly, that when u only gave me 5 mins to think up of some crap i should have been born smarter and should have known what to say.

and den at the end of the whole damn issue i feel so depressed, even more lost then ever, and hating u to the core for being so impatient with ppl who are slow to understand what u really wanted.

i'm upset at a piece of crap. very upset.

this spam mail made my day

i had a bda day today

but this spam mail just made my day....


Dear {my hotmail add}
Want to be ready for sex in a few minutes?
Then Viagra Soft Tabs is your choice!

so short, so direct yet so lame. HURHUR

Define teacher

teacher
–noun a person who teaches or instructs, esp. as a profession; instructor.

that's it? a person who instructs?

my philosophical reflections class has been forcing me to rethink alot about my definitions of why i chose this career in the face place.

1. i did it for money and self survival.
i'm not THAT altruistic to go around claiming that kids are my first priority. when prices are shooting up, u'd realise that ur passion for kids cannot be converted into money, thus passion cannot feed ur empty stomach, what more maintain a family/lifestyle.

2. i flunked my As. sad but true, my results cannot get me anywhere. i love teaching, but i would have love to gone out to see the world. if i was rich, i would have gone out to get a private degree in history/psychology/chinese before entering NIE. NIE is a really really small world and the teaching community is not as united as we thought.

3. yeah, i did it for e kids, because i love to see smiles on kids faces. because i'm narcissitic and love ppl to call me miss yeo ten thousand times a day, even when they wanna go to the toilet. the sound of my sweet name is honey to my ears. HURHUR.

to put it simply, i'm scared of teaching still because i know that what i really need to tide me through the tough times when i enter a school to teach is not theory but experience. i'm afraid my lesson won't be fun. i'm afraid i'd conform to the traditional methods where i'll just dump them with tons of exam papers.

we all talk about freedom to teach e kids, but how many of us are really ready? or are we too busy joining in the rat race, trying to clamour on top of each other to get the boss's attention so that we can hopefully rise up the salary scale.

why are we suppose to accept the world we live in as it is? because this is globalization? because this is the century of materialism? if u can't beat it, join it? what kind of freakin logic is tt?
den be urself day now can be translated into going ard naked and it can be justified as a artistic talent? and when did gay and lesbianism come into this whole equation of being urself?


my previous contract school has been a scene of chaos, with daggers flying all over e place, and my ex colleagues are just trying their best to dodge all e crap that's flying around. i bet u'll be laughing when u picture pileloads of shit flying around work cubicles. HAHA. the joysss of office life.

Cedar Blue

they're tearing down e clock tower, the science block, the PE block & den u just dun wanna look anymore...

8 years after building the most wonderful & beautiful sch in Cedar Ave, they decided it was too old for their fancy so they tore everything down according to some stupid "let's keep everything sparkling new" scheme where they happily use tax payers money to renovate schools which are barely even 10 years old.

Nothing seems to be lasting... u get replaced & forgotten too quickly... just like tt, all these places with e wonderful memories of Cedarians are gone...

i guess there were no regrets when we left e sch with gd grades, so full of hope & dreams at the age of 16, hugging our dear friends & e tears just flowed freely as we bid each other farewell.

i don't know y i can still cry. The wonderful memories & people, teachers & friends who used to make up e heart & soul of cedar just overwhelms me.
Rmbring myself screaming as we ran down the stairs playing childish games during recesses,
waving madly at friends across e block only to see them cringe & then laugh at me for being so ridiculously idiotic & stupid,
jumping crazily up & down on the 3rd lvl of e classroom blk when we received our O lvls results for CL,
changing in classroom with e ultimate cedar technique only to duck under tables or squeeze behind dusty cupboards when a male teacher was unfortunate/fortunate enough to come into e class to pass us our assignments,
Mr Khoo & his lovely quotes of e day & very deep resounding "Oh, Is It? " where we'll just laugh, the lovely courtyard where ms leong had our wkly wednesday reflections, where my sis & i did a campaign speech for Lynn with my sis imitating Mr Khoo
the lovely courtyard where we snoozed away happily at e back as people droned on endlessly abt being honest, responsibile etc
the lovely courtyard where we lugged our books & notes & studied furiously just before we died in e examination hall
the lovely school compound where we cheered freely, anywhere, anytime & anyone could just join in.

I'm still nostalgic, to e pt of crying everytime i walk past e freaking place & i'm just flooded with so much memories of plain insanity, fun, & laughter. e place where i felt loved & learned how to love in return. e place where teachers wld wear class t shirts no matter how ridiculous they looked with e cheesy taglines.

We are from Cedar
We shall not be moved
We are from Cedar
We shall not be moved
Like the trees that are planted by the waterside
We shall not be moved
~~~

i think we're still suffering from post cedar blues....

AHAHAHAHA

~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

i'm not free on sundays. never free.

it is very sad
that we should let religion dominate our conversation like how it has become a central part of ur life
will it kill u that ur friend is not of the same religion?
or that u cannot stand the idea that u are going to "heaven" and that ur newly acquainted friend is going to "hell"
why is there never a happy ending to friendships between a christian and a non-christian?
i cannot trust u because no matter how much i try, u wld try to bring up e topic and den include me in.

it's abt to end. i'm so used to being so good friends with all of ur kind and den ending it after a few outings. i can just feel that end looming near. i can actually predict what is going to happen.

we're just worlds apart, just like ur heaven and my hell huh.

happiness is....

is trying to understand and then slowly accepting.

happiness is not without money but not all abt money

happiness is knowing that u're always out there, happy, and treasuring ur life as what it should be worth.

happiness is being true, living ur life learning how to let go and welcoming new people and things into ur life.

happiness is within...

忍，体谅，内省，再忍， 包容。

hohoho, bloody hell

i think when u take up a job like mine, u suddenly sort of become a mind reader, playing psychotic mind analysing games with ppl whom u used to think had the absolute power and ctrl over u.

maybe it's nt only e kids who're trying to figure out wad e teachers are thinking. we do tt all e time too. & now i suddenly feel like i know what the bloody hell she's thinking.

and i didn't feel the slightest sense of guilt. it wasn't abt winning after all. it was just venting out the irritation and anger of someone always being anal and den getting done with it. it's like e evaporation of alcohol. don't dwell on the things that ppl say when they're hurt. hurhur because half of e time, it's just an ugly truth multiplied and blown up to gigantic proportions. and den after the thunderstorm we'll realise that none of us is perfect and just because we are related by blood means that we're just unfortunate enough to have to tolerate each others' crap. including my own.

u can nvr whine abt equality in treatment. it's just their way of handling things which they deemed is right. u've lived with it for 20 years. take it in ur stride and den let them make all e damn noise they want. if it makes them feel better or that they're in ctrl. go ahead.

we're all stupid. wanting so much of the other person but expecting none of ourselves.

sad but funny huh

*and then knowing that now've supposedly figured out her anal character, u have every more reason to tolerate her don't u? zzzzzz. confucious is crap but i live by it anyway.

~~

why shld u respect someone who is so irritatingly flawed and anal when e only reason u can think of when u're so damn angry with her is just that she takes care of u. den at e back of ur head u'll be screaming 'SO FUCkING WAD'?

so what if the 9 months that she had u was difficult and tiring and what have u? BIG DEAL

so what if she nurtured u and pampered u with all the shit loads of shit.

she's hypocritical, she doesn't deserve respect, she's just screaming and shouting like her butt's on fire when she sees something not done her way. she just doesn't practice wad she teaches us.

den at the end of it all when u feel like ludging ur backpack and move back to the hostel, or just fling a bowl of shit at her mouth, u'll realise that we're equally flawed as humans. that she had every reason to be angry at us as we have any reason to be angry with her for being so intolerant.

so blow up, shed a few tears, think of how u can avoid such a conflict with her the nxt time and den move on. no guilt, no sweat. yeah merry christmas

~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come

critical thinking of yang sa min

think deep think deep IDIOT.

i think i become more stupid as i grow up, apathetic too...

because i've felt that debating abt life's issue doesn't get me anywhere, because making a stand in singapore means u're different, & when u're different u're persecuted.
& even more so now that i'm a civil servant so it would be biting the hand that feeds me?

what crap.

so being thrown back into the "critical thinking" class with almost everyone having a faked accent or thinking deep abt any education policies that i didn't like is not helping my 'way' of singapore life.

i think besides being famed for our singlish/HDB flats, we should just get first in youth apathy as well. telling us to make critical statments about MOE's policies? U WANT ME TO DIE AH? honestly speaking, i'm still apprehensive about everything that is there. u cannot ask us to be critical when we are being forced to conform. it's just ironic & when u eventually go back to work in a school, how much can critical thinking/theories on education help u when u're being confined?

sure u have inspirational articles on how teachers have not given up on students or teachers who go all out to inspire that just ends there.
is the freedom to teach self imposed? or are we restricted by the higher ups? or maybe the freedom was just dellusional after all?

singapore has changed definitely, since i last blogged abt my beloved coutry a year back. prices flying up, foreigners flying in & nvr out, & we are talking abt a open society. HURHUR, i bet all of us are just habouring muderous thoughts of just killing them if they step on our toes. in fact, our family motto now is nt study hard to get a good paying job but study hard so that u won't get displaced.

we are just slowly being displaced, and ironically by the very own govt that we voted to secure our future. our governing body has successfully run singapore like a profit making monopoly and this year we can all celebrate our national day boasting of higher growth rates, our success at recycling junk water blah blah blah.

sure we'll still have our NDP showcasing our talented 'youths' who surprise surprise r locals, or mayb those formation dances which are made up of who knows half singaporeans & half foreigners. everything might just b the same old boring crap but listen carefully this time. just listen. when they sing the old familiar cheesy oldies like count on me singapore, stand up for singapore, one ppl, one nation, one singapore, or maybe just the national anthem itself, i wouldn't b surpirsed if e voices belting out these songs might be so much lesser, & e volume so much softer....

bleahx.

way to go singapore, u're 43 and u are slowly replacing ur own kind. way to go...

STUDENT = LAME = WAH LAO EH HAVE TO STDY AGAIN??!!

a gift from my student who once wrote, 'shut up u stupid idiot' on his maths workbk just for me & traumatised me like hell after tt. i nvr got over that until i saw this card. but the skeleton hand is nt really helping with a apology XD HOHO

i'm addicted to cabal, of all times to be addicted to something when u're just abt to start sch. & it's been a yr & a half since i've sat down with books & notes to study hur hur except for my BTT & i flunk it yoh. sthuuupid


and i've also amassed buckloads of coloured pens and refills for red pens and 2 full pencil cases of stationery. lol. nxt time i start working i shld kope more stationery items from student. MUAHAHA. see my enthusiasm abt studying? SEE SEE SEE!!!! XD WOOT.

~~~

to actually start school & be a student again wld mean a whole lot more to me this year then it did last yr.
i was a working adult last year, receiving a self sustainable but meagre salary enough only for myself but not enough for a family. i listened with envy & sometimes irritation at how ppl talked abt sch in funny terms like modules AUs credits hall wad block wad. it all didn't make sense & it just made me feel more left out den i already was.

now tt u're a student, treasure it, my senior said. i guess it really makes alot more sense now tt i have a vague idea of how working e world is like, it's temptations & vices, with everything being tied to financial & hierachial status. all these doesn't matter now tt i'm in sch. for now.... i hope.

continue to inspire and be inspired. rock on.

e greatest insult u can give to a teacher is to be asked to be transferred out of that class.

& my ex-students just did tt.... e nerve.

so now i few guilty for smirking at her.... zzzzzzzzzz

i think my life has become pretty much stagnant after a year of ups and downs after e As.
it's pretty ironic since i've always wanted stability & the waiting for the unknown nearly drove me crazy, now that i know what course i'm going to, i feel... bored? LOL. yesh slap me.

and all my good good pals are enjoying life in the USA. can u believe it?! 3 idiots. LOL. so now i always see them online & wish them goodnight at the weirdest hours of the day. & i miss them like shit.

my evil twin

how do u look up to someone when she turns out to be completely different from what u've thought she used to be.

is either she gave me the wrong impression, or i had judged her too quickly or that she has just changed.

i'm serious because e more i know her e more i'm turned off.

here she is stressing on the point she's been through so much in life, that she's so much older than the rest of the new teachers that she's so damn experienced that i shld just worship the ground that she walks on and call myself useless. in fact, being with her has made me feel very worthless because the spotlight's always on how she deals with things correctly and how wrong i've done or screwed up. & i was so stupid to be led around by the nose.

"do you think i'm pretty or beautiful?"
"i was like that last time, i've been through this before"
& she shld be honoured that i'm dedicating a blogpost to her.

and it's kinda of sad, because i was just about to prove to myself that colleagues can be ur friends too.

pray for me, she said. pray that i'll stay sane. inside me i just smirked.

~~

would doing something wrong be justifiable by the simple reason of, i love u i care for u, so i betrayed u for u.

h.y.p.o.c.r.a.c.y