i thought i had found the answer today.... i thought....
maybe i didn't have to think deeper into anything, everything is as simple as what my friend has explained... why did i have to consider the fact that he was pitiful & didn't have any friends or whatever crap that i found out or have been told...
there is a reason for everything... there is a BIG FAT WARNING SIGN which i ignored... now i suffere the consequences...
it's not that bad actually... if i learnt something from this... if i know how to make a clean break...
this is something that i have been teaching my friend to do, but i ended up with the same problem and committing the same mistakes... ironic huh...
i think i know the way to walk... i'm just afraid that this will not turn out to be the right way, or that i might just go haywire..
just feel very depressed suddenly...
tiredd...
who cares when i cry, who cries when i die... hur hur... it rhymes but it's lame
SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP....
confiding is nvr easy... no one said it was, only you though it was easy, you said it like it's a piece of cake & you though trust is an easy thing too...
sometimes i feel that u are full of bullshit, full of promises but it's just empty talk.. i don't know how i got to know you...
you lament about the world, like it's against you.... the problem now is, who is pitting against who, the world against u? or u against the world?
i'm sick & tired of u and ur bullshit... i'm sick & tired of acting like nothing matters
i'm sick & tired of laughing & end up being called insane by the others...
fuck u... u are the cause of all this...fuck u....
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Got this frm a email.... it's nice... :)
Schs... Remember these? Well, This really brings back so much memories. For those who studied in Singaporean primary schools... Remember these? Heartwarming & a little funny... the things we used to do...
50 things for Singaporean teenagers. Sit,enjoy and think back about the past...Were you one of these?
1. You grew up watching He-man, Transformers, Silver hawk & Mickey Mouse. Not to forget, Ninja turtles & Smurfs too.
2. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during recess time. You will squat by a drain with all your classmates beside you, and brush your teeth with a coloured mug. The teachers said you must brush each side10 times too.
3. You know what's Bin(1) Fen(1) Ba (1) San(1) is all about.
4. You know what SBC stands for.
5. You were there when the first chinese serial, the Awakening was shown on TV.
6.Internet? What the hell is that? So you thought a decade or more ago.
7. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in Secondary school.
8. SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats are made of wood & the cushion is red.! The big red bell gives a loud BEEEP! when pressed.There are colourful tickets for TIBS buses. The conductor will check for tickets by using a machine which punches a hole on the ticket.
9.Your favourite actor and actress is Huang Wenyong & Xiangyun. Next is Lee Nanxing & Zoe Tay & the Aiyoyo woman.
10. You've probably read Young Generation magazine. You know who's Vinny the little vampire and Acai the constable.
11. You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.
12. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50
13. Gals are fascinated by Stra! wberry Short Cake & Barbie Dolls.
14. You learn to laugh like The Count in Sesame Street.
15. You longed to buy tibits called Kaka(20 cents per pack) & Ding Dang(50 cents per box), tt had a toy in it and it changes every week not forgetting the 15 cents animal crackers & the ring pop, where the lollipop is the diamond on the ring.
16. You watched TV2(aka Channel 10) cartoons because Channel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.
17. All that you know about Cantonese is from the Hong Kong serials you watched on TV2.
18.Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators, Famous Five & Secret Seven are probably the thickest story books you ever thought you have read. Even SweetValley High & Malory Towers.
19.Civics & Moral Education was "Hao3 Gong1 Min2".
20. KFC used to be a high class restaurant that serve food in plates & let you use metal forks & knives.
21. The most vulgar thing you said was asshole & idiot & THE MOST EXTREME WAS 'super white'...you just couldn't bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.
22. Catching was the IN thing and twist the magic word.
23. Your English workbooks was made of some damn poor quality paper tt was smooth & yellow.
24. CDIS was your best friend.
25. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixellised characters in 16 colours walking abt trying to teach u maths.
26. Waterbottles were slinged around your neck & a must everywhere u go.
27. Boys loved to play soccer with small tennis balls in the basketball court or play something tt uses tennis ball to hit other players known as "HUM TAM BOLA" during recess /after school
28. Hopskotch, five stones,chateh & zero point were all the rage with the girls & boys too...
29. Science was fun with the balsam & the angsana being the most impt plants of our lives.
30. Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei & John, eternalized in our minds from the txtbks. Even Mr Wally.
31. U did stupid exercises like seal crawl & frog jumps.
32. Every children's day & national day u either get pins or pens with 'Happy Children's Day 1993' or dumb files with Happy National Day 1994'.
33. In Primary 6 u had to play buddy for the younger kids like big sister & brother.
34. Chinese teachers were always old, boring & damn fierce looking.
35. Ur form teacher taught you maths, science & english.
36. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.
37. U went to school in slippers & a raincoat when it rained, & u find a dry spot in the school to sit down, dry ur feet, & wear ur dry & warm socks & shoes.
38. Famous Chinese singers were only Jacky Cheung, Andy Lau, Aaron Kwok & Leon Lai
39. School dismissal time was normally ard 1 pm.
40. There would be spelling tests & mental sums to do almost everyday.
41. Ur friends considered u lucky & rich if ur parents gave u $3 or more for pocket money everyday.
42. During class gatherings, parents always tag along in case someone gets lost at Orchard Road.
43. U freak out when the teacher tells u to line up according to height & hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.
44. Handkerchiefs were a must for both genders
45. Collecting notebooks & all kinds of stationery was a popular thing.
46. Autograph bks were loaded with "Best Wishes", "Forget Me Not", & small poems like "Bird fly high, hard to catch. Friend like you, hard to forget".
47. Class monitors & prefects loved to say "U talk somemore, I write ur name ah!"
48. There were @ least 40 people in one class.
49. Large, colourful schoolbags were carried.
50. You brought every single bk to sch, even though there was one thing called the timetable.
Schs... Remember these? Well, This really brings back so much memories. For those who studied in Singaporean primary schools... Remember these? Heartwarming & a little funny... the things we used to do...
50 things for Singaporean teenagers. Sit,enjoy and think back about the past...Were you one of these?
1. You grew up watching He-man, Transformers, Silver hawk & Mickey Mouse. Not to forget, Ninja turtles & Smurfs too.
2. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during recess time. You will squat by a drain with all your classmates beside you, and brush your teeth with a coloured mug. The teachers said you must brush each side10 times too.
3. You know what's Bin(1) Fen(1) Ba (1) San(1) is all about.
4. You know what SBC stands for.
5. You were there when the first chinese serial, the Awakening was shown on TV.
6.Internet? What the hell is that? So you thought a decade or more ago.
7. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in Secondary school.
8. SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats are made of wood & the cushion is red.! The big red bell gives a loud BEEEP! when pressed.There are colourful tickets for TIBS buses. The conductor will check for tickets by using a machine which punches a hole on the ticket.
9.Your favourite actor and actress is Huang Wenyong & Xiangyun. Next is Lee Nanxing & Zoe Tay & the Aiyoyo woman.
10. You've probably read Young Generation magazine. You know who's Vinny the little vampire and Acai the constable.
11. You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.
12. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50
13. Gals are fascinated by Stra! wberry Short Cake & Barbie Dolls.
14. You learn to laugh like The Count in Sesame Street.
15. You longed to buy tibits called Kaka(20 cents per pack) & Ding Dang(50 cents per box), tt had a toy in it and it changes every week not forgetting the 15 cents animal crackers & the ring pop, where the lollipop is the diamond on the ring.
16. You watched TV2(aka Channel 10) cartoons because Channel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.
17. All that you know about Cantonese is from the Hong Kong serials you watched on TV2.
18.Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators, Famous Five & Secret Seven are probably the thickest story books you ever thought you have read. Even SweetValley High & Malory Towers.
19.Civics & Moral Education was "Hao3 Gong1 Min2".
20. KFC used to be a high class restaurant that serve food in plates & let you use metal forks & knives.
21. The most vulgar thing you said was asshole & idiot & THE MOST EXTREME WAS 'super white'...you just couldn't bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.
22. Catching was the IN thing and twist the magic word.
23. Your English workbooks was made of some damn poor quality paper tt was smooth & yellow.
24. CDIS was your best friend.
25. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixellised characters in 16 colours walking abt trying to teach u maths.
26. Waterbottles were slinged around your neck & a must everywhere u go.
27. Boys loved to play soccer with small tennis balls in the basketball court or play something tt uses tennis ball to hit other players known as "HUM TAM BOLA" during recess /after school
28. Hopskotch, five stones,chateh & zero point were all the rage with the girls & boys too...
29. Science was fun with the balsam & the angsana being the most impt plants of our lives.
30. Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei & John, eternalized in our minds from the txtbks. Even Mr Wally.
31. U did stupid exercises like seal crawl & frog jumps.
32. Every children's day & national day u either get pins or pens with 'Happy Children's Day 1993' or dumb files with Happy National Day 1994'.
33. In Primary 6 u had to play buddy for the younger kids like big sister & brother.
34. Chinese teachers were always old, boring & damn fierce looking.
35. Ur form teacher taught you maths, science & english.
36. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.
37. U went to school in slippers & a raincoat when it rained, & u find a dry spot in the school to sit down, dry ur feet, & wear ur dry & warm socks & shoes.
38. Famous Chinese singers were only Jacky Cheung, Andy Lau, Aaron Kwok & Leon Lai
39. School dismissal time was normally ard 1 pm.
40. There would be spelling tests & mental sums to do almost everyday.
41. Ur friends considered u lucky & rich if ur parents gave u $3 or more for pocket money everyday.
42. During class gatherings, parents always tag along in case someone gets lost at Orchard Road.
43. U freak out when the teacher tells u to line up according to height & hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.
44. Handkerchiefs were a must for both genders
45. Collecting notebooks & all kinds of stationery was a popular thing.
46. Autograph bks were loaded with "Best Wishes", "Forget Me Not", & small poems like "Bird fly high, hard to catch. Friend like you, hard to forget".
47. Class monitors & prefects loved to say "U talk somemore, I write ur name ah!"
48. There were @ least 40 people in one class.
49. Large, colourful schoolbags were carried.
50. You brought every single bk to sch, even though there was one thing called the timetable.
..:: end ::..
剑煮酒无味 饮一杯为谁
你为我送别 你为你送别
胭脂香味 能爱不能给
天有多长 地有多远
你是英雄 就注定无泪无悔
这笑有多危险 是穿肠毒药
这泪有多么美 只有你知道
这心没有你活着可笑
这一世英名我不要
只求换来红颜一笑
这一去如果还能轮回
我愿意来生作牛马
也要与你天涯相随
红颜....胡彦斌唱地...听了很感动,可能是那歌声好听,也可能是歌词写得好
me & xj talked abt BGR and stuff... kinda of lame... i think i was trying to convince him that R is a bian tai.. lol... but he agreeded with me in the end... so i rox... R sucks.. lol
tml i need to find teacher... gahx..
my sis said tt my cedar junior suddenly asked her for my email. i'm surprised tt someone even bothered to ask lol... i wasn't really popular among my CCA, and i dun think i was being idolised as well.. haha.. cedar has this culture of idolizing seniors... i know i know.. i used to idolise my senior too... hehe...
LEP project.... lby say our group very not motivated... the problem is. DO I CARE? lol.... haha... no... i just wanna revise which i had not been able to. stupid me
penknife... this word keep appearing in mind...
i just want to love and be loved... haha... i know i am loved :)
btw, did i tell u, i DO have a image, which is not to have a image at all...
in case u didn't noe.. i also realised that there are also ppl who are damn dumb...
my sis came back from her sabah trip, and she said that one of her campmates ask the airhostress for a pad so loudly that everyone in that area (i must say it's quite a big area too.. lol!) was looking at her... poor sis, have to sit beside such a weirdo...
oh yar. & someone said my sis looked like bae yong jun.. i just conclude that the girl is just desparate and has lesbianic tendancies... haha..
whee... cranky now... wanna slp... take care ppl
i know what i'm doing for now... i think
MUAHAHA
你为我送别 你为你送别
胭脂香味 能爱不能给
天有多长 地有多远
你是英雄 就注定无泪无悔
这笑有多危险 是穿肠毒药
这泪有多么美 只有你知道
这心没有你活着可笑
这一世英名我不要
只求换来红颜一笑
这一去如果还能轮回
我愿意来生作牛马
也要与你天涯相随
红颜....胡彦斌唱地...听了很感动,可能是那歌声好听,也可能是歌词写得好
me & xj talked abt BGR and stuff... kinda of lame... i think i was trying to convince him that R is a bian tai.. lol... but he agreeded with me in the end... so i rox... R sucks.. lol
tml i need to find teacher... gahx..
my sis said tt my cedar junior suddenly asked her for my email. i'm surprised tt someone even bothered to ask lol... i wasn't really popular among my CCA, and i dun think i was being idolised as well.. haha.. cedar has this culture of idolizing seniors... i know i know.. i used to idolise my senior too... hehe...
LEP project.... lby say our group very not motivated... the problem is. DO I CARE? lol.... haha... no... i just wanna revise which i had not been able to. stupid me
penknife... this word keep appearing in mind...
i just want to love and be loved... haha... i know i am loved :)
btw, did i tell u, i DO have a image, which is not to have a image at all...
in case u didn't noe.. i also realised that there are also ppl who are damn dumb...
my sis came back from her sabah trip, and she said that one of her campmates ask the airhostress for a pad so loudly that everyone in that area (i must say it's quite a big area too.. lol!) was looking at her... poor sis, have to sit beside such a weirdo...
oh yar. & someone said my sis looked like bae yong jun.. i just conclude that the girl is just desparate and has lesbianic tendancies... haha..
whee... cranky now... wanna slp... take care ppl
i know what i'm doing for now... i think
MUAHAHA
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
XXX XXXX XXXX should go & die! URGH! someone pls tell her to go to hell... first it is no home clothes, now u give me 2 hrs to bbq.. pls eat shit!
reasons for me hating to organise bbqs, especially for a class whom i'm not close to is that the most unimaginable things crop up..
nvm... now i shall plan with weihao the exco bbq... at least we wun be doing shit... GAHX
did i tell u, ppl who make use of me suck as well... and the problem is i stupidly let them do it... thank me and my genius IQ
DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!
reasons for me hating to organise bbqs, especially for a class whom i'm not close to is that the most unimaginable things crop up..
nvm... now i shall plan with weihao the exco bbq... at least we wun be doing shit... GAHX
did i tell u, ppl who make use of me suck as well... and the problem is i stupidly let them do it... thank me and my genius IQ
DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!
current status...: half dead...
it's freaky sometimes... to be able to know what the other person is thinking and what he or she might do... cus u never know how this ability to "see" might be used against u...
soemtimes u try to hard to understand the things around u, ending up complicating relationships than it already is...
i used to think that i could trust in you not to do what others did to me, but in the end u broke it... now i trust no more... nothing is as simple as it seems... there is never a thing as simple as what you see...
after saying all theses, it may be that it all ends up in one word, "choice". so what is this choice given to you... what do you do with it? to choose to believe in the surface of things & stay happy? afterall, ignorance is bliss... or to look deeper than the surface, and discover the ugly truths & hurt yourself in the process...
i used to form alot of conlcusions about people, now i can't be bothered... i just wanna stay neutral... even if i do hate the person, i'll try to forget the conclusions i came up with that person... or try to make these feelings dormant...
dormant... that's what i am feeling now...
i used to think that people who talk about love 24/7 have no life at all.... i still do...
i used to think that as we grow older and step into society, we'll meet alot more odd shapes and in different colours, shapes and sizes... i still do
i used to think guys are a weird speices who are mostly desperate to have a gf... i still do... for most ppl! MUAHAHA
did u find me contradicting... haha.. that's how life is, that's how we, as part of this whole "LIFE" is also affected...
i have yet to read the online bible... though the first part i read was interesting...
mind games... we play them all the time... or maybe i play them... that's why i feel jaded... it's sick i noe.... haix...but that's my mind... >.<
gd nitex... or rather...good morning...
i saw my frens nick... it's nice... harhar.. see ya
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
it's freaky sometimes... to be able to know what the other person is thinking and what he or she might do... cus u never know how this ability to "see" might be used against u...
soemtimes u try to hard to understand the things around u, ending up complicating relationships than it already is...
i used to think that i could trust in you not to do what others did to me, but in the end u broke it... now i trust no more... nothing is as simple as it seems... there is never a thing as simple as what you see...
after saying all theses, it may be that it all ends up in one word, "choice". so what is this choice given to you... what do you do with it? to choose to believe in the surface of things & stay happy? afterall, ignorance is bliss... or to look deeper than the surface, and discover the ugly truths & hurt yourself in the process...
i used to form alot of conlcusions about people, now i can't be bothered... i just wanna stay neutral... even if i do hate the person, i'll try to forget the conclusions i came up with that person... or try to make these feelings dormant...
dormant... that's what i am feeling now...
i used to think that people who talk about love 24/7 have no life at all.... i still do...
i used to think that as we grow older and step into society, we'll meet alot more odd shapes and in different colours, shapes and sizes... i still do
i used to think guys are a weird speices who are mostly desperate to have a gf... i still do... for most ppl! MUAHAHA
did u find me contradicting... haha.. that's how life is, that's how we, as part of this whole "LIFE" is also affected...
i have yet to read the online bible... though the first part i read was interesting...
mind games... we play them all the time... or maybe i play them... that's why i feel jaded... it's sick i noe.... haix...but that's my mind... >.<
gd nitex... or rather...good morning...
i saw my frens nick... it's nice... harhar.. see ya
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Monday, November 14, 2005
i think miaoyu's blog makes me think... haha... which means i haven been thinking properly or haven been thinking for the past few weeks...haha
anyway, faith says it's more sincere if i write crap on my entry... haha... which gives me the conclusion that my crap makes ppl feel that i'm sincere. so if i'm nt crapping den what do ppl think of me?
i also realised recently that i will get very very HIGH if i get myself overloaded on sugar or carbohydrates...MUAHAHA
btw have u tried playing maple story while listening to classical music... like killing snails while listening to a piano piece? i think it makes u feel like psycopath.. heh... i'm just cranky... paiseh
oh yar, i created a new domain too! many thanks to jasmine darling aka echizen jasmine.. it's called true-north.de.. although i have no idea what to do with it now... cus i'm to drained to do anything photoshopping or webdesigning with dreamweaver *smiles sleepishly @ jasmine :P*
i wonder if i would be happier if my class was 05s5c? or if i didn't have any class at all & will be alone most of the time.. haha... i bet i would still be a loner if i changed to other classes...
btw, i dun look like loner meh? haha.. even wilson thinks i'm a loner... haha... it's nice to have a change... especially when i used to think that i was a social butterfly...
what do i need to reflect about my life now that i have nt?
my school work
1. to work much much harder... focus on studies and throw everything out of ur mind... priority shld be placed HERE!
my friends
1. to do my best to help but also at the same time understand my limits, of my need to live a normal life, to know my limits, to know that there are many things beyond my control, that i should learn to let go at appropriate times... to learn not to worry but instead to do something else more worthwhile
2. to accept people as who they are, some ppl just can't help behaving or thinking that way. we have no right to force them to accomodate to ours as much as we don't like them forcing us to accept their beliefs as well. they have the right to talk about their interest, life, hobby and most imporantly their religion. as long as i have a clear stand of what i want in my life and not let myself be affected by those around me, i shall not intervene others of promoting their beliefs.
my life
1. to let go of things that are in the past... to learn to trust and love... to learn to not give up... to learn that nothing is impossible
2. to count my blessing constantly, so that i may not neglect those who care for me, so that i shall not think of life & death as a game
3. to have a healthy lifestyle... dun sleep late :)
guess that's all... drained... shall sleep... bon nuitte... wadever... i dun noe french..haha!
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
anyway, faith says it's more sincere if i write crap on my entry... haha... which gives me the conclusion that my crap makes ppl feel that i'm sincere. so if i'm nt crapping den what do ppl think of me?
i also realised recently that i will get very very HIGH if i get myself overloaded on sugar or carbohydrates...MUAHAHA
btw have u tried playing maple story while listening to classical music... like killing snails while listening to a piano piece? i think it makes u feel like psycopath.. heh... i'm just cranky... paiseh
oh yar, i created a new domain too! many thanks to jasmine darling aka echizen jasmine.. it's called true-north.de.. although i have no idea what to do with it now... cus i'm to drained to do anything photoshopping or webdesigning with dreamweaver *smiles sleepishly @ jasmine :P*
i wonder if i would be happier if my class was 05s5c? or if i didn't have any class at all & will be alone most of the time.. haha... i bet i would still be a loner if i changed to other classes...
btw, i dun look like loner meh? haha.. even wilson thinks i'm a loner... haha... it's nice to have a change... especially when i used to think that i was a social butterfly...
what do i need to reflect about my life now that i have nt?
my school work
1. to work much much harder... focus on studies and throw everything out of ur mind... priority shld be placed HERE!
my friends
1. to do my best to help but also at the same time understand my limits, of my need to live a normal life, to know my limits, to know that there are many things beyond my control, that i should learn to let go at appropriate times... to learn not to worry but instead to do something else more worthwhile
2. to accept people as who they are, some ppl just can't help behaving or thinking that way. we have no right to force them to accomodate to ours as much as we don't like them forcing us to accept their beliefs as well. they have the right to talk about their interest, life, hobby and most imporantly their religion. as long as i have a clear stand of what i want in my life and not let myself be affected by those around me, i shall not intervene others of promoting their beliefs.
my life
1. to let go of things that are in the past... to learn to trust and love... to learn to not give up... to learn that nothing is impossible
2. to count my blessing constantly, so that i may not neglect those who care for me, so that i shall not think of life & death as a game
3. to have a healthy lifestyle... dun sleep late :)
guess that's all... drained... shall sleep... bon nuitte... wadever... i dun noe french..haha!
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
this is my nice crap for my class NE... the best crap i've written since i was born! WHEEE.. hahaha....
National Education – Learning Journey for 05A7A
Field trip to Qian Hu Fish Farm
Our class will be going to Qian Hu Fish Farm located at 71 Jalan Lekar, Agrotechnology Park. Our class will be able to come into close contact with nature and also learn about the history of Qian Hu Fish Farm and how it was set up.
Qian Hu’s rich history will allow my classmates to see that success does not come easily and that we have to learn from set backs in order to reach our goals. This coincides with the NE message No one owes Singapore a living and that we have to depend on ourselves to contribute to Singapore’s economic success.
National Education – Learning Journey for 05A7A
Field trip to Qian Hu Fish Farm
Our class will be going to Qian Hu Fish Farm located at 71 Jalan Lekar, Agrotechnology Park. Our class will be able to come into close contact with nature and also learn about the history of Qian Hu Fish Farm and how it was set up.
Qian Hu’s rich history will allow my classmates to see that success does not come easily and that we have to learn from set backs in order to reach our goals. This coincides with the NE message No one owes Singapore a living and that we have to depend on ourselves to contribute to Singapore’s economic success.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
wheeee...
i need to plan for bbqs!! one for class one for me lian lian & eugene den still need to go find more ppl...hahaha
i need to go see teacher on thurs... HOD summore... though i'm nt scared of teachers or wadever, and i noe i'm nt going to die, this thing is still constantly on my mind...
i need to study too
this entry is bimbotic but i dun care...
btw i realised a similar theme for the dreams that i have been having since... hmm... i dun noe when
the themes of my dreams are
1. freedom
this mainly include having the ability to fly, the most embrrassing thing would be to try to squeeze my... erm... plum body out of my house window... and obvious i can't get out... but other times i would just be flying... these are the best dreams!
other than that, is to be jumping on the matress and can bounce to great heights... kinda of fun since my parents forbid me to jump on the matress when i was young, i guess i had to do it in dreams then. lolx
2. escape/running away
i dun noe why but in most of my dreams... i would be running away, from both people i know and people i don't know...
my entry is lame...
i wonder if people with different religions mix well together... *my father is playing with my brother's toy..haha...*
it's great to have people like weilian aka my darlin to remind me of the things in life that i fail to treasure, to remind me of what friends are for
like faith whom i can talk to abt the philosophies of life
like jasmine whom i can fangirl, talk abt our common interest!
like HL milk and my whole clique
i guess i can't grumble with all these wonderful ppl ard me
haha! i shall continue counting my blessings!
thanks ppl & take care... i will stay happy too!
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
i need to plan for bbqs!! one for class one for me lian lian & eugene den still need to go find more ppl...hahaha
i need to go see teacher on thurs... HOD summore... though i'm nt scared of teachers or wadever, and i noe i'm nt going to die, this thing is still constantly on my mind...
i need to study too
this entry is bimbotic but i dun care...
btw i realised a similar theme for the dreams that i have been having since... hmm... i dun noe when
the themes of my dreams are
1. freedom
this mainly include having the ability to fly, the most embrrassing thing would be to try to squeeze my... erm... plum body out of my house window... and obvious i can't get out... but other times i would just be flying... these are the best dreams!
other than that, is to be jumping on the matress and can bounce to great heights... kinda of fun since my parents forbid me to jump on the matress when i was young, i guess i had to do it in dreams then. lolx
2. escape/running away
i dun noe why but in most of my dreams... i would be running away, from both people i know and people i don't know...
my entry is lame...
i wonder if people with different religions mix well together... *my father is playing with my brother's toy..haha...*
it's great to have people like weilian aka my darlin to remind me of the things in life that i fail to treasure, to remind me of what friends are for
like faith whom i can talk to abt the philosophies of life
like jasmine whom i can fangirl, talk abt our common interest!
like HL milk and my whole clique
i guess i can't grumble with all these wonderful ppl ard me
haha! i shall continue counting my blessings!
thanks ppl & take care... i will stay happy too!
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Saturday, November 12, 2005
i should start doing self evalution
value of my daily expenses for 17 years, including basic necessasities, materialistic satisfaction, spiritual fulfilment
= priceless
value of my life
= worthless
hurhurhur...
so tired... haha... me not going bbq cus my darling jasmine not going... hahaha... wheee... i'm so drained of energy.... muz bring hong lou meng with me to my bed... then mum will think i fall asleep while studying... haha
kahhui is looking for a new job... good... i have one less worry...
i haven talked to faith for like hmmmm a week? haha... her clothes and time table is with me... gahx
haven talked to ee hui for a long time too...
i'm just drained of life philosophies and crap....
i wonder if anyone kills themselves out of boredom... haha... that will be amusing...
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
value of my daily expenses for 17 years, including basic necessasities, materialistic satisfaction, spiritual fulfilment
= priceless
value of my life
= worthless
hurhurhur...
so tired... haha... me not going bbq cus my darling jasmine not going... hahaha... wheee... i'm so drained of energy.... muz bring hong lou meng with me to my bed... then mum will think i fall asleep while studying... haha
kahhui is looking for a new job... good... i have one less worry...
i haven talked to faith for like hmmmm a week? haha... her clothes and time table is with me... gahx
haven talked to ee hui for a long time too...
i'm just drained of life philosophies and crap....
i wonder if anyone kills themselves out of boredom... haha... that will be amusing...
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Friday, November 11, 2005
曾经答应的,曾经的承诺,我无法守着,曾经的我,还很天真, 曾经的我....
愧疚，但就只懂得怎么感到内疚....
我知道知己无能,在成绩方面也搞不好,友谊方面也是一塌糊涂...
你总是觉得自己没人关心,没人爱护,如果我有办法,我一定会让你知道,其实,你一直是我的牵挂... 是使我最放不下心的....
曾经问过自己,如果当初没碰见你,自己现在会不会那么痛苦,我至今无法找到答案,因为你的痛苦,也成为了我生活的一部分....
你曾经说过了很多话,让我感到很痛心... 我至今还记得一清二楚,不知道为什么,就是无法忘掉...
我... 很傻吧?
every single day, i would ask myself who do i live for... what do i live for... the past? or the memories? or the future?
my results are like shit.... my life is like shit... i can't study... i dun noe why.... which pisses me off tremendously....
i just want my life back.... is that too much to ask?
everyday i keep comparing my life to what it used to be... asking myself how i would deal with this situation if it had happened last time... why am i doing this?? why do i even want to do this?
can't i depend on my present self for strength? why do i need the past to make decisions for me? why do i need my past to push me forward?
it's just this sense of frustration... this sense of anger... that everything is just working against me... WHY ISN'T ANYONE LISTENING?! WHY??????
why isit so hard to understand? to feel that someone cares? we wallow in self pity everyday, saying that what others have is better than what u currently have.... the thing is are u even sure? what about the things u have? do u even know u have it? or it has come to u so easily that u have forgetten it's mere existence?
WHO AM I NOW? really? i'm just a emotional wreck... sustained by insanity & a false image...
i can't confide.... i suddenly lost the urge or even the will to confide... sometimes i feel that the whole world is plotting against me.... that everyone is hatching a evil plan... that everyone is scheming to do something.... i question their motives.... i question every single thing they do... i feel so out of control...
don't ask me why... is there a reason for every tear?
am i even mentally sound? i don't really know....
i'm tired... of trying to find who i really am... maybe i am defined by my friends.... maybe i feel lost when they're not around... maybe i dun even have a definition of myself at all
maybe it's because i made a promise this time not to let go... maybe i didn't make that promise in the past...
she called me on the phone one day.... we both cried... and she just said, i'm scared... of who i will become... whatever i become next year, please be there for me... i said u didn't have to ask... i promised her... but we just drifted apart... how come the same thing isn't happenin now? what happened? why are there so many things i can't let go...
how much courage does it take to live, how much does it take to die?
weilian... thanks for being there...
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
愧疚，但就只懂得怎么感到内疚....
我知道知己无能,在成绩方面也搞不好,友谊方面也是一塌糊涂...
你总是觉得自己没人关心,没人爱护,如果我有办法,我一定会让你知道,其实,你一直是我的牵挂... 是使我最放不下心的....
曾经问过自己,如果当初没碰见你,自己现在会不会那么痛苦,我至今无法找到答案,因为你的痛苦,也成为了我生活的一部分....
你曾经说过了很多话,让我感到很痛心... 我至今还记得一清二楚,不知道为什么,就是无法忘掉...
我... 很傻吧?
every single day, i would ask myself who do i live for... what do i live for... the past? or the memories? or the future?
my results are like shit.... my life is like shit... i can't study... i dun noe why.... which pisses me off tremendously....
i just want my life back.... is that too much to ask?
everyday i keep comparing my life to what it used to be... asking myself how i would deal with this situation if it had happened last time... why am i doing this?? why do i even want to do this?
can't i depend on my present self for strength? why do i need the past to make decisions for me? why do i need my past to push me forward?
it's just this sense of frustration... this sense of anger... that everything is just working against me... WHY ISN'T ANYONE LISTENING?! WHY??????
why isit so hard to understand? to feel that someone cares? we wallow in self pity everyday, saying that what others have is better than what u currently have.... the thing is are u even sure? what about the things u have? do u even know u have it? or it has come to u so easily that u have forgetten it's mere existence?
WHO AM I NOW? really? i'm just a emotional wreck... sustained by insanity & a false image...
i can't confide.... i suddenly lost the urge or even the will to confide... sometimes i feel that the whole world is plotting against me.... that everyone is hatching a evil plan... that everyone is scheming to do something.... i question their motives.... i question every single thing they do... i feel so out of control...
don't ask me why... is there a reason for every tear?
am i even mentally sound? i don't really know....
i'm tired... of trying to find who i really am... maybe i am defined by my friends.... maybe i feel lost when they're not around... maybe i dun even have a definition of myself at all
maybe it's because i made a promise this time not to let go... maybe i didn't make that promise in the past...
she called me on the phone one day.... we both cried... and she just said, i'm scared... of who i will become... whatever i become next year, please be there for me... i said u didn't have to ask... i promised her... but we just drifted apart... how come the same thing isn't happenin now? what happened? why are there so many things i can't let go...
how much courage does it take to live, how much does it take to die?
weilian... thanks for being there...
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
NEW SELF MADE BLOGSKIN!!
many thanks to myself and a big humongous HUGS to my dear jasmine for helping me the html code and stuff... i love JASMINE! MUACKS!
today i went jasmine's hse and we did a lesson plan for friday! wheeeee... can't wait!
how much of others do u understand... how much do u think others understand u...
it's a 2 way thing.... how much u try to understand, how much u let others understand...
there are times u think that u are a know all piece of crap and act as if u are on top of the world
there are times when u feel that everyone is just some foreign object no matter how much attempts u make to understand them, u just can't... then u end up feeling all alone, despair...
u wonder if anyone cares, u feel abandoned, u feel like the world doesn't matter much to you any more...
this.... is the mentality of a emotional girl...
it sucks when ur emotions get the better of you.... i dun believe it when they say u should just cry it out when u feel depressed... maybe it's this image i wanna maintain... ever smiling, ever insane & high high high...
should we even try to maintain a image? or should we be just who we really are inside? i've meet people who are quiet, reserved & what others would usually describe as a introvert... but inside them are souls who yearn for this carefree feeling as much as we do, it's just that they don't know how.... they don't dare to try
it's after i befriend them that i realised that some of them are actually more crazy than me if given a chance to, that they can better represent and understand the word carefree than my own interpretation.
why are we so concerned about the image thing? why are we so eager to package ourselves into perfect products of the society, to sell ourselves to companies. to smile and cough only at appopriate times. to have dining etiqutte. what wrong with uncivilised? at least people are more direct, less scheming.
"you are the crazy side of me" my best friend wrote that in my autograph book.... till this day i still remember...
sometimes i just wish i was more simple minded.... sometimes my thoughts scare me... sometimes i'm so freaked out by the complicated relationships between people that i prefer not to have friends at all.... sometimes i'm so grossed out by how much influence one can have by bootlicking teachers, the extremes they go to to please them, that whatever they say to the teachers holds so much weight that it could crush those they directed their words to.
sometimes i do things so unthinkable... that i can basically classify myself under the same category as those bootlickers whom i hate...
dont' trust me... i might betray u one day... i'm so ironic...
many thanks to myself and a big humongous HUGS to my dear jasmine for helping me the html code and stuff... i love JASMINE! MUACKS!
today i went jasmine's hse and we did a lesson plan for friday! wheeeee... can't wait!
how much of others do u understand... how much do u think others understand u...
it's a 2 way thing.... how much u try to understand, how much u let others understand...
there are times u think that u are a know all piece of crap and act as if u are on top of the world
there are times when u feel that everyone is just some foreign object no matter how much attempts u make to understand them, u just can't... then u end up feeling all alone, despair...
u wonder if anyone cares, u feel abandoned, u feel like the world doesn't matter much to you any more...
this.... is the mentality of a emotional girl...
it sucks when ur emotions get the better of you.... i dun believe it when they say u should just cry it out when u feel depressed... maybe it's this image i wanna maintain... ever smiling, ever insane & high high high...
should we even try to maintain a image? or should we be just who we really are inside? i've meet people who are quiet, reserved & what others would usually describe as a introvert... but inside them are souls who yearn for this carefree feeling as much as we do, it's just that they don't know how.... they don't dare to try
it's after i befriend them that i realised that some of them are actually more crazy than me if given a chance to, that they can better represent and understand the word carefree than my own interpretation.
why are we so concerned about the image thing? why are we so eager to package ourselves into perfect products of the society, to sell ourselves to companies. to smile and cough only at appopriate times. to have dining etiqutte. what wrong with uncivilised? at least people are more direct, less scheming.
"you are the crazy side of me" my best friend wrote that in my autograph book.... till this day i still remember...
sometimes i just wish i was more simple minded.... sometimes my thoughts scare me... sometimes i'm so freaked out by the complicated relationships between people that i prefer not to have friends at all.... sometimes i'm so grossed out by how much influence one can have by bootlicking teachers, the extremes they go to to please them, that whatever they say to the teachers holds so much weight that it could crush those they directed their words to.
sometimes i do things so unthinkable... that i can basically classify myself under the same category as those bootlickers whom i hate...
dont' trust me... i might betray u one day... i'm so ironic...
Monday, November 07, 2005
he neglects his health, he didn't spare a thought for others feelings, especially that of his parents....
he thought he did but he didn't.... it's really sad, especially with him insisting that this is the best and maybe the only way where he can solve the problem...
u can't call him selfish, because what he did was for the sake of the family. he felt that this is the best way to make up to the family, for being such a burden to the family with his ill health causing his parents much trouble... yet...
i talked to my teacher... i just hope a few days later is not too late...
i hate being stuck in situations where i feel helpless, being unable to help and just only being able to wait... all i can do now... is to pray that u will be fine, that u will come to see that u are not only responsible to urself but also to ur family & friends as well. if u truly care for others, pls take care of urself before u care for others...
me went out with jasmine today, abandoned her when a insane man came up and started demanding for "donations"... yesh! and our dear jasmine had such a interesting way of dealing with them that i'm just so impressed at her patience and that she even bothered to be kind to them. i would maybe just hurl vulgaraties or start saying NO THANK U I"M NOT INTERSTED and then force him to take back his damn unhygenic clipboard and just walk off... i therefore conclude that jasmine is very very kind cus shld that guy have approached me, u would see me in the news tml fighting with a dumbass
yes and both of us got a very good haul... haha...cus jasmine got her long lost CD-Rs and shaman king manga keep popping up in shelves for me!!! so magical! *FLAUNTS THE BOOKS to make jasmine jealous* lol!
i have lots of tots.... just too tired to pen it down... shall go read books.. byebye...
let me not think for a while~let me rest.....
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
he thought he did but he didn't.... it's really sad, especially with him insisting that this is the best and maybe the only way where he can solve the problem...
u can't call him selfish, because what he did was for the sake of the family. he felt that this is the best way to make up to the family, for being such a burden to the family with his ill health causing his parents much trouble... yet...
i talked to my teacher... i just hope a few days later is not too late...
i hate being stuck in situations where i feel helpless, being unable to help and just only being able to wait... all i can do now... is to pray that u will be fine, that u will come to see that u are not only responsible to urself but also to ur family & friends as well. if u truly care for others, pls take care of urself before u care for others...
me went out with jasmine today, abandoned her when a insane man came up and started demanding for "donations"... yesh! and our dear jasmine had such a interesting way of dealing with them that i'm just so impressed at her patience and that she even bothered to be kind to them. i would maybe just hurl vulgaraties or start saying NO THANK U I"M NOT INTERSTED and then force him to take back his damn unhygenic clipboard and just walk off... i therefore conclude that jasmine is very very kind cus shld that guy have approached me, u would see me in the news tml fighting with a dumbass
yes and both of us got a very good haul... haha...cus jasmine got her long lost CD-Rs and shaman king manga keep popping up in shelves for me!!! so magical! *FLAUNTS THE BOOKS to make jasmine jealous* lol!
i have lots of tots.... just too tired to pen it down... shall go read books.. byebye...
let me not think for a while~let me rest.....
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Sunday, November 06, 2005
MUAHAHA... blogspot is down.. gahx
i'm tired....i volunteered for baiyungang today... i have... erhum, big dreams, but a weak heart.. therefore, shall contemplate on whether to volunteer myself as an actress... hehehe... i'm acting like i'm a pro in acting skills... gahx
suddenly realised i like "gahx" alot, and my engrish sucks but i cant be bothered...
~
i realised that all this while, what i needed was not a solution,but more of a resolution...
because what i'm doing now is wrong, or to rephrase the sentence, is that i'm not progressing
i need to set a goal, cus i've lost one since exams, maybe it's because of my lousy grades that i don't really wanna think far
i keep questioning myself how the hell i'm gonna get into a uni with my sucky scraped through results
i keep asking myself if i did my best, what went wrong?
the answer was, i didn't know
in fact, that has been the answer to most of my questions that i posed to myself
therefore, i chose the route of self denial... all the way till today...
i don't know what i have to do.... i don't feel like doing anything
everything is like so impossible
oh well....
here's a newspaper article... enjoy!
“拼命三郎”任南初院长
潘星华
有“拼命三郎”之称的先驱初级学院创院院长郭毓川，将随每年年底掀起的“校长大风吹”行动，于12月15日调任南洋初级学院院长。
南洋大学1978年数学系毕业的郭毓川（50岁）在和他共事6年的女作家尤今口中，是一位行事如“闪电”、照顾人如“护垫”的院长。
尤今是先驱初院的华文教师。她以言简意赅而又传神的两个比喻概括了这位即将离开先驱到南初上任的上司。
她说：“同事们在公事上有任何困难，郭院长能以最短时间，最高效率，以闪电般的速度协助完成。同事们在私事上有任何困扰，他则会如铺在地上的护垫，保护你，开解你，让你感到温馨。”
她说，自2000年创院以来，郭院长把先驱初院创造成一所“五心”级的初院。
她所谓“五心”级，指的是“郭院长以恒心和耐心创造了这所爱心学院，让老师们安心工作之余，还开心地把学院当第二个家。”
16年前，34岁的郭毓川初任德贤中学校长，是当时最年轻的校长。就算6年前他出任先驱初院院长，也是当时最年轻的初院院长。16年掌校，在新加坡教育史上留下了很多至今仍然让人津津乐道之事。
上世纪90年代，他是第一个把安德逊中学从原排名21，带进全国十大，而且接下来还以排名第十、第七、第五，向前四大名校步步进逼的唯一邻里中学校长。回顾如今已经淡化的学校排名十多年的历史，他可说是异军突起，能攻破名校堡垒，在全国排名榜上最引人瞩目的校长。
安德逊中学优秀成绩来得绝非偶然，身为校长的他，每早6时半去爱迟到学生家敲门，喊他们起身。他承认自己是“拼命三郎”，并说“不拼命不行，只有拼命才能生存。”在他的拼命下，安德逊中学很快成了自治学校，顺利挤进“名校圈”。
2000年，先驱初院在“一无所有”情况下开学。750名新生在没有校服、校歌、校徽、校规下，进入一个充满了“千禧年挑战”的环境里。开学之初，他们必须立刻大动脑筋，发挥创意，分头决定这些重要事宜。
做为这所初院的开荒者，郭毓川说:“只有充满创意的人，才是千禧年的赢家。”他说得一点没有错。
他一直以把学校塑造成快乐的家为目标。他说：“我想，是受我在华义中学度过了快乐的6年中学生涯所影响吧。”
他同时坦然表示，办学应该一切以学生为主，学校必须全面地照顾学生身心的发展，而学生也应该对学校有归属感。
谈到去南洋初院上任，郭毓川说：“南初是一所有28年历史的学院，有很强的董事部、教师团队和校友会。这回我不是去开天辟地，而是去延续，去发扬光大，去更上层楼。”
他说，南初有华文语文特选课程，又有美术特选课程，对中学生非常有吸引力。
他说：“我希望读华文语文特选课程和美术特选课程的学生日后升学和就业，都能延续在初院所学的，不要离开初院后，从此和华文或美术两不相干。我可能会在这方面先做些了解与探讨。”
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
i'm tired....i volunteered for baiyungang today... i have... erhum, big dreams, but a weak heart.. therefore, shall contemplate on whether to volunteer myself as an actress... hehehe... i'm acting like i'm a pro in acting skills... gahx
suddenly realised i like "gahx" alot, and my engrish sucks but i cant be bothered...
~
i realised that all this while, what i needed was not a solution,but more of a resolution...
because what i'm doing now is wrong, or to rephrase the sentence, is that i'm not progressing
i need to set a goal, cus i've lost one since exams, maybe it's because of my lousy grades that i don't really wanna think far
i keep questioning myself how the hell i'm gonna get into a uni with my sucky scraped through results
i keep asking myself if i did my best, what went wrong?
the answer was, i didn't know
in fact, that has been the answer to most of my questions that i posed to myself
therefore, i chose the route of self denial... all the way till today...
i don't know what i have to do.... i don't feel like doing anything
everything is like so impossible
oh well....
here's a newspaper article... enjoy!
“拼命三郎”任南初院长
潘星华
有“拼命三郎”之称的先驱初级学院创院院长郭毓川，将随每年年底掀起的“校长大风吹”行动，于12月15日调任南洋初级学院院长。
南洋大学1978年数学系毕业的郭毓川（50岁）在和他共事6年的女作家尤今口中，是一位行事如“闪电”、照顾人如“护垫”的院长。
尤今是先驱初院的华文教师。她以言简意赅而又传神的两个比喻概括了这位即将离开先驱到南初上任的上司。
她说：“同事们在公事上有任何困难，郭院长能以最短时间，最高效率，以闪电般的速度协助完成。同事们在私事上有任何困扰，他则会如铺在地上的护垫，保护你，开解你，让你感到温馨。”
她说，自2000年创院以来，郭院长把先驱初院创造成一所“五心”级的初院。
她所谓“五心”级，指的是“郭院长以恒心和耐心创造了这所爱心学院，让老师们安心工作之余，还开心地把学院当第二个家。”
16年前，34岁的郭毓川初任德贤中学校长，是当时最年轻的校长。就算6年前他出任先驱初院院长，也是当时最年轻的初院院长。16年掌校，在新加坡教育史上留下了很多至今仍然让人津津乐道之事。
上世纪90年代，他是第一个把安德逊中学从原排名21，带进全国十大，而且接下来还以排名第十、第七、第五，向前四大名校步步进逼的唯一邻里中学校长。回顾如今已经淡化的学校排名十多年的历史，他可说是异军突起，能攻破名校堡垒，在全国排名榜上最引人瞩目的校长。
安德逊中学优秀成绩来得绝非偶然，身为校长的他，每早6时半去爱迟到学生家敲门，喊他们起身。他承认自己是“拼命三郎”，并说“不拼命不行，只有拼命才能生存。”在他的拼命下，安德逊中学很快成了自治学校，顺利挤进“名校圈”。
2000年，先驱初院在“一无所有”情况下开学。750名新生在没有校服、校歌、校徽、校规下，进入一个充满了“千禧年挑战”的环境里。开学之初，他们必须立刻大动脑筋，发挥创意，分头决定这些重要事宜。
做为这所初院的开荒者，郭毓川说:“只有充满创意的人，才是千禧年的赢家。”他说得一点没有错。
他一直以把学校塑造成快乐的家为目标。他说：“我想，是受我在华义中学度过了快乐的6年中学生涯所影响吧。”
他同时坦然表示，办学应该一切以学生为主，学校必须全面地照顾学生身心的发展，而学生也应该对学校有归属感。
谈到去南洋初院上任，郭毓川说：“南初是一所有28年历史的学院，有很强的董事部、教师团队和校友会。这回我不是去开天辟地，而是去延续，去发扬光大，去更上层楼。”
他说，南初有华文语文特选课程，又有美术特选课程，对中学生非常有吸引力。
他说：“我希望读华文语文特选课程和美术特选课程的学生日后升学和就业，都能延续在初院所学的，不要离开初院后，从此和华文或美术两不相干。我可能会在这方面先做些了解与探讨。”
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Friday, November 04, 2005
WHY SHOULD I CARE?
abt lep, abt pw?
and then give myself all the trouble, the misunderstanding, plus a whole lot of crap?
i can be happier w.o all these things weighing down on my mind
pissed... cus it's 4am, and i can't find kahhui's script... gahx
cus some ppl suck & i'm just trying to change the situation to benefit this group
maybe it's just because we have 2 different perspectives of the world, some choose the subtle way, i prefer the more direct & faster way
i do things on impulse...
it gives u a great feeling at first, and then later it sucks.... sometimes... most of the time...
things that u do on impulse makes u appear crazy...
i complain too much... i should just shut up and live with what i have
rite....
that shld be my resolution for the new year..
we're given personalities to compliment our weaknesses....
we try to hide who we truly are inside...
i hit out fast, cause i fear being made use of... i fear being manipulated by others...
i feel that there isnt' a need to suffer in silence
i feel that the world isn't fair, but if possible, then i want it to be fair, for myself, for others too
it's not just about being interested in the power struggle... it's about voicing out what i feel is wrong, what i feel should not be happening...
but sometimes i become too eager in expressing what i feel,
i put myself at a disadvantage
then i will force myself to go through an emotional rollercoaster
anger, guilt, shame etc
i am too emotional... bad...
why let urself fall if u saw it coming
i don't know...
do we have to go thru immense pain & suffering to see that to repeat our mistakes time and again is not worth the trouble, time and effort?
humans hate to be criticized, tt's why i can't say fuck u into ur face w.o feeling a tinge of guilt, regret or shame
every man for himself... or maybe not
i conclude that... after self reflection that i am in fact a hyopcrite... and a big fat one too!
*claps claps claps*
wth...
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
abt lep, abt pw?
and then give myself all the trouble, the misunderstanding, plus a whole lot of crap?
i can be happier w.o all these things weighing down on my mind
pissed... cus it's 4am, and i can't find kahhui's script... gahx
cus some ppl suck & i'm just trying to change the situation to benefit this group
maybe it's just because we have 2 different perspectives of the world, some choose the subtle way, i prefer the more direct & faster way
i do things on impulse...
it gives u a great feeling at first, and then later it sucks.... sometimes... most of the time...
things that u do on impulse makes u appear crazy...
i complain too much... i should just shut up and live with what i have
rite....
that shld be my resolution for the new year..
we're given personalities to compliment our weaknesses....
we try to hide who we truly are inside...
i hit out fast, cause i fear being made use of... i fear being manipulated by others...
i feel that there isnt' a need to suffer in silence
i feel that the world isn't fair, but if possible, then i want it to be fair, for myself, for others too
it's not just about being interested in the power struggle... it's about voicing out what i feel is wrong, what i feel should not be happening...
but sometimes i become too eager in expressing what i feel,
i put myself at a disadvantage
then i will force myself to go through an emotional rollercoaster
anger, guilt, shame etc
i am too emotional... bad...
why let urself fall if u saw it coming
i don't know...
do we have to go thru immense pain & suffering to see that to repeat our mistakes time and again is not worth the trouble, time and effort?
humans hate to be criticized, tt's why i can't say fuck u into ur face w.o feeling a tinge of guilt, regret or shame
every man for himself... or maybe not
i conclude that... after self reflection that i am in fact a hyopcrite... and a big fat one too!
*claps claps claps*
wth...
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
simin's first ever bimbotic entry
i have a simple calculation of my expenses for nov & dec
1. Lord of the rings (the ultimate!) = 25 ringgit
* considered cheap cus i saw a quite similiar ring which cost S$60 in bugis
2. necklace for ring= S$2 (buy in toa payoh. MUAHAHA)
3. prezzies for my frens
sensitive topic! MuAHAHA.... but i think i need to spend over S$20
4. outings... like sake! *winks winks @ jasmine* which will cost S$13++ ?
guess so... gahx....
broke.... and i want a damn blooody badminton racket which costs 19.90... i need a holiday job.... but come to think of it... my heavy racket can train my arm power too :P
so.... haha....
now for the not so bimbotic entry... simin starts thinking
it's not like me....
to gush about my idols on msn nicks
to wish to be alone
to wish to find some desolated areas of the school to contemplate
to constantly stare straight down when i'm standing on the 5th floor wondering if this hurts
to wish to buy my friends lots & lots of presents and wish that i could just exhaust all my wealth on them
to wish to do things that i know would end up hurting myself
to wonder if the dark hole will come back....
u know i will miss u
u know i hate saying goodbyes
u know somethings i just can't let go...
in case u didn't know, i'm peeved by ur insensitivity, ur callousness, ur brainlessness, ur worthlessness
i shld just link u to all negative connotations tt is availale in this world. in this case, i can just tell u in the face, fuck u... i just wished i had the courage to write out ur name
u said it as if it was some event that happened in another school, another time...
u told me to let her go, like she's more like a thing to u than a friend
u said that these things can't be helped, like u even bothered to feel sad or regretful at all
what are we to u? ur tools? ur rubbish cleaner? is this how u treat us?
she is my friend! HARLOW!!! doesn't this even get into ur thick skull? and u even gave absurd & ridiculous ideas to me and expect me to think it's nice?! u are a big piece of bullshit.
ur tone sucks, ur personality sucks too... u dun deserve any respect from me. in fact, hatred suits u more...
i will not give way under pressure... i have walked this far, i refuse to be beaten down...
yet whenever im with u, i just feel... confused.... regret? happiness?hatred?
it's just everything combined into one.... so complicated, yet so easy to understand... just like u...
why are we crying?
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
i have a simple calculation of my expenses for nov & dec
1. Lord of the rings (the ultimate!) = 25 ringgit
* considered cheap cus i saw a quite similiar ring which cost S$60 in bugis
2. necklace for ring= S$2 (buy in toa payoh. MUAHAHA)
3. prezzies for my frens
sensitive topic! MuAHAHA.... but i think i need to spend over S$20
4. outings... like sake! *winks winks @ jasmine* which will cost S$13++ ?
guess so... gahx....
broke.... and i want a damn blooody badminton racket which costs 19.90... i need a holiday job.... but come to think of it... my heavy racket can train my arm power too :P
so.... haha....
now for the not so bimbotic entry... simin starts thinking
it's not like me....
to gush about my idols on msn nicks
to wish to be alone
to wish to find some desolated areas of the school to contemplate
to constantly stare straight down when i'm standing on the 5th floor wondering if this hurts
to wish to buy my friends lots & lots of presents and wish that i could just exhaust all my wealth on them
to wish to do things that i know would end up hurting myself
to wonder if the dark hole will come back....
u know i will miss u
u know i hate saying goodbyes
u know somethings i just can't let go...
in case u didn't know, i'm peeved by ur insensitivity, ur callousness, ur brainlessness, ur worthlessness
i shld just link u to all negative connotations tt is availale in this world. in this case, i can just tell u in the face, fuck u... i just wished i had the courage to write out ur name
u said it as if it was some event that happened in another school, another time...
u told me to let her go, like she's more like a thing to u than a friend
u said that these things can't be helped, like u even bothered to feel sad or regretful at all
what are we to u? ur tools? ur rubbish cleaner? is this how u treat us?
she is my friend! HARLOW!!! doesn't this even get into ur thick skull? and u even gave absurd & ridiculous ideas to me and expect me to think it's nice?! u are a big piece of bullshit.
ur tone sucks, ur personality sucks too... u dun deserve any respect from me. in fact, hatred suits u more...
i will not give way under pressure... i have walked this far, i refuse to be beaten down...
yet whenever im with u, i just feel... confused.... regret? happiness?hatred?
it's just everything combined into one.... so complicated, yet so easy to understand... just like u...
why are we crying?
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
ever since the quarrel, i've been avoiding the best as i can anything tt has to do with pw... pardon me but nthing would ever be the same if a relationship escalates into an argument...
Missing you
All these five years
That we shared with you
The time we spent hearing you out over there
Through newspapers, character ed
We remember them all deep in our hearts
Bridge:
Thank you for your contributions to Cedar,
to Cedar
We will never forget what you have done
Chorus:
And so we are missing you lots
Miss you lots, miss you lots
Thank you for what you have done
Thank you for what you have done
And so we are missing you lots
Miss you lots, miss you lots
We love you so much so Ms Leong
Remember
The times which you joked,
Laughed with us,comforted us in distress
Fighting for a chance to heighten our growth
In leadership and exchange programmes
Remember
You motivate us
Telling us to pursue our biggest dreams
From ABCs,
To learn how to be gracious Cedarians
Who hold the Cedar flag high
Bridge
Chorus
did i tell u that ms leong mentioned abt me & lynn while she was making her impromtu( wadever u spell tt lar) speech?! *squeals* cus we're the only Cedarians that were present, on that day of the farewell, who went to ourT&F, Cedar's glory!
and i was talking to my gor today... it's been a while since we had a proper conversation.. i guess it's just difficult for me to completely dissociate myself from him but i guess i won't be playing an active role in this friendship... just let things be i suppose
i realised that all this while, i've been trying too hard to be mature... a main source of my unhappiness.... i've been trying too hard to be someone i'm not, to be mature, to look sane, to tone down my loudness....
i wanna be someone who doesn't show my emotions outside, because emotions betray ur weakness...
i am writing crap entries...
this is spoiling my blog... shld go into hibernation... byebye
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Missing you
All these five years
That we shared with you
The time we spent hearing you out over there
Through newspapers, character ed
We remember them all deep in our hearts
Bridge:
Thank you for your contributions to Cedar,
to Cedar
We will never forget what you have done
Chorus:
And so we are missing you lots
Miss you lots, miss you lots
Thank you for what you have done
Thank you for what you have done
And so we are missing you lots
Miss you lots, miss you lots
We love you so much so Ms Leong
Remember
The times which you joked,
Laughed with us,comforted us in distress
Fighting for a chance to heighten our growth
In leadership and exchange programmes
Remember
You motivate us
Telling us to pursue our biggest dreams
From ABCs,
To learn how to be gracious Cedarians
Who hold the Cedar flag high
Bridge
Chorus
did i tell u that ms leong mentioned abt me & lynn while she was making her impromtu( wadever u spell tt lar) speech?! *squeals* cus we're the only Cedarians that were present, on that day of the farewell, who went to ourT&F, Cedar's glory!
and i was talking to my gor today... it's been a while since we had a proper conversation.. i guess it's just difficult for me to completely dissociate myself from him but i guess i won't be playing an active role in this friendship... just let things be i suppose
i realised that all this while, i've been trying too hard to be mature... a main source of my unhappiness.... i've been trying too hard to be someone i'm not, to be mature, to look sane, to tone down my loudness....
i wanna be someone who doesn't show my emotions outside, because emotions betray ur weakness...
i am writing crap entries...
this is spoiling my blog... shld go into hibernation... byebye
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Sunday, October 30, 2005
it's funny how my brain works...
somedays, i feel like insulting those who pissed me off & can't be bothered if the whole world hates me or if i hate i whole word...
somedays, i constantly ask myself what others think and feel of me, my craziness, my insanity, my constant bouts of depression & whining...
so it's just me... travelling b/w the extreme ends of insensitivity & extra sensitivity...
and yar... this feeling rocks... to have this overwhelming fear, insecurity.... to be indecisive of who i really am... it rocks... really..
i'm running away from reality into the virtual world of games... cus reality hurts, cus i dun noe what the future is like with these changes... it hurts alot to let go... and it hurts to be reminded constantly of this pain
i met my pri school friend recently. the same "genre" as me.. always high & freaking ppl out...
it sucks to be misunderstood by people, sometimes even by your close friends, it's like the whole world doens't understand you & ur acts of insanity. they think we don't take things seriously, they think we're blur, they think we're dumb, they think we're insenstive.... the list goes on... why must ppl who act insane be viewd as abnormal? be linked to this whole string of negative connotations?
we have a sad life... >.<
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
somedays, i feel like insulting those who pissed me off & can't be bothered if the whole world hates me or if i hate i whole word...
somedays, i constantly ask myself what others think and feel of me, my craziness, my insanity, my constant bouts of depression & whining...
so it's just me... travelling b/w the extreme ends of insensitivity & extra sensitivity...
and yar... this feeling rocks... to have this overwhelming fear, insecurity.... to be indecisive of who i really am... it rocks... really..
i'm running away from reality into the virtual world of games... cus reality hurts, cus i dun noe what the future is like with these changes... it hurts alot to let go... and it hurts to be reminded constantly of this pain
i met my pri school friend recently. the same "genre" as me.. always high & freaking ppl out...
it sucks to be misunderstood by people, sometimes even by your close friends, it's like the whole world doens't understand you & ur acts of insanity. they think we don't take things seriously, they think we're blur, they think we're dumb, they think we're insenstive.... the list goes on... why must ppl who act insane be viewd as abnormal? be linked to this whole string of negative connotations?
we have a sad life... >.<
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Friday, October 28, 2005
sometimes goodbye though it hurts in ur heart is the only way for destiny
sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
though it's the hardest thing to say
i'll miss your love in everyway
so say goodbye
but don't you cry
because true love never dies
wonderful events that happened this week
2 farewells
1 heated argument
countless tears shed
uncountable heartaches
i therefore conclude my week was immensely memorable... i wrote the lyrics in my friends' autograph book in secondary 4. today it just kept playing in my mind, in a very pathetic attempt to make myself numb... HL was saying i'm so mature & blah blah for not cryin... haha... it's not mature.... it's just undeniably self denial...
i cried like hell during ms leong's farewell ceremony.... not that she's closer to me on a personal note... she has just touched my life in many ways... she just came to represent cedar... i wanted to write alot to her, to thank her for the countless contributions to the school, however, it came out as a short paragrah which would just put anyone to shame i guess... she couldn't rmb my name... i guess that didn't matter... as long as my presence let her to know she has touched the lifes of Cedarians... suddenly feel like going AJC.. why can't NYJC have a better principal? at least i'll look forward to going school
dun feel like talking to anyone... not even msg... wonderful...
i feel disconnected... haha..
he has been talking to me online recently... dun feel like talking to him though
lalala....
human's shld be dumb... den we will all be happy!
no one likes goodbyes, cus it signifies an end, but we always forget that the end is not everything, for it also represents a new beginning... there is regret, there is sadness, there is a sense of not wanting to let go... but tt's life...
change is the only constant... ms leong was our inspiration, our friends were our motivation... i'm writing crap... headache...
i shld start writing philosophies... but i can't think properly....
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
though it's the hardest thing to say
i'll miss your love in everyway
so say goodbye
but don't you cry
because true love never dies
wonderful events that happened this week
2 farewells
1 heated argument
countless tears shed
uncountable heartaches
i therefore conclude my week was immensely memorable... i wrote the lyrics in my friends' autograph book in secondary 4. today it just kept playing in my mind, in a very pathetic attempt to make myself numb... HL was saying i'm so mature & blah blah for not cryin... haha... it's not mature.... it's just undeniably self denial...
i cried like hell during ms leong's farewell ceremony.... not that she's closer to me on a personal note... she has just touched my life in many ways... she just came to represent cedar... i wanted to write alot to her, to thank her for the countless contributions to the school, however, it came out as a short paragrah which would just put anyone to shame i guess... she couldn't rmb my name... i guess that didn't matter... as long as my presence let her to know she has touched the lifes of Cedarians... suddenly feel like going AJC.. why can't NYJC have a better principal? at least i'll look forward to going school
dun feel like talking to anyone... not even msg... wonderful...
i feel disconnected... haha..
he has been talking to me online recently... dun feel like talking to him though
lalala....
human's shld be dumb... den we will all be happy!
no one likes goodbyes, cus it signifies an end, but we always forget that the end is not everything, for it also represents a new beginning... there is regret, there is sadness, there is a sense of not wanting to let go... but tt's life...
change is the only constant... ms leong was our inspiration, our friends were our motivation... i'm writing crap... headache...
i shld start writing philosophies... but i can't think properly....
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Simin's ranting & reasoning, read and bore urself at ur own risk
so....
what can i say... no one's interested in flash... ok... maybe one or two ppl... i guess this bugged me... not alot i guess... but to look at the brighter side of things... i might not have to teach flash so they can just save their time and i can save mine... so both sides benefit i guess... *looks at thick stack of flash books in dismay* *sigh*
i have been having attention seeking tendencies recently...
reason: shall not elaborate on reason...
i did somethin stupid today as well
*shall not elaborate on reason too*
so what's a blog for... it's to state events that happened but not in detail in hope that one will forget this embarrassing event and that i will not be reminded of it in the future...
tml i shall hopefully wear cedar uniform and go find our beloved principal ms susan leong! i'll be meeting lynn too..
my brother is being stupid in maple story... gahx
tired... shall go Zzzz
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
so....
what can i say... no one's interested in flash... ok... maybe one or two ppl... i guess this bugged me... not alot i guess... but to look at the brighter side of things... i might not have to teach flash so they can just save their time and i can save mine... so both sides benefit i guess... *looks at thick stack of flash books in dismay* *sigh*
i have been having attention seeking tendencies recently...
reason: shall not elaborate on reason...
i did somethin stupid today as well
*shall not elaborate on reason too*
so what's a blog for... it's to state events that happened but not in detail in hope that one will forget this embarrassing event and that i will not be reminded of it in the future...
tml i shall hopefully wear cedar uniform and go find our beloved principal ms susan leong! i'll be meeting lynn too..
my brother is being stupid in maple story... gahx
tired... shall go Zzzz
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
在一个星期内,我已经通宵两次了....
感觉是整个人过着一种很颠倒又变态的生活,我不习惯... 但是就是百般的无可奈何...
情绪也闹过了,脾气也发了,泪也流过了,我也不晓得接下来会再弄出什么花样...
连自己都信不过,可悲吧...
雨后的天空更蓝.... 会吗? 怎么就是感觉不到呢?
私人空间... 我的私人空间都到哪去了?
simin should just shut up and say nothing
simin should remain silent and act normal
simin should not think so much
simin should just finish pw and focus on studying
simin should just live in denial
simin should just be happy
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
感觉是整个人过着一种很颠倒又变态的生活,我不习惯... 但是就是百般的无可奈何...
情绪也闹过了,脾气也发了,泪也流过了,我也不晓得接下来会再弄出什么花样...
连自己都信不过,可悲吧...
雨后的天空更蓝.... 会吗? 怎么就是感觉不到呢?
私人空间... 我的私人空间都到哪去了?
simin should just shut up and say nothing
simin should remain silent and act normal
simin should not think so much
simin should just finish pw and focus on studying
simin should just live in denial
simin should just be happy
~I would have you smile, not grief for those whose time has come
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