it's a cold & cruel world - but u can eat icecream.hahahaha

they always say neighbourhood schs r better cus of e more "family" working environment.

personally, i feel like i'm being left alone in a corner to die & be forgotten. the only times where they really honestly rmbered me was when they needed me. my "mentor" is always so damn busy tt i wasn't even given an orientation of e sch. in fact, i haven't even had a proper conversation with her. i need to noe how to take MCs, how to take leaves etc etc. i'm so damn interested in getting sick. everyone's friendly. u know. just friendly. it's as if they trying to see if i have e initiative to ask, if nt, information doesn't come. so now i'm on e verge of paranoia hoping i don't miss out any meetings or duties, or else i can just imagine them smirking at me, the greenhorn.

i must have made my workplace sound like hell. haha. no wonder they arranged a workshop to help us differentiate between personal blog & professional work. as such, even before i rant abt my work, i have taken e trouble to officially censor my sch name off my blog.
& i'm teaching a em3 class for HE. abt puberty!!! maybe i shld make them watch e uncensored version of lust, caution. somehow i think i've this elitist mindset, coming frm good classes & gd schs. em3 ppl to me is kinda of like so out of the league & honestly they really scare e shits out of me. u always hear horror stories of how kids beat up e teachers, how rude they r towards teachers & stuff. but honestly, i think maybe compared to e elites, they're less scheming & maybe a little more frank in their expression, which technically makes them more human.

but still, i can't deny that whenever there r cons, there r pros as well. so having a corner table out of everyone's sight means i can dig my nose in peace. HAHAHA. like i even have e time to dig. i have sucky half an hr breaks. somehow, i feel like i'm being prepared for nie.

hell i want to get into nie soon. & live with my pet cat in e hostel. heh.

i miss cps. damn.

& i'm addicted to badminton still. rawwwrrrr

can someone tell me why self mutilation is wrong. when there's so much anger, irritation & sadness itside u, why is self mutilation wrong?
when u live in hse with a fucking mother, how do u scream? how do u shout out loud? how do u let go of the things bottled up inside? when to cut urself is the only silent way, why is it fucking wrong?
when someone who's supposed to listen doesn't listen, & then there's no one else to listen to u, why is letting out ur emotion in such a way wrong?
so they say we're the weaker generation, but i really don't care. if this is the only way, i don't see why anyone has the reason to condemn it.

it's nt like we're going to die. it's only makes me feel better.......

bleed


fuck u & go to hell

u're fucking nuts

u noe when i talked to my cousin last time over msn, his parents divorced when he was young so he was brought up by e whole extended family.

he said, it's good to have someone to nag u.

and in my mind i screamed, u must be nuts.

1. he doesn't live in the hse
2. he's nt my mother's son.

if it has come to a point where everyone in e hse thinks u're a fucking nuisance, there obviously is smthing wrong with u, nt us. u r like ur mother, & who noes e thousands of mothers before u. but times have changed, & u havent. so to put it simply, u're fuckingly outdated, & to put it straight, emotionally unstable & mentally ill.

even my tuition student who comes to e hse twice a wk for 1 & a half hr finds her a nag, i don't see how the inhabitants of this hse can stay sane. i can't.

i still think my cousin is nuts.

PLEASE HELP

Dear,

I need your help now.YOU WILL HELP ME AND MY SISTER NOW ? ANSWER ME NOW.My name is Joshua Abbey and my sister name is Doris Abbey,we are the only children of late Dr and mrs. Amos Abbey. Our late father was a very rich man and he was a Gold/Diamond dealer in Freetown, the economic capital of Sierra Leone. our father was poisoned to death by his close business associates on one of his outings on a business trip.our mother died years ago, precisely during the child deliverly birth of doris my kid sister.Our late father was equally playing the role of a mother to us too before his tragic death.AND NOW, WE ARE LEFT ALONE IN THIS EVIL WORLD.

Before the death of our father in a private hospital in Freetown,he secretly called me by his hospital bed side and told me that he deposited $12,500,000,00 united state dollars (TWELVE MILLION,FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS) with a finance security company in Abidjan,the economic capital of cote d'Ivoire.

Me and my sister have arrived Abidjan,Republic of Cote D'Ivoire,a nearby country on the 6th of december 2007 and we have gone to the Security Company and confirm the existence of the $12.5million in the Security Company but the Security Company refused to release the money direct to me and doris because of the written and signed agreement the company had with our late father on the day he deposited the money with them. Me and my sister arrived here through the mercy and the grace of God if not we could have been dead in freetown,because my uncle attempted to kill me and my sister in Freetown,sierra Leone because he want to inherit my late father's wealth and estates.Even now,he have forcefully collected all my father's properties like buildings and cars,e.t.c. He and his wife always punish me and my sister, and have made life very difficul for us. The wife serve me a poisoned rice meal on the 2nd of october, but for the devine mercy, her daughter secretly whispered to me not to eat the meal. i wasted and threw away the meal into the dust bin and on the following morning,i discovered and found two dead rat in the dust bin.This developement made me to run away immediately with doris my kid sister to abidjan,the economy capital of Cote D'Ivoire. And we don't want to over stay long here in abidjan because we do not know anybody here and again me and my sister do not have much pocket money to pay for our hotel bills.

Dear, I honourably seek your assistance to hurry up and come down here in abidjan so that me and doris will take you to the finance security company where our father deposited the money so that we can introduce you and you will help us clear the money and we will go together to a nearby bank and open a new account in your name and transfer the money immediately from the bank to your bank account in your country and together me and doris will enter plane with you and go back to your country with you so that we can continue our education over there and you will help us invest the money in your country.Me and doris has agreed to reward and compensate you with 20% of the money.

Thank you as we are expecting your reply immediately you receive this email at our family private email yahoo joshuadorls.abbey@yahoo.com

Yours Faithfully,
Joshua and Doris.


~~~~

one thing's for sure, this person sure has an imaginative mind. i bet he must've passed his creative english with flying colours. so farnnie. XD

let me sing ur song to slp

i'm sick!!! LOVE SICK! & e whole big freakin pt is i'm nt even in love!!!
or maybe i'm nt love sick. anyway, if u watch peter pan, jeremy sumpter is cute. but his wendy has a really wide mouth. she looks pretty frm some angles though. but guys seem to get uglier when they get older... I'M A PAEDOPHILE!!!


e sch is weird, i don't noe anyone there, e sch is small, e buffet wasn't as nice.
oh well. i'm looking forward to my work laptop! heh

离开我的旅行
it surprises me, how 2 ppl frm 2 different worlds can meet out of the so many millions of ppl living here, have so much fun & den stop all contacts all together. maybe it's like they always say in e movies. it's like as if it's a dream. but somehow they stay on u. one way or another. i know he'll say tt it's part of his plan, but for me, i always believe it to be a part of affinity.

so let me sing ur song to slp.

风中泪

《风中泪》

能共那苦中苦
难共那甜中甜
能过那生生死死般般险
难过那花花绿绿重重关
不问那千秋大业为何毁一旦
只叹那剑上血还是那么咸
风中泪还是那么酸

~~~
why do we take so long to apologise & hesitate to help?
because we try to shrug it off.
because we don't feel guilty enough.

Benazir Bhutto

"The subcontinent has lost an outstanding leader who worked for democracy and reconciliation in her country,"

Benazir Bhutto
21 June 1953 – 27 December 2007

"I find that whenever I am in power, or my father was in power, somehow good things happen. The economy picks up, we have good rains, water comes, people have crops. I think the reason this happens was that we want to give love and we receive love."


so christmas is over & new year's coming. once more, i've missed out e one chance to go to st andrew's cathedral when i went to city hall more than once durin e christmas period. guess wad, smthings are just nt fated. haha
anyway, the grinch is a nice show! where dr seuss attempts to tell us that xmas is more den giving presents. but heck, i've already use xmas as a reason to buy myself a $27 notebk & eat gd food.
THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING TO MEEE! i'm actually spending more den i'm earning!!!
i've sworn tt i shall nt buy anything except necessities & eat cheap fd during my teaching stint in BEDOK.
& yes, despite dr seuss telling us presents r nt THAT important. having someone giving u cheapskate 10 yrs old pasar malan stuff means more than just e "present" alone cus we don't see sincerity, we don't see remorse, so since christmas is the time to forgive & forget. i shall forget such a gift & person even existed.

anyway, my lovely young brother loved e crystal heart so much tt he has carefully stashed it somewhere together with his other "treasures". o.o i swear tt no matter wad happens, i will nvr send him to maris stella.

Thankful

Thankful - Josh Groban

Somedays we forget
To look around us
Somedays we can't see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Look beyond ourselves
There's so much sorrow
It's way too late to say
I'll cry tomorrow
Each of us must find our truth
It's so long overdue

Even with our differences
There is a place we're all connected
Each of us can find each other's light

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though this world needs so much more

There's so much to be thankful for

school posting ARGHHHH!!!

I AM POSTED TO BEDOK!!! yar yar i retook my kindergarten school leaving examinations aka KSLE & was posted to BEDOK!!! URGH!
apparently bedok is just half and hrs bus ride away but u know... BEDOK!!!! it is so damn far tt i classify it under e category of e unreachables, just next to woodlands marsiling.
oh man this is killing me. but like ms yu dan said, i must take everything in a positive light.


recently, yudan is my new fav. HURHUR. some how, sitting there listen to smone give holy talk makes u feel holy too. i been out of touch with chinese for too long. which suxs cus i don't even know how to write chinese characters. ARHHHHHHHHHHH!

if u've managed to read till this paragraph, u must really love me alot cus i think i'm writing shit. as an EDUCATOR, THOU SHALL NT SWEAR, BUT WHAT DA HELL. oh god. kids these days r even more well versed in sex den i am so heck, they already hurl e word fuck at teachers at pri 2 lvl already, dun be surprised if they have sex before 10yrs old. i've already given up on e nxt generation. they creep e hell out of me. which is y i want to marry a korean, & give birth to a korean baby.

& i've been living such a carefree life with my last months as a teenager. 19 OMFG & nxt year i'll be a goner. i think everyone will hate me cus i'll be a civil servant. so it means that ur taxes will be my salary. HEH HEH HEH. don't u hate me now?
anyway, i still don't get e big deal abt global warming. if e earth dies, everyone dies, big deal. no one is really THAT concerned abt global warming yet. we print on millions of paper each day to remind others to stop e cuttin down of trees. we spends millions setting up a conference of how we can "improve global economy" & at the same time hope to go green to save e earth. i'm like WTF???!!! OH THE IRONY.
u either give up e economy or give up e earth. so honestly, stop e big talk abt protecting e earth. it's really bullshit.



say bye bye to our jerboa, isn't he a cute little thing? he hops, & he lives in e desert too. i dun noe why but when i see cute things, i feel like eating them. HEH

shoes

TADA! FAITH's SHOES!!! HAHAHA

they always say
put urself in someone else's shoes.

but of course i don't think anyone does tt
cus we tend to knowingly/unknowingly put ourselves first before others
& cus e shoe stinks.

yet when we constantly go thru e cycle of hate, forgiveness, or nt really forgiving nor forgetting, what we do, as a mechanism of self defense, or as a justification of hate, will keep living in e past at that specific point of time, when someone has failed us or just pissed us off.

we're always e victims, so why shld we forgive?

yet it is also for myself tt i realise, tt forigiving is such a hard thing to do. it's like in e supposedly eighteen lvl hell where e sinned will relive e most painful moment again & again & again & again.

e feeling suxs.

so let me try to find a reason to forgive ur ignorance, ur pathetic-ness, ur temper, ur unreasonable demands, ur greed, ur vanity & all

& take u as who u r, as what i see,

cus ur shoes stinks & so does mine too. XD

happy pms-ing, YANG SA MIN.

Voici mon secret - u're truly loved & not alone

my english is teh suxs. i haven update my blog, in a very intellectual way for what seems like years. damn even the previous sentence sounds wrong. TEACH ME ENGLISH PPL!

oh btw, have u wondered how businessmen survive overseas with such a small luggage. i just saw this businessman effortlessly pulling his bag into e check-in area with this damn friggin puny luggage and a passport in his hand while we were lugging our 5 bulky baggages & still feel like we haven't brought enough underwears, bras or shirts or wadever e shit. doesn't he need to bring extra clothes? wad abt underwear? i mean briefs? pyjamas? besides business meetings is he naked e rest of e time? HUH HUH HUH???

rich ppl drink a cup of hot coco for $48++ at e chocolate buffet & den ask for e bill.
rich ppl dun pee when they eat chocolate buffet.
i think rich ppl dun wear underwear. they wear gold plated diapers so they dun dare to pee in case they spoil their gold plated diapers.
i think rich ppl are screwed.

HEH. cus i'm nt rich. WHEEEE.

~~~

u noe e thing abt some friends. is that after knowing each other & sharing with them wad's really inside ur heart till e point where u're constantly thinking abt them & u can almost predict their behaviour that that ur friend becomes sort of a "lifestyle". it essentially becomes a part of who u've become which makes it so easy for u to feel at ease with each other without feeling tt time has passed between us. that we can just sit anywhere & start talking abt e ppl that have passed us by. & that once we start talking, we wld share our fears & relieve our burdens & laugh or cry abt what could have been or shld have been.

& when we part @ e end of e day, we'll feel energised to face new challenges in life, & know tt we're truly loved & not alone.

Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

omg!!! TAIWAN'S KEYBOARD HAS JAPANESE CHARACTERS!!!

HAHAHA! ciao!

LOTS OF LOVE FRM TAIWAN KAOHSIUNG AIRPORT!

J-DRAMA BANZAI!!!

i m currently hooked on to...

華麗なる一族 (木村 拓哉/成宮 寛貴)


花ざかりの君たちへ aka 花樣少年少女 (小栗旬)

HERO (木村 拓哉/ 松たか子)

2046 (木村 拓哉 etc)

Taegukgi: the Brotherhood of War (won bin/Jang Dong Gun)
HAHAAHA. 帅哥帅哥everywhere!

ja mata! 26 Nov - 3 Dec 2007

i'm srry to disappoint

i think working & earning my own money has made me realise tt things dun really come as easy as i expect it to be.

and it has made me less apologetic to e world

in fact, i don't think i owe u anything

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational person with a good deal of balance in your life. Friends consider you to be kind, caring, and truly loyal. You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games. Open to the world, you are not afraid to be yourself. If you don't get enough sleep, you are: Able to cope It's hard to sleep next to you because: You're a bed hog

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

haha, quite true for e last part, i hog e bed, even my sister's one XD okkkaayyy, i was supposed to feel guilty XD hehehehe

my shrink says get a life

my shrink (actually it's just my colleague lar, HAHA) tells me to get a bf before i become a full time teacher. but my point is, ISIT TT EASY???
*hysteria**foams*

anyway, i've this habit of talking to myself, in my head, alot. so i wld hear myself screaming to myself everyday, HELLO, AREN'T U DEAD YET? ARE U DEAD YET?? but of course this wld also be referring to some of e dearest ppl i know as well.

& my lovely korean kid has been getting into his mood swings lately. my sis thinks my relationship with him is getting to be all kinda of weird cus it's like bf & gf quarreling. HAHA. heck. he's just becoming more attention seeking. i think studying overseas makes u all kuku in e head.

but honestly, i'm nt really e social kind of shit. i stay @ home & play computer games. & learn hiragana, which i've been learning for e past few months while others take just wks. heck, i've been BUSY playing ok??


damn, someone just date me for badminton and make me happy lar.

homeland & ctry of residence

when conducting a NE survey today with my students today, my form teacher was asking e students abt e 5 NE messages in Singapore and if they strongly agreed with it.

when it came to e part of...
We must ourselves defend Singapore.

my korean student enthusiastically raised up his hand because he said tt singapore is a beautiful place & this is where he's living now.

"what if korea attacked singapore? wld u still defend singapore?"
his hands froze in midair and he became troubled.

"i'll go tell korea nt to attack Singapore lor" he said with uncertainty

"u think so easy meh" his singaporean partner sitting nxt to him mocked him

i asked him again,
"what if singapore attacks korea? wld u help singapore or korea?"
he started to lower his hands...

"aiyar! dun confuse him lar." my form teacher cut in before i cld say anymore and counted him as strongly agree to We must ourselves defend Singapore.
~~~
we have foreigners coming into singapore everyday, even more receiving singapore citizenship once they do well for their exams. "singapore is where we call home" or seemingly patriotic headlines as such are splashed across the news papers as they interview families after families of foreigners.
yet there's always one thing in common
it's always the govt they praise, the clean environment of our "garden city" blah blah blah

of course they like singapore, they're earning big bucks! the govt is granting citizenship like it's no big deal , & life here is better.
who cares abt singaporeans living in the lower end of the income line? we're just going to die off someday. why bloody hell care? *snorts*

it's like...

sometimes i wld just be hit by pangs of fear, & then this inner voice telling me, u see, eventually, u'll be alone....

it's just as e lyrics said

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognise this place
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name
We don't talk much anymore

How do you redefine something that never really had a name?
Has your opinion changed?

paboo songsaenim

it's only when u feel that u've done enough is when u've not done enough
& when u actually think that u're the most decent human being ard, u're actually an asshole.

so judging from e "equation" that i've formed above, everything is always the opposite of what u truly are.
which is what i feel is the "truth" to how this sucky lovely world functions.

so using the equation above, this is what i think of myself...
i am an asshole
i tried my best for my A lvls.

wadever.... i hate being a woman with PMS. wtf. can we just be females without e fluctuating hormonal periods shits and live our lives happy without e freaking mood swings?
whoever said tt humans are e cleverest of all things made by god must be an asshole.
animals don't self multilate
animals don't declare war on each other using nuclear weapons
animals don't cause environmental damage to the earth
animals don't study books, take exams and as a result die of exams
animals can have multiple sex partners and be homosexual without flouting any laws in e animal kingdom.
animals don't play badminton. so they don't feel depressed.

so u noe wad, e creation of humans was a big mistake.
and yar lar, i'm feeling depressed cus my badminton skills suck & thus i embarrass myself in front of my colleagues. AND THIS REASON IS SO STUPID TT U SHLD LAUGH AT ME. HAHA

and i don't noe how to improve my engrish. suxs man. i'm finding a thousand and one reasons to be depressed. HAHA

and my cbox is outdated. depressed again.

and i haven't bought my laptop. depressed again.

so meanwhile, i'm spent my depressing PMS days playing with sims2, going extra high when i ctrl my sims to have affairs, get burnt and die frm e fire, get eaten up by plants, i really have nthing else to do.

and i haven't learnt korean yet!!! i can't communicate with my korean kid!!! so far frm my few crash courses i've attended by forcing my kid to teach me a korean word before i speak to him, i've only learnt
1. bo-go-ship-da - i miss u
2. pae-go-pa - hungry
3. sa-rang-hae - i love u
4. song sae nim - teacher
5. ah puh - pain
6. an-ja - sit
7. chu-yong-yi-hae - keep quiet
8. pa-boo -stupid
9. chae-bal - please
10. chu-sae-yoh - please give me
11. kamsahamnida - thank you
12. gung gang ha sae yoh - be healthy
13. chin-gul - friend
14. yak suk - promise
15. anneonghasaeyoh - hello

it is now 3.00am. i have 1 more wk of employment. i am officially insane.

i am happy

the only good thing abt being crazy, is tt u're narcissitic, & that being narcissitic will somehow make u see light in this world.

i am happy

i am happy

i am happy

HURHURHUR.

btw, anyone interested in buying the 3 LORD OF THE RINGS extended version vcd???!!! i'm desperate for a buyer!!! PLEASEEEE HELP!